The Real Man vs The "Nice Guy"

dakru · 2012-04-06T19:40:09+00:00

I think of the nice guy not as someone we should vilify but as someone we should help. It's absolutely the wrong approach but they're not as much immature or manipulative as they are frustrated and left-out.

Besides that, this is a pretty good analysis of the difference between the nice guy and the ideal.

JSleek · 2012-04-06T22:04:48+00:00

Wow, a lot of those nice guy points really hit home.

dablac · 2012-04-06T20:04:23+00:00

Stupid sexy Flanders!

jjness · 2012-04-06T21:02:08+00:00

So I printed these out and highlighted which ones on each sheet I felt applied to me. I didn't highlight it unless the entire statement fit.

As expected, there were a vast majority of entries that were highlighted in only one column - the opposite column being the opposite of that entry. However, there were a surprising number that were highlighted in both columns, and a few that were highlighted in neither.

Now, I'm not a psychologist or anything, but I'm going to spend quite a bit of time analyzing these results and contemplating them.

It's a good exercise, I suggest everyone does it.

Jahonay · 2012-04-07T01:22:38+00:00

I honestly couldn't take too many of the nice guy points because they didn't hit too close to home, but "seeks approval from others" hits close to home for me. I'm not self conscious at all, but I definitely notice that I seek a lot of approval from others as a confidence booster. I find it nearly impossible to just make myself feel confident. It doesn't seem like a switch I can turn on or off, but I actually need to achieve something to feel confident. If anyone has any advice then I'd love to hear it.

Chrono803 · 2012-04-06T20:02:33+00:00

The more I read this the more depressed I feel.

darenas · 2012-04-07T05:01:11+00:00

It is downright disgusting how the "nice" guy suits me. I have to say that not all of them fit me, but enough do to make me cringe. Time to shape up my mind, fellas. Thanks for the list. :)

ikkake · 2012-04-07T12:49:37+00:00

From what I see this all can be reduced to one sentence. Nice guys lack self-confidence, real men don't, at least when it comes down to myself. Whenever I have a bad day, or I'm in a low mood I can see I'm slipping into "Nice guy" pattern, while when I'm normal self, I'm more of a "Real man".

Seriously, self-confidence and loving yourself is the best and pretty much only thing you have to do, because even if you really mess up with someone, when you are confident, you do realise this was a mistake, everyone makes those, and you know you are better person than that, most of the time people wont take it as a bad thing, and you can turn it easily. If you hate yourself and lack confidence you will dwell on it, you will turn red, you start the "needy apologising" routine and that's it's a massive turn off.

Hell almost anything that's done or said with a great confidence is attractive, just look at your stereotypical "douchebags", and how often they are with good looking girls. They might be idiots and look like retards, but they for sure don't lack confidence.

Inzight · 2012-04-06T21:47:42+00:00

Fell in love with a girl over 3 months ago, and it didn't work out. I thought I studied seduction well enough to not fall into the "nice guy" category while investing in this girl. Turns out I still fell into that category on some occasions, and it's not until now that I realize it. I thought I didn't do anything wrong, and I kept wondering why it didn't work out. Now I know. Amazing article, thank you.

cosmonautsix · 2012-04-06T21:30:45+00:00

That book changed my life... just finished it.

Wife stumbled on it in my ipad and was all offended. Until I explained it to her, and she totally understood.

Good stuff..

Stankia · 2012-04-07T07:08:00+00:00

It's so hard to be "The Real Man". I have been reading about and applying this seduction stuff for years now, but I keep switching back to the “Nice Guy” mode sometimes, especially in stressful or unfamiliar situations, it's like the default setting for me and I constantly have to override it to "The Real Man" mode. I wish that some day I will wake up and be "The Real Man" naturally.

voxpupil · 2012-04-07T00:47:25+00:00

Great post, OP.

NickTDS · 2012-04-07T00:52:16+00:00

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NickTDS · 2012-04-07T01:39:41+00:00

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jewfro667 · 2012-04-07T02:32:02+00:00

Oh wow, a bunch of these nice guy things hit wayyyy too close to home. On the nice guy list, I'm guilty for a majority of them, but a bunch of that is my fault and just stuff I realized I already had a problem with, like 4 and somewhat 5. 20 is a pretty big one for me too, but it's more due to just my expectations of good people.

bieberslayer · 2012-04-07T02:35:50+00:00

Never feels ashamed for his sexual desires and needs. Always sexually confident. Shows his intentions while generating attraction and sexual chemistry with the opposite sex. Loves women and has no ill feelings towards them.

This is the only one on the 'Real Man" list I have trouble with. Every other point on the second list I feel totally comfortable with. I still have trouble showing my intentions and generating attraction simultaneously. and don't get me wrong I love women, but I guess I do have some 'ill feelings' toward them.

NickTDS · 2012-04-07T04:29:23+00:00

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_jonny · 2012-04-07T09:06:22+00:00

Thanks for posting this, I'm off to read that book!

ShakeNJake · 2012-04-07T09:32:24+00:00

Makes people feel guilty when they enjoy time without him.

Thought I was passed this but tonight showed me I wasn't. This article possibly saved me from ruining a relationship.

Thanks!

therunningcon · 2012-04-07T09:49:44+00:00

All the nice guy properties applied to me... a year ago. Thank goodness I manned up. Still, a great article!

LakesideHerbology · 2012-04-07T15:10:30+00:00

Ah fuck. This is me to a T. Book's in the mail. =/

AmbitiousDreamer · 2012-04-07T16:25:16+00:00

So my question (and I'm sure everyone else's) is: how do I go from the "nice guy" to the Real Man?

NikthePieEater · 2012-04-07T16:49:54+00:00

Oh my God. This post has had the single most profound impact on me out of all I've read in /r/seduction. Thank you so much.

drev · 2012-04-08T03:45:42+00:00

TL;DR - What Would Don Draper Do?

Talki · 2012-04-07T06:17:16+00:00

TIL I'm a real man.

SkaddenArps · 2012-04-06T22:17:37+00:00

Stupid to say that a real man only values people for 'internal qualities' -- why would anyone want to hang out with a loser that makes only 30k a year, or a fat person, or a mouth-breathing prole?

jhrf · 2012-04-06T23:21:52+00:00

This feels a lot like cold reading

Title	The Real Man vs The "Nice Guy"
Author	NickTDS
Upvotes	284
Comments	68
Date	April 6, 2012 7:07 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/rwp7n/the_real_man_vs_the_nice_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-real-man-vs-the-nice-guy.1330924 https://theredarchive.com/post/1330924

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