Women losing respect of partner once his unemployed; how to mitigate

lilycamilly · 2022-12-24T15:26:04+00:00

If you want to be in a long-term relationship, you need to be reliable enough to help with your portion of the expenses that you and your partner have agreed upon. It's not about success, it's about knowing that you are capable of holding down a job, paying your share, and won't suddenly get fired or quit your job without discussing it with your partner first. If you decide you want/need to quit your job to go back to school, learn a trade, work on starting a company, etc. you need to discuss this with your partner before making any big decisions. If your partner feels she cannot rely on you, she has every right to leave the relationship.

TBH, if I found out my partner was jeopardizing his job/schooling because he was playing videogames when he was supposed to be working/doing school stuff, I'd be pissed too. The videogames thing is a point of contention for a lot of women. As a woman videogame enjoyer myself, there are a LOT of men out there (and some women, of course) who prioritize their gaming time wayyy too highly. The amount of stories I've read/heard where a man will neglect his relationship/kids/chores/work for video games is absurd. Something tells me that your ex had problems with your gaming before you were doing it during your prep course, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

To keep it short, if you're perpetually unemployed/can't support yourself, yes that's unattractive. Any strong relationship should be able to work through temporary bouts of unemployment, but long periods of unemployment/constantly losing jobs would be hard for any partner to deal with.

absolutebeginners · 2022-12-24T15:12:41+00:00

Not enough info

Illustrious_Wish_383 · 2022-12-24T17:13:47+00:00

Considering all the bums and guys who can't hold a steady job I've seen do well with women, I don't think it is as much of a liability as you think.

boredbitch2020 · 2022-12-24T14:46:42+00:00

Well if you offer nothing else, they have nothing else to respect. You need to be a partner and companion.

softnmushy · 2022-12-24T17:31:46+00:00

I think the issue is what you do while unemployed. If you sit around playing video games all day, it makes you seem lazy, selfish, disinterested, and unable to connect socially and emotionally with your partner.

If my partner suddenly just sat around all day playing video games and didn’t seem enthusiastic to spend time with me, talk to me, do chores, and have fun in the real world, I would lose interest very fast.

mikayrodr · 2022-12-24T21:26:50+00:00

I don’t think it’s the loss of job, it’s the transition into becoming a caretaker for a grown man who often doesn’t step up in other ways while unemployed. Being the sole provider for two adults is not easy.

It’s easy to get pissed off when you’re working and your partner is seemingly messing around rather than finding a way to contribute. It’s also a pain in the ass when you want to do things but your partner never has any money to pay their own way. Obviously in an LTR you’ll often pay for one another, but when you’re the one always paying, planning etc. then you’re going to end up feeling used.

Also, I would personally never date someone working on a “promising new business” who has nothing else going on. Working on a side hustle is one thing, blowing up your partners life and your own and cutting your finances in half and expecting your partner to just stand beside you is naive and immature.

DaftWarror181 · 2022-12-24T17:23:06+00:00

Well, how many hours a day were you gaming and how frequently? If you were sitting around playing video-games all summer (not a good use of your time IMO) for a significant part of each day and not interacting much with her, there is a possibility that your girlfriend felt neglected or like there was no real substance to the relationship. If you are a heavy gamer I would be on the lookout for a girl who shares your interest in gaming, otherwise this could be an issue.

Also, I don't want to make assumptions because I don't have enough info, but make sure you are holding up your end financially too and not burdening your partner. I know for sure that I don't want to pull someone's dead weight in a relationship. I'm going to school and being proactive in my life. If I want be an LTR, I want to be with someone who isn't going to hold me back and is proactive in her life as well. Bear in mind, I am a dude, so this is not something that is unique to women.

Xx_SwordWords_xX · 2022-12-24T19:23:43+00:00

I'm guessing it wasn't that you were unemployed, but rather that you weren't driven to do anything meaningful during your time off, and instead chose to play a videogame non-stop.

sk1ppo · 2022-12-24T16:38:52+00:00

Job loss isn't the end of the world. Not doing anything else, sitting in your own stink, not looking for replacements, not trying to learn additional subjects, etc. If you end up with post job loss depression, then get it treated. Not being functional will lose you the respect. But it's very case dependent.

antimetaboleIsntDeep · 2022-12-24T17:04:16+00:00

This is why we need to become financially independent. As long as your income depends on someone else you are a slave.

avotoastisgreat · 2022-12-24T18:25:44+00:00

Personally, this wouldn't fly with me. I understand unemployment happens, but to choose unemployment over having a steady income...to play video games of all things...extremely irresponsible and shortsighted. I would laugh in a guy's face if he ever proposed this to me.

Having a responsible, reliable partner is extremely important to me. Hard times are bound to happen, and if my partner is working hard to better himself, then I have absolutely no problem with that. I'd support him 100000%. It's what he chooses to do with his time during unemployment that matters.

PurpleAriadne · 2022-12-24T20:42:47+00:00

In a long term relationship these dynamics ebb and flow. I supported an ex through undergrad and grad school. He supported me some through mine. He got fat and lost weight. I slowly gained weight and after 3 rounds of IVF he was no longer attracted to me or in love with me. After our divorce we were able to find our way back to our friendship.

Be accountable for what you contribute emotionally and financially in the relationship. Have frequent conversations to check-in about these. Life will throw your relationship hurdles and it may or may not survive. As long as you act with integrity and authenticity that is the best you can do.

xvszero · 2022-12-24T21:11:54+00:00

Well. People just want to see their partner on a good path. If you live apart and are unemployed, make sure you keep your place neat and clean, make sure you have a plan for getting back to work at some logical point in the future. If you live together and you're unemployed, all of that and you damn well better not be sitting around playing video games while she is cooking and cleaning.

Beyond that the answer is always... pick a good partner. I was unemployed for a year and now I'm still underemployed (trying to get back into a full-time teaching job, but in a new country... it's tough) and my wife is super supportive of me. She's handling most of our bills now but I'm still contributing what I can, trying to do work around our place and taking care of things she can't do like driving errands (she has no license), etc.

breemakin · 2022-12-24T22:19:36+00:00

From your other comments, it simply seems that you were both at a crossroads in life and she no longer saw your lives aligning or she felt you were no longer what she wanted.

I will say, when you enter into a relationship, you agree to uphold certain responsibilities - especially when the relationship reaches a point of LTR and marriage.

For example, women are at a financial disadvantage in the workplace due to children so, if they want a certain lifestyle upheld whilst they have children, they have to find a man who can provide that. In return, he gets a happy wife and children. (I’m speaking in a normal relationship - not some of the fucked up things people talk about on here). If he stopped upholding his end of the bargain and quit working to play games, he is no longer contributing what was agreed and she’s well within her rights to leave him to find someone who will.

Obviously, there’s also things like love and affection and companionship that come into a relationship but I’m being very black and white. At the end of the day, it’s transactional and the transaction needs to be fair.

SophiaPhilae · 2022-12-25T01:21:52+00:00

How can I during times of unemployment that's often due to a promising new business needing more time to work on, needing to learn a new trade, found a new job that I'm prepping for, or outright being dismissed from the company for no fault of my own. How do I keep or maintain a relationship in such cases?

That's a valid question other commenters aren't answering. My guess, they are steeped in the same ideology I want to denounce.

Not everyone is like that thankfully, and if that's a value of yours that someone shouldn't be seen as lesser because they are not working, then you should seek compatible persons. If a woman has internalized the message that men ought to be providers—as they're being told through parents, friends, the media—then she's going to be incompatible.

Also, seeing the unemployed as a problem and as lazy is an old issue in capitalism. In the UK for example in the 19th century there were factories to force the homeless poor to work. If you dislike that, you can build a value out of your distaste, but know that you're going against the mainstream. You will notice this view, that unemployed means lazy and less than human, throughout society, in politics, in everyday conversations, just about everywhere.

So, if you decide to hold as a value something like "being unemployed and enjoying life, in itself, shouldn't lead to being held in contempt", then you might want to look at 1) how you are going to ensure you also apply it to your significant other 2) rejecting potential dates who don't hold it or one that's compatible.

DefiantLiterature144 · 2022-12-24T18:57:30+00:00

And another thing is the red pill community loves to say you need to be successful, you need to have a 6 pack, and you need to be handsome whole time there all just speaking out of insecurity. In short the whole time there just not likable people.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2022-12-25T05:12:09+00:00

I didn't see anything in your post where you actually established she did break up with you because you weren't doing your minimum wage jobs. Maybe she just isn't into guys who game every day.

yourexecutive · 2022-12-24T15:00:01+00:00

My brother was a ceo and had three kids with his wife. The owner of the company wanted to do something borderline illegal so he resigned. Spent around a year looking for a job but he was getting paid meanwhile. Wife divorced him and found a new man next week.

DefiantLiterature144 · 2022-12-24T18:49:18+00:00

There are plenty of bum guys who have women and have no problem keeping them around in short I don’t think it’s cause you lost your job that women lose respect for you it’s just that women don’t really like you to be blunt.

Difficult_Ferret2838 · 2022-12-24T19:49:14+00:00

Stay busy with something other than video games.

Title	Women losing respect of partner once his unemployed; how to mitigate
Author	Nightchanger
Upvotes	21
Comments	84
Date	December 24, 2022 2:43 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/zub607/women_losing_respect_of_partner_once_his/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/women-losing-respect-of-partner-once-his.1145879 https://theredarchive.com/post/1145879

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