Exactly What To Say In A First Message

old_curmudgeon · 2011-08-03T05:58:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

assholebiker · 2011-08-03T15:26:57+00:00

TL;DR: Write in proper English a non-physical comment that proves that you've read her profile.

In other words, duh.

debman3 · 2011-08-03T07:06:36+00:00

Seems like "music" is something really reliable when hitting on someone.

DoktorLuciferWong · 2011-08-03T08:57:03+00:00

METAL?

\m/

rubygeek · 2011-08-03T08:18:00+00:00

While I love the dataporn that is the OKC blog as much as anyone, it irks me that they keep drawing overly broad conclusions. In particular they keep making correlation = causation assumptions that they have no basis for.

E.g. their first example "netspeak=fail" assumes that "netspeak" is the problem rather than other plausible hypotheses, such as for example that it might correlate with otherwise unintelligent replies.

Or for that matter, certain speech patterns might correlate with specific age groups, education levels, income bands or ethnic groups, at least some of which they have shown also correlates strongly with chances of getting a reply.

All that one is showing is that if you use what they call "netspeak" you are less likely to receive a reply. They've not shown that fixing your language will have any effect.

It's easy to assume it probably will, but the point is they don't know, and too much of their stuff is guesswork, and it really detract from the very interesting valid findings they are making.

infinityspiralsout · 2011-08-03T10:10:05+00:00

I thought I was just too picky when I deleted messages like "hi how r u," but it's refreshing to know I'm not the only woman that feels this way.

The only thing I don't feel was properly covered was how important it was to leave me something to write back with. You can write a 4-5 long paragraph to me, and I'll enjoy reading it, but if I don't know what to say to you in a reply by the time I get done reading it I'll just sit there until I get bored and close the window. I feel terrible, and maybe I'm just not good at conversation, but it's much more difficult to form a connection through 1s and 0s; having a topic to reply about certainly makes it easier.

JadedArtsGrad · 2011-08-03T07:04:54+00:00

Good lord, check out the third comment:

James says:

to joe (april 18th) thats because women dont want a nice guy..they say they do because of all the times they been burned by the bad boy..but they still go back to the bad boy..they just cant help it. Just accept it…the majority of women are stupid hoes who are horrified by a man who might be more intelligent than she is. And then they complain when the jerk their dating ignores their calls and leaves them in the dust. You know who they complain to? To guys like you and me who will listen to their whiny problems and give them our condolances so they can feel good enough about themselves to go to a bar and pick up the next jerk to come along and use them for sex, then dump, so they can feel sorry for themselves all over again.

Oh James...

testmypatience · 2011-08-03T03:29:14+00:00

What is really a kick in the grapes is where self effacing things actually helped. WTF

rebolek · 2011-08-03T14:42:58+00:00

key to success: "zombie vegetarian metal band"

joeyda3rd · 2011-08-03T18:37:02+00:00

I always find that many girls will leave a hook for you to comment on in your first message. It's usually something I can lightly and sarcastically poke fun at. For instance, one girl posted that she forgot how to use a phone book, so I asked "What's a phone book?". Or maybe I'll poke fun at an obviously ridiculous music or movie choice. Many, however, don't leave a hook, and their profile is difficult to comment on.

charmingwit · 2011-08-03T10:09:28+00:00

maybe Im being cynical but if every guy on earth who has/dated a great girl who is smoking hot and perfectly stable in terms of mental emotional and physical way followed the instructions he would had never been with the girl in the first place.

I guess the biggest disadvantage of this community and learning pickup is that we tend to rely on them too much and we care about little things way too much than we should be and in doing so we are cheating ourselves and others in the world of a part that makes us all a 'human being'. You cant just engineer that part and stop pretending to be what you are. Following the techniques is good but I can show people who are not following any of those techniques and still being 10 times as successful than the usual guys learning pickup and trying to be successful. You know why that is It is because those guys are ok in being themselves and making mistakes. I think the main aim of this community should be to get you closer to the person you really are in real life, tweak you a little bit but most importantly to be ok with who you are and what your interests are and what you do no matter wherever you are in your life.

tldr There are lots of people out there giving you shit loads of advice you can either

follow those and pretend to be who you really aren't OR OR OR
Be the person you really are and you could do whatever you want in your life and be ok with it.

I choose to be the latter one what about you?

Sunny_McJoyride · 2011-08-03T11:16:58+00:00

I'd be interested to see how much things change from first to second message, and so on.

yokhai · 2011-08-03T13:24:43+00:00

I love the hola holla disconnect.

Either you are spanish, or missspell holla, ether way you win.

asoap · 2011-08-03T17:20:22+00:00

Well, this helped me out a bit. I always start my messages with hey. I'm totally going to use howdy now.

And I totally just changed my profession from fighter pilot to rockstar!

rochskier · 2011-08-03T17:59:13+00:00

The key is not to find A detail, the key is to find the most important details in a girl's profile.

In my experience the most important details are usually repeated throughout the profile or somehow tied into other elements of the girl's profile.

2011-08-03T20:53:54+00:00

Has revealing your atheism cock-blocked you before? I have kept mine secret from my social circles so I won't cock-block myself from potential girls.

AboveThee · 2011-08-03T11:31:23+00:00

stop it

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-08-03T03:56:18+00:00

This isn't very current. Note the date of publication: Sept 2009. Things have probably changed in just 2 years.

Title	Exactly What To Say In A First Message
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	169
Comments	62
Date	August 3, 2011 3:15 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/j7d0q/exactly_what_to_say_in_a_first_message/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message.1320951 https://theredarchive.com/post/1320951

Comments