What are good purposeful questions for dates?

WindJammer27 · 2021-11-18T15:15:11+00:00

Here's some questions I like to use.

"If you had a magic lamp, what 3 wishes would you make?" Gives me insight into her personal wants and goals.

"If you could work any job right now, your absolute dream job, what would it be?" More info on her aspirations, or if she has them at all.

"Let's pretend we switched bodies for a day. You wake up tomorrow morning, and you're in my body for 24 hours. What would you do?" A fun question that shows me her perception of me, and to some extent, how she sees men in society. If she answers "try to pick up chicks" or something like that, I tell her it's not as easy as she's thinking and invite her to hit me with her best moves. From there we can have a bit of fun role-playing, and I can get a better idea of how the process works in her mind at least.

pokemonpokemonmario · 2021-11-18T13:24:43+00:00

Where are you from is a great start, then ask What do you do for fun? They will say they do X Y Z things Ask them about X, what go them into it why it's fun for them plus anything contextual you can pick up, add to the conversation if you know anything about X Repeat this for y and z

Avoid work, religion, politics and philosophy.

mmmkaaaayyy · 2021-11-18T14:39:14+00:00

it honestly sounds like by the way you're approaching it it's going to turn in to more of an interview than a date.

never in my life have i ever pre thought of questions.

0din23 · 2021-11-18T12:32:53+00:00

Especially when seeking for a long term partner, I would ask questions that are interesting and meaningfull for myself. But in general, exploring what drives or interests people and how certain things make them feel seems to be a good rule of thumb.

Murky-Finish1733 · 2021-11-18T17:05:23+00:00

Ive realized trying to find the perfect things to ask or even asking isn’t that fun.Just spend time with the person and you’ll find out about it naturally. Does she honestly give a fuck what u ask her and what she asks u. It’s just about the feeling of how naturally u find out about each other. It’s an experience not an interview.

HazyAttorney · 2021-11-18T19:57:55+00:00

Trying to split the difference between the 2 approaches I see so far (1 approach being giving you specific questions and the other approach being giving you shit for trying to think of questions):

FORD is the best way to come up with something to break the ice. People always like talking about:
- Family
- Occupation
- Recreation
- Dreams
Once you break the ice, be a really active listener. That means dont interrupt, dont jump to conclusions, dont plan on what youre gonna say while they say stuff, make eye contact.
But say you start out with, "What do you do" a good follow up question might be: How did you get into that line of work? Or, "What challenges does your company face"
Don't always one up or make what they say relate to you. Sure, you will have some things in common so do so if it's appropriate, just don't do it every time. If you catch yourself being like, "This reminds me of somethign I saw on tv..." rather than your personal experience, just stop it. But feel free to react and be like "That is really interesting" or whatever.
The best questions on say date 2 or 3 will be a call back to stuff she said on date 1. If she says she has family, a good call back question will be, "How's your brother doing" or whatever
If there's a lull in the conversation, that is okay. It's okay to have some silent time.
If the lull gets uncomfortable, go back to the FORD questions if you dont have anything to call back on.

damiancontrol · 2021-11-18T16:26:23+00:00

Here are some questions that I ask that just struck a chord with my date.

what is your biggest regret?
If there's something else you want to do for a living, what would it be and what's stopping you from doing it?
What did you learn from your past relationship?
Would you rather go to the past or to the future?
What's something that you wouldn't want your parents to know?
If you'll get a second chance to meet a deceased loved, what would you tell them?

Some of these question would be fucking odd to just blurt out lol so you gotta smoothly transition these in an ongoing conversation and watch her blurt out her deepest darkest secrets to you.

AlenationsYT · 2021-11-18T15:45:59+00:00

Make up fun questions like "If you were to go to any artist's concert, who's would you go to?" That way you can learn something about them, such as in this case their music taste, and you can get ideas on future date or gift ideas. But make these questions so she has to think to make them more interesting and open opportunities to playfully challenge her.

Fleeingfound · 2021-11-18T21:09:37+00:00

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Motorchampion · 2021-11-18T14:44:21+00:00

Always ask about their families. This way you also qualify her. See how she speaks about the relationship with her father especially, but also her mom, siblings, grandparents. There is so so much you can learn and deduct from how she speaks about her family. If she avoids or speaks badly about them, it's a big red flag. If she is speaking warmly and lovingly about them, she's a keeper who will have the emotional education to offer love and loyalty.

klausterpanda · 2021-11-18T17:39:28+00:00

What they hold value in, their career/life goals.

ArjunVermaReddit · 2021-11-18T20:35:15+00:00

Its a balance of story telling and getting them to tell you their stories

Smart_Feature · 2021-11-18T21:14:27+00:00

just listen and the right questions come

SmoothBacon · 2021-11-18T16:06:44+00:00

If you're trying to vet her as a long-term partner. It's fine to start asking some more serious questions now that you're on the 3rd date but you have to be careful not to turn it into an interview. If it starts to feel like an interview, change the subject and tell her you're only asking because you like her. That's really important since you still don't know eachother that well.

Make sure the date is fun, just mix in these questions as you see fit. Maybe only ask one on this date. I can't tell you when the right time is to ask these questions. That depends on you and her. Maybe you're not at the point in your relationship where any of these should be asked.

These are questions to see if you and her can work long-term. These don't have to make or break a relationship but it's good to know what expectation each of you have. And don't repeat how I phrase these verbatim. Also, you should remain casual and relaxed while asking these questions:

What do you want from a long-term relationship? (marriage? kids?)

Do you have any 'must haves' in a man? (does she care about your income? do you need to do the cooking or keep your place clean? Is religion important?... stuff like that.)

where do you want to be in a few years? (is she not looking for anything serious? does she have personal goals? Is she rushing to get married?)

Tractor-92 · 2021-11-18T18:46:49+00:00

Dude... This shit does not work. You need to start a topic. She ll say something than you comment and say your opinion, then she will ad something, then you ll jump to another topic... Don t be a robot asking questions like a Police officer....

GickyRervais · 2021-11-18T15:31:32+00:00

I actually have a second date tomorrow so thanks for reminding me about this haha, but I made a post a while back that might have some helpful content.

https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lne808/the_36_questions_that_lead_to_love/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Achilles68 · 2021-11-18T17:26:59+00:00

The 36 Questions That Lead to Love

kerouacs · 2021-11-18T17:29:47+00:00

I think this answer should come from introspection ahead of the date rather than from a set of prescripted questions - what do you want to know about her? What are you looking for and what questions will give you information about her that would inform that?

A date is an experience. You want to be consistently interested and excited by what she’s talking about, listening intentionally and putting forth topics and questions that you’re curious about. What are you reading, watching? What are you curious about, what’s pissing you off, what scares you? Lead from a place of genuine curiosity and it doesn’t matter what you’re talking about.

kayakr1194 · 2021-11-18T17:50:06+00:00

A good method past the first couple of obvious ones such as where you from, etcetera are "why" questions. Why are you interested in that activity? Why do you feel passionate about that cause? It gives the other person a chance to just talk and give it deeper answer.

Another method is the OAS method: Observe, Ask, Share. Observe something about them, ask them about it, share something similar.

Timtheus · 2021-11-18T18:02:20+00:00

Some of my highlights:

What in your life are you proud of?
What makes you consciously content?
What´s your story
Tell me about one of your favorite moments / a favorite memory in your life

Ask them with good tone and in an open manner, you will get to know the person you´re out with so much better. I personally don´t like meaningless questions on first dates, as I want to see if our personalities match, so these help me a lot.

QuestionsQ75 · 2021-11-18T18:05:35+00:00

This might seem silly or too deep for your stage, but my dude and I were excessively open from the jump. We once took turns going through each member of our families, and said what we loved and hated about each of them. Sounds harsh, but we have similar and trauma inducing family experiences/upbringings. We learnt a lot about each other from that conversation and I think it's shaped the way we love each other.

mynameizham · 2021-11-18T18:17:56+00:00

Ask about an event she talked about on the last date but couldn’t get into because it happened after you met up. Ask about family, goals, or just make up silly questions to get a laugh out of her.

nadjib33 · 2021-11-18T20:30:52+00:00

Pro Life Tip: Pinterest is the best place to look for dating conversation ideas.

Fluffy_Risk9955 · 2021-11-18T21:06:01+00:00

Also give her a call half an hour before the date at your place, before you come over I’d like a milkshake from McDonalds I’m craving for one. Bring one yourself. I’m buying. If you get a long monologue of I’m not doing anything for the soul pleasure of a man. Cancel the date.

Ask her about her best childhood memories. If those stories don’t contain her father. Call the date short. Women who didn’t grew up with a father (masculine role model) will never accept what you as a man being to the table.

hulk181 · 2021-11-18T21:12:17+00:00

If you don't know what to say, ask something about a FORD topic - Family Occupation Recreation Dreams.

Minoo1337 · 2021-11-18T21:58:37+00:00

-its not about what you say, it's about how you say it;

-talk about your passions;

-stop filtering your thoughts.

TTV-DontEvnTrip · 2021-11-18T22:16:17+00:00

If you are on a 3rd date with someone and talking is still hard for you just relax and be yourself, the extra questions about nothing will only come off as you being not confident. Stop asking girls questions and take the lead, tell her things, take her somewhere, show her something new. Women do not want to be asked questions all the time they want to be lead by a man who is interesting. Asking questions about them may seem “nice” but it comes off as annoying and needy especially by the third date. Other than that if you have to ask a question keep it about something important you really are interested in about them, no small talk what’s your favorite color nonsense

lutripwme · 2021-11-18T22:56:56+00:00

Man you gotta let this go naturally. Make experiences with her, take her somewhere and where you take her will lead for questions related to it and slowly you will build a relationship with her, knowing each other more and more. If you’re looking for a long term with her because you’re really like her you gotta feel it, things will come naturally. Don’t be afraid to ask anything.. the fun of communication is to talk about everything, good/bad stuff… that makes us share our opinions, bring different perspectives and that’s it that. Start with making experiences.. that will be much more fun than asking her lots of question.

throwaway_6522 · 2021-11-18T23:33:17+00:00

What do you think will happen between China and he US in coming 10 years and how will that affect other countries?

(This is specially if you're from a diff country and you can dissociate emotionally from past events) bring up some historical event that has many competing narratives that gets people from the said country all emotional, adopt a position that's different than hers

Casually mention the statistic on how a lot of women have rape fantasies then ask her if she too has that fantasie (appear threatening when asking this for a better effect)

theragingcactusman · 2021-11-18T23:37:26+00:00

Whos your favorite killer?

NoRefrigerator1012 · 2021-11-19T00:29:19+00:00

Learn how to be a good story teller about the boring day to day tasks. It's gonna be hard, but once you know how to do that this question won't come up. Gotta make the day to day, mundane, things fun for you to last in an LTR.

Saxon2010 · 2021-11-19T01:28:19+00:00

Honestly great questions are important but don’t just focus on questions, focus on telling emotionally evoking stories. This usually opens up a can of worms and leads to other conversational threads that the date can bite on. Think about stories as a child, teenager, etc. Stories that you think are funny or intense. Then just follow up by saying has anything like that happened to you? Or do you have any stories you like to tell? Something along those lines. Good luck cheers.

bend466 · 2021-11-19T01:52:10+00:00

"What makes you happy?"

izzymatic · 2021-11-19T02:22:00+00:00

I recommend watching series “tea for two” on YouTube. They questions on those have some quality questions on different levels.

shhannibal · 2021-11-19T02:57:51+00:00

Check out “The Book of Questions” by Gregory Stock. Lots of great date questions but also a lot to help gauge someone’s moral compass. They’re really interesting and fun

PearlMyJam · 2021-11-19T09:27:13+00:00

“If you go to sleep tonight and wake up anywhere you want, where would it be?”

“Can you remember your first day at school? How was it?”

MinistryOfSillyPosts · 2021-11-19T14:18:46+00:00

"Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"

recyclablebanthas · 2021-11-19T02:44:34+00:00

What are good purposeful questions for dates? Conversation

This is for after the first date or two after getting rid of the basic interests (fav tv shows, movies, music etc...)

There's a misunderstanding here about conversations. It's not about finding the right questions. There are no magical questions. It's about:

Actively listening to the other person when they're talking
Following up well on something they just said. Digging deeper and investigating.
When we realize this, we realize that things you've called "basic interests," or small talk in general, are actually gateways to better conversation.

Example:

You ask her how her day was
She says it was okay, she went to work, nothing special, blah blah blah.
You follow up with an eye towards emotions (how she felt about something) and motivations (why she did something. Like, "What was okay about it? Basically, you're getting her to elaborate on something she said.
If you were actively listening, you might notice a facial expression or tone in her voice at a certain point that indicates a good area to follow up on.

Title	What are good purposeful questions for dates?
Author	doublerumbletrouble
Upvotes	257
Comments	111
Date	November 18, 2021 12:06 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/qwobw2/what_are_good_purposeful_questions_for_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-are-good-purposeful-questions-for-dates.1272089 https://theredarchive.com/post/1272089

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