Reading the "what hints flew over your head" thread got me thinking... Escalating has NEVER lead to a negative consequence

TofuTofu · 2012-12-19T13:19:58+00:00

It's important to polarize the woman as quickly as possible. Make your intentions known. Make her decide as early as possible if you go into the friend bucket or the fuck bucket.

The easiest (and smoothest) way to do this is with your body language and touch. Make moves. Be bold. She'll make it clear if she's into it or not.

If she isn't ready or isn't into it, respect that and pull away. Continue to be awesome and she just might change her mind.

I agree. That thread made me sad for a lot of those guys, but we've all been there.

atheistjubu · 2012-12-19T17:41:50+00:00

Sorry, the list of incidents of my being not willing to back down when she clearly wasn't interested is long enough that I'm going to chime in here. If she's uncomfortable, fucking stop. How do you know? Pay attention and look for IOIs. Now, a lot of the time when you're wondering to yourself if she'd like the move, she truly is just waiting for you to do it. But watch that reaction.

Ilikethreeleggeddogs · 2012-12-19T14:16:51+00:00

Ok now here's a story no PUA likes to hear as it basically destroys the "there is no negative consequences" belief.

I was out one night with a couple of friends having a good time. After some drinks in a bar we went to a club to drink some more and dance. So there we were, me, 2 girls, 2 guys, dancing, having a good time, laughing and all that jazz when all of a sudden a beautiful girl gets on the dancefloor and basically starts grinding her ass on my cock. Me being a gentlemen and all that smile at her but make it clear with gestures that I'm not gonna do anything about the rubbing part (I wasn't interested in dealing with girls at that night, for I hadn't seen my friends in a long time). So we dance on, she approaches me and starts grinding again, this time a tad too aggressive which made it really weird for me. I step back, look at her with a fairly confused facial expression for I simply didn't know what to make of that peculiar behavior and kept on dancing. My friends start noticing there is something weird going on and give me sort of a "who's that werido?"-look. Anyways, about five minutes later she comes on for a third time, grinds again and this time I think to myself "well, she clearly wants it, so why not go for it!" and put my hands on her hips - literally hands on hips, not on ass or anything.

Next thing I know is me seeing the lights on the ceiling of the club, tumbling backwards, crashing on the dancefloor and getting to taste some blood in my mouth. The crowd immediately pulled her back and started looking at me like I had just raped a kitten. My friends who had realized that there was something strange about the girl before pulled me out of the club and took a look at my lips: they were burst open from a straight on punch that girl had given me in the face.

To make a long story short: I called the police, she got dragged out of the club, police asked me if I wanted to press charges, I declined, insisted on an apology from her side, she apologized and upon checking her ID they figured out that she was a minor. 17 years old. She got fucked for being in the club after 12 pm, club owner got fucked for having a minor in his club at that time of the day and I got my lips sewn together by a medic.

So much for "don't worry about a thing, just do it!" Ha ha, but seriously, that's just a stupid story that happened to myself, I have learnt about PUA afterwards and have approached many women since, never got in trouble again and actually realized that even "the worst thing that could happen - getting punched in the face - isn't quite as bad as it might seem to be!"

mothman83 · 2012-12-20T00:04:17+00:00

chiming in this thread to make a point:

For many of us there was a period of time when we attempted to escalate and got terrible awful, no good results... it was called " high school".

Now of course we were all terrible noobs at the time and we could not calibrate worth a damn. so that was part of the problem. But remember that the social dynamics of high school are far different than at other times in our lives. Popular opinion and reputation matter much more in high school, combine that with the fact that women do not want to perceived as sluts and that it is very difficult to for many high school boys to get girls alone and separate from others who may cockblock/pass judgement, and you operate in an environment where women are socially primed to react to your escalation with protestation and social public humiliation, even if they are aroused by you. Thus you might have gotten shut down ( or see or hear others getting shot down) and thus have been conditioned into not escalating.

Let me give you an example. I had two friends in high school, both girls who i found attractive. Once I overheard them talking about this guy who they found "sleazy". They talked about how he was touchy and a " player" and they publicly stated they found him repugnant. Thus i never tried to physically escalate with them and tried to not be like that guy.

Of course what i didnt know at that time was that he was hooking up with plenty of girls and even managed a threesome in the eleventh grade ( as told to me by one of the female participants many years later). He was knee deep in pussy. I was a sexless wonder.

Many of us have this conditioning that girls are repelled by escalation. It was forged in high school you must break it. Remember that you were a noob then and much sloppier than now, and that the girls where in a social space that demanded they be dishonest about their wishes and desires. that is no longer the case.

Thehealthygamer · 2012-12-19T22:16:13+00:00

Let me clarify this post a little bit. The term "escalation" can mean a number of different things. In the context of this post I am specifically talking about going for the kiss and then progression from there to sex.

I am NOT talking about kissing someone you just met five minutes ago. I am NOT talking about chasing a girl around trying to grab her hand after she's clearly showed that she's not interested.

This post is specifically for the situation where you've already built attraction, she's shown interest, you've spent time with her and she is comfortable with you. I'm not going to get into how to do all of that... that's like three books worth of writing.

To the experienced guys here it's a no-brainer that you'll be perfectly fine escalating physically with a woman who is attracted to you and comfortable with you.

I'm addressing those who have the fear that if they go "too far" or move "too quickly" that it will turn the woman off. If a woman is into you, she will NOT get turned off by your sexual advances.

Let the girl stop you. If she hasn't said no then you should always keep escalating physically. A girl will stop you when you reach the point that she has decided that's as far as she will go - RIGHT NOW. If she stops you from taking off her shirt while you're making out, cool go with it, just make out some more and try again in 5 minutes. She might let you this time. Or she might stop you again. But she's not going to slap you or call the police or start crying because you attempted to escalate physically.

bk983 · 2012-12-19T14:12:34+00:00

generally, absolutely agree with this. don't be an idiot -- escalate gradually, get some IOIs before taking the next step, but always try to escalate. if you're confident and remember that she wants it just as much if not more than you, it will always be a positive experience.

that's not to say you won't get resistance at various pts -- you will, but remember this is programmed into girls by society -- if they don't resist they will feel slutty. if they've already given you some IOIs prior to the resistance, they are clearly into it. don't let that break your confidence!

2012-12-19T16:35:43+00:00

Good thread is good.

Get sexual immediately, and if you didn't, do it now. Very little to lose, lots to gain. Don't be clingy.

xiko · 2012-12-19T22:43:12+00:00

Worst thing I ever got from escalating: "Sorry, I only fuck black guys."

matt_the_hat · 2012-12-19T19:38:28+00:00

I mostly agree with this but I would clarify that you of course have to stop escalating once the girl says "no" or otherwise expresses that she does not want to go further.

If you literally believe that escalating physical contact can never be wrong, you don't understand what 'rape' means.

I think the issue that OP is addressing is that a lot of guys tend to err on the side of caution, so they never get to the point where the girl says no. That means the guy isn't escalating enough. You'll get farther (which I think most guys want) if you test the boundaries by escalating physical contact until the girl says no. And the lesson you will likely learn is that some girls will let you go farther than you expected, and some girls will never say no.

Hurricane_Carter · 2012-12-19T15:50:15+00:00

Escalating has NEVER lead to a negative consequence

Sorry, this is simply not true.

For instance, you text a girl you met to see if she wants to get dinner - and she responds with a non-committal "i dunno" or "maybe". The answer is NOT to escalate. It's to drop it entirely.

Escalating is fine in some situations, but it comes across as incredibly needy in others.

2012-12-19T12:28:24+00:00

Make a move or land in a fairy land called friendzone. Good post, maybe some more people will see how KINO is important.

reelbigfigs · 2012-12-19T23:26:08+00:00

Good concept if you are working on girls you have just met. However, most of the cases described in that thread were between friends. Just going for it can have very negative consequence and essentially Can ruin the friendship if it goes badly. Going for it on a first date with someone you just met isnt as bad because if you strike out, well you never really knew the person so there was nothing to lose in the first place

2012-12-20T18:25:14+00:00

Man....why couldn't I have read this eight years ago?

2012-12-19T16:01:26+00:00

"... our natural instincts on these things seem to turn out to be wrong most of the time..."

amen, the more I read about this stuff and apply it the more it seems like 'common sense' that isn't very common or sensible

budguy68 · 2012-12-19T20:56:38+00:00

I am not a noob or anything but I am confused. Sometimes I believe I come off as too sexually strong to women and they claim that I am some sort of a easy whore...lol

matase · 2012-12-20T05:47:32+00:00

A lot of girls that I open turn away or straight up have a "who the fuck are you" look. Trying to continue to talk, I can just see the disinterest. Escalating here wouldn't work right?

rucron · 2012-12-20T21:01:11+00:00

Masterfully said! To share a personal experience with this, I met up with a really hot 40 something milf from POF at a bar walking distance to my apartment. Right from the beginning I began light kino and consistently escalating to full on making out at the bar. She also informed me that she was a Sunday school teacher which made me laugh inside.

I invited her to come back to my apartment and at first she acted a little offended and said she didn't do those kinds of things...no problem I thought and I kept up the kino. At the end of the evening she offered me a ride back to my place (I had walked to the bar) and while she never did come up to my apartment we sat on a secluded bench outside where I sucked on her nipples and had my hand down her pants.

The next day she texted me and said she couldn't have a relationship based on sex and wanted to end things. I told her she was making a mistake and I wasn't expecting sex (heh heh) and she agreed to a date the next week. Long story short, the second and third dates she was completely naked with my fingers and tongue deep into her pussy and the fourth date she was riding me like a pornstar.

Moral of the story, never be afraid to escalate in spite of what they verbally say (of course no means no).

The_Better_brother · 2012-12-19T19:52:17+00:00

whats kino?

Thehealthygamer · 2012-12-19T22:41:37+00:00

You could sleep with all those women but never have a meaningful relationship because you are too worried about getting them in bed. Seems fruitless. Whats the point of wasting all your sexual energy?

bradnaldinho · 2012-12-19T13:42:55+00:00

You could take this posts advice... but you'll probably just end up looking like this guy. You need to choose your moments.

Title	Reading the "what hints flew over your head" thread got me thinking... Escalating has NEVER lead to a negative consequence
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	318
Comments	97
Date	December 19, 2012 11:21 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/153rk8/reading_the_what_hints_flew_over_your_head_thread/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/reading-the-what-hints-flew-over-your-head-thread.1290039 https://theredarchive.com/post/1290039

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