The loneliness is crushing

KaKa42 · 2017-01-27T19:55:44+00:00

Hey there buddy. First of all , being a virgin at 16 is absolutely normal. I didnt actually kiss a girl until I was 19 because I was an outsider, a depressed kid with little to no friends and no self confidence.

Im 22 now, I still struggle with life and its okay. It's the way it works , if there wasnt a struggle thered be no fun. It'd be like a video game with no sort of conflict. A book or movie with no plot. Youre just too overwhelmed right now and that happens. I had depression since I was 12 until I was 20. Why for so long? Because I never reached out for help.

You are doing so right now, and that isnt easy. Not many can accept the fact that they need help every now and then. You are never truly alone.

Talk to your parents or at school. Therapy will be provided. Alot of people care. I care.

Life is a constant learning process and soon enough you'll learn deeper parts of yourself you need to explore and develop. Art, music, writing, reading, socializing, hobbies, creativity, etc. Theres something that will bring passion into your life, others will see that passion and make them want to approach you. Friends and girls will come later. Now is the time to work on yourself and build an individual youd want to love. Be your own favourite character in this long exciting story that is your life. Chapter 1 is only the beginning and it starts with building a healthy protagonist.

You dont need anything more than the will to be helped in order to go to therapy.

Reach out, buddy. Im here as well.

mcpissed · 2017-01-27T20:18:27+00:00

Hey, man. I sent you a pm, I'm a psychiatric technician working for the u.s. if you want to talk we can figure out a way to chat, I'm more than happy to help.

nephs · 2017-01-27T21:03:21+00:00

Baby steps, GrillPenetrationUnit.

I would advise you to look inside first, pick one of these topics and work it out. I read once that exercise and books are good ways to start. here, exactly

That link is a beautiful wall of text that may help you.

Not feeling like reading that much, yet? My short advice: go for a short walk and choose a book to read.

When you get back get a notebook and write something like "today, 27/01/17 I took a walk and chose to read the book [complete]. it felt [complete]. tomorrow I'll take another walk and read the first page of that book".

Do it a few times, feel good about it and keep pushing. It should bring you a little bit of confidence, at least.

Good luck, bro. Hit me inbox if you need anywhere to put words out.

TexasTrooper · 2017-01-27T22:46:43+00:00

Hard truth. You have to work on yourself before anything else in this sub becomes relevant to you. Become a man that women want to meet. You can't change your height or your facial features, but you can change your weight, fitness, hobbies, interests, and so many other facets of your life that can drastically improve your odds of finding someone.

Why would anyone want to date someone with no hobbies or passions? Women are not the cure for loneliness and depression. People don't like or respect people who don't like themselves. I'm not saying it's going to be easy but it will definitely be worth it in the end. Become the man that you dream of being. What's stopping you?

Here is what you said in one of your comments above: everything. i have no friends. i am a virgin. i am desperately failing school. i have no energy to do anything about these problems. i am unhealthy. i am stupid. i dont enjoy anything anymore, none of my hobbies interest me like they used to. i am an emotional wreck. i dont know what i want to do with my life. i feel worthless. i lack confidence.

No friends -What are you interests? Is there a club or group at school that reflects that interest? Is there a class that sounds interest? Find like minded people and friendship comes naturally.
Virgin -I know that it seems like the end of the world right now but it's really not a big deal outside of your own head. Sex will come but first let's work on the rest of your life. Sex will come.
Failing high school -No excuses. Take care of shit in the classroom. If you're not doing your old hobbies and you aren't out with friends, what possible reason could you have for not taking care of business at school?
Uninterested in past hobbies -Find new ones! There are thousands of hobbies to take up and it's never to late to start looking for a new one. You say you don't read. Why? Some of my most fulfilling relationships have come on the back of a book that we both loved.
Feeling worthless -If you don't want to try therapy, try exercise! It also helps with you being unhealthy.
Lacking in confidence -Confidence comes from knowing that you can succeed if you try. Try. You might fail. Try again! Something that you'll hear a lot around this sub is that none of us became good at seduction from the get go. Practice, practice, practice. Then practice some more.

whitewater09 · 2017-01-27T19:35:59+00:00

Pm me

shaggydude123 · 2017-01-28T01:19:53+00:00

If you can learn to be happy alone, imagine what you could do with your life. Its a long journey, but a possible one.

letsgetrandy · 2017-01-27T19:18:41+00:00

What you need is a therapist.

Zeus_Tootz · 2017-01-27T18:50:26+00:00

Be more specific with your issues so we can give you a direction.

taurusthetaurus · 2017-01-27T18:43:19+00:00

Well what about ur life is bothering u? There is always a solution.

RahBah218 · 2017-01-27T20:04:03+00:00

Do you read much?

joblagz2 · 2017-01-27T21:16:44+00:00

get a job then you become friends with your coworkers.
and even maybe you meet a girl there.

Reange · 2017-01-27T22:57:09+00:00

You have yourself dude, btw life <25 is supposed to suck anyway unless ur really good looking/from a wealthy family or just a lucky person in general. Btw, regarding loneliness, honestly, learn to deal with it, no one is going to solve ur problems for you, at the end of the road there is only one person you can count on and that is yourself, ask yourself what you really want to do, what would make YOU happy, if you could have any skill at all, what would you choose, and then you try to master that skill for the rest of your life, but your not dependent on succeeding, u will just devote urself to self improvement// or soemthing along these lines, in general, just find a reason to live, and dont make that reason be someone else, because one day u will be alone again, and if ur reason is someone else ur fucked. Let your reason to live be yourself, and no one else.

Ericgzg · 2017-01-27T23:11:04+00:00

I'll tell you what people didn't tell me at your age in the hopes it gets you a head start in life. From your post its obvious you lack self respect or guidance. Great. So what can you do about it? 1) Stop jerking off. It's a drug. You get a high temporarily and all the rest of the time you aren't getting high you feel like shit. Just like any other drug. People are probable going to scream what I just said isn't true but it's different for everyone and all I can tell you is it was certainly true for me. Give nofap a week and see what you think. 2) Take cold showers. Studies have shown these have the affect of increasing testosterone and alleviate depression. Again, people will get mad about what I just said but I'm telling you, just try it out for a week and see what YOU think. You got nothing to lose. Both of the things I just mentioned have a bonus effect, they develop a sense of self control. Self control is the corner stone of self respect, the thing you wish to obtain. The third thing I will suggest is a regular gym schedule, much like the other two items this activity improves mood and develops self respect. Another point I will make is stop judging yout worth based on your success with women. I'm assuming you struggle with this because you are on /r/seduction. You are 16, girls want older guys and you are very much in a sellers market at this stage of your life. The situation reverses as you get older. Furthermore girls' opinion of you is more to do with your opinion of yourself. It's a catch 22, as you stop caring what they think and more what you think, suddenly they want you more. Bonus tip - try meditation. It will help you understand and deal with the bad feelings you have. Stay positive. Good luck.

gocougs11 · 2017-01-27T23:22:10+00:00

Start lifting weights, and get dedicated to that. When you start getting big and seeing changes in your body, in combination with the endorphins from exercise, you will feel a million times better about yourself. The gym is super addicting after a point and can be the most rewarding thing ever.

jayfoxpox · 2017-01-28T00:13:25+00:00

If you have someone in your life talk to them. In the time being focus on other activities that will improve you,instead of ruminating in bad thoughts. Meditation,cooking,weightlifting are some activities that come to mind.

enriquex · 2017-01-28T01:18:40+00:00

Trust me man being in a relationship is not all that it's cranked up to be.

kingofgamesbrah · 2017-01-28T04:02:56+00:00

How do you keep yourself busy? I'd recommend a hobby but I'm not sure what you like.

It might be kinda hard but try to think about some but you could set goals for yourself, like maybe start working out, shit I'd even recommend a game to take your mind of things. I'd also say get a job even though you're 16, work 10-20 hours. Having a job gives you a great deal of self worth.

neutralstrike · 2017-01-28T04:31:39+00:00

Exercise, it will have a cascading effect in other areas of our life. Doesn't have to be an hour workout either. Exercise at something you like then mix in some other workouts. I'm not going to try to sell this to you because its an obvious solution.

lonewolf-chicago · 2017-01-28T08:26:04+00:00

Lots of comments on here so listen to most of them. My recommendations are that you join groups that interest you.

computer groups that meet up

take guitar lessons in a group environment

absolutely start exercising - with a group

martial arts
running group (5 or 10k training)
12" softball league

become a regular at a bar or coffee shop

get a job as a doorman at a comedy club

do things where other people can participate

book club
volunteer at a hospital (or other place)

There are a lot of things to do, ways to meet people, ability to relate to others. If I were you, I would seek out places that are co-ed and other places that are men only.

JRecard · 2017-01-28T11:49:06+00:00

Bro!!

I've been there. I remember the feeling when I was hung up on one girl and couldn't even talk to her.

Read as much as you can and really work on maintaining a positive mindset with everything. Trust me. More than anything in the world, girls love a smile and a man who can stare the world dead in the eyes and say 'bring it on'.

Your car gets keyed? Life goes on bud. It shouldn't phase you. And fuck dude. Girls fuucccking dig men that shit. Bad things will happen in life, but if you can always search to find the positive in every situation - not only your love life, but your whole life will benefit.

Being negative and down is normal. But don't be normal. Push yourself to try and train your brain for the positive as much as possible.

That. And just don't panic or push it or anything just yet.

I didn't kiss a girl until I was 19 either. I'm now mid 20s and have been with many many women.

Don't give up at it. Read and learn and experiment as much as possible.

And soon you will fucking love all of it. Women are fucking amazing.

And trust me. You'll get there

getdahcatouttatheway · 2017-01-28T12:10:41+00:00

betterhelp.com. try it, its worth it

Cavedrew · 2017-01-28T12:52:52+00:00

I would recommend a journal. I have friends that I've had for 20 years and there are still things that I don't feel like I can tell them and have them take me seriously. There are certain people that I can confide in but they are few and far between. In all fairness I personally have a friend (a girl) that I can call up and bitch to but she has only been that person in my life for maybe 2 years after knowing her for 10. It's not an easy life, you need to learn to be comfortable with yourself first. Learn more about your own personality and what makes you tick (I would recommend the Myers Briggs test. Not super accurate but it gives an idea). Also no one will "get you" 100% so never expect that. Some friends might understand this about you and other might understand that

DominicanFury · 2017-01-28T13:20:44+00:00

Hey im 29 and still a virgin i have no social circle from highschool most of which i added on fb and i hardly talk to. I lost both of my parents before i was 13 they both died about a year a part i was depressed abit but i had a younger sister which i need to look strong for. But i was really weak i tried to hide my pain through gaming but it was not enough i started making real friends after highschool. It helped my depression a lot. I moved to Connecticut lasted a while there met good friends, i was having an issue with cold weather moved to Florida. I started having depression again few months ago because of the lack of having someone by my side. So i decided to focus on myself this year and build a business. What i am trying to say is you need your personal growth first before trying to get into a relationship or just having sex with someone.

iedaiw · 2017-01-28T13:28:20+00:00

you need to love yourself more bro.

stop trying to love other people or expect other people to love you if you cannot even love yourself.

RIMdude · 2017-01-27T23:07:20+00:00

Hi! First and foremost: I am glad you posted the problem.

You are not alone. Many persons have similar problems, but knowing so does not help, so let's get to the issue.

Some do get alone well with their problems and some need some helps for a while.

"Human beings are designed for many things. Loneliness isn’t one of them", by design you are not supposed to be alone, or lonely to be exact. You need some kind of interaction with people around you, you need to feel connected to others in a way or another. One of the best things you can do is to try to help others without expecting anything whatsoever from them. That in its own could starts to surprise you in how effective that is. But also you need some workup for your attitudes, that needs some persistent measures to stick and work.

Your mind is wired in a very complicated way, you cannot force your mind into something, the more you do so the more it will escape you..it is smarter than what you think.. Luckily you can however play some tricks on your mind.

There are many tricks, one of them is the following, and it is very powerful:

At leat for a while, say 40 Minutes:

STOP judging yourself, just stop for that time. Also stop fighting your ideas, or their flow. Completely Focus on how your mind taking shape in thinking. Try toTake In all kind of evil ideas your mind can through at you, just watch as a neutral OUTSIDER. One of the benefits here is to find out what, in your life story, shapes your idea are going into, and also find out how that happen. Nobody knows what is inside your head better than you.

If you still need some help, drop an answer here, let me know what I can do to help.

Thegymismyhome · 2017-01-27T20:41:45+00:00

Stop feeling bad for yourself. It doesn't help anyone. No one cares about your loneliness. Keep trying and get better at what you do. Do not lose hope.

If you choose to downvote this, just understand the truth is hard and crushing.

Also, get the chip off your shoulder and don't place sex on such a pedestal(though it is good/important).

Therapy may be helpful, but chances are you can cure your own problems. Find agency in your life. Most men get depressed and lonely because of lacking agency and meaning to life. People won't make your life better, you only can.

Title	The loneliness is crushing
Author	GrillPenetrationUnit
Upvotes	145
Comments	69
Date	January 27, 2017 6:00 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5qikzf/the_loneliness_is_crushing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-loneliness-is-crushing.1419302 https://theredarchive.com/post/1419302

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