I'm gentle and intimate during sex, which apparently is bad?

Bennifred · 2020-08-22T05:42:56+00:00

If ur having casual sex intimacy is going to make ppl uncomfortable. From my experience most girls I hook up with want to be dominated in bed.

bugxter · 2020-08-22T04:12:17+00:00

You may be really shitty at aiming at the kind of girls you like.

Choo_choo_taa · 2020-08-22T04:01:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ripecantaloupe · 2020-08-22T01:12:45+00:00

Some women like the softies and others don’t. That’s really all there is to it. Women are not being damaged and desensitized by sex toys, I promise.

UnderSexed69 · 2020-08-22T04:15:25+00:00

Just move on and keep looking. Not ALL women are like that. Just like not all women have massive cavernous vaginas that need 18" penises. Some women are loving and gentle and like slow, gentle sex. They prefer the average penis, and they love being treated gently in bed.

I know because I've been with such women, just like I've been with the type of women you described, which for me are actually totally fine and totally fun! (I do enjoy spanking a bad girl once in a while! haha). One of the women I tried to sleep with couldn't even accommodate me (she was way too small). Gave me quite the perspective!

And by the way the same thing applies to people's organs. Some men, you can step on their testicles, no problem. Some women, if you spank them even gently, it hurts real bad. Some women can handle nipple clamps that almost shred their nipples to bits, and some women can barely handle a gentle pinch. Some women get aroused when you lick their nipples, while some women don't feel a damn thing!

Every human being is different. Don't generalize. Just find your perfect lady, and all those failures will make you appreciate her even more. When you realize how rare it is to find a perfect partner, you learn to really appreciate them!

AleighS3 · 2020-08-22T02:33:44+00:00

How quickly are you jumping into bed with someone? Are you spending adequate time getting to know her? I’m thinking if it’s relatively quick, and you’re not getting the opportunity to build emotional intimacy, you may be more likely to experience “that” type of woman out the gate.

sushi_lover69 · 2020-08-22T05:07:35+00:00

I'm sure there are girls / women out there like me!!!

I refused to watch or read 50 Shades of Gray, nor do I own a shop full of "toys" or a Video Store full of Porn.

It's true there are times I like my sex a little rough, but mostly I like to make love, slow and sensual.

You'll find your sexual match, don't worry.

Best of luck to you

2020-08-22T06:53:12+00:00

Youd be surprised honestly, im the type of guy to cuddle after casual sex every girl i cuddled with after told me I was first guy to ever do that with them..

2020-08-22T05:06:50+00:00

Blaming women’s sexuality on dildos is pretty crazy bro. Not every man fucks the same, nor woman. I for one am a pretty gentle guy, but do indeed enjoying mushing some faces in bed. Loooool

Janemba_Corvalis · 2020-08-22T05:31:58+00:00

Everyone's preferences are different bro, lol. Let's not act like a man jacking off to porn with a death grip on their dick is any different than whatever girls are doing to pleasure themselves. The tone of this post is just gross. Have you ever considered that maybe you're the problem? You are the common denominator here.

If you don't like having sex with someone, you don't have to. You'll find someone you're more compatible with eventually.

sunshineandhail · 2020-08-22T08:36:00+00:00

Women who like being dominated and rough sex are not damaged and heartbroken. And you don’t get to judge women for what they like in bed. If you aren’t compatible then fine, move on. Don’t start judging their mental health and masturbation props like somehow they’ve been abused and brain warped in to liking something they shouldn’t just because you don’t like it!

We aren’t desensitised, we’re just no longer laying back and thinking of England. We’re more comfortable and confident to tell you what we want and a lot of women want to be dominated 🤷🏻‍♀️ if that’s not your bag then that’s ok, go find someone you are more comparable with.

Just please, do not judge women and call them out on their preferences like there is something wrong with them. We’ve come a long way in the past decade in sexual positivity and the last thing we need is some guy to tell us how our sexual preferences and enjoyment are wrong because HE doesn’t enjoy that

JasonWwolf · 2020-08-22T06:09:39+00:00

Wait you guys are having sex?

curlbro670 · 2020-08-22T01:13:41+00:00

One time also, a girl just flipped me around, and slapped the living shit out of my face. Like twice. As if I was a vessel carrying all her emotional baggage from past men.

Like, who enjoys this roughness, really?

2020-08-22T03:38:10+00:00

There are positive trends as well, but there is definitely something weird going on in mainstream sexuality. Imho one of the biggest reasons: Teenagers are raised by porn. The stimuli of these movies are so intense, that anything else is overlaid: emotional/psychological needs, physical physical health, long-term consequences ... it IS numbing!

Nowadays e.g. doctors regularly have to treat teenagers because they inserted objects vaginally and anally, that are way too large. They have seen these things in pornography and try to imitate it. I'm not saying that any type of sex is bad, but teenagers are sexualized too early, when they are psychologically not ready. They are watching bizarre hard core stuff while being psychologically still on the stage of holding hands.

It will take them a very long time to recover from that.

But luckily there are still people out there, who are not affected (that much) by all that. You just have to pick the right women.

maximpostersyndrome · 2020-08-22T10:00:25+00:00

Dude. Men have ruined women. Not sex toys.

purpleblazed · 2020-08-22T04:41:11+00:00

Sounds like you want to “make love” and they want a good fuck. It’s a love v lust type energy thing.

def___real · 2020-08-22T04:52:10+00:00

Sounds like you had a connection with them but they didn’t have a connection with you. Plain and simple, sorry mate.

2020-08-22T07:21:36+00:00

I’m rather on the other end of the spectrum (F). Very very sensitive and most guys just start rubbing and pinching and squeezing and it just fucking HURTS. And I constantly have to go ‘whoa there stop it please do it softer and slower’.

I’ve read that well over 50% of young women are on antidepressants and this apparently desensitizes their bodies a bit, which I can confirm from friends who are on AD and suddenly needed heavier tools. Considering that they need those for their health though, I don’t think there’s another solution but look for a woman that’s a match with you in bed.

2020-08-22T08:37:05+00:00

I feel you. You gotta lose your illusion that these girls want passionate connected sex, they basically want a piece of meat. They want to dominated by basically a stranger, sex nowadays is not some deep shared intimacy in a hookup culture. But that's internally what you need to accept, in the meantime, fuck her any way you want, if you want slow go slow and do whatever you want, if you don't feel like, just stop with the sex, even in the middle of sex, don't feel bad about, let it be the way you want. 'Cause let me tell you, if you're not enjoying it, there's really no point of doing it and you're missing nothing.

If you have an ego, like myself, you might gonna get the idea to take something like viagra. Like I did. Just to keep up erection and how much I'm not aroused. 'Cause I wanted her to look at me as some sex god tomorrow. Don't do that shit. Truth is, there's nothing wrong with my dick, hardware is working perfectly, it's just that I'm not turned on by having.

And here's the part that it might help you. Once you accept the idea of walking away and stopping in the middle of sex, and not trying to impress her (which you should never do), it gets better, even with emotion intimate way of doing sex. Younger girl might actually love it, 'cause they never experienced it. Older girls knows what's up, especially damaged tinderelas, they might even make fun of it like "ih are we making love", and you tell them in most playful confident way "Yes! Lie and pretend that you love me I'm into that shit" with biggest grin and don't give a fuck attitude that she might think of you as soft and gentle. Basically treat it like a shit-test and do whatever the fuck you wanted to do anyway.

Another tip, I like to fuck them gentle first time, 'cause that's me, and after that (post nut clarity) I usually feel like fucking the shit out of them, so second time that night give them that rough shit they're looking for. And in third time if I can pull it off in one night, I don't even care. The next day all she's gonna remember is that you're all shades of those grey.

IrvineKafka · 2020-08-22T07:00:27+00:00

Nope.

You must dominate.

They want to be taken. Devoured. Stop being a wimp. They want to be overtaken with your masculine energy and 'succumb' to it. Feel overpowered by it.

2020-08-22T03:36:45+00:00

Nice guys don't even finish the race

Kackgesicht · 2020-08-22T06:11:03+00:00

Lol this reads like an ultimate 4chan incel shitpost.

2020-08-22T05:02:26+00:00

The women you are bessing are the punp and dump girls who are used to being used. Go for higher quality.

UnparliamentaryTea · 2020-08-22T04:57:29+00:00

BDSM and rougher stuff is flooding into the mainstream now, and more girls are getting into it. A lot of women feel “in control” being completely dominated. I think a lot of women have been with men who get extremely needy or overly attached, and they’ve also been with guys who sleep around all the time and couldn’t care less about making them feel loved. Of those two, they’re probably going to see the former guy as weaker, so it might have something to do with that as well. Unless a woman is seeking your love and validation, she’s more likely to see the sex as separate and almost clinical

blahbwahbruh · 2020-08-22T06:07:56+00:00

Back to basics perhaps

byteseed · 2020-08-22T07:27:52+00:00

Woman sexuality is in her head, different girls need a different stimulation. It even differs for every day of the month. Generally, balance is the key. Dominance and intimacy mixed together, use gentle power, caresses, kisses, bites. You should enjoy it firstly. Do what you like during sex. Be selfish, be free in your expressions of love and see if you are compatible. Another important thing, provide a clear communication path. Ask what she likes, if she is really into you, she will guide you. She should know when she says no, you will stop.

ArmedSquirel · 2020-08-22T07:33:38+00:00

I died at RPM thingy. Most women love rough sex, some for the sake of it some see it as your ability to protect them in a world where violance is prohibited by law. You just gotta keep looking or find a virgin if you enjoy more passionate sex.

miyagikai91 · 2020-08-22T07:49:04+00:00

No.

Maybe your subconsciously seeking out (more) broken women. I have a friend who in a more self aware way did this with guys when we were teenagers. But not all women are like you think.

Try going for women who’ll appreciate your preferred way. It’s not worthless.

Protocol_Apollo · 2020-08-22T07:56:13+00:00

All girls have a spot for rough sex.

That’s how they feel desired/get off, when the animal inside you is unleashed.

Not when you give them half strokes.

Rodders88 · 2020-08-22T08:03:20+00:00

Just pound that bitch and stop being a pussy.

revente · 2020-08-22T08:29:58+00:00

Just don't be egoistic. The women are wired a certain way, and your fantasy sex may not be most satisfying for them. Just do a part gentle and part rought so both parties are satisfied.

2020-08-22T10:12:05+00:00

Different girls have different tastes

scuba-psy · 2020-08-22T10:47:01+00:00

get yourself somebody older/ mature and more self-confident. most young girls don't understand what they want and what sex is about. What you are saying is not limited to girls, I experienced the same in the other way around with guys.

j1ndujun · 2020-08-22T11:08:54+00:00

She told me locking eyes made her feel loved and she didn't like that.

Jesus Christ.

2020-08-22T11:28:25+00:00

It has nothing to do with sex, but I'll be very honest with you, I hope you don't take it the wrong way.

tbh "I really don't want to fucking have to pound you while I almost rip your nipples off and you're clit is vibrating at 5000 RPM just for you to enjoy it" That's hot. Just imagining it, I only think about the orgasm I would have, so imagine that the boy I like does it only makes everything even more exquisite.

Well, back to your answer.

You confuse sexuality with affection, that's the problem.

Women can enjoy something soft, affectionate etc if the man outside the bed is not too loving and things like that.

That is, what is supposed to be normal, a non-invasive affect.

The problem is when in sexual moments you are like that, sexuality is not to think, yes, there are moments of affection, something soft, slowly it depends on your mood etc but there comes a point where our "animal part" speak and born, and when you are not a repressed woman, you want to feel a "man", a gorilla as you said, I don't know how to explain it, because it has nothing to do with moral aspects, it is something biological, they are moments where there are no prejudices and things like that, it's like An animal energy that springs up in you and you want to feel a man, you reach orgasm. It's just biology, you can read about that. It is simply fascinating, pleasant, you disconnect, besides that when a man is LOVING all the time, the only thing he is doing is turning you on more and more and more, but there comes a time where you need to explode, moan, etc, and the force, the rhythm is to say "the gorilla" is what you want, do not blame yourself and do not blame us, it is biology.

BUT, when you are very affectionate all the time etc, it is unpleasant, because at a certain point when someone gives you a lot of affection all the time, they are also asking you for affection, I do not like it but the girls with problems and damaged yes, because they want someone who "loves" them but honestly I think that a woman does not like that attitude of a man, at some point you don't know if you are having sex with a boy who makes you horny or with a friend, do you understand me?

It is simply unpleasant because you feel a very strange pressure when someone is very affectionate, and especially when you are having sex, because you feel a pressure that you have to return all that affection that he gives you and that makes you feel like his mother and not like the girl he likes, that ooofff, personally and because my female friends says the same thing, you break any fantasy that a woman may have towards you, and she begins to see you as a friend and that is very strange when you like a boy, because even You don't even know how to treat it that you end up walking away.

There are better ways to show affection, but you should never confuse affection in the sexual moment, that is why they stay away from you. I won't be surprised even if you have lesbian friends.

And if you are like that with girls who are only hooking up, it is worse, it is very uncomfortable. I mean, you don't know her, what we want is most cases is sex.

BenMacNasty · 2020-08-22T13:22:55+00:00

r/niceguys

PuttyGod · 2020-08-22T03:46:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Alex_O7 · 2020-08-22T05:14:23+00:00

How many girls are you fucking? How can you say that this is an issue for most of the women?? I mean to say that this is a common problem you should have "tested" a significant amount made by a statistical reliable number (so spread by different ages, cultural backgrounds and so on). Also did you directly ask those girls if the issue was 50 shades of grey or the use of vibrator? How can you put the blame on this?

Truth is that there are some men and women that like vanilla stuff and some other that like more hardcore stuff. Of course some of the blame as to be put on the large diffusion of porn among young aged guys and girls, that lead to develop more thoughts on sex and to consider normal pornstars type of sex. But I think it is the same for guys and girls! Also I think that women now feel more freedom and less judgement from men to actually say what they want, rather than accepting what the men want like in the past.

aP0THE0Sis1 · 2020-08-22T07:07:23+00:00

Well? Are you gay? Man up and stop being a little sensitive pussy shit and fuck them like you mean it.

Cartoones · 2020-08-22T02:55:34+00:00

My ex told me she felt like I was too cold during sex and she felt like an object....although she felt more pleasure when I smashed away cokpared to sensual and slow stuff

Yellowsuga · 2020-08-22T03:58:28+00:00

You keep being you! Don’t let these women influence you to change.👍

narcissistic889 · 2020-08-22T04:53:53+00:00

nah slow an sensual is the way to go kiss her and worship her body with ur mouth.. make sure to go down as well and kiss down their too before sex for a good 10-15 minutes. Gauranteed she'll finish during sex. Young women don't know what they like and are afraid of intimacy, so that means they don't want slow and intimate sex because it reminds them of being in love with their ex or heart break. So with new hook ups those types of women like to be pounded, But honestly if she likes you and you like her she'll appreciate that your slow. She'll appreciate that you take your time to make her feel special and give that extra effort because it will make her feel more emotions and make her cum harder. So yeah slow an intimate all the way

also it's because you can't feel shit with condoms, well we can't women can, if they're well lubricated. So bring lube too

2020-08-22T07:35:19+00:00

If she wants to be pounded, give her a hard lesson she won't forget 😈

2020-08-22T04:20:54+00:00

The best thing you can do is alternate and give them the best of both worlds. Whatever they respond to the best is what you should be gravitating toward, and you can also have some intimate moments during the rough points, too. In my opinion, it doesn't get more intimate than locking eyes and a firm but caring touch while you're plowing them into oblivion.

Itz_VonVon · 2020-08-22T05:03:46+00:00

Too much to explain but basically u gotta mix it up .

Umm think Daniel rose has a book call sex for method or something like that I can prolly find the audio book on YouTube give it a listen

great_account · 2020-08-22T05:30:46+00:00

Most women I've been with want a man to take charge in bed. They like you to be a little rough with them. Choking, hair pulling, biting and spanking have become normalized. In my experience, usually you start gently and gradually increase your roughness.

2020-08-22T06:26:45+00:00

I feel like this is being blown way out of proportion and that you’re making it seem like a universal problem. I find myself on the opposite side of this “problem”. It’s just about finding who you’re compatible with, there’s really nothing more to it than that. If I had to try and relate to your argument, the best I’d be able to say is that with the era of information, people aren’t necessarily as troubled finding their kinks ans exploring their sexuality, as they were back then. Being able to sexually explore yourself is a great thing, and sextoys and porn(just not a harmful addiction) can really help with that process.

Title	I'm gentle and intimate during sex, which apparently is bad?
Author	curlbro670
Upvotes	440
Comments	108
Date	August 22, 2020 1:05 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ie9bnf/im_gentle_and_intimate_during_sex_which/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-gentle-and-intimate-during-sex-which-apparently.1500828 https://theredarchive.com/post/1500828

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