Men I need your experiences.

Nymanator · 2025-11-11T16:47:35+00:00

Can't help you there, wasn't raised in a patriarchy.

WanabeInflatable · 2025-11-11T16:49:08+00:00

First of all, are you writing in a setting where patriarchy is real and present? I.e medieval Europe or 3rd world country, maybe fantasy?

clavelnotes · 2025-11-11T16:56:22+00:00

Make profile as man trying to date women on dating app and let us how you get treated. Do it for week.

_WutzInAName_ · 2025-11-11T17:38:53+00:00

Patriarchy is “a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it.”

That system doesn’t exist. The majority of the people at the bottom of society—prisoners, homeless, conscripts, slaves, etc—are male.

Our society is overwhelmingly focused on supporting women, and misandry outweighs misogyny. Men are victims of systemic misandry, not patriarchy. Read this:

https://quillette.com/2020/07/27/the-myth-of-pervasive-misogyny/

daakstrykr · 2025-11-11T18:15:06+00:00

You've already edited the post so I won't state the obvious again.

One thing we learn very early on is that there is no safety net, you're on your own, expected to fix your problems quietly and not burden others. This extends into all facets of life from the benign to the extreme.

The specifics vary from case to case and person to person but here are a couple of personal experiences:

"Why are you doing so badly in school? Oh you've been diagnosed with ADHD and major depressive disorder? Tough luck, better stop being so good damn lazy."
I once trusted a female friend a little too much. I opened up a little and was immediately hit by "I'm not your therapist". 2 hours later my then entire circle of friends was radicalised against me.
I was raped by a teenage girl at a party when I was a kid. Nobody cared, the police laughed at me.

63daddy · 2025-11-11T19:02:11+00:00

I live in a western country, not patriarchy.

tilldeathdoiparty · 2025-11-11T16:56:32+00:00

What patriarchy?

Start with the fact that we don’t think there is one, it’s some umbrella term to over generalize SOCIETY, it’s the privileged that have the privilege.

Hatenfury-VR · 2025-11-11T20:47:06+00:00

If you want to see an example of men who were raised in an actual patriarchal society, check out the silent generation. They built the Boomers prosperity and sacrificed themselves to do the right thing at great cost. They earned us the right to vote and set the foundations for what a free society should be.

We have since squandered their efforts as a society, but back when families were forming and men were leading them, things got done the right way, for the right reasons.

Feminism has been foolhardy to think they could improve on what they accomplished. In fact as that generation were fighting the world wars, feminists were shaming the men who couldn't fight.

Cool_Narwhal_9676 · 2025-11-11T19:22:25+00:00

A common misconception that I think the majority of society has (and it doesn't matter your political bias or gender, most people get this wrong), is that: Power and leadership are not beneficial to the person who has them and do not make the person happy. Also, power does not equal privilege, because power often comes with responsibility and pressure. And society doesn't necessarily treat you better just because you have status or power. In fact, victimhood or weakness is often more of a privilege than power, because it often illicits more sympathy from society than being in a higher position.

I do not believe that a person's gender (or any other demographic traits) automatically prevents them from being able to empathize with or see things from the other's point of view, or talk about or write about that other group's struggles. There's no reason why anyone should be gatekept from any sort of discussions or advocacy (as that only reduces the amount of support the coalition has). The more people we welcome to our side, the better. We need all the support we can get. And I always greatly appreciate those who try to extend an olive branch. We might not see eye to eye on everything, but that's ok, because we're still all connected by the common goal of cooperation to improve people's lives.

If you want to see what it actually feels like to be a man "in power", just look at a few of these examples from recent history where a woman experienced the same role: Jacinda Ardern, the first female Prime Minister of New Zealand (2017-2023) resigned citing burnout & stress from having to lead her people through the Covid pandemic, and also a desire to prioritize family; Nicola Sturgeon, the first female First Minister of Scotland (2014-2023) resigned; Magdalena Andersson, the first female Prime Minister of Sweden (2021) resigned just 7 hours after taking office; Liz Truss, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (2022) resigned just 2 months after taking office; and many other examples.

Power, status, leadership, strength, etc, are often romanticized and glorified by a society that only focuses on the supposed attractive sides of it. But people often neglect to understand the true experience of living in that type of position. I mean, we see this all the time with all the other -isms and -ists. Black people who say "whites will never understand what it feels like to be poor!" despite the fact that there are 324,000 homeless people in the United States who are white (more than 50%, and higher than all the other races combined). Gay people who say "you straight people will never understand the struggles of being a lesbian!" and yet 50% of heterosexual marriages end in divorce and there's currently 33 million straight men who are single in the US. Atheists say "you religious people will never understand the struggles of being oppressed by religion!" and yet 5000 Christians are killed every year in sub Saharan Africa. The extremely popular, rich, widely beloved actor & comedian Robin Williams, who made millions laugh and smile with his talented humor, committed suicide and struggled with depression.

We're all human. We all happen to have different demographics and be in different positions in life. But at the end of the day, nobody is trying to be your "enemy" or "oppress" you. We're all just trying to live our own lives, get our needs met, and make something of ourselves. Often times, our goals may conflict or be incompatible with each other, because everyone has different tastes & interests, and different things make them happy. It's messy and complicated, and sometimes there's friendly fire or unintentional collateral damage. But I think that most people, once you actually try to get to know them, you'll come to realize that they genuinely have good intentions and a lot of our conflicts stem from misunderstandings. So the best advice I can give is ultimately, just talk to people. Because once you truly get to know them, you'd be surprised by how relatable they actually were all along.

Neat-Surround2425 · 2025-11-11T19:59:44+00:00

Seems like you have good intentions :) . I will answer you after 8 - 9 hours . Right now , it's 1:29 here .

TwerpOco · 2025-11-11T21:18:29+00:00

Sort from Top of All Time in this subreddit and I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for.

The premise you've presented that "men are also victims of suppression because they become perpetrators of the patriarchy" is a thinly veiled way to once again assign blame to men while ignoring the real problems men face. Your premise doesn't focus on the systemic or societal problems men face, but rather how men are the perpetrators of a patriarchy. Look through other posts in this subreddit regarding family court, selective service, male genital mutilation, and the slew of other issues you've likely never been exposed to. Then reframe your perspective (where men are victims of an unjust society rather than oppressors as "victims") and you'll start finding what you are actually looking for.

Just_an_user_160 · 2025-11-12T00:28:50+00:00

The expectations society puts on men are gender roles, not the patriarchy, there's also the belief that the life of males is less valuable and their death or suffering is acceptable under certain situations, like the infamous women and children first rule in the Titanic, feminists ironically want males to commit to gender roles yet want women to be free of absolutely all obligations, misandry is also one of these problems, since it has normlized belittling, mocking and not caring about men. I think the word patriarchy makes people wary of this post since that is the word many people use to blame men as the cause of their problems or other people problems. Hope this helps you.

Throwawayingaccount · 2025-11-12T01:10:57+00:00

In America at least, the first signs of which gender is actually cared about will occur shortly after birth.

Where a male infant can have parts of their genitals cut off, permanently removing body parts for non-medical reasons before they can even think. But we rightfully protect female infants from similar.

Also, look into birth control. When there were just TALKS of removing accessability to female birth control due to health concerns, people were up in arms, and they were absolutely in the right. Ever hear anyone talk about how male birth control has been known about since the 1970s, has similar side effect severity if you avoid negative interactions, and is still prohibited by the government due to health concerns.

Yeah. It's BS.

bulimic_squid · 2025-11-12T04:33:14+00:00

pAtRiArChY...

Mr_Tuts_7558 · 2025-11-12T10:10:09+00:00

What are you in the mediaeval era?

Modern feminist theory defines patriarchy as a system that privileges men and oppresses women. If that were truly the case, then men wouldn’t suffer most of the world’s social, physical, and institutional harms. You can’t claim there’s a system that benefits men by design and then say “it hurts men too.” It’s just… I don't know how the logic works here.

Historically, the so-called “patriarchal” structures weren’t male-exclusive power clubs. They were hierarchies where 99% of men also had no power. Peasants, farmers, etc. they had zero control over laws or wealth. The few nobles or kings at the top used both men and women for their own gain.

If we truly lived in a system designed for male benefit, these wouldn’t be true, that men make up 76–80% of all suicides (WHO), men are 3–4× more likely to be murdered globally (UNODC), are 93% of workplace deaths (U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics), are 97% of combat deaths historically and currently. Men get longer prison sentences for the same crimes (U.S. Sentencing Commission), lose custody battles over 80% of the time despite wanting shared parenting, make up the majority of the homeless (~70–80%) and can also be rape victims of a number almost equal to women under gender-neutral definitions (if “forced to penetrate” is included, CDC data, check NISVS studies).

Men’s pain is socially invisible. That’s gynocentrism, the tendency to center women’s safety and comfort above men’s, which has existed for millennia (even before feminism). You can see it today, the UN’s claim that “women are the most affected by war” despite men dying in those wars, how media attention for female victims far outweighs male ones and there's no “International Men’s Day” coverage on mainstream platforms, but wall-to-wall Women’s Day campaigns.

I believe “patriarchy” is a misapplied label for a far more complex issue rooted in class, biology, and survival, not some gender conspiracy. And I commend you for trying to understand...

Which_Ad_3917 · 2025-11-11T19:07:16+00:00

There is no patriarchy in my story. There’s only societal expectations on both genders that everyone in my family’s history, going back 3 generations at least, had to fulfil. Everyone failed because they lived lives they didn’t want to. Read on pluralistic ignorance, there is your answer

Working_Parsley_2364 · 2025-11-12T02:46:40+00:00

This is just a bare overview of most of the things I havee experienced being a man, I'm coying these from some of my other posts to save me from typing everything again:

-Men in many countries in the world get forced into the millitary because they're men

-Men don't have the same protection from violence than women in most countries in the world, Men can SA'd, r*ped and beaten and have very little means of getting justice especially if the perpetrator is female

-Woem can straight up hit men no matter who is stronger and then we have to listen to the feminist lies about how "men are always stronger" and all the sayings such as "don't hit women"

-Men don't have the same opportunities in fields such as childcare yet male-dominated fields are legally required in many countries to hire more women

-Men who are Stay at home dads, Househusbands or Homemakers often get attacked and harrassed by feminists

-In most countries in the word FGM is illegal and there are international efforts to eradicate it completely whereas unconsentual MGM is legal almost everywhere and is often socially celebrated

-Men are often expected to sacrifice themselves for women.

-The societal expectation that men have to be leadres and be responsible for everything when women are usually expected to be kept safe no matter what.

-Men and boys cannot wear what they want, have the hair lenght that they want or act feminine in public without the risk of being beaten for it or violating dress codes and such

This is just a few of the things that men face in society, and when we try to fight for our rights we get told that we're "misogynists" and whatnot merely for advocating for ourselves.

New-Distribution6033 · 2025-11-11T18:51:45+00:00

The "patriarchy" is as real as the International Jewish Cabal in charge of world banking.

WackyConundrum · 2025-11-11T21:16:42+00:00

So I am currently writing a piece on how males raised in a patriarchy

Oh, so you're writing a fantasy novel. That's nice.

unknown perpetrators

What does this even mean?

wrong demographics about men

It's clear that English is not your first language. But:

I still look forward to hearing about

Is a bit too much, don't you think?

patriarchy
don't feel comfortable
societal expectations
centering themselves
lived experiences
Is it appropriate
represented

Here we go...

Proof_Boysenberry_74 · 2025-11-13T14:46:02+00:00

First of all thanks for reaching out here, things are contiously getting worse with this whole gender war and as a woman you feel that in this space simply for using a phrase like patriachy. Just shows how sensible this topic has become for affected.

There are many things to say and consider and in Order to understand exactly what perspectives you want a definition of what exactly you mean by patriachy would be helpfull.

What I want to make clear first of all are the deeper connections and reasons for gender differences since I find it important to be aware of these dynamics. If this rambling dosnt interest you feel free to scroll down to point 3 where you can read just about my personal expieriences growing up in a western european society (if that falls under patriachy by your definition of patriachy), but reading the above will probably help to understand my perspective.

The root of the problem:

Gender roles have been a thing since forever in our society and pregnancy was the leading cause behind almost all the differences between men and women due to Evolution (apart from basic reproductive differences of course). Put plainly, women used to be very very important for small "civilisations" or groups. The growth of the Population is soley depending on the number on women a civilisations has. Lose women -> population will grow slower. This is why men went to wars and women were protected and this is why men developed to become capable of violence and women stayed "weaker". It served no evolutionary purpose for Women to become stronger since there was no need for them to be strong because you wouldnt want to risk a Womans life anyways and it's more effecient not to be muscular for any lifeform. Thats why Women have had inherently more value in early societies. This is the most important foundation to understand when you want to untangle patriachal struktures if by patriachy you simply mean a society with the leading positions mostly represented by men.

Now the ideals of such ancient struktures are deeply rooted in blatant and hidden ways. "Women and children first" and chivilary have their roots in this and you see it troughout basically every human society which is an indiciation for the fact that this is the logical consequnces of human Biologie. Culture also plays a huge role and this is where things become more nuanced as especially religion reinforced, rephrased and shifted gender roles but in generell these ideals of gender roles that are really old still persist and simply have been interprated diffrently like as a god given purpose in christianity or islam.

The role of feminism:

Feminism recognized the very real unfairness that this inequality of both Biologie and culture meant for women and rightfully so. Early feminism wanted more equal rights and more opportunities for women that women should have and simply don't have because culture holds on to outdated standards and conceptions of gender that I am sure I don't have to mention in depth. This was absolutely a right thing to do. I like to imagine societal standards like a loop of a script or programming code that repeats and is being reevaluate and changed periodically troughout generations. Certain genderroles have been repeated without proper reevaluation and this led to unnecesarry standards and discrimination (FOR WOMEN AND MEN ALIKE!!). Feminism however specifically highlighted the struggle of women and prioritized understanding and battling those. These were spaces that left NO room to fight for men and this is where the big problem lies, I believe. All of these social dynamics are rooted in the way women and men (used to) compliment each other. Privilages of men are tied to the responsabilities of men and vice versa. same goes for women. When you just evaluate one without the other you cause lots of responsabilities and privileges to become meaninglessness or incredibly unfair. As I said, it's like a programming code and feminism wanted to adjust it to modern ideals but when you start changing stuff in the middle of the code without adjusting everything it will conflict with itself. This is what I believe happened. Women had many of the unfairness they face battled against without considering the male perspectives and/or consequnces of these actions.

Bitter-Blueberry-928 · 2025-11-14T15:16:46+00:00

OK, some thoughts on this:

Men need a right a passage to become men. That’s the way it has been for thousands of years. Nothing has changed in 5000 years in the natures of men and women. Men still need this.
Men need connection with other men to make them great men without connection they do not become their full potential or worse become total losers.
Men fail to teach other men how to relate with women and how to navigate through life, generally due to the amount of work that they do, most of their time is filled with work.
Good men are failing to enter into the Legal Arena, which is generally filled with effeminate men. In previous centuries, the Legal Arena was filled with Renaissance men men who could build a house and defend their arguments. We need the men from the construction crew, foreman the guy working with Engineering code to enter into the Legal Arena. Another words, the legal practice area has become too abstract, and we need men with practical experience to enter into law. This is a huge area that our society is failing to recognize. In general, a large number of female judges are controlled by the male DA in some counties. They should not be judges.

I’m not sure what else to say. That’s the way it is it may not be pretty. You may not like the way. I’ve said it but that’s the way it is.

Think about this, if society begins to collapse, will you need a) a counselor b) medication c) a political party OR a) electricity b) clean water c) food

I guarantee when things get really bad resources will be secured by physical violence and coercion, no amount of counseling medication or politics is going to save you.

TrainingGap2103 · 2025-11-15T01:56:35+00:00

I feel like society is constantly bashing me for being a man. It is socially acceptable to paint me as a dirty predator for the crime of being born male. Male sexual attraction is massively demonized. How men sit or whether they explain something can be used as a stick to beat them with (think mansplaining and manspreading). We're oppressive if we uphold gender norms that are pushed on us and we're largely unattractive if we don't.

Men currently suffer from a sentencing gap that is significantly larger than the racial sentencing gap but the government that I live in (the UK) openly and proudly is planning on widening it far more. I have no reproductive rights but all we ever hear about reproductive rights is how men need to be better allies to women (I'm pro-choice for women btw - I just believe men should be able to opt out of parenthood as well). I was circumcised and, as a result of it, have suffered from low sensitivity - yet, the practice that did that to me is legal everywhere in the world.

I think the worst part, however, is that I can't talk about this stuff openly to friends, family, or mental health professionals. In my own experience (and in the experiences of others) it's just not that safe for men to share those male-related issues. If I can't share this, how can I improve on it? How can society improve on it if we're shouted down when we talk about it in the open?

I could honestly go on and on and on about other issues like the gender empathy gap (a super important issue actually), the acceptability of widespread misandry, the way men are blamed for their issues, negative moral typecasting, how little violence against men matters, how widespread discrimination is against us, grading discrimination in schools, gynocentrism in media and politics etc etc etc but this is long enough.

pokerforfun · 2025-11-12T01:06:39+00:00

Yeah I’m not opening up to a woman ever again. Online or otherwise.

thatwitchalexandra13 · 2025-11-11T19:43:36+00:00

Already, I can see and feel how distrustful of women you guys feel but I can understand why that distrust is necessary. Women are often centering themselves and haven't really tried to peer into what men struggle with. I would like to call my piece Man Undefined and focus on how males have been ignored, undervalued and dismissed, but I feel I should ask first. Is it appropriate for me to be writing this piece and would men feel represented or insulted? I want to go forward with respect for your opinions because I am a woman who has not lived your experiences. Thank you, guys for helping me see your struggles ♡

Ericridge · 2025-11-15T01:50:43+00:00

Can't help you either. There is no patriarchy. You will need to refer to old time movies made in early 1900s or open history books to see what patriarchy looked like. Ideally Victorian, industrial, and Renaissance event medieval era. Patriarchy ended long time ago maybe in 1960s? It's been all matriarchy since then.

Title	Men I need your experiences.
Author	thatwitchalexandra13
Upvotes	0
Comments	121
Date	November 11, 2025 4:42 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1ouecl1/men_i_need_your_experiences/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/men-i-need-your-experiences.1566276 https://theredarchive.com/post/1566276

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