Story of a doormat

First; No kids, Infidelity, I own a house she is owed equity in, I already asked the boomers at my moms yacht club and got a shark of a lawyer.

Also, look, I know I am an idiot.

Now on to the story.

I found out, nearly 3 years ago, that my wife was cheating on me.

When she was found out, she initially denied, until evidence came forward that her family would eventually send me.

Shortly before I saw the evidence, she showed up at my work one day and asked I meet her in the parking lot. We sat there in her car and she told me that she was in love with her cousin, and wants a divorce so they can finally be together. I listened, said, "Okay" and went back to work.

When I got home from work that night, I told her I agreed and packed a bag and left. I went and stayed in a travel camper my family owns. It wasnt exactly comfortable, but it worked.

Her cousin ghosted her. I can only theorize he now knew the beans were spilt, because her family was involved, and was likley ashamed? idk. hope so.

When he ghosted her, she flipped her script and started in with apologizing, love bombing, all kinds of hoovering behaviour.

I fell for it.

I agreed to start meeting her for couples therapy. Ive never had to divorce before, it seemed appropriate that I at least give that a shot. (I have since realised I am also an idiot)

We had three sessions, one a week, but ultimatley when the therapist implied that some of her behaviours may have been what got us to this point, she literally stood up and knocked shit off the coffee table, stormed out slamming the door, and drove off.

I left the therapist office shortly after and went back to my trailor. It wasnt long after I got back, that she calls me telling me she was in a wreck.

Sure enough, she swiped in to someone while driving and fucked the front end of her car up. I show up to take a look at the car (it is in my name) and over the course of the next couple weeks, as I am trying to get the car to the shop, I fall for her love bombing and agree to start staying at the house again.

I think it was mostly because I missed my pets and had been doing a lot of self medicating. That poor decicision is definitley on me.

I move back in. Shortly after, her daughter (she only has custody during summer vacation) visits us for the summer.

I love that kid. She is 13 this year, I have known her since she was 3.

I totally went in to family mode for the summer, and was full on about giving my step daughter an awesome summer, and I did! Boats, Beaches, Bicycles (I taught her how to ride one!). It was a blasty blast.

Shortly before she left to go back to her dads for the school year, her and her mom went out with one of my wifes 'friends'. A guy Ill call Matt. I found out because SD mentioned it.

After we dropped SD off with her BioDad, she quit taking her moms phone calls. My wifes mom, SDs grandmother (who SD stays with 2-3 nights a week) told my wife that her daughter was mad at her.

Thanksgiving, wife goes back to visit her grandmother and the family. I sit the trip out, as now that SD wasn't with us, we were back to not getting along/counseling/wasting time and money.

On Thanksgiving Day, at about 2am, Wife(visiting family) started blowing up my phone. I think,"okay, she is out of town, likley emergency, Ill answer." Another blunder.

On the other side of the line, shes bawling and manages to tell me between gasp that she just got kicked out of her grandmothers house, shes in her pajamas, she has nowhere to go.

I didnt take much time to figure out I wasnt going to figure out what happend, she was obviously having a panic attack and wasnt speaking coherently.

I, however, was 6 hours away and couldnt do much, so I called around and found a hotel with a vacant room near her, and paid for it over the phone so she could go somewhere and calm down.

The next morning, I get a call from her grandmother. Her cousin, the one she cheated with, also visited for the holidays, and both of them stayed over at her house. Wife had previously assured me he wouldnt be there.

At about 1:30am my wifes grandfather opened the door and flipped on the lights, catching Wife and Cousin in bed together.

I am not even surprised at this point. I mean, I am mad. But damn dude.

Wife drove back to our house.

I get back to kinda largley ignoring the issue, but gray rocking the fuck out of her. I decide to sit out the annual "trip back home for christmas" for my wife, she goes. SD calls me to wish merry christmas, and tells me she was mad at her mom because she saw her kissing another guy...Matt.

Cool. Okay. I love this kid, not her fault, "Merry Christmas, I shipped some things to you I hope you love them!"

Wife gets back. I dont bring things up as I am making plans to off myself at this point because I am so overwhelmed.

I start drinking too much. Other drugs too. I quit letting my wife tell me where to be most the time and am taking her love bombing and discards in a numb high, day after day

I go down a dark road for about three months, when one of my best friends wakes me up that I HAVE to face this problem or nothing will get better.

I do.

I try to break up with her again. She screams at me, yells, starts breaking all the things in our house. I go to take a walk. When I get back, and walk in to the house, I see shes holding something.

It took me a few seconds to register she was pointing a gun at me.

I dip out and dial 911.

Im hiding behind my neighbors fence when the cops arrive. By that time she had taken the gun and sat it on the porch. She knew I called them.

Cops say, "She says she has nowhere to go, can you go somewhere?".

Fuck me, but yes.

My sister (greatest human ever) talks me in to getting a DVRO on her. I do. Cops kick her out of my house because evidence she tried to shoot me.

She takes the car and my dog (she wasnt supposed to take either) but whatever. Ill get my dog back and she can have the car.

Two days later, 11pm. I get a call from the cops that a vehicle I own is in an accident (Wife never changed her last name, thats a whole different fight)

She starts trying to reach me, despite DVRO, because she was living in the car and now its wrecked.

Abother blunder.

I decide that I need to communicate with her again to deal with the car wreck....again, so I remove the DVRO. She fucking hoovers me back in again. I let her come back to the house. I go back to self medicating and being a doormat for about a year again.

Ill admit, I started not giving a shit about ANYTHING. I went a little "mid-life crisis" in this year. Spent real money on some tools and projects I wanted, just because I was tired of not doing what I wanted to do. I kind of got to a point of nihlism that was going off the rails.

In that time, it is also worth mentioning that she has pissed off all of my closest friends, indpendently to what she did to me, to the point they all have her blocked because, and I quote, they, "don't have to put up with her shit".

So come November. I am trying to still resolve an Insurance issue for her so she handed me her phone to help. A message pops up with some guys picture that I dont know. What is it that they say? "Dont ask questions if you dont want answers"?

I clicked on it and see a long text chain, mostly talking about how she hopes this guy will treat her better than I do, and how she loves to be slutty in the bedroom.

I say nothing about it to Wife. I talk to my best friend and sister about it. They all dont believe I'll do it and told me to make up my fucking mind....essentially.

Few weeks go by, wife decides to start a fight with my mother, over money. Specificaly, getting some help from my mother with some home repairs my house needs.

Like wtf why.

My mom calls me to let me know she blocked my wife and to make sure she doesnt come to any of her properties.

Lets be honest, at this point I dont even feel bad for myself...grow a fucking spine amirite?

So I do. I get a lawyer. Shes awesome and has me pretty certain I am on top, ecspecially with the proof of infidelity.

I told my wife yesterday that I want a seperation, now that all my ducks are in a row.

I am honestly proud of how composed I kept myself, despite her weeping, yelling, name calling, and meanness.

After I told her, I took my dogs for one last walk before I left to go stay at my moms house. When we got back from the walk, she had a bag packed, and just left in a dramatic huff.

"Oh okay, this is ideal" Proceed to roll around on the floor with my doggies until we fall asleep in a cuddle puddle of furry peace. Bliss.

This morning, I look around and notice she left all her important shit. Insulin, meds, laptop, most clothes, jacket.

She didnt leave, it was performative.

She shows up about 11am, comes in the house and ignores me. Goes to bed.

I come in, "Hey, you left last night saying you didnt want to stay here, whats up? Why are you here?"

She goes on about how she's staying, I cant make her leave, other abusive mean stuff. And she's right.

I cant make her leave, I knew this because I gave a lawyer 5k to get me out of this marriage. She will EVENTUALLY leave the house, but I will have to have that done through lawyers it seems.

I had thought ahead though, and have a bag packed.

So here I am.

In my van, my bag of clothes, sitting by the river, typing up the whole story so I can try to remember I am doing the right thing.

I can taste freedom.