What's your take on prenup?

SunshineSundress · 2022-02-11T06:27:37+00:00

I took a few law courses in my undergrad years, and my professor (who practices family law) really changed my view on prenups. They can be pretty complex (infidelity clauses, sunset clauses) and can actually be a way of advocating for BOTH parties to get what’s fair to them. That being said, if he or his prenup lawyers/arbitrators try to steamroll your concerns, it’s not a good sign that he wants to look out for you and your future. The same goes on your end.

it sounds offending to me. If I am willing to leave my job and marry a man and even then if the man asks for a prenup, it makes me feel that he cannot ever trust me.

A man can say the exact thing about women wanting marriage. “If I am willing to commit all my resources to providing for a woman and our family and she asks for a piece of paper that says marriage certificate on it, it makes me feel that she cannot ever trust me to stay committed to her. Why does that title and piece of paper matter so much when she knows I am already committed to her and want a family with her? Does she intend to trap me and force my hand?”

At the end of the day, both sides are looking for security for themselves. But what makes a relationship work is when you look at your union as a team, not as adversaries. When you want to make sure that your partner feels comfortable and safe in your union because you want the best for the team, why not do what it takes to give them that reassurance, whether that’s a prenup OR a marriage?

Otherwise, you might have to face the music that you both are unwilling to compromise and you’ll lose all of your investments into this person just steps away from the finish line.

LetTheRainsFall · 2022-02-11T15:34:25+00:00

Coming from an older man, if I ever decided to marry then I would have a prenup. They don't make too much sense if you are both young when you marry, but for people who have accumulated a few things... well, yeah.

Property or land that I own before marriage, paid for by myself, why would I want that to be part of any divorce settlement? I have a large number of books that I have written and make money off of, should I lose the income I receive from them in divorce, or the rights to publish them? (there was an artist who lost the IP rights to some of her work in divorce not too long ago)

The side business I have? How about any stocks, savings, etc? Those are for my children, not for my ex.

Anything she helps contribute towards, then sure, but anything you hold going in should not be part of the divorce settlement. For either party.

onepixelcat · 2022-02-11T15:38:33+00:00

Me personally I am very much in favor. Like others said, legally speaking marriage is a contract and a prenup is simply setting your own terms as opposed to using the default which is just the whims of the government and legal system at the time.

I don't see it as planning for divorce. I see it as disincentivizing it. Imagine a divorce has a huge payout for you, like winning the lotto. When things get tough that payout looks better and better. I'm not advocating for things to be completely unfair though. It should be fair, that is the point.

grahamcookiefart · 2022-02-11T06:34:59+00:00

I'm for it, live in a country where prenups are not so easily thrown out like in the US but at the same time we don't just get poor just because we get divorced. My husband never wanted it, I just told him getting into the marriage I don't want it to ever cross his mind that I'm marrying him for money, and a prenup should, in case later on he has this thought, prove that to him. I don't want him to stay unhappily married to me just because he is afraid of losing half his things. Also if it ever comes to the point that we want to get divorced; i wouldn't even want any of his stuff or the money.

We figured out a good deal on how much he should pay if we have a child together, came to an amount that seemed fair to both of us and that's it.

Angiixxx · 2022-02-11T12:35:07+00:00

European here. I think it's fair if one part have a large sum before the relationship starts or a company.
I also think the partners should find a fair solution and a plan for how to tackle a breakup, before marriage, if they decide that one parent is out of the job marked for several years due to raising kids.

Strixt · 2022-02-11T06:12:28+00:00

Prenups are pointless.

Dr. Dre should know. His wife told the judge, that “prior to her choosing to marriage and say I do” he coerced/forced her to sign it. And they threw the prenup out…..

You have kids with him. Prenup is also generally tossed by most judges… I’ve rarely seen or heard of a prenup being upheld without there being a lot of extenuating circumstances or unless your spouse is a top 3% and can buy every one off…..

Edit: never mind dr Dre is a top %3 and his was still thrown out. I’m sorry you’d be better off going to subreddits dedicated to law and lawyer questions.

Dependent-Lead7998 · 2022-02-11T06:06:47+00:00

itd our way of reassuring safety. it shouldn't be a red flag.

FuzzyDice12 · 2022-02-11T16:47:15+00:00

I think that Prenups are pretty much a requirement if you are a man and live in most western countries, specifically the US where laws are against men when it comes to marriage.

I think the argument that it means a man has one foot out the door is complete garbage. If money is not a reason for marriage to the future wife and it’s all about love and the being together forever, a prenup shouldn’t be something a woman should even blink an eye at.

The reality is whether you are religious or not, most marriages end in divorce. That’s a fact. For you to think you are an outlier or special, maybe you are but if you both care about each other you would understand it protects both of you.

iwasneverherehaha · 2022-02-11T10:23:39+00:00

Prenups worth both ways ?

Why should you be entitled to half of everything someone has built before you even married them?

Everyone should have a prenup

Astroviridae · 2022-02-11T14:28:59+00:00

We did not do a prenup because of our views about marriage. Marriage to us is a covenant before God that once created cannot be broken. The priest that prepared us said prenups would invalidate the marriage oath because they essentially are preparing for divorce.

gimmickless · 2022-02-11T13:01:34+00:00

When you marry in the eyes of the law, the law provides you with a baseline prenuptial agreement. You are not marrying without a prenup, you are saying "my government's prenup is good enough".

And in many cases it is. Your situation might be different. Different enough where it is not a good idea to use a standard government-issue prenup.

FortitudeWisdom · 2022-02-11T14:06:48+00:00

My little brother, who makes good money but still less than $100,000/year, should get a prenup because he's close to owning his condo. That's all been done before meeting a woman. I'm not sure why you feel it has anything to do with trust. It's a legal issue not a trust issue.

Imaginary_Jeweler952 · 2022-02-11T12:10:17+00:00

Honestly I think prenups are good to a certain degree if one of the party’s are making a drastically huge amount of money compared to there partner but I think it’s not necessary when both make the same amount of money

OkraGarden · 2022-02-11T14:50:45+00:00

I'm Catholic and having a prenup invalidates a marriage because it means you are not intending for the union to be permanent. It could therefore only be a civil marriage, not a sacramental one. I do think a guy requesting one is a red flag because it means he doesn't trust you. Even if he has good reasons to be fearful (at this point everyone has had to watch friends, brothers, dads, uncles, you name it get slaughtered in divorce court) you can't build a secure life with someone who already has one foot out the door.

m_owom · 2022-02-11T06:20:36+00:00

It's a no for me. If a man suggested we get a prenup, I would take it as lack of commitment and trust. I also believe that once you get married, there shouldn't be any "my money, your money". It's our household and our money. And of course, if a man wants a housewife/stay at home mom, a prenup is a joke.

BumbleBitny · 2022-02-11T14:25:50+00:00

I think it just depends on the situation and how that prenup is written. Like for example a company where the man started it before he met his wife but blew up when they were married I think she deserves a portion of that, a much smaller portion than him but still some. She most likely helped contribute to its success while married. Whether that's stepping up to the plate for their kids more often because dad has to work later. Bouncing ideas around with him, and her taking on much more work in the domestic areas of their lives because he's too busy to.

Now do I think she should get half of the house he bought before they ever met? No. You can't really argue she contributed to making the house more valuable. I think it's fair to say if you weren't there in their lives when they got it, and you didn't have a hand in making it better or more successful why would you be entitled to it?

MarchBaby21 · 2022-02-11T12:40:18+00:00

Would never sign one. I get the reasoning behind some men wanting them but I do not agree with doing divorce prep before getting married. People can say “it will protect both of you!” as much as they want…. It does not change that it is divorce preparation and I’m not compatible with a man who wants to enter a marriage that way.

This is largely informed by the fact that I’m Christian and would only divorce under very specific circumstances. My husband is as well. He had a high net worth before we got married and while he thought about requiring a pre-nup when he was like 22, he realized pretty quickly he didn’t agree with them either. Particularly after he became Christian.

Lando_620 · 2022-02-11T13:22:54+00:00

Look every marriage basically has a prenup, just it is the default one the state provides. From a guys perspective that basic government agreement is a shit deal as the data shows they overwhelming favor the woman/wife.

Honestly, I think every couple should draft a prenup together. It will reinforce the terms of the marriage and each others commitment. Both parties will enter with a greater knowledge of the vows they are making. This is good for both parties as you can have in it an actual fault for a divorce, meaning if someone really does break their vows they are penalized and the person who was faithful to their vows is rewarded. All and all that will make for a stronger union/partnership.

You can also do amendments to your prenup, it can be worth it to revisit it every year and reagree to the terms as this makes it much harder to be thrown out and acts as a good reminder to both parties of their vows.

CorpseProject · 2022-02-11T06:13:31+00:00

Depends, does he want a sahm? Then no prenup. Or go ahead and get one, but it’s basically saying “I expect us to get divorced”.

I’m against them for this reason. Divorce is not how a marriage ends, marriage is a lifelong commitment.

rosesonthefloor · 2022-02-11T14:25:39+00:00

Prenups protect both parties. Get your own lawyer and make sure that both of your interests are protected, and I think that’s great. I have issue with it when one party tries to screw over their partner or tries to use it to manipulate them, but overall I think they’re fine.

My bf and I talked about it, and we’re getting one if/when we marry. He’s got a business to protect, I have family assets. A prenup just makes sure that neither of us can mess with the other after (not that I would personally, and I don’t think he would either).

Advanced_Bar_673 · 2022-02-11T17:22:19+00:00

I will happily sign a prenup, and have offered such to my bf. To me, especially since I am financially secure and 43, I can't imagine trying to take away things that he has worked hard for before he met me. If I don't have enough savings or financial savvy at this point to be stable if we were to get a divorce, then it's my own damn fault. My gf's all think I'm crazy, but I earnestly believe that. I don't think it's ethical to be opportunistic during a tragedy.

warmfuzzyblankettt · 2022-02-14T20:33:40+00:00

Because he can't ever trust you! Put your future needs before his paranoia. This guy sounds like trash. There are men who don't want prenups you know.

David949 · 2022-02-12T15:56:28+00:00

100% a prenup is mandatory. You are forming a merger of 2 companies. What happens when the companies bankrupt or fail. What happens if your husband decides to surf and smoke pot all day while you are a brain surgeon. Just because you have nothing does not mean you will not become someone in the future. A prenup is to protect both parties

pearlsandstilettos · 2022-02-12T16:49:16+00:00

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aussiedollface2 · 2022-02-13T01:41:38+00:00

They aren’t big in my country but I can see their fairness when one party brings a large ammt of wealth to a situation, eg. inheritance or properties or whatever. I get the impression in the US men can get quite screwed over by “alimony” and other expenses etc so not sure how it works over there but it does seem different to UK and Aus experience. xo

yummybananacake · 2022-02-16T04:52:20+00:00

Pre-nups are a good idea. They can benefit both parties in the event the relationship doesn’t work out. No one is their best self when a relationship ends and having worked it out when you’re in a saner state of mind with your own lawyer seems practical. I would not be offended, in fact I would be impressed that this person has the foresight and self awareness to understand that not all relationships last a lifetime. Also, I’m a women who has already been divorced so this may color my perspective. I would not remarry without a solid prenup.

Title	What's your take on prenup?
Author	frugal10
Upvotes	41
Comments	56
Date	February 11, 2022 6:00 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/sps0i1/whats_your_take_on_prenup/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/whats-your-take-on-prenup.1101279 https://theredarchive.com/post/1101279

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