I just don’t understand.

Undertow16 · 2022-03-07T00:19:23+00:00

Looks like she just want the benefits but not the duties of having kids.

Is she dating someone or going out streak with friends? Might have been that care taking has been set to low priority.

I have few advice to give, I'm foreign and don't know your laws but atleast enjoy the time having your kids. They'll probably appreciate you way more now and in the future being there than a selfish mom who wants to get rid of them.

But don't be a door mat either and learn to say no and give yourself some me time too, she doesn't have any control over you since you pay so much and have a co parenting scheme in place.

Wishing you the best of luck

NothingIsEverEnough · 2022-03-07T00:19:34+00:00

As others said: document each instance. Let this go on for 6 months. That establishes a pattern. Then you can petition the court to change it to reflect what is actually taking place. Check in your county, I believe where I live we have to wait a certain period before requesting custody changes.

Over here it could be longer than 6 months to prove a significant change in parenting circumstances

BlendedChaos2012 · 2022-03-07T00:13:54+00:00

Document every single time you’re asked. What reason, how long etc. Keep track of everything. Give her a few months to hang herself then take her back to court and insist on full custody.

pegleg_legal · 2022-03-07T01:26:59+00:00

I'd play the long game here. Just make record after record, accept the kids every time you can. Then file for a modification.

Future-Platform8225 · 2022-03-07T00:24:32+00:00

Not a big surprise, that extra money is probably great for her. Take them all you can get 8 months in with more documented time and status quo and get back to court. It's a gift.

Classic_Dill · 2022-03-07T02:17:12+00:00

She has a special somebody, and she doesn’t want to split her time between him and the kids. Trust me!

dad_bod_cargo_shorts · 2022-03-07T12:38:29+00:00

Why are you directing your time/energy/money to two kids who aren't yours? Especially since you are rebuilding your life?

I realize that's a harsh thing to say and that you have a relationship with them, but we all have finite resources.

Mynewadventures · 2022-03-07T14:08:24+00:00

Document,. Document, document, then get your lawyer involved.

derelictherds · 2022-03-07T18:14:44+00:00

Oh man I've been in your shoes. Play along for six months or so, document everything, then file for a modification!

rsmiley77 · 2022-03-07T00:13:21+00:00

document everything…. Only communicate through text. Is she late? Wanting to turn them over to you constantly? Create folders where you have the proof. Mark up a calendar with dates and times. Document everything. You can either down the road get primary custody of them or as in my case when the ex comes and tries to say that she’s doing more than she is supposed to be doing you can drop cold hard facts to the court. That’s the only thing that a judge will listen to.

Imswim80 · 2022-03-07T06:16:41+00:00

My ex made me fight for 50/50, but she dumps my son off with her folks for over half her time.

SJSHARKMIKE · 2022-03-07T08:18:51+00:00

You thought court was for custody.LOL .court was just to see how much she can get paid. She probably blinking some new guy.

JohnnyMnemo · 2022-03-07T08:58:13+00:00

Continue to get them, document, and then seek a modification.

buyinlowsellouthigh · 2022-03-07T12:21:16+00:00

I would take the time woth the kids. Document it and go to court to adjust the schedules once the lawyer thinks the time is right. You pay more now but will come out ahead in both money and time with the kids in the end.

OraleEse13 · 2022-03-07T19:24:06+00:00

Take records and after 2-3 months of it just file for a Modification of Custody and Support seeking primary physical custody since that's essentially what's happening. It sounds like she wants to go enjoy the party life, travel, etc. So, if you're more stable and enjoy having your kids then that's the plan.

As far as the 2 that are hers from previous relationships that's going to come down to how long you were a step-parent.

skaelee · 2022-03-07T19:29:39+00:00

Why are you watching another man’s kids? Fuck all that other shit you should only care for yours tell that bitch too call their fathers if she needs a baby sitter

Eve-3 · 2022-03-08T19:13:29+00:00

My son's in the same boat and I feel your pain. They have temporary orders and it is supposed to work out to awake time is 50/50 but they sleep 5 nights with my son. His stbxw works nights. In reality, she picks them up as late as she can, makes excuses why she can't do her days, can only handle one at a time (there's two) and basically just can't be bothered. The only time she actually does a proper day with them is when someone else can see her. If her new friend is coming over then she presents herself as a good mom, the victim of a terrible man taking her kids from her. But if she doesn't have help (any and all family and friends are routinely asked to help) with the kids she can't be bothered. She sees them 15 hours a week on a good week. Last week was 3.

My son was sick. Proper sick. Calling in to work and dropping them off at daycare because he's not going further than that without vomiting all over his car. She calls up on her first custody day of the week (not prior) and says she's getting a covid booster that afternoon so she's not picking up the kids because she hears that can make you feel sick and she doesn't want the kids if she might not be up for taking care of them. Good to know they both realize that him at his worst is better than her in any form.

Good news though. This is just their temporary orders and she sucks so bad that even she acknowledges that he should be primary for the permanent orders.

Good luck my friend. Sorry you are in this boat too, it's not a fun ride. But comforting to know you aren't alone. I see the men here complaining they don't get enough time with their kids a lot, often feel like my boy is the only one facing the reverse. Nice to hear someone else with his perspective.

Oh, and you are an utter saint for looking out for those other kids too. They aren't yours, they aren't your responsibility, but without you they'd have nothing so thank you for not abandoning them. Fuck her, but those little ones didn't do anything wrong that they deserve a fucking too. You're a good man.

Title	I just don’t understand.
Author	xjeeperx
Upvotes	18
Comments	36
Date	March 6, 2022 11:50 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/t8bvb7/i_just_dont_understand/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-just-dont-understand.1105319 https://theredarchive.com/post/1105319

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