A certain BPW turned RPW on here made me interested in reevaluating RPWi with a more open mindset. And since it's a slow day both on herr and at work I figured I'd indulge in a bit of solipsism.

There's a lot of ideas there that I might. Focusing on improving yourself over him, respecting your man for the person he is, being grateful, showing that you love him, and being mindful of your role in the issues to name the big ones.

But after reviewing the sub, in particular their All About I can say it's not for me. At the core of the disagreement is the focus on gender differences. Now, I'm not saying that men and women are identical. But we are influenced by environmental much more than anything else. As such, there can be substantial overlap between men and women, and neither have a "true nature".

But anyway, I'm in an LTR with a great guy that I plan to marry someday. We are different people. A woman and a man, yes, but above that we are individuals (read: special snowflakes). If I focused on gender differences rather than our differences we'd be a lot less happy. I'm masculine in many ways, he's feminine in some. Sometimes I'm happier taking the masculine role. I provide for half the bills, I do yard work, and take care of creepy crawlers. I know that none of this is taboo in RPWi but I don't think it's wise to focus on gender differences in an LTR. No one fits the gender norms perfectly and you are better suited examining your personal situation.

There's also the captain/FO idea. In all reality, this idea gets muddled to me at all. The basic idea is to follow his leadership. I firmly reject that. I love and respect my boyfriend, but he's only human. I don't think that he is a better judge or decision maker than me. Sometimes he is right and I'm wrong, but not always. And I don't want to bank on that. We are good at coming to a decision tofether. There's no reason for us to have a decider. And it all works fine, so why should I give up a man I love so dearly for the idea of male leadership?

But things get muddled with the idea that a captain listens to his first mate. If a captain consults his FO and headd her words, what makes the captain the captain? Seems like it's just two people of equal authority making a decision together.

There's also the idea that you need to follow some critical gender roles for attraction to stay in the relationship. Well, what turns you on is a personal matter. But I can assure everyone that even after three years I can make the decisions in the relationship and still be very attracted to him. He's utterly incapable of making small to moderate decisions, so I end up making them.

Correct me if I'm misinterpreting anything, but I don't think I'd see any gain in my relationship by following RPWi advice.