Birthdays before and after FDS

Sashamorningmidnight · 2020-12-06T20:12:04+00:00

Great post, it's my birthday so I'm going to join in.

Before FDS (about 7 years ago)- I get all dressed up in a lovely frock, make up, hair and nails done and wait for my boyfriend to pick me up for dinner. He arrives at 9pm, dinner reservation was at 8pm. We get to the restaurant, the manager very kindly finds us a table as they knew it was my birthday.

He get's annoyed when the manager sends free wine and starters as a birthday treat for me. He goes off into how the manager is making a move on me, I tell him, he is not, he is taking time out, even though the restaurant is very busy to make me, a customer, feel a bit special. He sulks, plays with his food and says he should have cooked at home as it would have been cheaper. He does not compliment me at all through the evening or make me feel special. He does not want to talk to me and stares at his phone or out of the window. I feel unloved, unwanted and undervalued.

When the bill arrives, he says he's not paying, I say, that makes two of us. He pays begrudgingly. We get home, he switches the TV on and says, I can stop pretending to be so fancy now and I should remove my make up. I call my girlfriend from the bedroom, cry, smoke a spliff and we agree, he is a dick, does not deserve me and I should end it.

I return to the living room, I tell him, I'm very worried about the lock on the front door. He steps outside to take a look, moaning and groaning that I'm too sensitive and its probably nothing. When he is outside, I quickly gather his belongings and chuck them outside and say, yeah, the front door lock is fine and I am sensitive. I shut and bolt the door with all six locks/chains. I return to my bed, smoke another spliff, call my girlfriend and we both listen to him shouting. After 15 minutes he leaves, cussing me loudly about how I'm a slut and he never loved me.

He contacts me the next day, apologises and begs for forgiveness, I tell him to go fuck himself. I block and delete him. Over the years, he tries all kinds of ways to contact me. I block every attempt and have not spoken to him since.

After FDS/Today- In lockdown, no bars/restaurants open, I'm in a city where I only have a handful of female friends but households are not allowed to mix. A friend invites me over, we plan ahead to order a take away which I will pay for. She offers to pay but I prefer to spilt the cost as she has already brought lovely champagne/wine/liqueur and made my favourite birthday cake. She picks me up at the exact agreed time. We both wear our party dresses, do our make up, hair and nails. We have champagne and snacks while waiting for preordered dinner to arrive. Dinner arrives, we eat, talk about both light/fun topics, our favourite TV series/films and also deeper issues, our hopes and dreams for our future. I am listened to, my company is valued, she laughs a lot at my jokes, tells me I'm funny, smart and she is happy to have met me. We share our life plans, what we want to achieve next year as we get more drunk. We dance around the kitchen table and show each other our silly dance moves, we laugh some more. She brings out the cake she made, it is delicious and we have it with a yum liquor, followed by a nice cup of tea for me and coffee for her. I tell her she is an amazing woman and a fantastic cook. She says she loves cooking when someone like me appreciates all the effort gone into her creation. We compliment each other on our dresses and how we are like Goddesses.

She packs me a box of the leftovers, there are loads so we both have enough for a huge lunch tomorrow. She also packs the rest of the cake and the bottle of liquor so I can have some before bed.

I'm typing this from my bed, sipping the liquor and getting cake crumbs in my bed.

Over the past few years, I've spent birthdays with my women friends. They are less stressful and most importantly I notice I receive energy, I feel vitalised tonight, instead of exhausted, I feel happy and giggly instead of sad. I feel excited about my future instead of fearful.

Fuck I so wish I could do some magic on myself and become a lesbian.

Edit- spelling

fleuretpomme · 2020-12-06T19:26:36+00:00

I love this story. I want to read more before/afters of women taking no shit and living their best lives

quaintrell · 2020-12-06T19:36:15+00:00

[deleted]

pickmieshaexorcist · 2020-12-06T18:56:36+00:00

Ugh what an asshole he was. Common story though. Why can’t they not be selfish buttheads for ONE day?

jargon_explosion · 2020-12-06T21:06:01+00:00

I'm so happy you had an awesome birthday, surrounded by people who love you and treated you how you deserved!

I've noticed a theme. Whenever a person is toxic to be around, they will take days that are for your happiness and either ruin them, or make it all about them, or both. Instead of putting their stuff aside and bringing you up, they'll bring up all the issues in the relationship and bring you down.

They will think of your happiness as a direct insult to their unhappiness and bring you down. Either on the day of, or right before, or right after.

umbralgarden · 2020-12-06T22:20:28+00:00

This whole thread is stories of men being complete monsters to women until they do the hard work breaking up. They really suck so much. These things wouldn't happen if they had balls and could end things like adults.

Kimpractical · 2020-12-06T22:30:28+00:00

Narcissists are notorious for ruining birthdays and other holidays. They can’t stand when the attention is one someone else

InfallibleRubberDuck · 2020-12-07T01:22:00+00:00

Welp this is exactly how I left my abusive ex. One day as we were eating the breakfast I made us on my birthday and he started his bipolar breakdown and negging as he always tended to do on my birthday. I snapped and stopped talking to him. I stopped contributing to the rent on the apartment he made us move to for his convenience (and my inconvenience) and while he probably assumed I would make up like I always do I silently bought a house by myself and disappeared without packing anything LOL!

Twolipz_78 · 2020-12-06T19:31:33+00:00

Amen! I just realized this my past birthday about how Women are so much more thoughtful and making you feel special on birthdays/holidays. Don’t even get me started on the absolute Hell I went through last year with the one that said he wanted to marry me when I never even brought it up!

CuddleLlamaNoDrama · 2020-12-07T01:07:00+00:00

Reminds me of the less than enjoyable anniversary dinner my now ex and I had earlier this year. We were supposed to be happy, celebrating 3 years.

Instead he bought the cheapest flowers he could find, and told me that?! On the way to dinner he made fun of the fact that I had spent more effort on my appearance - lashes, more makeup. I wanted to look good for him. I felt embarrassed.

Then he proceeded to make me cry at dinner by saying something so cold, insinuating he didn’t love me. He didn’t even bother to console me. I wish I had left him that night, because I found out months later that he had cheated on me.

There’s a reason they act like this. They simply do not appreciate or respect you.

MicCat13 · 2020-12-07T02:07:20+00:00

My narc ex husband took me "out" for dinner on my 40th birthday...to burger king. Probably just so he could get mad at me if I complained. He was a real charmer. Bought me a vacuum for Mother's Day once too, a food processor for our anniversary. I left when I could, as I had 4 kids. Now, if you don't treat me like I'm worth your time and money don't bother.

poisoncrackers · 2020-12-07T05:06:51+00:00

A few years ago for my birthday, I had my ex toss socks at me, while I was sitting on the couch throughout the day. He bought me a bunch of novelty socks...which I love...but thought tossing them at me, one pair at a time and unwrapped , throughout the day, would be funny. There was like one other small gift (a toy figure) other than socks and that was it for the day. No dinner, no cake, no card, no real attempt. This guy used to complain about going out on our anniversary even if I paid and planned it.

Now, I turned 40 about a month ago and current boyfriend took me to a cute small town I hadn’t been to in a different part of our state, booked a nice hotel overnight, took me to dinner and bought drinks and dessert at the hotel. Plus two smaller and thoughtful presents on top of the hotel. He gave me a massage (which he does regularly without me asking) and watched a movie while we snuggled in bed. He’s incredibly thoughtful and caring. I’m just glad I learned to value myself enough not to put up with that crap from before.

Wkndwhorechata · 2020-12-06T23:00:20+00:00

Ahhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahagahagagagahhhha

That is a shit birthday you had, but I fucking amazing badass story of your birthday. Wow. Sagittarian queens love life and that is not a man to love life with. Happy birthday. Keep doing you ✌️✌️✌️✌️

KitKat1705 · 2020-12-06T20:35:55+00:00

Fuck him!!!!! What a shit head glad you got rid of him.

Betty_Bottle · 2020-12-06T19:49:48+00:00

I am so glad that he is an ex. Live your best life!

helena939392 · 2020-12-07T08:56:44+00:00

I really want to contribute as it is my 30th birthday today.

29th birthday: Left my NVM ex two weeks earlier. Still living in the same apartment abroad. I went overnight to a 5* spa hotel alone in a strange city to celebrate. Ordered food from room service, sat in a sauna, chilled at the pool, slept in a king size bed, got a birthday cake at the hotel breakfast, took pretty selfies at the hotel balcony. Next day I went home, my ex was waiting there, called me with all the worst names a girl can get and claimed I was at the hotel with some man, was overall very threatening, rummaged through my bags and wallet to see my hotel bill, tormented me all day and wouldn't leave me alone or let me sleep, alternated all day between calling me a wh*re and begging me to take him back claiming I was the love of his life. The next day brought me Swarovski earrings to say sorry. A week later beat me up (for the last time) and broke our living room window because I went out without him. Then I found FDS.

Today: Living in my home country, woke today to a beautiful sunrise, my lovely boyfriend made me a brunch breakfast and got me a nice gift. I have flowers on the table. I feel happy, good and safe. All my friends are congratulating me, telling me how happy they are I'm home and in a good relationship. Bf has set up evening plans for us and told me to get ready and to wear something nice after work. Last weekend had a girls night with my friend over my place. I can meet my army friends again without drama. I love my life!

Shoddy_Glam · 2020-12-07T01:52:17+00:00

Yay you!!!

AM sorry that any of us have before stories however, I am sitting on my bed with the biggest and most sincere smile on my face and in my heart right now. I could seriously read these stories all night, this should be turned into a book. — Seriously this could probably work if someone doesn’t already have a million balls in the air. They are very tiny stories of hope and inspiration for each of us to remember that a man isn’t the answer to our eternal happiness.

Well done everyone!

QueensJuju · 2020-12-07T04:14:10+00:00

Happy birthday Queen!! 🥳

auntielife123 · 2020-12-07T05:02:57+00:00

I love reading this thread right now, because it is now my birthday!! I’m raising my glass for the upcoming, leveled-up year and all you wonderful ladies from whom I have learned so much!

sstena · 2020-12-07T10:21:19+00:00

The difference in quality of life when you start choosing to spend your time with people who actually love you is huge. Well done girl, happy belated birthday.

trudith · 2020-12-07T04:37:00+00:00

Huge upgrade. Congrats sis.

diorgasm · 2020-12-07T11:46:24+00:00

❤️

Title	Birthdays before and after FDS
Author	quaintrell
Upvotes	767
Comments	49
Date	December 6, 2020 6:53 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/k7zkac/birthdays_before_and_after_fds/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/birthdays-before-and-after-fds.328443 https://theredarchive.com/post/328443

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