HELP! How Do I Stop Avoiding Approaches Because I'm Scared of Risking My "Cool Guy" Self-Image?

optimal981 · 2025-12-17T17:14:07+00:00

If you’re scared to go talk to girls, girls you say are giving signs of interest, you do not have a ‘cool guy’ image. Cool and confident people have no issues talking to strangers.

I think it would help you by talking to everyone all the time. Not just focusing on hot girls. I say hi and sometimes chat with the woman who works at my train station and my office doormen every day. Get comfortable starting conversations all day everyday and it will no longer seem like a big deal when it ‘matters’.

dogbusinessman · 2025-12-17T17:02:36+00:00

Bahaha, pretending to be cool is not cool. Be vulnerable and learn to accept rejection.

TMGP19 · 2025-12-17T17:12:17+00:00

You care too much about what people think and fear rejection and are outcome dependent. As soon as you change your mindset and incur lots of rejection you will have successful outcomes; any "cool guy" or ego stuff you imagine will go out the window.

Broad-Cranberry-9050 · 2025-12-17T17:29:54+00:00

Stop caring about your cool guy image. That is not cool.

In a weird way to get girls you have to stop caring what they think about you and it's almost like you have to not want it to get it.

It's like when you lose your wallet. In that moment you want nothing more than to find it and you look everywhere for it. Then after 30 minutes of looking for it you decided to take a break because now you arefrustrated and decide to focus your energy on other things. 2 minutes later you open the fridge to get some food, sit down at the table to eat it and then look down and it's under the table.

The problem is the woman is the wallet in this case. You care too much about what she thinks about you. You can an ego boost because you look good but then get scared because you are worried she will see throgh that facade.

I started getting better at approaching once i stopped seeing it as approaching and started seeing it as pleasent conversation. Once i stopped caring about being seen as a weirdo. Trust me there will be times where girls clearly dont want to talk to you and give yo bland responses. It's about swallowing your pride and saying "have a nice day" and walking away from that. Because especially nowadays, talking to strangers has become such a nervewrecking thing that when a guy can do it and seem confident about it people like that.

But it's not just about approaching it's how you approach. If you care about your image like this then you might automatically try to be the nice guy. Like im a nice guy, but when i used ot talk to girls i put it on overdrive. I feared angering women so id just always agree with what they said. The thing is that's not genuine and girls can read that. It wasnt until i stopped treating girls like glass vases that i realzied they can take a joke better than most men.

There are two types of responses the nice guy response and the risky response. If she likes fast 6 but you prefer fast 5 there are two types of resposnes.

Nice guy - i see why you got there i just prefer 5.

Risky - no way 6 is better than 5. I never htough id ever meet someone who thought that. 5 has the funny spanish guys. I gotta hear this, why on earth do you feel like 6 is better than 5?

The nice guy response ends the conversation there and now you are scramblinb to get a new one started. The risky response, she may hate you or she may like the back and forth aand like the fact that you are willing to give her some cute pushback. Im not saying be an AH, the risky response depends on how you can say it. If you say it in an obvious joking tone then they will see that. But it depends on you finding your niche.

Like im funny and witty, so being funny and witty works for me. A few weeks ago i told a girl she was a nepo baby when i found out her parents were paying for her college. Her friends laughed, she was tryign to justify why she wasnt and i just went "no worries girl. I personally think you should own it. Nothing wrong with being a nepo baby".

epimpstyle · 2025-12-17T18:39:11+00:00

About 6–7 years ago I was just like you. It’s a fight with your ego, and depending on how big your ego is, it might take a week (or even longer). There are all kinds of small exercises you need to do to overcome the attitude you have. It’s not hard, but it takes a few days.

If you drop your wallet in front of her, that doesn’t mean she’ll stop talking to you. Sure, it’s tough for a ‘cool guy’ to make such a mistake, but in fact that’s exactly how you break down the ego that’s holding you back.

Keep some coins in your pocket and, in a crowded place, throw them on the ground and bend down to pick them up. Go to a bus station, put on your headphones, play any random song, and nod your head to the rhythm. Talk loudly on your phone in a crowded place. Hold a bottle of drink and, while asking someone a question (man or woman), deliberately spill a little of its content.

These things may look silly, but they help you get past the problem you’re struggling with. You need to lower your ego to be able to consciously do such silly things, but once you can do them, you’ll feel the freedom of not needing to project that James Bond, perfect attitude. There’s nothing wrong with lowering your ego to start a conversation with a girl in fact, it’s a sign that you’re a friendly and sociable guy.

wakanda_banana · 2025-12-17T17:48:14+00:00

Part of being ‘cool’ is being nonchalant. Aka not caring if someone rejects you. Some will, some won’t, who’s next?

tilldeathdoiparty · 2025-12-17T19:22:22+00:00

You overthink, a lot

Cool guys don’t overthink

FitResearcher2865 · 2025-12-17T19:31:46+00:00

Takes real guts to come here and spill something so open like this. You're halfway there buddy

Banankontakt14 · 2025-12-17T17:05:39+00:00

Wouldn't it be nicer to know you're a genuinely cool guy instead of simply attaching yourself to your image as one?

What I mean is that you need to be willing to let go of your own false image in order to create a circumstance where you can actually become what you want to be. Although I wouldn't say your experience is the most common one, I and others have dealt with similar issues and the answer is simply to go through the pain of letting go of your ego and reap the rewards. You'll naturally come across as more confident and "cool" if you desensitise yourself to the idea of rejection, or in your case coming across as nervous or insecure.

Start exposing yourself to that hardship now so it'll be easier once you want to approach someone who actually blows you away, you'll have experience dealing with your feelings and letting go of your expectations, it's future-proofing.

Alternative-Mud4739 · 2025-12-17T17:43:51+00:00

You said it. Your "Cool Guy" Self-"Image" is an image which means it is illusory. Don't take it too seriously

OpinionThink481 · 2025-12-17T17:55:50+00:00

By understanding that the only person who thinks you are cool is yourself, no one else. It’s just a story you tell yourself. You think you are cool but no one else thinks you are, so it’s just self-delusion.

No different than people who have anorexia or any form of body dysmorphia, where people who suffer it feel they are overweight even though they are actually extremely underweight.

So you are protecting an image that is an illusion because people don’t see that image you tell yourself you have.

And then understanding that your ego doesn’t care about being cool, it just cares about making sure you don’t get rejected or look foolish to preserve your sense of self-worth and to do that it tricks you to avoid doing things that could lead to rejections or disapproval.

Your ego is not your friend, it clings to a fake image to avoid the discomfort of having to face setbacks and having to do self-growth and develop resilience.

When you see a girl you have to be willing to get rejected by her, getting humbled, and thank her for rejecting you, to weaken your ego and free yourself from your it.

Because the more you feed your ego the stronger it’s hold over you, the weaker it is the less hold it has over you. So it’s basically all about a slave (you) rebelling against your master (your ego) to achieve self-determination.

tyrwlive · 2025-12-17T18:48:50+00:00

OP, you are carrying a sword you have never swung.

It looks beautiful. It gets admiration. But you refuse to use it because it might chip.

A sword that has never been struck is not sharp, it is ornamental.

Real confidence is forged through impact.

ImpossibleWaiting · 2025-12-17T19:40:20+00:00

What's uncool about cold approaching exactly? Every girl I told about my ability to do it said it was cool that I'm above social anxiety.

Chicagoj1563 · 2025-12-17T20:31:48+00:00

Many people who learn game go through an “ego crushing” phase. You have to destroy the ego so it doesn’t get in your way. It doesn’t always help you.

kaajjaak · 2025-12-17T20:46:02+00:00

Don't worry if you're on Reddit talking about how cool you are, you probably aren't very cool... 😎

Dana_myte · 2025-12-17T17:49:33+00:00

Sometimes this "cool" thing can play in your favor if you know how to use it it's almost like a trance. You know when you are feeling really good kind of in control, in your world euphoric. You spot a girl shes looking at you gives you the smile you call her over without talking just vibing she comes over then you just play it smooth maybe a warm hug it's just energies talking. Almost like if it was a movie happens all the time to people Then when you start talking shit gets real real fast lol the buzz goes away. that's one scenario give it a shot try to stay in that high for as long as you can and work with it.

As for the other scenerio when youre not in that trance looking fly trying not to ruin the cool look what works for me is intentionally talk to people the more you remain in your "im 2 cool" and close up the more you step away from reality. I still struggle with this but also breath work works amazing, the point is to bring you down from whatever high/image you have, you're not a celebrity type thing.

Also important to understand if you stay in the fantasy that brings no results that's just your ego feeding which once you leave that vacinity you're leaving alone rather than with a number so think about it that way. That you being perceived brings no actual gain.

Night_Hawk1 · 2025-12-17T18:16:00+00:00

Dude this is sales 101. What you're doing is going, I won't sell this product I designed because I'm scared people won't like it. That's the death k for any producr. Facebook started by people handing out cds to as many people as possible to on college campuses from day 1. Think of rejection not as rejection but as a not right now mentality. She's lucky to meet you. And you will find many times, women who you thought rejected you will come back around when they see you have value. Think of it like early buyers market. When you first bring a product to market, 90% are skeptical buyers. Only 10% are early buyers. As you sell to early buyers that rave about you, and consumers see your product being adapted(Facebook, Instagram, real life women seeing you with other women having fun, they buy in too. Like a bell curve. Plus the first 10% is where you learn to hone your product so that people buying in later get a better product. They aren't rejections (they are just skeptical buyers). Hell the ones that reject you tell them "you might say no now, but you'll wish you had later!"

People giving away Facebook cds knew Facebook was just another website, they didn't try to act like it cured cancer, but they believed in its potential.

Railbearingmaster · 2025-12-17T18:42:31+00:00

Hard and quick answer do the reps, then everything will fall into place.

confused_8357 · 2025-12-17T19:16:01+00:00

Just pure neediness . Lets say you went upto her and said something..things got awkward and u left. So what?

The girl might think about ot max for 4 -5 min and maybr tell her friend ..end of story . Atleast you wont regret never talking to her

The fact that you cold approached someone makes u vulnerable to rejection. If done well..she will respect your approach

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-12-18T07:03:08+00:00

You aren't as cool as you think. When I'm single I'll do approaches in sandals and swim trunks and it's no big deal. OP, you're acting like a middle schooler who goes to dances and wants everyone to approach him because you think you look like a stud in the new penny loafers your mom picked out.

Vegetable_Belt1943 · 2025-12-18T19:28:59+00:00

I get it dawg. Aura farming is sometimes more fun than even pulling. I've lost way more women by playing it too cool than by being needy.

However, if you do want to have memorable experiences with women, you will have to put yourslef out there and risk having your ego destroyed.

cA05GfJ2K6 · 2025-12-17T19:52:23+00:00

You're not as cool as you think you are bud

TuxedoPinata · 2025-12-17T17:17:17+00:00

Thing is, you will not be cool during your first (many) approaches. So your mind is not wrong there. So when you do do it, this raises the danger of your mind saying “SEE?! told ya”. Just an idea, but why not practice not caring what others think? Go out in dumb clothing for example. Notice how no one will care.

tattooedpanhead · 2025-12-17T21:06:51+00:00

You're only as cool as they, the women or girls think you are. Them and the little dudes that may look up to you.

Trying to be cool will get you looking like you're trying to hard. So first stop doing that. Then just be yourself. That means you act how ever you think is cool. Then you don't give a damn what any one thinks.

And then you aproch no one. You just show up. Watch body language and when you make eye contact. Acknowledge it and keep watching body language. Sooner or later some one is going to approach you.

Also when you first show up. Stop and give them a chance to notice you. You'll also get a chance to see who notices you. And how long they look.

But stop trying to be cool. And stop caring what people think.

Happyseducer · 2025-12-18T00:36:29+00:00

I used to have this problem. Counter intuitive but maybe dress a little worse ( not horribly) look a lil worse and do some approaches.

Get a lil practice in without a super powerful image to break.

Also indirect game helps a lot. It's out of fashion now a days and it works.

To me game isn't about proving I am fearless but about what works.

If you are scared of approaching directly, for example, and can sort of "hide" behind something else that is more indirect and get into a good convo and connect with a girl and hook up with/ date her - what's wrong with that? Nothing.

Away_End_4408 · 2025-12-18T04:35:40+00:00

You're worried about failure. Not "not being cool" accept it.

Personally I struggled a lot with once I'd get a girls number I didn't follow up on it. Figured why not just take the W and leave it at that? Got the ego boost", " next please. " Not sure I have a good answer for you on how to overcome but I can say for certain it's fear of failure you must overcome not fear of not looking cool.

nordik1 · 2025-12-19T21:13:00+00:00

It's like I'd rather stay in the fantasy of being perceived as cool from afar than risk rejection.

Yeah you nailed it when you say fantasy. Girls could be thinking you're a dork or look like an arrogant prick for all you know. They're not all going to be thinking "oh my god that guy so cool and hot im soaking wet right now."

Most probably aren't thinking anything at all while you're crafting a narrative in your head that you're James Bond

So with that considered it's a case of humbling yourself enough to realize you'll be far happier if you take more shots even if they fail

The "cool guy" on the wall at the club standing there with a drink in his hand never actually looks cool. Everyone knows he gets zero ass. He's the only one who thinks he looks cool

The guy who looks cool is the one dancing goofy not giving a shit with girls smiling around him.

In the same vein, It's an illusion in your head to protect you from failing because you're a perfectionist to some degree

Halo_Sports · 2025-12-24T02:04:18+00:00

Bro you got to find ANY excuse to talk to them. Best thing is thinking of the worst thing that can happen, it makes you more lose, more focused on the NOW, and makes you confident to approach

WhileSpecific7991 · 2026-01-20T16:41:03+00:00

Crazy, this is the exact same thing that happens to me, I didn't know other people experienced it. For some reason I feel more present and confident to approach when I'm not dressed my best, I feel like I need to "earn it" by being proactive and showing my personality when I'm not looking my best, where as when I'm all dressed up idk why my mind goes into a movie.

Title	HELP! How Do I Stop Avoiding Approaches Because I'm Scared of Risking My "Cool Guy" Self-Image?
Author	FunnyAway5973
Upvotes	70
Comments	34
Date	December 17, 2025 4:45 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1pp1dxj/help_how_do_i_stop_avoiding_approaches_because_im/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/help-how-do-i-stop-avoiding-approaches-because-im.1569068 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569068

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