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wartimedad Archive

View 14 posts and 1,323 comments by wartimedad on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
70

WartimeDad/r/Divorce_Men23/02/21 04:20 AM
42

WartimeDad/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 05:34 AM
32

WartimeDad/r/Divorce_Men28/12/20 04:38 PM
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WartimeDad/r/Divorce_Men25/11/20 10:12 AM
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FeminismWartimeDad/r/MensRights03/04/21 02:34 AM
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WartimeDad/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 01:19 AM
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WartimeDad/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 03:11 PM
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WartimeDad/r/Divorce_Men13/01/21 12:22 AM
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WartimeDad/r/Divorce_Men11/02/21 05:02 AM
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WartimeDad/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 02:58 AM
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WartimeDad/r/Divorce_Men29/10/20 07:32 AM
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WartimeDad/r/Divorce_Men31/07/21 07:00 PM
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WartimeDad/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 07:59 PM
2

DiscriminationWartimeDad/r/MensRights31/03/21 02:39 AM
Showing the 1,000 most recent of 1,323 comments.
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

He’s posting because he wants support. Men don’t have that often. She has full support by literally every single friend and family member. Even strangers. So yes he is posting. And I do want to remind him- this is not your fault entirely. Love should be more than superficial bull shit your wife is looking for. That’s my opinion. It’s also true that attraction matters and you should work for your partner. But deep down the fact is- if she wants a sexy good smelling man and you want a committed lo…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 02:45 PM
3

Neither is she. Completely unacceptable behavior. They can both work on boundaries and how to have them and communicate about them, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 01:49 PM
2

Regardless, this relationship is over and fault doesn’t need to be assigned. Threatening cheating and hinting that you’re going to jumo ship to the next, less smelly, man isn’t the way.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 01:37 PM
9

Mine coparent went completely insane and with the kid. Legit could have gotten my child killed. I could go on and on. One thing that have discovered is an absolute certainty - nobody, and I mean nobody, gives a fuck about the kids and the dads.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 05:37 AM
3

God she is evil. And you will soon understand the depth of it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 08:59 PM
6

Yeah people think im a creep for dating young and mid 20s women at my age. But I do date women my age and older. Unfortunately 90% of the time they are in a delusional state. I just went on a date with a 39 year old who immediately told me she is expecting marriage and a kid within 2 years. I could go on and on. Women who are 35-42 and seeking kids are some of the most delusional people I’ve met. They expect it all and act as if they are a gift to men. But they hate men. And they are disgusted b…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 01:28 PM
18

Dude you can just keep this shit to yourself next time. I get you’re feeling high and mighty like you figured shit out. And good luck to you! But this isn’t useful here.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:40 PM
3

Yeah and it’s so hard to watch it happen to the next guy, and then the next guy, each as innocent as the next. I wonder how long the pattern goes back. Fucking Romans were like “wtf brother wtf.”
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 08:28 PM
6

You’re about to get fucking rocked. Get a damn attorney
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 03:49 AM
32

Yeah women can’t and won’t appreciate a man who changes. Yes, you believe in change. She can change and you can change. It’s obvious. It’s what is required for a marriage to work. But my friend, she has done what all our ex wives did. She has categorized you permanently into whatever category- be it abusive or otherwise. It’s usually abusive. Hint for your recovery: she was the abusive one. Not you. And I mean that deeply. Don’t hold her on a pedestal with this “she deserves so much crap.” You c…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 03:47 AM
11

I’m 6’4” and struggle like hell to get a match. The better question is: why are 98% of women obese and entitled?
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 05:01 PM
5

Oh yes the entire history is rewritten. Turns out she was just cataloging every misdeed and error and not forgiving or doing anything that would help the situation. It’s always the same haha
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 03:22 PM
5

Excuse me ma’am but this is a Wendy’s.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 10:57 PM
0

Yeah you will get over it and emerge on the other side much wiser.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 02:08 PM
2

Mine used my PTSD against me also! And threatened to use it against me. And then proceeded to try to use it against me. And like OP, spilled all the private shit to friends but of course enhanced with a multitude of lies and false allegations. You said it right- vicious creatures. I’m years past all that and enjoy women, but I’m no longer ignorant about them that’s for damn sure.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 02:07 PM
5

Mostly I’ve just had fun. It’s a good time. I def haven’t found anyone I was able to get serious with. Over the years off and on again. Started up again recently and it looks promising. Just have fun with it. Don’t be stupid again
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 02:26 AM
1

This is why I like GALs.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 01:43 AM
4

Yeah it’s so brutal. I’m sorry man. You deserve better.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 10:33 PM
5

It will end. Try to outlive it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 08:06 PM
4

You need to reframe it. For one, there is no winning or losing in this game. Second, recognize consciously what you have lost and grieve it. What you did not lose was a happy marriage. Focus on grieving the idea of what you wanted in that marriage. Grieve the loss of your idea of a future. Be sure that you are aware of what she actually is. She’s an awful person. Your anger to the AP is misplaced, if anyone deserves that anger it’s her. But in this processing try to recognize that she does not d…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 06:02 PM
3

I agree with you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/24 12:49 AM
12

It’s not just typical. If I had to put an estimate it would be 98% of women. Something about our culture but NONE will take any accountability, and ALL will make the man into an abusive monster.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 09:34 PM
4

The response from men that you’re describing is toxic masculinity. This place here is for the most part an oasis for men in your situation. It’s a great resource for those going through it. You’re going through it. You might get some guys telling you to suck it up, but even there they genuinely want you to get through this shit. What you’re going through is brutal, and hopefully one of the hardest things you’ll have to endure. You’re not a sack of useless flesh. People care about you. And believ…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 12:17 AM
1

Be a better parent and take the high road.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 02:17 AM
2

Thanks man I’m trying!
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 01:58 AM
2

There were very subtle hints before, but within the realm of normal little lies and narcissistic tendencies. And then suddenly, like the snap of the fingers, she was a completely different person.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 01:57 AM
1

She is a master of denial and cops found her in the midst of a delusional episode with our kid. Maximum bonkers scenario and she remains in denial and on the usual cocktail of inappropriate meds
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 01:54 AM
3

Thanks. They are my primary focus at this point, have really had to step back from my personal ambition and just focus on what matters.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 03:55 PM
1

Interestingly that has not yet happened. But countless outrageous accusations about my “violence.” Including contacting my work and doing significant damage to my professional and friend spheres.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 03:54 PM
3

No I got through the divorce and false abuse allegations and PFA and all that in the first 2 years. Managed to get the 50/50 with great expense se and effort. Now I’m in another custody battle because she is psychotic. I ended up getting full custody on temporary orders due to her being psychotic. Worst fears realized. And lo and behold instead of addressing her mental health, she is choosing the same old path of lying and attacking me. The saga continues.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 02:51 PM
2

I’ve been in this fight for 4 years and can’t seem to slay this demon!
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 02:22 PM
1

Facts
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 05:48 PM
1

I suggest you go look it up and stop preaching things that are false. I don’t care if you want to call me names. I don’t even see it as an argument. There is no argument on it. It’s just you misinforming people.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 12:05 AM
1

Please provide me a link that provides any written evidence from the time of Jesus’ supposed life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 10:00 PM
-1

There are ZERO written documents, zero pieces of evidence from his time. Jesus is a lie. Fucking clueless.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 05:51 AM
0

No hate like Christian love. You’re dealing with a spiteful and ignorant person. Most religious people are fucking broken in the logic department, she gave up thinking years ago. Youre 100% right in this and she can eat cicadas.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 05:50 AM
6

It’s wild how similar it is over and over and over and over.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/24 02:48 AM
4

In my opinion, having dealt with panic attacks, you need to channel both mental and physical energy into something a bit extreme. They tend to happen when the mental stress/anxiety/pain triggers the amygdala (the most ancient part of brain) to interpret literally nothing as a very very physical thing. For example, in the Stone Age you would see a bear coming at your children. This amygdala is sending chemicals to the rest of your brain in order to jolt you into action. But you’re literally just …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 04:24 AM
13

🤣 what a dumbass. No reason it should bother you. I feel bad for her poor dom who has to deal with a psychopath.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 01:15 AM
1

My question is: why not sell the house?
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 06:42 PM
10

Terms like “real man” and “alpha male” are ignorant and perpetuate misandry. We aren’t dogs. We are people with a vast diversity of experience and variety.
/r/MensRights06/04/24 06:13 PM
6

Attention and being a victim, able to act like they liberated themselves from a monster. It’s a popularity thing.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 12:40 PM
1

Go for it. Good luck and gave fun. Zero guilt.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 04:20 AM
5

Exactly right. Good job man. Hit the sauna too and hydrate in there. It’s like a multiplier on the effect.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 04:04 AM
1

She’s just being petty as fuck and it won’t matter. I remember those days! In her mind she is getting her power and control back. None of that kind of nonsense matters in the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 02:59 AM
20

I got raped. Was drunk. Said no. She wouldn’t leave me alone. Said no many times and was being kind and clear about it. Passed out at friends house on floor. Unable to tell what was going on but was being stimulated and when I awoke this chick on top of me. Pushed her off. Others were in the same room sleeping. Many months later, two girls who were in the room told me they had seen the whole thing and that it was fucked up. That they were sorry they didn’t intervene and eventually talked to each…
/r/MensRights02/04/24 04:42 PM
3

Ya know when you use a bag to pick up dog shit so that you don’t really feel the dog shit in your hand?
/r/MensRights31/03/24 03:28 AM
3

What worked for me was hard work outs followed by sweating in the sauna and doing a meditation, then a cold shower if I could manage it. I would leave knowing that I could do hard things and just chill. Work suffered by I have been through some shit you wouldn’t believe 🤣. I used the Waking Up app as a guide to get started.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 01:51 AM
6

All of the books and influencers and YouTube videos are good, but experience is experience. I don’t know about resources but the best things I have learned in my experience boil down to these things you probably already know: Gym, heavy weights > cardio Meditation (guided, at first) Hobbies (shit you love) Friends Grey rock Living true (I.e. opposite of her) Dating women but not being red pilled Helping other men going through this shit Everyone’s journey is unique. But the similarities between …
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 07:39 PM
3

It’s not over until it’s over. And it’s not over for awhile. This is the way it goes, they jump out using the “playbook,” and get a huge lead. The goal is to rattle you, anger you, and get you to give up. But you won’t give up. You’re going to take that anger and turn yourself into an indestructible Diamond of a man. Usually this means pushing the anger into heavy weights. She is going to be loving the attention right now, she will start going out and flaunting her shit as a newly single sexy an…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 06:25 PM
1

Yeah I know the feeling. Unfortunately the courts are terribly reactive when it comes to these things. Sounds like you’re doing all you can.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 02:38 PM
3

Get out of here with your “real man” bull shit
/r/MensRights27/03/24 12:21 PM
3

Waiting for a diagnosis but yes. Whatever she has is bad, and I tried to protect my kids. Worst fears almost realized and thanks to cops and good civilian I’m full time dad now. This shit is hard. Trying to get her on the path is impossible. Any attempt at pointing at her mental health in court was flipped into me being abusive, and not taken seriously. The courts hear it all day- “She’s crazy!” “He’s abusive!” Unfortunately when she actually is crazy it evidently takes an event like what happen…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 11:49 AM
5

It’s so hard man. I’m sorry. The consensus is generally take care of yourself physically and mentally. But the gym. It’s what saved me and many others, which is why it’s so highly regarded. But honestly nothing really works. You can distract yourself with hobbies and women. That helps too.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 06:32 PM
8

My story is wild. The one consistent thing is that if you swapped the genders then things would be completely different. It’s … a real issue.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 06:15 PM
2

It’s going to be 50/50 from the moment of marriage forward. It doesn’t matter who paid the mortgage. The gain in the house value is shared. The best thing you can do is get the value pinned down for what it was when you got married (if it was yours before). Tbh there isn’t much you can do about the 50/50 split. The fact you have no kids means this will be easy as fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 05:30 AM
1

Funny
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 05:25 AM
5

I went through the same shit many years ago. It’s hard to remember I beat myself up mentally much worse than it was worth. Good to remember these things 1. Unlikely that it will last, but doesn’t matter. 2. Impossible for you to be replaced. You are the dad. They love you. 3. The kids are gonna grow fast and they’re not gonna be into his bull shit. 4. They love and you’re not replaceable.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 05:10 AM
51

I have a female friend and turned out I was posted up on this site and I was single. It’s like I went on a date with someone and it goes up. Shit is weird af.
/r/MensRights26/03/24 04:59 AM
3

Not a dream expert or anything but it sounds like you’re struggling to come to terms with why she would blow up the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 04:56 PM
1

Well it sounds like the subtext is that he flew down to Florida to see the kids and then was served there in Florida? If that’s the case, this is hard and complicated and he most definitely needs an attorney asap. End the end, an unsubstantiated and frivolous restraining order will get thrown out, but if she has any evidence then that will do much damage in seeing the kids with regularity. If she can make the case he scared her. So basically the RO in these unsubstantiated out of the blue cases …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 01:08 AM
1

Strike for the middle
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 09:10 PM
1

Seriously I never understand how so many random people make insane money. I work my ass off my whole life and can’t get fucking anywhere in this rat race. I’m not jealous, I just don’t fucking get it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 09:08 PM
1

Yes I do. And I have a feeling you can understand me when I say my story is absolutely brutal and insane beyond what any normal person or therapist can understand. Like truly only you can maybe grasp the depths of it. It’s truly hard. I have no solutions. It never seems to get any better. Boundaries are pointless. The manipulation never ends. My life has been just about ruined by her. I fortunately have full custody now. And you’d think it would get better from there. But this just amps her hatr…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 09:05 PM
2

Pre marriage, things are split. So, if entire home was paid off before marriage then great. BUT- any value gained since marriage is split. So when you got married will matter. The increase since you got married is going to be split. The debt since you got married is split. Everything since marriage is thrown into a pool and split. You will need to document everything that is not split. That means that you need to be able to document what the finances looked like at marriage… that can be a beast …
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 08:40 PM
4

Just state, “your client is mistaken. I have no such assets.” Then do not respond. In my case she did successfully hide such assets. In the grand scheme they really don’t matter.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 07:54 PM
1

She will never budge or yield when it comes to admitting to faults. Only men do that. I don’t know why they are like this, but that’s just how it goes 97% of the time. Very high chance she will also claim abuse, and seek validation in that by telling everyone you know that you are abusive. Your life will be vastly improved getting away from her. The kids will be okay too. They are incredibly resilient.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 02:44 PM
2

Hang in there man. Obviously you’re not alone in this crap!
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 01:30 AM
2

In time you will see that this doesn’t matter at all. The apps are trash. I thought the same as you but in the end those young 20s men don’t have a fucking clue and so younger girls go for older guys like you. Train your mind to not spend time thinking about her. If you catch your mind thinking of her, stop, and think of something else.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 12:35 PM
3

Dude you don’t suck in the bedroom. That’s her problem. She can tell herself whatever she wants. The best way to get over this imo is to focus on YOU having good sex with a new and more beautiful and more loving woman. Also, stop loving your ex wife. I’m not saying hate her. You don’t have to be mad at her or anything. I’m saying stop acting like she was good when she is obviously not. She goes out of her way to hurt you with her words. She knows exactly how to get under your skin, and you’re ju…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/24 12:30 PM
6

I’m in a down today too man. This shit is hard. What cuts I think for me is that nobody wants to be with someone who is in pain. And I can’t blame them but man pain is a lonely fucking place to be. And when there’s no way out of it, because it’s valid, it becomes a vicious trap. We aren’t alone, even if it feels like it. Thanks for your post ✌️
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 04:56 PM
7

What a psycho.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 03:35 AM
4

There is no reward to killing ourselves in the mines. There never really was. Don’t get respect no matter what we do.
/r/MensRights09/03/24 02:25 AM
3

I did that, and you would not believe the army of lawyers I have faced and the very large financial loss. It’s just a broken system
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 01:29 AM
6

Hang in there friend. It will be alright. Your kids won’t abandon you. You’ll have sex again. Having money and things does not equate to happiness. Take a moment for self care. Dive into something that fascinates you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 04:22 PM
1

Thanks for taking the time to write this. I’m going through hell round 2 right now. Really means a lot to me that I can have a tiny silver lining. After all I have been through, and am going through, I feel like if I can help one person with the lessons learned then at least one decent thing came from it all. Sounds like you’re through the shit part of the storm and in the final stretch! Well done man. Shit is hard af.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 12:10 AM
3

Really hard exercise to complete physical exhaustion and meditation (you don’t have to do it well). This difficulty in sleeping can be really tough to beat.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 02:43 PM
-4

[ Removed by Reddit ]
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 12:22 PM
7

Actually haven’t you heard? It’s always the man’s fault. That’s the program.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 11:50 PM
14

Let me tell you a secret. Ask her if she would stay with you forever if you do not get married. If she says she needs the marriage- then she does not understand love and it is guaranteed to end in divorce. If she says she will be with you forever without marriage. Then you should do that. It’s very unlikely you meet the actual requirements suggesting marriage. It should be 100% a business transaction. Pre nup. You’re together decades anyway. Etc. We will be here for you during your inevitable di…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:56 AM
2

Just split it even like she says.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 10:49 PM
3

A subreddit is not equal to a movement.
/r/MensRights24/01/24 04:10 PM
7

I would say that firstly, money now is worth more than money later. You can make any deal with her that you can, ideally without getting terribly scathed. But this amount seems like an absolutely absurd amount of money to be paying alimony. Are you sure that’s the right amount? Are bringing in millions per year? Absolutely wild that someone can earn 6 figures+ by just having been married before. I mean I get a living amount if they stayed at home and did shit.. Like good lord man I have oil well…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 05:36 AM
14

Hell yeah man. I went through the same shit. Really does require them to realize (way to fucking late) that a man in a robe is going to decide. Ridiculous you had to fight at all. I was almost exactly 80k in legal fees too. Warning: 3 years later I have full custody. Within ONE month of making the agreement you just made, I was getting asked to take more than 50%. Guarantee you it’s the same. It was never about you being abusive. It was about her getting attention and being a victim. Now that th…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 01:01 AM
1

Claiming “love” Nobody cares about her claims. The timing of the motion relative to the mediation does nothing except tell you her position. Try to get this issue resolved in the mediation. I can’t tell what your goal is. But point a finger at her, or her pointing a finger at you, totally pointless. You’re both presumably fine parents to anyone looking from the outside. So don’t settle for less than 50/50, if that’s what you want.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 07:53 PM
13

I’ve discovered that people who complain about mainsplaining are insufferable when it comes to learning. They simply won’t do it. What is happening is that she is struggling with something simple, and a normal person tried to explain something to them, and they refuse to hear it, and in the frustration point at the man to deflect their own shortcomings. When I hear manaplaining, I immediately laugh and think, “oh they mean explaining.”
/r/MensRights15/01/24 04:00 AM
6

Dude in my situation that was me, until she finally snapped and put child at risk. Now I have 100%. Now get this- back when the expectation was on ME, I wasn’t even two months after she took all money from accounts, filed a PFA, and called copa to get me out. But there I was in court getting a lecture from the judge that I had not paid “one penny” in child support. Here we are years later, with the expectation on her. She earns many multiples of me. She has chosen career over parenting. She is 8…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 04:20 PM
8

Almost exact same as you with the financial hit but earn less 🤣. I swear these courts go out of their way to ruin men.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 03:28 PM
23

Ah, what we have here is a pussy that wants to be a tough guy. Real men support each-other. You don’t have a fucking clue.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 11:03 AM
7

I hope you can get a clean break from everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 05:13 PM
1

Yes the reason she is unstable is because the mother is enabling that. A child is a child, their feelings and emotions do not get to dictate what happened to them. Be very friendly at every interaction. She should come with you no matter how fussy she is about it. Document every instance.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:48 PM
3

Shift to a sport based exercise. It is fun to have a target to shoot at.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 04:44 PM
-1

No. I don’t think I should have been a hero. I just was treated like one. I was not an asshole. You just want a guy to run around grabbing asses. No consequences? My argument was NOT that women should not have consequences. You think you should go around grabbing women’s asses? Seriously think about how dumb you all look arguing that ass grabbers are in their rights. I assure you he deserved it. Just as equally as any woman would have who did the same. You can not just go around grabbing genital…
/r/MensRights08/01/24 04:19 PM
0

I have never seen that or been put in that position. But yeah probably. I’m not sexist.
/r/MensRights08/01/24 12:06 PM
-4

Y’all are weak minded as fuck.
/r/MensRights08/01/24 12:06 PM
-31

lol okay
/r/MensRights08/01/24 02:29 AM
-37

One time I threw a drunk guy into a trash-can because he grabbed a bunch of girls asses. I was like a hero that night.
/r/MensRights08/01/24 01:47 AM
2

Betcha she will lie and make false accusations anyway!
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 04:00 AM
2

And when she says no? I agree with you in principle. In practice, it’s a different matter. The man didnt marry a submissive woman. She will force him to escalate. And then what? The best thing that could happen for her is get him to get all angry and huffing and puffing.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 03:59 AM
6

Oh god, welcome.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 03:57 AM
3

Why am I picturing Kramer from Seinfeld 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 08:46 PM
6

Went through this thing. In years out. Going through another thing. Wisdom: know your daughter will love you regardless. And that in time you will be fully connected again. The situation will change DRASTICALLY in forthcoming years. Easily could end up with greater than 50% custody. The future is unwritten. Try not to waste mental energy and anguish imagining what might happen. Just do your best in the moments. Good luck and never give up.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 06:46 PM
3

Right!? Dude can’t find any middle ground haha
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 06:19 PM
7

I can’t imagine. Definitely not going to have any healing during that time. It’s just an open and festering wound.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 11:43 PM
1

Don’t equate divorce to the end of anything other than what it is. It ends your relationship. It’s not embarrassing. It isn’t shameful. It doesn’t mean your future isn’t bright. It doesn’t mean you failed. Whatever it is that is making you feel fear about divorce, get rid of it. She is the one who blew it up, not you. You need someone who will work through problems and change and grow together. She isn’t it. So, don’t be sad for one second. It’s a good thing! There will be future, better, women!
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 01:44 PM
8

I disagree. Not going to the gym is much much much more dangerous when dealing with high stress. No matter the body type, going to the gym and moving things around, is beneficial. Even if it’s a walk, at the gym. The advice is not, “ignore your personal fitness level and go straight into 2 plate deadlifts.” The advice is to exercise hard, lift heavy weights. “Heavy” could be 1 pound, it is relative to each person. It truly is a good and safe suggestion to every single man in high stress situatio…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 04:25 PM
8

I dealt with this 100% and still do. They play in the mud so hard that everything gets muddy. Nothing makes sense anymore. That’s her strategy. But her accusations mean zero. If they raise to the level of her doing a restraining order or not getting time with kids (which mine did), you have to be a bit more aggressive. But regardless: The strategy that tends to work with this is to be slow, methodical, and patient. Do not engage in their emotional bull shit. Draw your lines. 50/50. That’s it. Si…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 11:20 PM
2

Ask them what their strategy would be in your case, given specific details, and then make damn sure your strategy is in-line.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 05:25 PM
3

Don’t listen to her, ever again. It’s a terrible plan for you to leave your child. She’s escalating, regardless. If you leave, it’ll be really hard to get 50/50 parenting time. You can’t work on on marriage repair. She’s about to go nuclear. Get an attorney and file asap.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 12:31 AM
18

I did this. The reality is that it doesn’t matter. She already made up her mind, and is just avoiding being pinned down to any form of accountability. The counselor likely leans into this, because they love it. She will never change. Never see how she did anything wrong. It’s always going to be your fault. What she says doesn’t matter, even if it’s contradictory. What you say hardly matters, it’s going to be used against you. If you point out that she is contradicting herself or being flat wrong…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 04:02 PM
18

Im a full time single dad and am also over sensitive. How could I not be? These little digs on dads all the time just get me. Often from really sweet people that I am sure mean well. I was at the store the other day loading my kid into a cart and a sweet looking old woman was like “shopping trip with dad! How lovely.” I’m just thinking, lady this is our life. What are you talking about?” Or I was eating at a restaurant and I get the oh too common, “oh so sweet a daddy daughter date?” It just cut…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 02:46 PM
3

Mine did this and it was hell trying to track down, and the reality is I didn’t get a penny back. Get your attorney on it asap. In my case it came down to business records subpeonas and shit. What you want to do is stop it from happening, and make sure you can demonstrate she took the money. Later, when in mediation or negotiation, this is a piece of the pie that can be moved around. Really shitty situation because like I said, it’s very difficult to get back and she faces very little punishment…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 02:35 PM
2

How do you know they are kinky? Why is this on your mind? Delete this shit feeling.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 11:46 AM
2

Oh right. Sorry. I’m a full time single dad. In these situations, as sad as it is. You step up. It’s all you can do. Life is fucking hard my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 01:31 AM
5

I wouldn’t give a shit what she says or filed and I would fight for what I want. Much depends on circumstance.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 09:08 PM
1

We dont hate women. This isn’t the right venue for advice on this. Most of us in this sub were honorable husbands.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 01:25 AM
2

The irony
/r/MensRights16/12/23 01:39 PM
2

I would hear what they have to say for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 06:59 PM
1

I lost everything. And some. Make very little. Likely will never get back on my feet.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 12:57 PM
3

I don’t understand. You asked your kid questions about time at moms. Kid responded suggesting mom gets upset when she tells her shit. Then, you called cops?
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 05:45 AM
1

It’s been a really really long road upon this scorched earth.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 05:08 PM
2

So lucky she listened to reason 🤣. Mine did not lol.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 06:30 PM
5

I feel you. It really never ends for some of us. The advice is what you already know- she can be delusional and condescending and wrong and unrelenting in her attempts at evil. But it’s hers, not yours. Lift weights. Eradicate her from your brain. Focus on the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 01:06 PM
2

Men are stronger when they support each other.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 12:13 PM
3

In my opinion amicable is the only strategy any party should take. The non amicable party is almost always the problem. That includes the mother filing a flurry of motions to kick it off. 90% of the time she is the problem. She could have just done it amicably. And even later, remaining amicable is the only rational thing you can do imo.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 07:51 PM
3

Yes, the system cares about abused women and not about abused men. That’s the system. Accept it. You have only one mission. Split everything. Split it 50/50. Move onward. Anything beyond that you need to work out by lifting heavy weights, it is not within your control.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 07:40 PM
1

Heavy weights. Living together needs to end.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 07:24 PM
23

Yes. OP has a reasonable coparent. And that is wonderful. I’m happy for him and others that have the same. I’m not so lucky, and this is one of the only places I have seen where men can express themselves and get support. There may be a small number of very bitter men, but most of us continue to date and love women. Especially when we pull through to the other side. I think most of us here have some valid options, and many of us have gotten screwed by an obviously biased legal system. The bitter…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 06:57 PM
6

Well I just saw my 12th, “I hate men” comment of the last couple hours. Probably has to do with our culture wherein hating men is celebrated. Just a guess.
/r/MensRights24/11/23 02:28 AM
2

Accept that what you cannot control. Be the example on your time. This is common. Too common. At the end of the day this isn’t in your control. Unfortunately. Focus on yourself and your time.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 09:24 PM
5

All single dads struggle with this. I’m a full time dad and am slightly, slightly, more present at these things because they have to invite me. I’m still viewed and shunned in the weirdest ways as if I’m incompetent. What you’re saying is a fact, and many circles are controlled by women who gate-keep their circles and exclude single dads. They will do it on purpose, as if by excluding the child on dad’s weekend- they are supporting the mom. It’s frustrating. It gets back to this weird culture of…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 06:15 AM
1

I’ve trained myself to push these feelings into heavy weights and pull ups. Highly recommend.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 12:23 AM
1

I don’t see any reason she should make alimony. Alimony should be for if she was staying home to care for children and therefore unable to build a career while you built yours. In this case she has evidently succeeded in building a career, as have you, and so everyone is good. There is a small argument that an abrupt change in material circumstance would impact the child. However the child is grown, and is not impacted there. Fight this shit.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 03:35 AM
1

My opinion that your child deserves to see you thrive, and will model himself in what you do in life. Don’t show model a miserable life. You deserve better and so does he.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 03:22 AM
17

You need to record her, especially if she is expressing concern about caring for the kids. You should find the space to lift heavy weights and stay calm at all times. She will do anything to suddenly claim you are violent and abusive. That may sound extreme, but trust me when I say that MANY of us have been in your exact shoes and have it go off the rails from there. Somehow, financially, you need to figure out a way to see this through. An attorney is necessary. And they are expensive. As it so…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 12:51 AM
1

For whatever reason, when it comes to fucking you, the universe tends to do it all at once. I’ve had ridiculous coincidences like this of just getting super fucked. Anyway they do end. Look forward to the rebirth on the other side. You’ll thrive once you’re able to get a footing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 03:43 AM
3

The trial approaching.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 03:21 AM
3

Yeah. Nobody will believe you until years later when she snaps. It’s what happened to me. You’ll have full custody in a few years.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 11:15 AM
8

I’ve been on this difficult road and can say that my priorities greatly shifted. The source of my angst was that the reason I was working my ass off was because I was providing for my family. Well she nuked the family. Looking back what I thought was depressive was actually just taking stock and reevaluating my life. Take that for what it is. I’m much happier now and I’m not in the rat race as much. Just focusing on what brings me maximum joy in this life.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 03:29 AM
12

I’m not sure what you mean you’re an outlier. You fit right in! Lift heavy weights. Don’t let her own your mind on top of everything else she has taken. Eradicate her from your brain.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:28 AM
3

It doesn’t effect custody directly. How much is she fighting? Don’t move out until she has agreed to 50/50. Get it on tape and in writing. But after you move out, it’s just like any family with divorced parents. They sleep at your new place/apartment on your time and at their moms on her time. Side note: don’t worry about the kids thinking your smaller place isn’t as good or something. They love you and want to be with you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 02:24 PM
4

Typically one person buys the other person out. Trading things can help get there. My ex refinanced and got a new loan and I got cash.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 05:00 AM
2

It gets way way easier. Fake friendliness every single time. Kill her with kindness. Eventually it worked for me and my mind just is like “ew she looks gross af today.”
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 04:55 AM
5

Because if she explodes and screams, it may help in a custody case. If she agrees to divorce, she will likely feel guilty and agree to an easy divorce. I have heard it happen countless times, there’s a post up I just read, and it happened to me- she starts off agreeing to 50/50 custody and easy peazy financial split in these moments. In these confrontations and at the start of a divorce. Only later to change her mind. I’m not advising to get her confession or anything. Nobody cares about that. I…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 04:53 AM
2

It sounds like you’re a really good man, and that you’re doing a great job on your journey through this shit. Be proud
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 04:34 AM
19

If you know, then the proof doesn’t matter, and you’ll get it soon enough. The better trick is to confront her while recording and be calm. Hopefully she explodes in rage or something. Has divorce been initiated? Because if you already agreed to divorce then add an extra layer of don’t give a fuck. Train your brain to not care what she does. Seemingly impossible at your stage rn but it’s where you need to get to down the road. Your goal is not to catch her cheating, it’s to divorce her quickly a…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 04:31 AM
8

You need to get an attorney asap imo. If you confront her, record the confrontation and be ridiculously calm. My ex wife did this type of shit. But with joint checking accounts and everything. Then she used it to get an attorney. First calling around to fuck up my ability to get one later. And I was left with no money and no attorney, she called the cops and lied about abuse, got me kicked out. Got a PFA. Boom I’m out with nothing but the shirt on my back. Do you have kids? That’s important here…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 04:19 AM
10

Our STXW’s don’t compromise. They just fuss until it’s over. We wouldn’t be in the sub if they compromised 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 04:05 AM
3

Yup. And at least in my case she couldn’t contain it to herself. And she self destructed and I’m picking up the pieces again. Anger round 2, but at least nobody believes her bs anymore!
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 04:01 AM
2

Channel anger into lifting heavy weights. It’s shocking how helpful they are in that stage. The other thing is that you’re mourning the loss of your family. That is sad and difficult to get through, even if your STBXW is a monster. And she is the one who trashed that family and ripped it up, out of selfishness. And so it makes sense that your would have anger. Yet as others have pointed out, it’s not a good emotion to have in your headspace (I held onto it for too long). It just clouds judgement…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 03:52 AM
4

Her suffering is contained to just her now! Congrats.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 01:23 AM
4

Mistakes were made.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 01:39 PM
3

Yup mine lost her family also. I go through waves of feeling bad for her. It’s not her fault she is mentally insane and it’s the disease pushing everyone away. Literally anyone that ever loved her- she has done some unforgivable bs that make them swear her off. Now she slips so bad I end up with full custody (child was found in danger), and of course she wants to make it all my fault. Her family is sick of her but basically begging me to work with her somehow. But how do you work with someone li…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 01:01 PM
1

A I also made a child with a demon. You have my complete sympathy. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 12:26 PM
3

It’s a cult. Really bizarre shit going on with mental health in the US. The Taylor swift cult is so strange. I appreciate music and being a devoted fan and loving idols, but this goes way beyond that.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 12:14 PM
6

Yeah my ex ruined my life too. Just completely psycho. Same shit as this. It never ends. Now I have temporary full custody on emergency orders because of her dumb shit. I just want it to not be a soap opera.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 11:53 AM
2

Dude don’t talk to her. Go get some.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 04:32 PM
2

Definitely happened with me too.
/r/MensRights14/10/23 10:27 PM
19

I bet he’s afraid of you being alone with kids for a million reasons. You can divorce him for whatever reason you’d like. I don’t get what perspective you’re looking for here? You’re going to blow up the family regardless.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 10:19 PM
4

To be honest man I think you need to get in front of this and get an attorney and divorce her. Get a tape recorder and hit record and get her in tape agreeing to 50/50 with your child and a 50/50 split with no alimony. Just a calm convo about how this split could logistically work. The issue is that she made up her mind long ago. She is hightening her emotion above any and all logic. She is gaslighting you. She is playing games with your mind and pushing you to the brink. Nothing you do will eve…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 02:44 AM
7

Yeah I lost a whole lot of friends to this phenomena.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 12:47 AM
1

It is directly proportional to how contentious she is going to make it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 02:46 AM
1

Not long after the divorce was over she started asking me to take her parenting time fairly regularly. You can expect this soon. If it was me, then she asked her parents. So I had 50/50+ fairly quickly even though she dragged me through 1.5 years and 70k battle to stop me from getting it. As you’ll soon see, it was never based on actual logic or concern, but to be perceived as a victim. And to be seen as someone who was abused and she got herself away from this monster. And the evil courts still…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 02:51 AM
2

Happened to me too. Years later and I have full custody. Things will hopefully change now. Things will definitely change now. Focus on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 01:43 AM
7

Learn to cherish solitude. Cultivate independence and enjoy your life. On the other side, when your mind is clear, you will look back on the marriage and be so fucking glad it’s over.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 12:49 AM
1

Yeah. One thing is for sure. You need an attorney. Get back on the phone right now!
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 03:47 PM
1

Take any time you can get, including FaceTimes. Record them with an external device if possible. I read books. Some talks were small and some short. It broke my heart. But children need their dads. Most courts get that. If you fight they will facilitate. But your distance problem is a significant one.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 03:33 PM
1

Yeah I went through a really hard time. She went nuclear with the PFA and everything. Felt very inhumane to keep kid away from dad. And the system is broken and slow. It took more than a year and much money to get to 50/50. And that was living in the same city. Years out now it’s still a fucking mess, but I have full custody and she has only supervised time. And she has moved a long way away. My point in sharing my story is that the future is not written. It takes wild twists and turns. Nothing …
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 03:22 PM
2

Im really sorry about how shit your situation is. Hang in there brother. It will require much strength mentally and physically. Take care of yourself first and foremost.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 02:59 PM
5

The courts don’t care and like to see you getting along and swapping days. But don’t offset the numbers too much. You want to be close to or at 50/50. You should swap the day for another, for example. But definitely don’t get too “in your head” about this shit. If she wants the day and it’s valid, let her have the day.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 09:21 PM
2

A brain surgeon that says “I did house and cars and kids.” Never let this man near by brain lol.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 11:35 AM
2

In a divorce, she gets half. I’m sorry. Brutal blow. I don’t know about this nullification thing. Maybe an exception there, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up!
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 03:30 AM
62

Probably every single one of us
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 10:41 PM
2

She is the type of person that thinks you are supposed to make her happy. You can’t make another person happy. That’s not how happiness works. So she grows resentful because she isn’t happy. None of that is your fault. Nothing you do will ever be enough. Don’t idealize her talking bout how “she’s better organized.” Or whatever. She is weak and barely clinging to sanity. You deserve better. It’s sad it has gone on so bad for so long.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 02:29 PM
1

Yeah did this will get easier over time but it’s a big deal. You can expect to feel tremors for some time. Keep making strides. Your new life will be better than your old life so that’s cool.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 02:04 PM
3

Yeah as a full time dad with an ex that doesn’t pay jack I’m envious of OP and his time to date. Support obligation shouldn’t even come up in the dating. Just pay it as a fact of life. It’s not like you talk to dates about electricity bills.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 02:32 AM
6

I know the feeling. You got to hit heavy weights. Distract yourself with hobbies. Even when your heart isn’t in it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 01:06 AM
10

PFA with false allegations to keep me from my kid. Slandering me with lies to friends, family, and colleagues. This is something she is apparently Going to continue doing the rest of our lives.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 12:39 PM
1

I think step back and just see we have a culture problem. There is much sexism. Don’t feed into it. Notice it, and learn to despise the sexism when you see it. I’m disgusted each time I see misogyny or, perhaps more commonly, each time I see misandry. I think the correct place to put your anger is not in ‘all women,’ but rather on stupid sexist people in general. Anyway please don’t contribute to the hate we need to go the other way. And occasionally you meet women like your friends that aren’t …
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 05:42 PM
7

It’s funny and true. It’s like “how dare you even have an opinion?” You’re lucky to even have had any part in her golden uterus. But that role is over now, and your logic based opinions are tantamount to abuse. Her feelings and emotions dictate all child related decisions now, because, afterall, the child was born from her golden uterus and so she is cosmically bonded to the child in a way that you will never be.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 05:23 PM
12

It’s called the golden uterus syndrome. Google it!
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 05:15 PM
2

Super common. She moved on long ago. Don’t sweat it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 05:10 PM
3

She risks coming off as trying to exchange money for parenting time. I don’t think it’s a wise strategy. They would quickly grant you 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:51 AM
2

If your name is tied to the title and bank then you’re stuck. You need her to buy you out of it asap.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:25 AM
3

Actually quite accurate. Don’t feed her the drama and attention she craves. Took me way too long to learn this.
/r/MensRights18/09/23 09:44 AM
6

Yeah you should file. It’ll just go on being shit, or it will turn worse.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 04:05 AM
1

Learn to value the free time for self car and catching up with responsibilities so you can be your best present self when you have her. Shut the door to her room.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 03:33 AM
14

Oh man if I can be triggered, it’s the trope of the dead beat dad.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 02:53 AM
1

Fuck man. I’m sorry. You have to divorce. Hang in here
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 02:00 AM
2

I spent a ton in the divorce trying to get to 50/50. Because of course she had gone nuclear and did the PFA and abuse allegations. Probably close to 70k. But it was worst case scenario and we had tricky assets and she fought every inch of the way. Since then, maybe another 5. But she has torpedoed herself in this most recent one so I don’t think I’ll spend as much going forwards.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 01:38 PM
2

Yeah I can relate. People like this are an unmitigated dumpster fire. People used to tell me that I would end up with full custody and I didn’t really believe them. I’ll give you the same warning. No matter how manipulative she is now, eventually reality will bite her. She will slip up. She won’t take responsibility because that’s impossible. And the judge will be like “ugh wtf.” Just hope your daughter doesn’t get too hurt. Took about 3 years in my case after separation. Bet you’ll have a simil…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 03:21 AM
3

Rewriting history etc. Yeah I predict she will spiral out in a couple years like my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 02:53 AM
4

Mine is a true paranoid schizophrenic and this is a symptom fyi. Have you seen her have true delusions?
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 02:08 AM
3

Haha I call her out every time. I’m ridiculously hard lined about this one, but really it’s just a boundary. Total bullshit. Why is shit like this so common? I’ll add: the tactic I have used is to call her out but also disengage until I’m treated with respect. I actually State this, and then wait for results. We are dealing with people who manipulate others, then when you don’t get manipulated because you’re the ex husband that is done with this human, and you’re privy to the tactics, then they …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 02:01 AM
1

Not much you can do. You give her enough rope to metaphorically hang herself.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 08:13 PM
121

I don’t get this whole thing. There was no evidence? This victim here is threatening, and comes off to me as though lying. Perhaps he is totally guilty idk. But we are going to trust this person that writes a little retaliatory note like this? I was falsely accused and I’m sorry but I don’t get the ‘believe every victim’ and throw him in the slammer for 30 years based on words coming out of someone’s face hole. Then you have a whole bunch of completely uninvolved women, ya know regular non-celeb…
/r/MensRights11/09/23 12:43 PM
1

And yet sometimes you’re dealing with a person who can flame their hatred for many, many years.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/23 07:53 PM
1

In your case, it will be a relative breeze. Fly a kite!
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 04:38 PM
0

If it’s mediation it isn’t brought into trial. But if I was you I would probably try to make a good faith effort. Also, sometimes mediators do report, but I think in that case it’s a conciliator.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 04:21 AM
1

Would have saved me a fortune.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 06:02 AM
1

Dude send whatever. My ex sent, i shit you not, literal bags of trash to my new house.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 01:57 AM
1

I’ll never understand how people live with their STBX like this. You need to separate. Also there are no rules so once you’re separated from this monster you can have flings with other women prior to “official divorce.” But good lord can you get her to move out? Is there not a plan to separate?
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 01:56 AM
3

I’m almost 40. I date all ages but younger women are more commonly interested in FWB. Particularly with the age gap because they just want someone who knows what they’re doing 🤷🏼‍♂️.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 12:27 AM
3

Ayyy welcome. Has she gone nuclear with the restraining order yet? 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 12:24 AM
4

Dude if the shoe was on the other foot you would divorce her. Take that information as you’d like. Also, If you’re cheating so much then why tf are you with this person you don’t love or care about?
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 08:29 PM
1

This is a good point.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 08:27 PM
3

Right but the reality is that if you actually wanted a LTR it’s totally normal to be friends and get to know them lol. You’re just in hoe phase, which is a great place to be. I’ve been here for years ha.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 08:26 PM
5

Everyone is different. Her position is completely reasonable and I wouldn’t say manipulative. It’s just a boundary she created for herself, likely as a result of dating guys like me that struggle to commit to anything 🤣. She isn’t looking for sex. She is looking for a relationship. That said, I think her boundary she put for herself is dumb. Sexual compatibility is a huge and important factor in the success or failure of a relationship. She is screwing herself because most men who have been in L…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 05:41 PM
2

She rewrote history to demonize you. You really can’t believe a word that comes out of her mouth. And that will remain true. Hang in there brother. Don’t believe her narrative. It’s honestly sad that she has to project her shit on to you. Just feel sorry for her. You’re free now to enjoy your life, and she has a real shit next 20 years ahead- I promise you that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 02:26 PM
6

This applies to much much more than just cheating too. In general, it is always the man’s fault by default.
/r/MensRights25/08/23 12:48 PM
1

It’s pouring in me too brother. Legit. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 04:35 AM
1

A handful of time over three years
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 04:18 AM
1

Your no.2 is totally out there.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 04:59 AM
0

Yeah I agree that OP is wrong on that. Kids are expensive. I have full custody and an ex wife who doesn’t pay shit and it’s crippling. Child support is just child support. Complain all you want about alimony but support your fucking kids and don’t whine about it to me.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 07:01 PM
3

Give it some time.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 06:16 PM
2

Hahaha I had one like this too. Bail. She ended up replying to an email of mine but cc’d my ex. Exposing all sorts of shit I had sent in confidence. She never helped in any way. She was disgusting. Same lady?? Later we got a better one and it blew my mind. Had us in separate rooms. Went back and forth and made a goddamn deal. Find a better one.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 09:26 PM
2

I’m genuinely sad about it. Worried. Def not celebrating. I had put all the acrimony behind me years ago (even if she didn’t), and I definitely prefer a functioning coparent. Definitely don’t want this.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 08:38 PM
2

Facts. My experience with family law is a testimonial to how biased a court can be. Despite my mountain of evidence that she was mentally unwell, her zero-evidence statement that she is afraid of me because of my abuse, they sided with her. Now years later and nobody is like “sorry.” My daughter was in a risky situation that THEY all caused, and now they just get to collect more money. Change the genders and I would quite literally never see my kid again. There would be no leniency.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 05:25 PM
2

Crazy people on the loose!
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 05:22 PM
1

Thanks brother. I have full custody now, but it’s temporary. She is just completely unhinged and pretending nothing happened. The situation is unstable but my kid is safe with me. My family isn’t around, but they support and believe me. The tide is changing after this incident and people believe me now. Even her family is working with me to try and get her help and keep my kid safe. But she’s hateful, paranoid, and delusional. I have limited my contact and may go full no contact.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 05:21 PM
5

I think she has multiple things. Def BPD but surely others too. I don’t want to give the specifics because it’s an actively unfolding situation, but what she has done is truly shocking. The fact my kid is okay (physically) is nothing shy of a miracle. Her delusions are so far from reality that it’s hard to imagine how someone could think that way. The story is almost guaranteed to get worse because she is now free, completely insane, desperate, and she pushed everyone away. She is acting like th…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 06:03 AM
1

Then you’re gonna be alright. You might lose some “friends.” But if they side with her then you will learn all you need to know. Legally, she’s desperate and it shows. It’s going to be OK.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 11:38 PM
1

I lm truly sorry. Not rape, but faced a monster attorney and just about every other false allegation. I still am waiting for that one. Any day now. This experience will turn you into an incredibly strong man. It’s hard to see that now. But even at this moment, you are persevering when many crumble. Never. Give. Up. They throw mud and everyone becomes muddy. So be it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 11:37 PM
1

I forgot. Probably at the back of my sock drawer.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 11:31 PM
1

That’s basically what I’ve done. My point has been: the plan when we were married is not the same plan now. I don’t see how anyone can expect that. Yes, I was busting my ass and climbing the ladder, but that was a different universe where I saw my kid every night, and that career ladder takes me out of state… so, the dream is long dead and the expectation is not reevaluating. The only way it works now is at the cost of my daughters relationship with her dad.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 11:29 PM
3

That is so insane. I would fight it if that happened. Like if it’s so easy why don’t they point me to the job I’m supposed to have which is high earning and that’s also near my kids. If my ex wants money so bad then she is going to have to move.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 10:37 PM
2

Exactly.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 10:36 PM
2

Yeah I think I’ll go with this comment and hear what I want to hear. I think it’s true.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 10:35 PM
2

Get out now. You have so many wonderful years ahead of you … with women that like you and that aren’t verbally abusive.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 07:56 PM
1

That’s really hard. You need to record every conversation. Hire an attorney. Many of us have seen how this goes from bad to worse. Keep this in the forefront of your mind: once you get free of this awful person, you will thrive. Do not worry about trash men being around your kids. That’s truly not worth your time right now. It’s not real. Things are going to get better eventually. If there is one thing that you can count on in this life, it’s that things change over time. Do some work now to kee…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 07:53 PM
2

She’s just trying to hurt you- and it’s working. Sometimes when marriages fall apart people hurt each other, maybe even subconsciously. At any rate, as hard as it is you need to rise above it. Sorry man
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 05:20 PM
8

Hello darkness my old friend.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 10:43 PM
1

She is entitled to 50% of the equity gained since marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 04:15 PM
5

We get through it for them.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/23 11:24 AM
6

Yeah if you can’t agree then a judge decides and nobody wins. I do think that if you end up in front of a judge, and you can and will buy her out, then the judge would rule in your favor. The reason being that the other option is just to sell and split the proceeds. There isn’t much of a difference there for her, other than her feelings which do not weigh into the matter at hand. Still, Court is costly. Typically the situation is resolved in mediation. Nobody wins if it goes to court.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 07:20 PM
1

You’re not alone. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 07:17 PM
1

She can’t have her cake and eat it too. Your feelings are valid. Part of being single is not needing to have anyone else validate your actions or feelings. If it’s not for you to be friends, then it isn’t happening. At the very least, simply tell her you need 6 months to clear your head.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 07:16 PM
2

Yeah just hook up.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 10:59 PM
2

She is a hoe.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 03:58 PM
7

Yeah it’s really hard. It’s common for men to get bogged down with the trying to rationalize why their spouse would suddenly, and hatefully, throw it all away. But you said it yourself, she is not mentally healthy. Rationalizing, “why?” they behave or do something, is never going to be productive. Even if, hypothetically, she was completely sane. She is still a woman. She is still a feelings based creature. That’s the only “why” that matters. How do you get out of the funk? 1. Hit the weights ha…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 05:32 PM
3

Shit storm a brewin
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 05:05 PM
3

I feel like that sometimes. But you’re not a loser- not at all.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 03:07 AM
17

It’s also fair to not like Harry Potter because it’s cheap storytelling. “Oh no I’ve worked my characters into a seemingly impossible trap! Ooh I have an idea, how about he can actually time travel! Or maybe he waves his wand and a new spell fixes it!” It’s just so empty.
/r/MensRights31/05/23 01:07 PM
12

It’s not about whether you can afford it. You need it. You’re young and money will come later, but not if your life is ruined by this chick! Talk with your parents. Alternatively you talk to a lawyer for advice. A few hundred bucks will go a long way. Also, go talk to principle of school and try to get in front of it. Ask what he thinks you should do, given that you are innocent. Explain it’s taking a toll on your mental health and ability to perform as a student. You have a right to learn, and …
/r/MensRights31/05/23 01:05 PM
32

Whoa. Every one of these happened to me! It’s so weird that it’s so common that you can make a list like this one.
/r/MensRights31/05/23 01:00 PM
4

Yeah it’s normal. It’s more like a year after the divorce is finalized. That shit eats at you inside.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 04:16 AM
3

You can spend literally the rest of your life wondering why. Look at my last post. That’s why. The why is that feelings rule over logic. The why is because she is a resentful person and not a forgiving one. The best thing you can do is rejoice that you don’t have to deal with her irresponsibility. Ignore her completely outside of coparenting responsibilities. In a year or two you’ll be so happy this happened.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 12:58 AM
25

I personally think it’s a really common post pregnancy syndrome. A hormonal thing wherein post pregnancy the hormones go nuts, and convince the new mother that she is literally the only thing of value in the child’s life. The recurring theme is that these women seem to believe that the man’s role has nothing to do with the child, outside of financial support. His role was complete when he was fortunate enough to provide the sperm. Therefore every decision is hers to make. If there is any disagre…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 06:05 PM
21

Yeah not just that, but they celebrate ripping children away from their fathers. It’s really weird how many seem to think that’s a reasonable thing to do to a child.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 05:41 PM
2

Try to see an even bigger perspective. Unfortunately, there is not much you or the courts can do about a bad mother. The courts won’t bother with anything unless it’s essentially brutal neglect. Not the type of neglect you are describing. The bigger perspective is that you have no control over that. You will be the stable force in these kids lives. You know that. Therefore continue to be that. Your focus should not be distracted by her actions, that you cannot control. You will get 50/50 or damn…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 07:32 PM
4

The cream rises to the top.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 04:44 PM
4

It’s a shit show and a numbers game.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 04:10 PM
11

It’s great. Just be attractive and in shape, oh and rich. Nothing to it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 01:35 PM
4

Def. Next she will get a PFA. Then following that she will tell literally every single person that she can tell that you’re violent and abusive, and she is basically a strong victimized woman who managed to escape from the vicious monster. Then she gets unbelievable support and your social life is over. This is a common. It’s in the woman’s playbook for divorce or whatever. It happened to me. It happened to many other men. It’s now happening to you. Get an attorney asap. You’re gonna need it. A …
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 12:21 PM
1

Put ‘em in a box in the basement. Put digitals on a storage device, flash drive or whatever, and put in basement. Just because they were a part of your life doesn’t mean you have to have constant reminders of how fucked it all became. Do yourself a favor and get them far from sight. Get it off your phone. Sorry she went nuclear on you. Fucks up the good memories. Get rid of reminders until a few years + from now when the acrimony is over you can decide if you want to look at em.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/23 06:19 PM
-6

Nah. Hello random person, you are now responsible for this baby. Goodbye. I think the implication is that you can simply engineer your child. In which case, the parents would be the folks that came to engineer their child. I really think we should lean into this technology.
/r/MensRights26/05/23 04:28 AM
-4

But there doesn’t have to be a donor. You can get these cells from any ol chap.
/r/MensRights26/05/23 03:41 AM
12

They are creating the sperm from a skin cell or a blood cell.
/r/MensRights26/05/23 02:38 AM
19

The title says they are creating the egg and sperm.
/r/MensRights26/05/23 01:06 AM
4

Im into it!
/r/MensRights26/05/23 01:06 AM
3

I think the norm is to alternate years. The biggest bang for your buck likely depends on your financial situation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 04:00 PM
2

I hope you have an attorney now. Similar thing happened to me and I was able to “win” 50/50 after a very expensive year. You need a good attorney and you need to come up with a plan with your attorney that makes sense to you. Then you stick to it. In the end, there is a status quo thingy. Judges don’t want to make volatile movements with the kids. So if they are accustomed to very little time with dad, then the judge will very slowly increase that time. This is why it’s important to start gettin…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/23 12:59 PM
5

A tale as old as time. It isn’t your fault. You can look back knowing you did everything you could to save it. You’re a good man. She doesn’t deserve you. There is a much better woman out there who does. You have a really bright future ahead of you. Yes you can and should mourn the loss of the marriage. But don’t confuse her with your idealistic idea of her. Don’t confuse your marriage for the idea of your marriage. They aren’t the same. The reality is that she wants to take everything from you …
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 03:36 PM
6

💯 Women care 100x more than men when it comes to having an attractive partner. It not even close.
/r/MensRights22/05/23 02:46 PM
1

The DV angle to get move away will be difficult given the denial on the RO. The judge will want to keep things as status queue as possible for the kids. How far are you taking them away? Are you trying to permanently remove them from mom? Point being- it’s very difficult to straight up stop a parent from being a parent. Particularly a mom. The judge will be looking to see that the relationship continue with both parents. If you’re trying to move them far, then when will kids see mom? You say she…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 07:12 PM
1

You have an attorney, yes?
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 04:41 PM
1

How much time have you been getting with your daughter?
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 04:13 PM
2

Idk. In my opinion, you’re giving her too much credit.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 08:45 PM
2

Gets better over time. When it’s hitting hard best thing you can do is physically exhaust yourself and then watch a sci fi flick.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 03:55 PM
1

Hi! I would use a child support calculator available here https://www.danibone.com/alabama-child-support-calculator or https://calculators.law/calculators/child-support/alabama Or one of the many others. You can also get the actual child support worksheet from county and fill it out manually. They will all end up with basically the same amount. It will be the amount. It’s best not to over think this. Just plug and chug the numbers. Cheers and good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 03:54 PM
1

Rock climbing
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 12:14 PM
0

Feminism means different things to different people. The word has lost meaning and it leads to conversations like this that are misunderstandings. Some do see feminism as equality. If I am in a debate with someone who says this, then I usually say “okay let’s just call that equality then, instead of feminism, in which case we can agree.” And I explain that people have different meanings for feminism and it’s my experience that feminism often is an excuse for misandry, and I urge them to look for…
/r/MensRights13/05/23 04:21 PM
5

I remember thinking there’s no way that I can get through it. But here I am. Older than you. Best health of my life physically and mentally. And I am looking at a future full of possibilities. Step 1: heavy weights and cardio every single time you’re feeling raw about it. Having a feeling that you can’t get through this? Do push ups until exhaustion. This step here is a blessing. It fixes the pain AND leaves you healthier and stronger. Step 2: get therapy or meditate. But one way or another get …
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 01:37 PM
9

So. Burned. Out. I changed the way I date drastically and it helped. I’m much colder and more ruthless than before. I suggest you do the same. Just be selfish about it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 01:25 PM
12

Bunch a dads in here missing their kids.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 05:05 AM
1

Yup. I’m almost there. I can’t even get her to pay for regular expenses as it is. She’s going to be pissed, but then again she’s always pissed 🤣.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 05:11 PM
-1

Fuck cops. Literally every single cop. Fuck them all. Fuck all their supporters too.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 12:48 PM
2

Insane
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 12:47 PM
3

It’s not true…exactly. The law is equivalent when it comes to the numbers. So, if a woman makes two or three times than the man and then it goes 50/50, she will pay the man child support in the same way a man would pay if they were earning that much more. The issue is that in the dumpster fire of family law, men often find themselves at a brutal disadvantage. She is a firehose do lies ranging from allegations of abuse to her income. Many cases don’t go to trial. The man, who is afraid and trying…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 12:43 PM
1

In Kansas the only way she doesn’t get half is if you purchased it before the marriage. Even then, she will get half of all the equity that accrued from the day of the marriage. He won’t care about the distribution of assets that you present to him. I’m not exactly clear what you mean by that, but essentially you and your ex need to work this out or it will go to trial. At that point, he will just have a list of all the assets, and split down the middle. Then decide what goes to who. It’s much b…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 08:20 PM
1

They do not automatically do anything. Yes it’s 50/50 as long as it was purchased after the marriage. If one of you want the house, then they have to buy the other out. Ultimately any arrangement can be fair game. Trade cars or other assets for the house, as an example.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 08:14 PM
4

Check out golden uterus syndrome and see if it applies to you. Definitely applied to me ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 12:20 PM
1

Went through same shit years ago. Business records subpoenas, court filings, and getting hearings scheduled.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 05:33 PM
1

I love ‘em. My advice is to stop simplifying things down to “them.” Every single woman is different. It doesn’t seem like it, but I get it doesn’t feel like that when they’re shitting on you over, and over, and over. But the problem is that you are giving them this power to hurt you and make you feel bad. Women are typically (not always) feminine. They’re going to be feminine. And that’s wonderful if you accept that. Accept that you don’t need them to be happy. Just you be you. Do what you like …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 05:29 PM
3

Start this with “trigger warning.” That shit is too similar to my story lol. Tough road ahead but good job for staying calm. Make the kids your priority. But also prioritize exercise. Hang in there man. It will all work out good in the end. Just don’t give up.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 04:15 PM
2

We would need more details, but I think others agree it doesn’t make sense to just foresake what is lawfully and justly yours. Everything purchased from the day of the marriage and onward is half yours- regardless of whose name it is in, or who spent the money on it. Make sure you get that half. Anything earned since the day of the marriage is half yours. Any debts y’all took on during the marriage is half yours also. Again, doesn’t matter whose name is on the cars. Be aware, if she purchased tw…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 02:57 PM
1

Bingo, And say “sorry” a million times while you’re at it haha.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 10:00 PM
15

You need to get an attorney immediately. The first thing is to come to terms with a fact- she is no longer your loving wife. She is actively divorcing you. There is no amount of changing you can do to “save” this marriage, it’s over. She is currently lawyering up and drafting papers to divorce you. By filing first, she will have control of how the proceedings begin. If she is vicious enough, and from the sound of it she definitely is vicious enough, she will hit you hard with very difficult thin…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 06:47 PM
1

Gtfo
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/23 02:12 AM
2

Not in my case and I suspect not in this one either.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 07:38 PM
2

Save the texts 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 06:45 PM
2

Probably a question for lawyer who knows your particular judge. But if I could go back, I would not have paid a penny unless a judge ordered me to do so. Then, I would happily pay. In other words, I would have been better off having a hearing with the judge. Just pay nothing. If it was so important for her then she would have had a hearing on it and I would let the judge know I am happy to pay child support. Then it would have gone back on her to show her income and I would have saved a shit ton…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 06:26 PM
2

In the early stages she was not disclosing her annual income, which was complicated. She, and her attorney, was also simultaneously made a big deal of me not paying support. Telling the judge in the hearing that I hadn’t done anything to help this poor victim of abuse who is now a single mom with all the custody (meanwhile I’m desperately fighting to get a few days much less 50/50 time). So, because of that custody battle and the way they made me look like a shit dad who paid nothing. I talked t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:51 PM
8

None of the payments that I made while waiting for divorce was seen as child support. Even when i wrote child support on the memo. It wasn’t seen as anything more than a gift. I lost near 20k on this bull shit. If you don’t pay, however, you’ll open yourself up to an attack of being a deadbeat dad. So I dunno.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 04:08 AM
1

Exercise and meditation. Good luck man
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 12:05 AM
2

💯 That home is not safe. Kids are eating shit and bugs are going to be everywhere.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 07:45 PM
6

I don’t usually agree with being aggressive in divorce. Increasing the litigation typically increases her litigation and it can spiral. HOWEVER, in this case I agree. Psych eval. GAL for the kids. Full blown approach. Living in a barn like that is not healthy for the kids. There is ample evidence here that she is mentally fucked and not capable of making good decisions that are in the children’s best interests. Her insane ask for alimony, the way she treats animals, the way she lets the animals …
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 07:43 PM
1

Excellent work. Congrats
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 04:14 AM
2

Absolutely agree with you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 04:10 AM
2

Please keep going. Check out Buddhism. Not for the religious bull shit. But that Buddha dude had some good ideas on how to stop suffering. Start with the four noble truths. 1 = suffering exists. 2=there is a cause to the suffering. 3= there is an end to the suffering. 4= the end comes by following the 8 fold path. The point is that you’re suffering, and change WILL happen. Change is inevitable. You can take the bull by the horns and I promise you that you will find in about a year that you are n…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 12:57 PM
5

Sorry man. That’s super hard. Be kind to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 02:36 AM
1

It really is so key
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 02:30 PM
1

My GAL was fantastic and instantly turned the case around. My attorney was very careful not to let the exes attorney get GAL pick. It sounds like the GAL can be a godsend or a curse.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/23 04:02 PM
7

It gets way better. Try to find time for yourself via the gym and hobbies. Be kind to yourself. This is a hard moment in your life. It will change. Al things change. Exercise helps most of us. Spend energy to create energy, and also alleviate the mental pain of it all. Take the long view. Focus on being a good dad. It pays off. The system is completely fucked. The grinder ripped you up. But you will be alright. Just going to hurt for a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 04:28 AM
1

That’s unacceptable. Have you tried going above her head?
/r/MensRights22/04/23 03:31 PM
2

👏🏻
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 03:29 AM
3

Cracks me up. Too true.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 03:28 AM
8

It’s just wisdom from experience. When the mind is in a state of anguish, exercise releases chemicals that go to the brain and relieve that anguish. There are also obviously health benefits. Of all the options, exercise is probably the most beneficial thing available to treat mental anguish. It doesn’t require anybody else.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 06:54 PM
5

Reframe all that shit. It’s not failure. You’re not a failure. Hit the gym! It gets so much better. Mourn the loss yes. But also acknowledge that from it will be growth. You’re going to emerge from these ashes with something way more important than everything you’re losing. And again, it’s not failing. Failing is what happens when you get a bad grade on an exam. You’re not in the context of something that is measured in “succeed or fail.” This is life. And you’re doing great. You’ve hit a huge r…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 03:29 PM
2

Yup. You’re dealing with a ton of loss right now. It’s like a death, but of a whole family.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 03:25 PM
2

Good next steps! You’re finally on your path to sweet sweet freedom! It’s hard to see it now, but after you have mourned the loss of you marriage, and the illusion of a happy future with her, the emotional rollercoaster will stop. You will have clarity and contentment. You will have equanimity. Stay the course and don’t let her emotions dictate your life. Hang in there. For many of us, hard exercise helps tremendously.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 02:19 PM
2

Hahaha. You can’t make sense of this shit. I was wise when I just stopped trying and focused on myself. It would be much more funny if it wasn’t so fucking sad.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 03:54 PM
8

Mine cheated on me with a neck bearded, acne covered, overweight dude. No redeemable qualities as far as I can see. The point is that she is just in a self destructive tear because she can’t look internally to see that the problem is within her. It’s not you. The problem is in her. She would rather burn it all down than admit that she was in the wrong, or try to change herself. Regardless, fuck it. Best not to think about her and her problems and her “relationship.” It’s a dumpster fire. Just ge…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 03:41 PM
1

Hang in there man. It gets better and you will find love again. Be kind to yourself. Isn’t your fault. It’s her. Fuck her. Find something to enjoy every day, even if it’s just a moment. Exercise hard.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 02:26 PM
2

Exactly. It’s been really refreshing to recognize it. Their feelings ARE their reality. Regardless of what is actually happening.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 02:23 AM
6

Yup. Anything but look internally.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/23 01:21 PM
2

Best I figure that can be done is not believe a word she says and stay the course.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 11:00 PM
3

Likely to get denied if she doesn’t have any evidence. Hard to say about the bringing kids back. It will depend on more factors than the denied RO. Your lawyer should have a strategy that gets you with those kids one way or another.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 06:05 PM
3

Constantly and relentlessly. She’s like the terminator of truth. She just does not stop. It can be as small as what she ate for lunch. Bizarre.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 06:02 PM
5

Yeah that’s not the emotional thing to do. That’s logical.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 05:09 AM
1

What you’re describing is a need to go to the gym and exercise with everything you got. Day after day. I promise you that if you exercise super hard. Heavy weights. It will send feel good chemicals to your brain. You’ll get an appetite. You’ll eat. You’ll be a human. Stop thinking so much. Just push all that rage into push ups and pull ups.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 05:08 AM
13

The whole industry is just parasitic on emotions. She’s probably very emotional. They can chat her up on the phone about how terrible you are, and bank.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 04:07 AM
1

What a terrible person
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/23 04:06 AM
3

Sweet! Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 05:33 AM
9

It’s so weird that we all have the exact same story.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 05:27 AM
2

I admit I came close to giving up at times when the darkness was closing in. The problem is that my kids needed me. If you could just walk and have that be that, then maybe sure. But it isn’t. That boy misses you hard af. The trauma is coming from not being with you. If you leave, more trauma. That’s what I clung to. Now, years out, I have a far stronger bond than I ever knew was possible. My kid sees me as “home.” Im so glad I fought. But I def understand. It’s the hardest choice a person can m…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 03:45 AM
6

Ha! You’re 100% right. You’re a saint for trying and sticking it out, and getting lied to while you’re at it. No need to do that anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 03:41 AM
4

It’s just insane. My situation was similar. I fought hard and was able to reverse much of it. But the 15-20k that I should not have had to pay, and the lost time with my kid, I’ll never get that back.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 03:39 AM
1

I suggest waiting until it’s in the account. That’s what I did, anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 05:04 PM
1

Yeah mine did this too. It’s so common. Your ex wife, and mine, are simply horrible people.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/23 12:34 PM
3

Don’t compare her date count to yours. That’s silly. It’s not an even playing field, but I assure you that you will do just fine in the game. Focus on yourself. Tinder is garbage. Try Hinge or Bumble.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 08:22 PM
8

It’s not your fault at all. You need to get away from her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 05:38 PM
11

Hang in there man. It’s good you wrote these thoughts down. You can let them pass. Try to fill the empty space with something positive or something you enjoy. Don’t want to get into habits and thinking patterns that continually come back to ‘what could have been.’ There are other incredible women out there. There is an ocean of possibility, but you need to be open to it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 04:08 PM
6

Cohabitating is a nightmare. The healthy thing to do is not think about her at all. Like zero. It truly doesn’t matter what she does. What she does is likely sad and empty. Like eating m&ms and skittles there is nothing but empty calories. She can binge all she wants. Point is- she’s rubbing it in your face to hurt you and make you feel this way. And, fairly, because she wants to get to the next chapter of her life. This will get way better once you get away from her. You need to get away from h…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 04:05 PM
6

Just try to handle what is right in front of you. Hang in there man.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 03:37 AM
1

Weird I was told it was me!
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 08:23 PM
91

The thing that gets me about “single mom.” Is that often there’s a single dad on the other side of that coin nobody cares about. I’m a single dad and I don’t go around leveraging it for sympathy.
/r/MensRights29/03/23 02:18 PM
3

Yup
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 01:06 AM
1

Fuck. I’m sorry man. Get an attorney. At least you can look back on it knowing you did everything you could. You’re in the hardest part of it now. It gets way better. Hard exercise will get you through the next few weeks and onward. Be kind to yourself. Don’t forget to get an attorney. These are (hopefully) the hardest months of your life. They will pass!
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 01:07 AM
4

It all just depends on the lawyer. I switched from an absolutely shit lawyer to one from C&C, and they saved my case. That attorney, from C&C, has left and joined a different firm now, probably because C&C as a firm is generally shit. As with any firm or company, there will be some good ones in there. No idea where I would be now if I had not gotten that attorney at C&C.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 02:56 PM
1

You’ll win this one. Rest easy. A judge wants you to be 50/50 as you described. She can’t buy you out, so you’re going to have to buy her out. Or, you can sell the house. If you can afford to buy her out then that’s what will happen. No way does he let her LIVE with you. That’s why you’re divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 02:18 AM
12

She doesn’t respect you anymore, and probably never will again. She doesn’t care about your boundaries. She’s happy to cross your boundary because you have no way to retaliate, given her lack of respect. If you do try to retaliate by doing anything less than serving her divorce papers, (e.g. have a conversation threatening divorce), then she will see that as you being controlling and emotionally abusive. She is purposefully putting you into a trap. She is purposefully trying to get a rise out of…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 07:06 PM
3

Time to hit the gym, hard.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 03:32 AM
1

How much money do you think it takes to track down hidden assets? It is not a cheap endeavor. Often times the juice isn’t worth the squeeze. The case inevitably gets settled, and the guy never saw the money. If he brings it up, he gets… what? This is an extremely common experience. You earlier described the guys in this dilemma as some kind of ‘less-than a man’ term. But the reality is they are reasonable men in a real tough situation. I don’t assume it’s my experience. But I’m not going to degr…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 02:08 AM
1

Arrogant and opinionated. A good combo you got there.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 11:23 PM
0

Again, you’re totally wrong. I am one amongst thousands. You’re willfully ignorant. Ignorance is bliss. Enjoy it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 04:45 PM
2

You’re wrong. It depends on the judge, but in my case I did go after marital assets that she had hidden. Her attorney claimed I was “continuing the financial abuse by doing business record subpoenas to find the assets.” Despite finding the assets clearly withdrawn from our joint account and out into another account, the judge didn’t give a single fuck. Nothing happened to her. She kept the money. I got fucked. Nothing. Reverse genders and I would have been epically fucked. You’re flat wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 05:47 PM
2

“Hiding assets is almost always a base idea”… if you’re a man.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 01:03 PM
6

I was so institutionalized coming out of my toxic marriage. It took me awhile to get used to buying things I liked. Even simple things like a shirt came with this feeling of guilt. Took me awhile, but now I love shopping for myself and getting things that I enjoy. Not every purchase needs to be an investment. Think of it like investing in your own health and well being. It’s self care. I’m considering a recliner right now. Money is fucking worthless compared to comfort, self love, and fulfilling…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 12:59 PM
4

You can’t let her have full physical custody. There are a bunch of reasons why you can’t have that. As others have said, the courts will enforce child support. It’s a really straightforward calculation and you can find the worksheet online. Just one example: what if there’s a health issue and she is going to do the wrong thing? This happened to me and I was quite glad we had joint. We disagreed about treatment. I wanted to do what pediatricians recommended and she wanted to use some hippy bull s…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 12:50 PM
3

If you hate each-other but aren’t violent then yay you’re getting divorced. Don’t get a TRO unless she’s being violent. Filing first will help you defend against the TRO. She’s going to look like she waited until she was upset about you divorcing and then got one to retaliate. Recording is another form of protection.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 12:16 AM
8

Be sure to file first. Record every encounter with your wife. You don’t think she will be civil?
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 11:31 PM
3

It’s extremely unlikely the IRS will care at all about the itemization. If so, you’ll deal with it then as an easy paper audit. Don’t worry about it. Sorry she’s a stubborn one lol.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 07:22 PM
7

I didn’t say to be angry. I didn’t say to hate her. I am saying you need to get your head out of your ass. You are in love with your idea of her. She is not your idea of her. Enjoy your delusions.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 04:54 PM
2

I feel like I read this story three times a day. As terrible and insane as it all feels, know that you’re not alone. This shit is brutal. Take care of yourself. Exercise hard. Take the long view. I can confirm, along with others, that you’ll pull through and find a place of peace and clarity again.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 04:03 PM
11

Hey man sorry life is being a fucker. You need to wake the fuck up and see her for what she IS and not the IDEA of what you like to think she is. There is zero here to be in love with, but you cling to it. Here is what you do: go join a gym and start doing heavy weights asap. Don’t talk to her anymore. Get an attorney. Fight for your 50%. In a couple years you’re going to be amazed at how wonderful life is without such a toxic person around you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 03:35 PM
1

Not low risk. It is ZERO risk. There is absolutely no downside for women who do this, which is exactly why it’s so common and predictable.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 03:31 PM
6

Don’t budge a fucking inch. I think it’s common women to become accustomed to getting their way in the marriage. Now, you should be looking at this as you forming your first boundaries in the post-marriage world. Don’t budge. She is going to have to learn the new law of the land, and it is that she cannot manipulate you. Her first lesson is the hardest to learn, and so she is recalcitrant and fighting it. But if you budge now, than she doesn’t learn the lesson and the entire post-divorce relatio…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 03:06 PM
2

Oh I swiped so fast lmao. I think it is better if she finds someone else to put the crosshairs on. The heat comes off me when she’s in a fling.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 06:41 AM
1

Yeah, basically.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 01:29 PM
2

I was in your shoes. Hate to say it but.. I ate it. I ate the turd. Don’t know what else to tell you except that it’s all good in the end. Edit: I came back to comment that you should remove emotion from it and look at it as purely a financial decision. Is the cost of litigation > gain?
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 06:13 AM
7

Don’t have any more kids! You’re a great dad to the kids you have. You’re a great dad to your new partners kids. In time, you will be a great grandpa. Focus on yourself outside of those responsibilities. The kids will come around, in time. Until then, become strong physically and mentally and learn how to have fun and be secure without validation from women and children. I suggest thinking about what you enjoy, and leaning into it. That’s my take. Sorry things are so hard.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 08:05 PM
5

I’m not sure but just want to say hang in there. Good job being a dad. Don’t be sorry for the rant. It’s what you need to do and this is the place to do it. Support is here. I can’t imagine it’s going to be very different than a normal divorce. Brutal financially but basically 50% of everything. Plus legal fees. You’ll pay child support for a few more years. Hopefully not much alimony. She makes enough to support herself. Take care
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 06:27 AM
1

It all depends on where you are in the case. Document. A timeline helps. A judge wants real demonstrable “evidence.” But more than that, he doesn’t care. What is your goal?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 04:07 AM
5

Haha, I even forgot about the part where she rewrites history to make you out to be a monster. But we all know the story 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 05:49 PM
52

I’ve learned that it’s very common for women, not all women, to do the following. Decide their spouse or boyfriend is the reason for all of their problems. Project all their own shortcomings onto that person. Build resentment against that person and never forgive them for any grievance big or small. NEVER yield on anything or apologize. Never look internally as a potential cause of the unhappiness. Tell friends and family in private about how awful their partner is treating them (lie). Then even…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 08:01 PM
2

Why in the world
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 01:12 AM
1

Keep your humor! You’ll get laid again in time. Put your energy into exercise. Spending energy creates energy. Plus results come quick af at first. Especially mental health. It’s been year now for me, but I was in rough shape when I started and was a totally different man in 6 months. It worked for me maybe it’ll work for you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 08:59 PM
1

I agree that they aren’t going to help you. They don’t care. It’s the opposite of care. The answer is within you. Even if it’s extremely dark, please understand it’s only temporary. The one guarantee we have is that change DOES happen. No matter how miserable you are in any given moment, it will pass. The answer is exercise and nutrition combined with meditation. Start with cardio and push-ups, protein shakes, and intro to guided meditations course. Next thing that will improve is sleep. Then wi…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 07:12 PM
1

Delete. Started an IG, but don’t post.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 02:05 AM
15

It’s a brutal blow at the beginning. I recommend not worrying too much about the future at this time. Just focus on the triage. Everything will work out.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 03:44 PM
9

I’m so jealous! You dodged a huge bullet. Family law is incredibly biased against men, and indeed she would have been heartily rewarded had you married and then she divorced. Sorry your relationship failed, but it’s a blessing in disguise!
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 02:59 PM
10

More than anything else you need to pull the trigger on this divorce before she does. Save that dash cam video. Record conversations with her. Get with an attorney asap and prioritize to them what you want. Unfortunately, it is not up to you whether or not the divorce is contentious. It’s up to her. By filing first, however, you put yourself in a far far far better position. Why? Because she can’t make baseless allegations in her response filing without sounding retaliatory. It puts you in a pos…
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/23 10:10 PM
2

I cut contact. Too hard on me to see it intermittently.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 07:41 PM
3

She can’t prove shit.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/23 03:40 PM
4

Great joy is on the other side of that fear. The fear itself is the worst part. Deal with loneliness if and when it should arrive, but fearing something in a future that does not exist is not worth your mental energy. Absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Do your best to live in the moment. At this moment, you’re fed, you’re relatively healthy (I hope), you’re sane, and you have a long unwritten future ahead of you. Enjoy this moment.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 02:55 AM
1

What the hell are you talking about? Look at your own comments. You literally started this shit with “how can anyone be offended by this?” What the fuck does “suck starting a shotgun” mean? You’re truly determined to be part of the problem. As I said. Arguing with you is a waste of time.
/r/MensRights12/02/23 11:41 PM
1

Then, do you still think that nobody should be offended by the fact that AI and chatGPT make disparaging and stereotypical jokes about men, but not about women (or trans people, or POC, for that matter)?
/r/MensRights12/02/23 11:20 PM
1

Everything you’re saying is false. You should “challenge” your own “dangerous ideas.” The root cause of “toxic masculinity” is absolutely not “men who are hurt and confused.” This isn’t a story of “victims” and “perpetrators.” Go spread your bull shit in the feminist subreddits. Quite frankly, you’re not worth the argument because you’re incapable of seeing anything with your head shoved so far up your own ass.
/r/MensRights12/02/23 11:04 PM
1

It seems you’re not very supportive of men. You just come in here over and over with your better-than-thou attitude in post after post. And yet it’s clear to me that you also completely lack an understanding of the dangerous misandry that our young men are exposed to every single day. Looking at your post history it’s apparent that you’re more concerned about how these young men grow up … to treat women… rather than having a concern about the men themselves. Are men not worthy of equality in you…
/r/MensRights12/02/23 07:12 PM
14

I’m not sure I would say offended. But I’m fucking annoyed. I don’t like football or drinking. I think both those things are ridiculous tropes about what a man is supposed to be, or supposed to look like. What is funny about that? The frustrating thing is not the joke about men, but the lack of one about women. Why not, “why did the woman cross the road? To get to get her mani and pedi and then go shopping, of course.”
/r/MensRights12/02/23 04:52 PM
5

I lost 100% of everything including friends.
/r/MensRights12/02/23 04:41 PM
2

Absolutely not! Nobody wants you to go to trial if you can sort things out amicably, then do that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 04:40 PM
48

The best way for your to approach this: First: treat her like a bandaid. She’s dead to you. Second: extreme exercise in the form of heavy weights. Third: learn how to mediate. Fourth: try a new hobby. It’s not fair what she did. Mortally wound you and then not give a flying fuck about you despite her promises and a marriage. SHE DOESNT DESERVE YOU. Forget about her. She will reap the harvest she has sown in time, and you won’t be anywhere near her to see that miserable existence. Where will you …
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 03:19 AM
5

This is relatively tame compared to the misandry I see fucking everywhere.
/r/MensRights12/02/23 12:33 AM
1

What a psychopath! Get your attorney on this shit and protect yourself financially from this train wreck!
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/23 05:09 PM
1

Dude it’s over. It was hard for me to thaw out after being an I e cube for so long. But you can thaw out now.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 04:27 AM
2

By now you’re entrenched into your positions right? In my opinion you should argue for 50/50. And frame her bad parenting as significant concerns that you have. The concerns hopefully have some evidence? But regardless you can forgive and let water under the bridge and respect her as a coparent. That says a lot about character when it’s super ugly and she’s being insane, but you are patient nonetheless. At this juncture, you know more about your case than we have to offer advice. But in general …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 03:19 AM
24

Wait so even if I was here to be disagreeable and argue pro feminist propaganda, I would still be banned automatically upon commenting over there? What a bizarre policy of hate.
/r/MensRights06/02/23 03:02 AM
9

Don’t seek validation in the opposite sex. Terrible plan. What your are truly needing is to love and validate yourself. Go to the gym. Hit the heavy weights hard. Use physical exhaustion to “distract” you. Yes many men go through this. It’s exciting to think about having a new woman validate us. And you could go date, but it will make you feel worse in the stage you’re in right now. There will be plenty of time for dating. Take a few months of time focused on finding yourself. Your ex is going t…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 04:46 PM
16

Take the deal. If she’s not taking the kids then the judge will be fine with the deal. Make sure that’s written into the deal.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 03:46 PM
1

You’re welcome to share your story.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 05:28 AM
3

It took me awhile to get over the bitterness that many guys are reflecting here. Everyone is different. Not all women are the same. There are good ones out there. They have a problem that’s hard for us to grasp- they have tons of men clambering after them. It can be hard to stand out amongst the crowd. And to do so we almost have to be performance artists. But then that’s not really who we are. Then, they find we aren’t being ourselves and get frustrated because they can’t seem to find anyone be…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 10:04 PM
11

I have met many better women. But that is mostly because my ex sucks so hard haha. My ex was attractive, but I’m happy to say I’ve been with much more attractive women than her since the divorce. Nearly everyone is better from and emotional/empathetic/kind perspective. I’ve met most online dating. A few in person by going out with friends at bars or in random places. A couple of the best women i have met started as dating, and then went to friends with benefits, and ultimately (as we met other p…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 06:59 PM
12

This is only the beginning. Extremely common tactic she is using here with the RO. It is truly wild how common this tactic is. And it’s a huge mistake because it basically ruins the coparenting relationship forever. She’s clearly not a very good mother if she cannot grasp how important you are to your children. They need you, and it breaks my heart that they don’t get to spend time with their dad during this truly difficult time. I’m really sorry this is happening to you. It happened to me also.…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 09:43 PM
25

Your attorney is garbage.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 09:21 PM
3

Brutal. Your attorney needs to get off his ass.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 05:19 PM
2

Dude it doesn’t matter. She sucks hard and isn’t worth any of your valuable mental capacity.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 05:32 AM
40

That’s fucking insane
/r/MensRights02/02/23 04:32 AM
39

Because women get support everywhere.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 07:36 PM
9

Dude, she will regret it. When? Maybe not for years. But she probably will. Or she won’t. It doesn’t matter. This isn’t “it.” There is an unwritten future ahead of you. What should you do? Get revenge in the BEST way- by becoming a the best version of yourself despite her attempt to destroy you. Use that fireball of energy on becoming incredibly fit. The day that you go get some dumbbells and knock out 50 push-ups in one go is the day you will have gotten your revenge. You will be so strong ment…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 09:55 PM
6

Went on a date the other day and she brings up this case and goes in about how AcTuALly he should’ve been guilty because blah blah and the trial was a sham. I’m nice so I just sat there nodding my head and not engaging in the argument. There will be no more dates. Glad she showed her colors early. It is bizarre that men get blamed at all times no matter what circumstance. Imo this case is just nonsense. They both are rich ass holes and they’re in a toxic relationship. Fuck them both. Men shouldn…
/r/MensRights31/01/23 07:55 PM
2

Yup. Totally agree. That being said even if it goes bust, she will come around eventually. My parents “lost” me when I was in my teens. But we all get along great now. Time heals. But I think you’ve made your decision. Just you just have to come to peace with it. You’ll enjoy your free time. She will enjoy her time. And when you are together you will appreciate it that much more.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 07:45 PM
2

I don’t have teens. But that sounds totally reasonable to me. Quality time is way more important than time for times sake. Resentment is dangerous if she wants to be elsewhere but is stuck with you. If your bond with her is strong, and it sounds like it is, then this isn’t going to change that. Just be there for her when she needs you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 07:33 PM
1

I’m not sure what you’re asking? Everything is reasonable. It all just depends on you and her and what’s best for your family.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 05:59 PM
1

Yup. It’s all your fault.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 04:20 AM
3

A tale as old as time.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 05:09 PM
8

You need to focus on yourself entirely. Fuck her toxic ass. The most important thing you can do to make yourself start to feel better is get sleep. You need to push your body to total physical exhaustion. This means you go join a gym. Heavy weights. Swimming. Cardio. Focus on breaking personal records. When you’re trying to lift that bar on the beach press push out all the insanity that is this woman. Then after that workout you hit the sauna. You do a guided meditation. Then you hit the showers…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 03:01 PM
1

Happened to me and I was super bummed.
/r/MensRights30/01/23 05:11 AM
1

Cheers man. The reading of books most likely won’t come up, but are useful for the content they provide you. It’s better to get something that has a certificate you can present to the judge. The fact you have 100% now means you’re in the position of power. The longer you have that percent, the more power you have. It shows you can definitely handle being a single dad. The judge usually will want to see 50/50 if it’s feasible (when both parents are basically sane and capable of caring for the kid…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 07:12 AM
1

Mine had shocking lies throughout it also. And she even got others to try and corroborate. The power of the TRO is two fold: 1) it already has had its impact. Usually this is something along the lines of keeping you out of the house, or keeping your kids away from you. It sounds like your situation is this second one; and 2) ensuring that you have an expensive and contentious divorce. I recommend you get into anger management classes and parenting and co counseling classes immediately. This isn’…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 05:24 AM
2

If you get a good lawyer then her name on the deed shouldn’t matter. Her best case argument is that she claims that you bought her the house as a gift, and she owned it prior to marriage. Your best case argument is that you bought the damn house before the marriage. It’s yours. Any increase in equity on the home from the day of the marriage is definitely joint owned. That is not up for debate. What do you have? Well you both are on the loan. That weakens both of your “best case” arguments. What …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 04:48 AM
1

Don’t tho a goddamn thing for this monster.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 02:33 PM
3

Giving me flashbacks lol.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/23 02:55 AM
1

What a nightmare. Definitely over the pay grade of this sub. All we can say is get a really fucking good attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 06:02 PM
1

Facts
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 05:59 PM
6

It’s classic playbook for the real abuser to label the victim abusive. Very likely that she has been abusing you emotionally and financially, if not outright physically. She’s using the legal system to continue that abuse now. Don’t listen to anything she or her lawyer says about you. They will not stop with their lies and false allegations so all you can do is control how you let that impact your day.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 09:59 PM
50

It’s about boundaries. She trampled over yours long ago. If you try to regain the boundary then she will see that as abuse. You’re fucked. You need to divorce her. It’s not worth staying with someone like this. It’s going to be expensive and painful but you can’t continue to pay for a leach. I’m sorry man. Totally sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 09:47 PM
5

Hopefully the hardest few weeks of your entire life yup. So be kind to yourself. This shit isn’t easy. But you will get through it. It likely won’t be a trial. It’s more of a hearing. Yes the lawyer will want to chat with you prior to the hearing for sure. Any chance she has recordings of you yelling, or any tangible evidence of abuse? The main thing is that what’s done is done. She took the nuclear approach. She will fight you like hell to keep the kids away from you. She doesn’t actually want …
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 09:33 PM
3

Here we go again. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately, this is extremely common. It happened to me. It’s happened to thousands, likely tens of thousands of men. Do you have kids? Is she using the TRO to get you out of house and away from kids? Make sure you get a good attorney immediately. My suggestion would be is that if she has zero evidence and it’s really clear that she lied, then you need to fight this asap. If it’s 3 weeks until that hearing, then you prepare and have an at…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 08:30 PM
1

Is it your house? Was it bough after you married? Because if it’s property of the marriage, and it probably is, then you may not get back into the house. You can’t control your sister in law. You can do a shit ton of push ups because this shit is frustrating as hell. I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s a big pile of shit in your lap.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 04:05 AM
1

My thought is that can keep it in your pocket, but most likely it won’t matter. How contentious is it? When would this matter? Imo it’s if you do depositions. If you’re headed to a trial, and it’s important stuff (custody battle in which you’re getting less than 50/50), then I would push your attorney to do depositions. Then, you should prepare a shit ton of questions. The questions are aimed to strike at her credibility. You can do things like, ask her if she did this podcast. Ya know, trip her…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 03:20 AM
9

Please read my comment. She will turn you into an “abuser.” This is a classic sign of forthcoming false allegations to get a huge advantage in drivorcr proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 10:10 PM
12

Be prepared for her to rewrite your entire history. Everything will suddenly be seen through her onion glass of resentment and self delusion. Why is she doing this? Because she is framing you as an awful, abusive, evil man. Why is she doing that? Because she is about to do something unforgivable, and she needs to make that make sense in her mind. The likelyhood that she will turn this into an extremely contentious divorce is high. Can you save the marriage? Absolutely fucking not. Get that out o…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 10:08 PM
16

Would you like to choose death, or doing the dishes with your kids? Hmm does either option have cake? Yes you can eat cake if you’re alive. Okay, I’ll do that, then.
/r/MensRights20/01/23 07:19 AM
2

Quality is more important than price. I totally get that you’re being shell shocked by the sticker price and hourly rates. But I assure you that you will regret it if you have a cheap shit attorney. Or an expensive shit attorney. My first one was garbage despite being pricey, and I eventually fired him. I had to pay extra for his mistakes and even more to get the next attorney up to speed. Ignore prices. Get a good attorney. I promise you that you will only lose more money if you go cheap. And p…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 06:50 PM
6

Pay it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 06:14 PM
11

Do you have an attorney? Because you need one a month ago.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 04:52 PM
2

Yeah man. You’re going to love it once you’re free of this. It’s very likely you won’t even realize how bad it was with her until you’re a year or two out and able to find yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 07:18 PM
3

Ask her what specifically is wrong with the document and give her a deadline.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 06:49 PM
3

One thing I have learned from my toxic ex wife is that she thrives off the attention and drama. Years after the divorce is final and she is constantly trying to bait me into more litigation. She still regularly talks shit on me trying to stir shit up. Repeatedly makes me out to be the asshole while simultaneously not handling her parenting responsibilities and relying on me to bail her out at the last minute. The shit that is exhausting you is actually fueling her. I know, it’s fuckin nutty. But…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 04:14 PM
4

Nice. Then don’t stress on it. Divorce is a shit that takes a year or so to shit.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 03:19 PM
14

It also may be delay tactic strategy. Many people drag this shit out unnecessarily because they think they can get some advantage. Or they think it will bug you. Or they think they will lose but like status quo. For example if she has more custody because of temporary orders, then she will delay to try and make that status quo. Judges often don’t like to shake things up in kids lives. Hard to go from 20% to 50% overnight.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 05:53 AM
1

A surprise party is a reasonable place for a white lie. But you can be damn sure if I catch wind of it she is going to have to prove it with receipts. No idea what you’re talking bout with respect to the hot blonde lol.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 11:52 PM
3

Ayy girl how you doin 😉? If you’re still in the divorce process then you’re still in the middle of the trauma. Go easy on yourself babe.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 11:50 PM
33

I’m sure there are trustworthy women out there that are great partners. I haven’t found mine yet but I don’t doubt that they exist. Everyone is unique. It is hard to see myself getting remarried. The fact is that if my significant other doesn’t want to commit to me without marriage, then I won’t even consider getting married to her. And, if she is willing to commit to me without marriage, then why would I marry? There just isn’t any justifiable reason to get married, and until there is a really …
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 07:47 PM
4

This is what happened to me. All based on lies.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 02:01 PM
1

She’s going to look so dumb putting her best friend on the stand. My ex did the same. They really do believe that their own support group somehow “validates” them in court because these are the people validating her in her life. You don’t have to address anything other than, “okay, so this is your best friend?”
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 07:58 PM
4

“These days” Um. What the fuck are you talking about?
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 02:21 AM
15

One of the best things about getting out of my toxic marriage is that I have been slowly getting back into gaming. It’s amazing how much joy it brings. Getting on the headset with the buddies and relieving stress and having laughs and adventure. I honestly don’t get why women so commonly want to snuff out every single thing that brings joy in our lives until we are a sad shell of the man they fell in love with. Dude fuck her. Your hobbies are extremely important and she has no say in them.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 02:20 AM
1

I just threw them on an external drive and forgot about them. Deleting should be fine too. Move on! Look forward! Take care of yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 08:01 PM
6

No need to beat yourself up. Keep your eyes forward. Was it a mistake to ignore the red flags? Sure. But that’s in the past now. The future is bright. You won’t have to deal with her crap anymore!! Just imagine waking up whenever and doing whatever you want and having no judgement. No eggshells to walk on. Fuck her. You’re the prize! Just focus on what makes you content. As per the financial side, I promise you that I took a bigger hit, and although scraping by, I’m okay! Even happy occasionally…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 04:52 PM
2

You are going to have a hard year or two ahead, but after that, it will be glorious. I remember thinking “there’s no getting through this. Why do people say to just get through it?” But, somehow I got through it. I hit the gym. I made NEW friends. I met NEW women, some who are amazing and way better to me than my ex ever was. My kid and I are more bonded than ever. I don’t think about that bitch at all except for when I come in here to give others advice and encouragement. And then I laugh about…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 03:30 AM
1

Why do you love such a horrible person? Gtfo.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 03:09 AM
2

She rewrote the story. It’s not true. It’s just to justify her own terrible behavior. She is likely cheating on you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 09:10 PM
1

She will simply smell your weakness, and now use it against you. Like a shark that senses blood in the water. You better pull yourself together and trash this idea that it’s going to work out. Your weakness and vulnerability is possibly the biggest turn off imaginable for her. Mark my words, she is going to try and take everything, leaving you with nothing but the shirt on your back. We will be here to support you when that does come to pass. Good luck, and I’ll see ya then.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 09:09 PM
-1

Good.
/r/MensRights11/01/23 08:48 PM
3

Extremely common. And it’s going to get rewritten all the way back to the honeymoon. Any conversation you had in the past where you mutually came to an agreement. Whether it is agreed to do a thing (or not do a thing), that will be revised to: he made me do the thing (or he made me not do the thing). Her resentment has been building from the very beginning 🙄 She’s going to put a ton of weight into feelings as if you are responsible and even to blame for her feelings. She feels afraid of you, the…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 08:49 PM
5

You need a restraining/protection order immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 07:12 PM
6

Definitely hard to process. I think mainly because if YOU were to do such a thing, then you would be considered insane and you would have no support and people would say you are gaslighting. The mind boggling thing here is that people will believe her and support her. Even celebrate her for escaping the nightmare that is being married to you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 06:45 PM
9

Giving me flashbacks lol. Be warned: she already knows she is getting a divorce. She is doing everything she can imaginable to demonize you. Currently, she is actually rewriting the history all of your relationship and turning you into a diabolical monster of emotional abuse. You really should get in front of this thing by 1. Recording every interaction and absolutely record when she is yelling at you about kettlebells. And 2. Get an attorney and file first. This relationship is not worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 05:05 PM
2

Learn how to meditate. Guided meditation. Actively will allow you to reduce the number and impact of intrusive thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 02:28 AM
7

It sucks. Its rather clear to me that there are about 20 men for every woman on the apps. Possibly even worse. So, the the result is that women get an inflated sense of self value, and men are left feeling rejected. The women can go on seemingly endless dates with men, and so if you’re not Prince Charming then she will just try the next guy. It can be fun. But as far as actually finding a decent partner, I have zero hope. Women that are 5s are landing men that are 9s. Not keeping them of course.…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 05:27 PM
3

Men don’t need filters. Just hit x or swipe em away if you don’t like em.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 02:42 AM
22

It sure feels like some women have weaponized sex. Tactics include withholding sex and shaming men for wanting it.
/r/MensRights07/01/23 04:11 PM
7

Go to hell lol
/r/MensRights07/01/23 04:04 PM
22

100% my fault despite all the evidence in the world to the contrary. It’s just default mode, ignore it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 09:25 PM
2

It’s only an issue if she makes it an issue. Her attorney may even explain to her that she could take advantage of you given the move out. But you don’t own a home so it’s not quite as bad as losing your home. And if you’re certain she is leaving the place when lease ends then she has even less ammo. Make sure you are getting 50/50 time when you do move out, and you’re fine. Courts like couples to agree, and they like to keep things status quo for the kids as much as possible. So you want to est…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 07:46 PM
1

My opinion is to file together and as married until the divorce is final. When you remove emotions from it, filing together makes the act of filing considerably less difficult. Particularly when you have combined assets, and there is maybe a little of financial benefit there too, depending.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 11:03 PM
1

I had something like this and the banks showed movement but it was never really tracked down. Ended up having to throw it in the fuck it pile. Fairly sure it’s as simple as a hidden checking account she squirreled the money away towards. Again, something that I could never have gotten away with, and yet my mere questioning of where the money went was paramount to abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 11:07 PM
1

Subpeona the banks
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 10:26 PM
1

If your ex is fighting, then it’s very very hard to get primary. You should just accept the 50/50 in steps. Get this shit behind you brother. Get free of the chains of never ending trauma and legal fees. However it settles, you and your children will have a strong bond.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 05:14 AM
14

Exercise really is the answer to this. Push ups and heavy weights. They release chemicals that go to your brain and spark some life into you. Learning how your mind works through guided meditation helps also. Just become interested in that for awhile. It’s not like you become a fucking monk or something, it’s just that you want enough power to start decreasing the amount of invading thoughts (your ex, self harm, or whatever other ruminations) that are making you miserable. Switch something up in…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 06:18 PM
6

Expressing disdain and hatred for your husband, or ex husband for that matter, essentially gets you a standing ovation. Revising the past, and disparaging him publicly for it, is actually a competitive sport amongst women.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 12:56 AM
2

Dude. Yes. You’re fucked without one.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 05:54 PM
12

It really is, 100% this.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 05:31 AM
3

You do your own appraisal. I got one separate from my exes in our high conflict divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 05:27 AM
1

I agree with pushing for a trial.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 02:35 AM
15

Yeah good work man. Dodging a bullet. Marriage with her would be a nightmare and the inevitable divorce too.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 10:30 PM
2

Such a familiar story. Merry Christmas brother.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 03:05 PM
3

Amazing
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 03:44 AM
6

Yeah I’m so over it. It likely comes from tv and Disney and social media, and shit like that. It’s become this deep rooted trope that if they are not happy, then the cause is external to themselves. What we all should strive for is equanimity, not happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 05:20 PM
14

They ask for fees 100% of the time. I would advise that you do not listen to a single thing your STBXW or her attorney has to say. Just get a good attorney and let them speak for you. Don’t say a word to them.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 06:23 PM
36

Dude get an attorney ASAP. You must protect your livelihood and your relationship with the children.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 06:09 PM
1

My friend, what your are going through… it is hell. How long are we talking here? Sorry if you’ve answered elsewhere. At the worst for me, it was about 1.5 months and it was an unacceptable pain. And not just for me… Know this deep in your heart:your kids are going to love you so much. They miss you and love you. Try your best not to worry about that. You will get through this period and believe it or not, you will come into a better place. The system is absolutely fucking broken. But do not giv…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 05:38 AM
0

Do you have any parenting time at all?
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 11:14 PM
1

I do understand. You can file for an emergency hearing that move you up in the docket and get heard sooner. This could be done in either state. I encourage you to talk to other lawyers, and hear their approach versus your current. I’m sorry this is going so badly.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 08:42 PM
1

You need to get a hearing scheduled in your state ASAP. I think your local attorney is garbage.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 08:29 PM
3

Dumb
/r/MensRights19/12/22 01:59 PM
42

Trump is disgusting. I understand the comment, and yet I also understand the downvotes.
/r/MensRights19/12/22 02:36 AM
2

What a horrible person she has become. Prepare yourself for a high conflict divorce. She has zero respect for you. She is your enemy in the legal battle of your life. I’m sorry. You will get through this difficult time. Take care of yourself. Lift heavy weights. Don’t drink too much.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 02:43 PM
3

Mine never stops lying. I don’t see any way of fixing it. I’ve sure thought about suing but I don’t think it will help. Im a man, after-all.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 03:20 AM
-2

I’m not cool. I’m just not a fucking moron.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 04:45 PM
-3

He’s religious though 🤮
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 02:56 PM
1

Don’t listen to her or her lawyer. You need to split accounts ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 02:34 PM
5

I tend to agree with you. But your lawyer likely knows the judge better than I. If the judge wrote an order, and they aren’t following it, you could file a motion to enforce their order. They would likely ask for a hearing. Then it would be spelled out and it’s a clear cut win and an example they can’t follow his orders. I see nothing wrong with that approach. The other issue that may explain your attorneys reasoning (aside from knowing the judge), is that maybe it’s something we can ultimately …
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 05:31 AM
1

You’ll be “using” whomever the new lucky lady is going to be. You should make that clear with her. You’re not ready for a LTR but I see no harm in fooling around as long as that’s clear. There are many recently divorced women in the same boat, ha.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 07:42 PM
1

Play the ol’ reverse the gender game, and this would get the kids taken away.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/22 11:30 PM
2

Ugh that’s so annoying. I suggest staying the course for at least a few months longer and see if the problem doesn’t resolve itself. You might make it a specific time. At some point your ex will surely want to have a life of her own … maybe.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 07:44 PM
17

I had the same thing happen. You’re at the beginning of a journey. It will be shit for awhile. But you will get through this. When your mind is in anguish like that, it means that you can expend more physical energy from your muscles. This makes chemicals go to your brain to ease that. My advice is that you numb that pain through exercise. That’s what gets you through the short term. The longer term involves learning about your own mind and controlling it so that intrusive thoughts have less of …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/22 07:55 AM
5

Huge impact on divorce proceedings. She can literally go tell a judge “I’m afraid of him.” And that’s it she gets her restraining order and completely fucks your life from A to Z. She gets huge advantage in the divorce proceedings and you’re up to the gills in legal fees to fight something that was ludicrous to begin with. You’ve got a completely fucked situation forthcoming. Record every single conversation. Get an attorney yesterday. Try to file first. She is not someone that can be bargained …
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 11:06 PM
1

Yeah I hate it too for the same reason. She will always lump 5 different convos into the same thread so that then you can’t go find the ridiculous bull shit she said when shit hits the fan. I do try to compartmentalize responses. Recently I copied her message and repeated it into a new thread with appropriate title. Then was like “I copied your response here below and my responses are directly after.” I put You state: “shit she said.” My response: place my response here. It required a computer b…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 11:01 PM
2

Dude no
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 06:28 PM
22

Yup. The lies never seem to end. Years later and my ex is STILL lying. Stay the course. Make sure you have a good attorney. Do whatever they ask. This is not just a fight for you, it’s a fight for your kids. And if you stay on target you will win this fight and your children will come to appreciate it. They love you. They will always love you. Exercise and meditation. Therapy if you need it. You are not defined by her lies.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 06:25 PM
1

She is about to claim abuse and domestic violence. Record conversations. Always be a cucumber. Get attorney. Divorce asap.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 02:14 PM
1

That’s not how it works. There is no state that automatically assigns moms more time. It’s case by case. If you want 50/50 you settle for nothing less. You fight the fight and do whatever it takes.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 02:23 PM
2

It doesn’t matter what she thinks. It’s 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 03:19 AM
2

Ugh. Brace yourself brother. Your life will get better. I promise.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 12:43 AM
1

You just do. Exercise and routine.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 11:45 PM
2

There is usually a form/calculator that figures it out. Input number of kids, the kids expenses, 50/50 custody, your income, and your ex wife’s income. And it spits out a number. It just comes down to how much more you earn. The fact that she cheated super sucks, but it doesn’t matter at all. Get over it. It’s a wonderful thing that you’re divorcing this awful person. Stay focused on the positives.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/22 11:42 PM
3

Just chill. Review the temp orders and follow them to a T.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 03:21 AM
3

Talk to your doc. They have pills for that now. No need to suffer.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/22 02:21 PM
1

Get the fuck out of this. You deserve so much better. Also, have you ever thought about using paragraphs? 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 04:24 AM
1

Fuck yeah dude. Congrats.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/22 11:17 PM
9

I didn’t shed a tear🤣 But nothing wrong with crying. It’s the end of a big chapter of your life. Don’t dwell on it. Congrats!
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/22 02:45 AM
2

In my very similar situation I got really worried about the GAL and the “coaching” that my ex was saying to kids. Exact same thing. Anyway the GAL saw right through it in my case. I wouldn’t say it backfired on my ex the way it should have, but the GAL made the 50/50 determination. My guess is the GAL will either do the due diligence and figure it out without that much effort, and then maintain the 50/50, or not do the due diligence but see the kids love mom and dad and so recommend 50/50, or th…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 08:08 AM
6

I took the high road and still do. It’s not an easy road to take. Im glad I can look back and see my character and strength. The idea is that she can play in the mud and she will absolutely drag you into it and make everything muddy. If you take the high road, then EVENTUALLY (talking years), people will see her for what she truly is. Delete her from social media. It’s not healthy for you. Ignore literally everything she says! ZERO truth will come out of her face. It’s all just bull shit. My ex …
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 04:26 AM
3

I eventually gave up on furniture and possessions. It really isn’t worth litigating over. Focus on only the MAJOR must-have items. Nothing about divorce is fair and it was a shitty pill to swallow but I don’t miss that shit now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 04:17 AM
2

Ayy mine played these games. My attorney sent out a ton of business records subpeonas to all the banks of hers. Depositions. Full throttle is unfortunately sometimes what it’s going to take. Prepare a shit ton of questions for the depositions. The idea is that you want to destroy her credibility, by catching her in a lie. It is very likely that she will avoid depositions because of the risk. This may bring her to the table for a reasonable settlement. Good luck brother. You’re nearing the end ga…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 04:15 AM
3

To answer your question: all sorts of deals can be made. Yes, it is feasible to simply buy her out. Trades can be made. The issue is whether she is receptive to it or not. Typically it’s a good ideas if you write every asset down that you can think of. Then split it all up in the way that YOU would prefer to get to 50/50 (in your case, buying her out of the stock is important to you). Then, she should be doing the same. When you sit down at the table together or in mediation, you can negotiate. …
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/22 07:51 PM
1

Yeah I agree. All very interesting to contemplate.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/22 05:18 PM
2

I won’t argue with the vagueness of “spirituality.” But I despise AA approach for this reason. Yet I’m happy it helps some people get to sobriety. I was a former addict and I promise you it is 100% more effective to credit YOURSELF when you stay sober, rather than credit some higher power. When you do something major, it’s YOU. Not some other bullshit spirit that is supporting you. Credit yourself, because when you start doubting your false idol (which is totally normal and human), you will doub…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/22 11:09 PM
2

Scratch number 3. I couldn’t disagree more when it comes to bull shit like no.3. Don’t lie to yourself. God isn’t a factor in this. Exercise and meditation is truly the solution. Along with talking to doc about meds and how you’re feeling. It will get better, no doubt about that. Therefore stay the course and keep lifting heavy things when you find your mind going the wrong way.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/22 08:35 PM
2

Try to hold the long view. Today may hurt but it will all come around in the end. It’s always amazing to consider reversing the genders in these stories. At any rate, it’ll all work out man. Exercise and take care of yourself. Be happy and kind and friendly to everyone. Especially your ex. It’ll drive her nuts. The best “win” here is being in shape, and being genuinely healthy and happy. Don’t sweat missing a few days or weeks. The truth has a way of coming out eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/22 01:18 AM
11

Save the messages. I would stop communicating with her entirely.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 10:51 PM
7

It is unfortunately extremely common. It usually occurs when a person is entitled, and has never had to face consequences for their actions. She will rewrite history and paint you as a monster and there is literally nothing you can do about that. She will tell anyone and everyone who will listen to her that you are abusive. She will get attention as a victim, and this will reinforce her will to further rewrite history and turn you into an even worse monster. Best thing you can do is get away fro…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 01:00 AM
2

Exercise. Stop wasting a single second of your brain space on this waste of a time human being. She is stupid. That’s why. She’s a horrible person. That’s why. It doesn’t matter. If thoughts about any of this shit you’re posting about get into your head, immediately start doing push ups as punishment.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 03:05 AM
3

One- I’m not able to work enough. Ngl, it is hard to make ends meet. Two- It’s better to be divorced than to remain in the toxic relationship. My child sees a much better version of me than I was able to offer when I was in the marriage. You should get divorced. Three- you should not stay with an unstable crazy person. Four- you need to worry that she will make you out to be an abusive and violent monster. It is extremely common for women to rewrite history and lie. They do not take responsibili…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/22 05:23 PM
21

You may never understand it. It is unfortunately really common. She cannot face the consequences of her own actions, and therefore she rewrites history.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 11:00 AM
2

When it rains, it pours.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 04:00 AM
3

I wouldn’t accept anything less than 50/50. In my case, I’m two years out from settlement (I got 50/50), and she has given up being a mom and I now have far more than 50/50. She still delights in telling everyone she’s a “full time single mom” though. Nothing you can do about that. I would advise you to tell her that you will never yield on anything less than 50/50. Then, follow through. I do this with all things. I tell her, here is what I’m going to do, and then I do it. I foolishly hope that …
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 12:41 AM
2

She’s about to call cops, and then get a restraining order against you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 11:06 PM
3

Yup
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 06:48 PM
1

Do push ups constantly. It gets better. And sometimes it gets bad again. And then it gets better again. Exercise hard. It’s amazing what it can do for alleviating your mental woes.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 12:56 AM
2

I’m in great shape, that much is true 😅. I date younger because I’m not trying to rush into anything and there is way less pressure to get married or to be serious. The sex and company is what I’m after, and I don’t want a long term relationship unless it’s right. I think usually they’re looking for stability, sure, but more than that it works because I don’t become super attached and they can move on and don’t have to deal with immature boys that turn everything into drama. They can have incred…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 02:43 AM
3

My daughter is young. But I sure hope that someday she sees her mom for what she is.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 10:53 PM
6

I date much younger women. 🤷🏼‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 07:03 AM
2

I took the high road. It was not easy. Years later I’m not fucked.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/22 03:50 AM
7

Yeah my ex was like this towards the end. It’s super exhausting. Stay the course. Mania is truly an awful thing to live with. I’m not sure where you’re at in your journey, but divorce and get away from this person. She will never stop lying and she will never get better. Gtfo.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 09:24 PM
1

Happened to me and she simply lied. Lost everything for awhile there.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/22 03:07 AM
3

It’s about getting attention.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 03:04 AM
1

You’re stuck with a coparent that doesn’t share your values. The best thing you can do is to radically accept that fact. She’s going to be a bad influence in your kid. That’s an unchangeable fact. And in a way, relish in the idea that you don’t have to worry about her and can only control your relationship with the kid. Your kid will be okay, because they have you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 04:11 AM
5

Did you respond to the initial filing? It sounds like you have done that. You will likely find language there that agrees with the incompatibility. The point is that this process has begun, it is on the docket. Talk to your attorney but I do not believe she can unilaterally back out. If she did that, it would come as some filing, and you would get to respond, and that response would likely be hilarious imo.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 05:13 PM
3

Tinder for fuck. Hinge and bumble for relationships, and for fuck. Be safe and take care of yourself. Heed the warnings.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 01:08 PM
2

Download the dating apps, is that what you’re asking? Yeah you’re fine with kids. Expect it to suck. Be pleasantly surprised. Don’t rush into a long term thing.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 06:21 AM
12

Unfortunately this is really common. She can’t look internally to see that she has major issues that need to be addressed, and so she projects them onto you. It’s hard and frustrating to be you. After this divorce is finalized and you get some distance, you’re going to be amazed at just how awful she really was during the marriage. You have surely put up with a ton for a long time. Keep your focus on yourself. She will likely keep blaming you for all her troubles so be ready for that. She has cr…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 06:14 PM
1

Mediation the day before.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 02:02 PM
1

In my case, that was going to happen regardless. The woman was not going to even consider settlement until that final hour.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 12:35 PM
1

One other thing: look up “golden uterus syndrome.” I think your ex wife has it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 05:39 AM
2

It doesn’t get reviewed by judge unless it is conciliation. It’s a report of things that you possibly did agree upon. You don’t sign it if you don’t like it. You won’t like it. Don’t sign it. Stick to 50/50. I’ve been in your exact shoes before. Stay the course. Fuck that mediator. My first one was exactly like this. The second one, the one we got in the final hour before trial, was much better. Still a fucking ass hole, but much better. The truth is your ex wife is going to be a hysterical vict…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 05:38 AM
2

1 week before trial date is even better.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 05:23 AM
2

Sorry man. Hang in there. There will be good days ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 04:25 AM
4

Really breaks my heart man. I feel your pain. I’m in a similar boat. My ex is simply filthy rich. And she wields that money like a weapon every chance she can get. Love them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 11:19 PM
8

You don’t pay back child support. My dumbass got fucked on that. The support calculator is typically straight forward. Check what it is now that you didn’t get the bonus and go with that. You do not pay her attorney fees that’s nonsense, but every woman asks for that in every divorce because if you fold then it didn’t hurt to have thrown it on the pile. The debt should be split 50/50 along with asset negotiation. You shouldn’t have to dig your heels in too much. You already got the 50/50. I woul…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 01:55 PM
3

Yeah my exes had unbelievable things in there that were nowhere near true. It is truly amazing how broken family law is in this country.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 03:46 AM
7

Western culture done some damage to both men and women. Unfortunately many women here believe, truly believe, they are to be treated like princesses. It’s very common that they do not take responsibility for anything. A woman can be literally obese and yet still will not take responsibility of their own health, and expect men to be worship them. It’s shockingly common that women will hold their feelings and emotions as a stronger measure of “truth” than facts and logic. They commonly blame men f…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 07:03 PM
6

My ex was clearly and unequivocally in the wrong, and yet …
/r/MensRights08/10/22 12:17 AM
4

Meditation is how you learn to get control back of your mind. Worked for me. Works for millions of people. Probably will work for you too. Meditation. Heavy weights. New hobbies. The “Waking Up” app has a good intro course. Headspace is probs fine too. You need a meditation guide to get started.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 03:47 PM
19

Mine literally never stopped slandering me. The woman is insane. I agree with you fully. Switch just flipped.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 05:26 AM
4

Rotating 2-2-3.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 10:14 PM
19

More than half… half goes to lawyers. It’s more like losing 3/4.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 06:21 PM
2

Yup. Many of us have been through it. Bizarre how common it is. Rewrite history because she cannot justify her actions without admitting fault. And under no circumstances can she admit fault. Make you into an abusive monster. Try to get full custody because she’s a victim and you’re a monster. Tell everyone about how awful you are. Later, use the kid against you every single chance that becomes available. Sorry man. Fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 04:18 AM
4

She will trash you way beyond her friends. She will trash you to whomever will listen.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 12:37 AM
16

It will be hard times for awhile to come. Soak up every second of time with the kids. It’s a shame that she took the nuclear approach to breaking up the family. Don’t let your son give up fighting for what he deserves, 50/50 parenting time and dropping the protection order. She gets control in these stages using that approach, but she jeopardized everything to get it. If he stays the course and fights the good fight then I bet that in a couple years he will have way more than 50% and be in a rea…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 02:59 AM
1

Mediation is a chance to get a settlement. It will depend on how reasonable or unreasonable your ex wife is. Go in with your major goals firm in your mind. Mine was 50/50 custody and dropping the TRO. I won’t agree to any other issue unless those two things are secured. My first mediation completely failed because she was emotional and only wanted to go on and on about how awful I am. And the mediator ate it up like cereal. I was pissed. But stayed calm and just re asserted the dealbreakers. You…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 10:49 PM
5

You’re me 2 years ago. It gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/22 03:25 AM
2

Yup. They commonly rewrite history. They are gaslighting themselves and those around them. Don’t let her pull you into that crap. As far as I can tell nothing that can be done about it than to stay the course. Not in your control.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/22 02:36 PM
3

Hit record on your phone and record her yelling without her knowing. You’ll think me later. Get an attorney, also without her knowing.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 07:36 PM
5

Hey man it’s going to be okay. You deserve so much better. You can’t take her seriously at this point. Many women have a completely different social support thing going on when it comes to divorce. They celebrate drama and thrill toward it. She will immediately jump into sexy outfits and go out to be sexy and single. Is what it is. I feel your pain. Had to part with a house and manage a nasty divorce with false abuse allegations and a custody battle. Here is what you need to do: 1. lawyer up. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 02:22 PM
1

Best I can say is to do what you can to be the stability. The only guarantee you have at the end of the day is the chaos will continue.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 03:54 AM
1

😬
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/22 12:12 AM
1

I don’t get why you’re afraid of this? You’re not in jail now. She filed a TRO. Follow the TRO and you don’t go to jail. Are you planning on not following the TRO? How could she possibly put you in jail?
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 10:46 PM
4

She is putting that shit in your head. She’s wrong. I was in your shoes 2+ years ago, i survived it and so can you. I got 50/50 custody (and actually more because my ex never really wanted to be a mom she just wanted to fight me and hurt me). You can get 50/50 custody too. Never budge on it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 07:48 PM
12

Seems like every wife goes the scorched earth method, the “put him in jail” and TRO tactic. These fucking lawyers are making a killing by convincing their female clients to take this approach. Capitalizing on the “I’m a helpless victim” culture we are in. Don’t bother changing your number. Don’t message her ever. Only communicate through lawyers. If you have kids, ask lawyer to restrict communication to “our family wizard” or some other app that records all communications. It would be good news …
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 07:45 PM
9

Stay the course. Keep your eyes on your main goals. She is trying to provoke you. Don’t let her get under your skin. When, after all her bull shit, you remained calm and civil and reasonable despite it all, that is when you will have won. It’s going to take time and monk-like patience and presence. Therefore, exercise hard and meditate. Do not fear her. You haven’t done anything to escalate things. You’re not some credit card fraud mastermind and it will all get sorted out in the divorce anyway.…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 10:17 PM
1

You need to go full blown divorce mode with her. Especially if you have children. Record every conversation. Get an attorney yesterday. Have them prepare divorce papers. File first and asap. Don’t leave the house.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 12:40 PM
17

I was raped in 2007 and couldn’t process it. Was fortunate that a “girlfriend” of the rapist figured it out, and she came forward to talk to me about it.
/r/MensRights27/08/22 01:23 PM
16

The answer for me was 1. Exercise 2. Meditation and 3. Other women.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/22 01:20 PM
3

I think you should not let her, or what she thinks, dictate your life. You’re not your addiction and you’re not her bitch. Why is she able to control your self care plan by hanging children in the balance? Using children in that way is awful. Lawyer. Agreements. Motions. Refocus to what matters as best you can.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 06:43 AM
1

Super hard man. Really sorry you’re going through this. It isn’t your fault. Go easy on yourself. Exercise hard. Meditate. Get therapy. Hobbies. Friends. Reach out on here when you need it. Stay strong and keep your head up. You deserve better and I promise in a couple years you will be in a much better place and on a track to be happier than you’ve ever been.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/22 01:59 PM
3

As someone who lost a shit ton in legal fees only to get to 50/50 in the end, we may disagree on the strategy. The law is that from the marriage forward, it’s 50/50. It’s not worth trying to beat the law. Money will come after. Get it over with and keep the emotions down. But it doesn’t hurt to ask 😏
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 04:35 AM
4

Listen man not gonna lie it’s obviously going to suck for awhile. Here is the truth. When you get through this divorce, and get to the other side, and you are clear of the chaos, your life is going to drastically improve. The best path forward is to 1Protect what is rightfully yours. Not just for you, but for your children too. You do this by first getting a lawyer. You do this by filing first. You do this by getting her to agree to 50/50 parenting time and equal division of assets. 2Take care o…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 04:15 AM
2

This happened to me and it took time to get sorted, but it did get sorted. Hang in there!
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 05:33 PM
2

Your son and son’s lawyer should make an effort to illustrate that you have been an important caretaker in the child’s life. I think typically the judges like to see minimal disruption to the child’s life. So, if you have been spending significant time then they should write that into the parenting plan. Not much you can do directly. Much of it depends on how contentious the divorce is. Are they at the very beginning? Is it looking contentious?
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 02:27 PM
2

The affair partner and stuff like that, I truly think you should avoiding bringing it up. It can only make you look bitter. Even though your focus is on the kids and it is relevant. Next, do not for a single second read into lawyers threatening legal fees or calling eachother shit lawyers. They do this in every case. From what I hear your lawyer seems on point. And her lawyer seems emotional, likely a weird hype between the lawyer and your ex. Ignore all the drama. You seek 50/50 and you’re on t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 06:00 AM
3

Dude just break up with her. That’s the good thing. It may or not be because you jumped in early. Regardless, you just have to end it and move on. It’s all good, people get together and they break up. Don’t be hard on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 05:37 AM
3

Treating it like outright war is what did it. Viciously going after her medical records and family. Any opportunity I saw to blow a hole in her credibility I exploited to the fullest.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 01:44 AM
18

Dude she’s about to completely blind side you. Possibly even accuse you of violence and abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 12:15 AM
1

Yeah that’s awesome
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 08:51 PM
1

Yes my ex stashed jewelry too. She even removed all the jewelry from the house and hid it somewhere lmao. You’re going to have to get used to the idea that much of your concerns here don’t matter. Write down jewelry on the list, and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 12:16 PM
9

I went through a similar thing… and it got so so so so so bad. So bad. Please be careful. She’s unstable and capable of anything. Evil worse than you can imagine. She may cheat. She may take all the money. She may hire an attorney. Call the cops on you. Say you’re abusive. Get a restraining order. I may sound crazy but this exact shit happens to a TON of guys. If I was you, knowing what I know now. Get a lawyer yesterday and have him file for divorce before she strikes first with an atomic blast…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 06:41 AM
1

I forgot to add, don’t get ahead of yourself. One step at a time. You’re in discovery. You’re making a list of items. Write down every room in the home. Under each label write down every single thing you can remember in the room. Save this list.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 06:27 AM
1

Well I never got back into the house. I was able to make a list if all the shit that I wanted. That’s whether it was above or below 500 in my case. I lost thousands in bull shit like big screen tvs and beds and computers and shit. What happens is that all the items become a bargaining chip later. In order to settle the case, shit goes down. In my situation by the time we were at the mediators table negotiating a settlement, I had been fighting a TRO and custody battle for years. I was fully esta…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 06:24 AM
1

In my case yes, she got it all. Hard pill to swallow.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 05:54 AM
2

Time for new and better habits. Work on getting control of your mind. Exercise and meditation. Get a ‘fuck-you body’ and enjoy your life without her. It’s amazing to be liberated from a monster like your STBXW.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/22 01:27 AM
3

Just put the major stuff you remember. My attorney wrote “the request is not relevant and requires unjustified burden on respondent” or some bull shit to that effect, on literally every response. We would put the major shit and that is that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 05:23 AM
2

What a bitch. She owes you half. And really more than half since she didn’t let you be part of the deal making.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 01:02 AM
3

You do the best you can, it’s all you can do. Much comes down to how effective the lawyers are, and unfortunately, the judge you’re stuck with. I believe you will beat it unless she has evidence. What you need to do is put the best case you can to ruin her credibility. But truly you also cannot obsess on this until the day of court and then have a mental breakdown in front of the judge. Therefore please take the time to care for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 01:58 PM
-1

I never sleep, cuz sleep is the cousin of death.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 01:52 PM
9

Precisely
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 05:20 AM
4

That sounds insane. Literally the only thing that will end this is the threat of trial. Many of the conflict divorces are settled in mere days before trial. Mine included.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 02:47 AM
1

Great to hear!
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 10:07 PM
2

Fuck her. Don’t give her a penny more than the law requires and never deal with the shitty woman again.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 08:07 PM
4

Where is your lawyer, what do they say?
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 02:34 PM
3

As you probably know by now, many of us were in your exact same position. If the TRO is based on false claims, and she has no evidence, then I think it’s likely you will win that. However, it’s already served it’s purpose because you won’t be going back to the house, and she begins the divorce proceedings with a huge upper hand. You’re feeling the brunt of that upper hand now, and it’s why you’re feeling completely shit. Helpless. Stay the course. Lift heavy weights. Be focused on getting time w…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 11:29 PM
4

Aw snap this is some Maury shit right here
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 04:20 AM
3

Dude get the fuck out of this. Hire an attorney. She is going to torture you in front of the kids for years and years? Forget about it. Lose the dead weight and let your kids see the best version of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 11:25 PM
6

She gets half of everything accrued during the marriage. Pay it and move on! Awesome you’ll get out fairly easy. Don’t pay a penny more than that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 12:58 AM
3

I remember those days. It gets better. Stay the course. Her lies work in the beginning but as time goes they stop working. The better you stay level and grey rock the less she lies and better, the less her lies can impact you. She will always lie and always be a shit mom. But in the end that won’t matter. Get your 50/50 and be a good dad. Your kids need you so bad, because they have a narcissistic turd for a mom.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 03:39 AM
1

How physically fit are you? It’s amazing the doors that it will open if you get active.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 03:17 AM
2

It’s an attorney for the child. They do a review of both parents and sortve investigate both parents. Then they make a recommendation to the judge as to what is in the best interest of the child. Often times when a mother has silly and wild claims they will see right through that and recommend 50/50. People being people though, it’s best to be careful about who becomes the GAL. In other words, don’t go with the one your STBXW’s lawyer recommends. It isn’t cheap, as it is another attorney. But it…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 03:09 AM
2

Yes. Therefore let her make a big deal about everything else. And you will die on that hill. 50/50, never give up until you have it. Have you tried a guardian ad litem?
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 06:24 PM
1

Yup mine did that too. Just get your own appraisal done and finish this thing. Don’t sign anything she wants you to sign unless it’s fair. The unfair thing is when the appraisal comes in lower than it should. You can push to have the home sold. However it’s probably better to just get this thing done.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 05:22 PM
11

Good on you on doing dinners and being civil, but honestly I’m so glad I don’t. Like fuck her. She’s selfish and simply wrong. Hope she doesn’t retaliate on you. You’re just being a good dad. Keep it up and don’t let her get to you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 01:33 AM
1

You’ll use the audio tapes to beat the TRO and get a good parenting schedule. I would not advice the CPS route. If anything, you might get a GAL for your child. But I would not do the CPS thing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 12:47 PM
1

I think CS/alimony should be revisited every so often… you might look toward the next, less contentious opportunity.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 08:34 PM
5

First thing to know is that you and your kids will see better days ahead. Unfortunately, you’re currently trapped. So you need to get a divorce. Do not fantasize any longer about the “idea” of a family that doesn’t exist. That idea isn’t real. What’s real is that you’re miserable. Tired. And done. The only way you can get to the better days ahead part, is by going to the next chapter of your book. It’s time for you to hire attorney and get this over with. No need to tell her. This is your next s…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 06:23 PM
3

I personally would not take that strategy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 01:31 AM
2

You have to be careful. I don’t know your situation well enough. I do t know how powerful your evidence is. I hope your kids are okay.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 12:46 AM
5

Well firstly you obviously need an attorney. You probably knew that. You will either have your day in court, or she will drop the TRO. I personally think that when a TRO occurs and it’s fairly clear timing-wise, that it was to get you out of the house and away from the kids, then judges typically will look at that and figure that it served it’s purpose and dismiss it. Every judge is different. Every case is different. But evidence from a year ago? My attorney would have argued “well why didn’t y…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 12:21 AM
1

You can do a business records subpoena on anything you want. It’s usually part of the discovery process. Eventually you are going to be encouraged to do mediation. We did two rounds. The first was an epic fail. The second, days before trial was successful. I held to a statement: I won’t make any deal on any issue unless the bogus TRO is dropped. I was ready to rip her credibility apart in trial if need be. The advantage she gets is that she has kids and is in house. Judges don’t like to cause hu…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 06:24 PM
0

Here we go again. Yeah happened to me and thousands upon thousands of other men. The justice system is indeed broken. Get a new attorney immediately. Long story short: most likely it will be dropped. However she is going to get a huge advantage in the divorce proceedings, as you’re already aware. How long ago did the TRO occur? There are two ways to approach this, one is to fight the TRO right now. The other is to tie it to the divorce such that they try both cases at the same time. This is extr…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 06:05 PM
2

What is wrong with you? Bitter and resentful someone divorced you? He asked a question and I gave an honest answer. You’re just here shitting on people, how’s that feel? Is it helping you process your traumas?
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 02:29 PM
9

No. YellowFever is insulting everyone’s intelligence. We’re not dumb. He doesn’t need to protect us from an internet dude giving advice. People hear the advice and they take it or leave it. This guy isn’t giving advice. He’s just shitting on other people giving their honest advice. He’s a piece of shit. I suspect he’s a she, in disguise.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 01:31 AM
7

The younger the better. The consequences are much worse for a child to be around parents that aren’t happy or filling their potential. Yes it’s hard on them. But so is staying and feeling tension in the air. Every situation is unique.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 01:29 AM
7

Mods should ban him for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 12:44 AM
14

How does it feel to be a total loser?
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/22 12:43 AM
1

Dude don’t do anything she asks, like ever again. In my opinion if you guys aren’t agreeable on a settlement, then you only do what is required by lawyer. In my case we did a whole discovery process. She can ask for anything in discovery. Say she asked for this in discovery. You might give 2-3 years and then your attorney will write, “the request is over-broad and unnecessary, we provided the last three years.” Something like that. We had a statement like that on just about every single discover…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 04:21 PM
11

Go get an attorney asap. Record every conversation with her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 09:38 PM
5

There is so much projection here. The hostile personality that you’re talking about is quite clearly you. The ridiculous sounding person is, again, you. And so on. I truly hope you get some help. Therapy, meditation, exercise. Let your anger go. Choose love and please try to reject hate and resentment. Try not to throw entire groups of people into a single bin. We are all different. It really reads like you’re a woman that is harboring resentment. Are you a woman?
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 09:00 PM
1

Cool! Then don’t worry too much. Also brace yourself for the judge being a dick and making the divorce process carry on for more than it needs to. It’s really a crapshoot. I have a friend that was in a similar situation and the judge just keeps dragging things out. Hopefully you get a judge who wants to clear his docket.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 04:15 PM
1

He will want to know where you’re at in the process and what issues are in the way. Did you fill out your DRAs? It will probably be a rather easy meeting.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 03:45 PM
7

Dude, she’s horrible. You have some awesome years ahead when you’re free of this.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 06:38 AM
12

God isn’t saving anyone lol.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 06:00 PM
3

Stay calm and be long gone by the time she gets back.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 05:59 PM
1

It’s really unlikely. Depends on your lawyer and tactics you want to take, how the judge is going to be, etc. It’s possible that you fight and win the TRO in the first couple weeks. In that case, it’s possible that you could get back into the home. Given you have some evidence you might be able to swing that. If she has any evidence of any kind, then you’re not getting back into that house. Even if it’s the dumbest imaginable evidence. Even if you have evidence and she has none, I would still ar…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 04:06 AM
2

If she is there now than no. If the office is in the residence than technically no. However, there are situations where a sheriff will allow you in. Usually you need to communicate such a thing with the the ex, through the lawyers. She’s already gone through it or is going through it now if she’s still there. Just being realistic. Your attorney should be working out a way for you to get all your basic things and handle office stuff. But in general my advice would be follow that order exactly. If…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 02:49 AM
2

You can’t go to the residence, that much is for sure. Follow the order carefully.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 01:52 AM
1

I think it’s a good attorney
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 10:36 PM
7

She’s following the divorce playbook. This is brutal and it’s happened to many men. Listen carefully. Do you own a home together? Do you have kids? There is a high probability that she already has an attorney, given that she has taken money out of accounts. That attorney is probably drafting up divorce papers right now. The next steps she will take is to provoke you into arguments and try to record you. Flip this script and be sure you record every conversation you have with her. She also wants …
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 10:32 PM
7

Yeah man, the ups and downs continue for awhile. For one thing it sounds like the divorce is ongoing, and really the healing goes much faster once that’s done with. It gets way better. Simply acknowledge your emotions, and move on. Try not to wallow in them, there’s nothing more to learn from them. Use exercise to push those feeling into the weights. If you have energy to have anxiety, then you have energy to do a few more push ups. Exercise truly does take the edge off. Plus, it’s good for you …
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 02:19 PM
2

You’re still on high alert mode after brutal litigation. I think you’re okay. It was an accident. She can’t use it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 11:07 PM
1

There is so much to unpack here. I can come back to elaborate, but much of what you’re saying here isn’t going to work. You unfortunately just don’t have this much control… Picture this: Everything earned from the day the marriage started to the day of filing for divorce is half hers. The bitter pill. Swallow it down.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 04:48 PM
3

The home chores are actually quite relaxing. Put the headphones in and just jam.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 12:25 AM
5

Sounds good, more random attractive women for me 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/22 09:17 PM
3

Around that age is when children reject the parents. Sometimes unequally. Sometimes they reject one and then switch and reject the other. Sometimes reject both at the same time. It’s actually a normal part of growing into an adult. Also normal is to reconnect after a couple years and form a deeper bond that’s less parent-child, to a relationship that’s more about mutual respect and friendship. So, I guess I would just say that you should hang in there and do your best to have the perspective tha…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/22 05:18 PM
3

Yeah I feel ya. I built the damn place. After awhile though I realized I wouldn’t want to be in that place. Nostalgia is just nostalgia. You’re better off.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/22 01:38 AM
2

Amen
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 08:40 PM
1

Why are you religious?
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 08:39 PM
8

I totally get where you’re coming from with this note, but in all honesty what purpose does it serve? It reads fine but I guess I’m not seeing any reason to give her that. Im sorry you’re going through this man.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 07:44 PM
6

Terrible idea
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 04:16 PM
1

Check your bank account. She may have taken all the money too. Get on the phone with a lawyer immediately. You need to file. Stay in your home. Record every conversation. Be calm and try to think about two years from now. You’re single, you have 50/50 custody, everything is okay. This is going to get worse because she will accuse you of violence and likely get a restraining order. Get on the phone with an attorney right now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 03:54 PM
1

100% this
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 03:50 PM
1

I don’t see any reasons here that prevent you from divorce. Get a divorce man she’s toxic as hell. Your kids deserve parents that feel good about themselves and should be able to see functioning relationships. Better to show them how to live independently in no relationship than to show them a toxic one.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 02:32 PM
6

I think they’re just fucking stupid lol
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 02:27 PM
3

The other solution besides lifting and exercise is meditation. Learn to meditate. In essence you’ll learn through meditation that all these intrusive thoughts and mental anguish is pointless. You’ll find that you cannot control them, but you can reduce how hard they hit you and reduce how frequently they intrude. It’s like right now you have these thoughts and you let them own you. They control your mood and your outlook and they make you miserable. But once you see that they are just thoughts, …
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 02:17 PM
1

Yeah sorry I shouldn’t have said jack shit. It’s super shitty your wife doesn’t appreciate that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 05:14 AM
3

You’re not happy. Hard truth: happiness comes from with you. She’s not going to do it for you. Only you can do that. Still, the marriage is dysfunctional. No sex life, you’re talked down to, etc. You need to find what makes you, you. She’s not going to love the man who lays around the house doing jack shit and then complains about it. She’s working all day and cultivating her social circle and support groups (looking at phone all day), and you’re building a resentment of that. It’s toxic. Even y…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 02:59 AM
5

As the others said, this will go bad on you if you act like she’s anything other than your enemy. Do not do what you’re saying! You say, “do all I can to give her the options to sensibly settle out of court.” To basically anyone who is further along than you in this process that sounds absurd. Her starting point shows no sign that she is going to go easy here. There is no signal that she has any respect for you whatsoever. Do not give her a single thing. Don’t over complicate this with her emoti…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 07:08 PM
7

So much to discuss here. Know that you likely have a long road ahead. Firstly, do you have all this on record? She is saying some really unreasonable things that will help you later in the divorce if you have it documented. Get her to put this stuff in writing. Her health is not your importance. Your children are your importance. It reads to me that she is using them as a pawn in her game. Again, it would be nice for her to give you all this in writing. Her idea that only one of you are going to…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 05:55 PM
14

I’ll never forget that after doing several really sweet and thoughtful favors for her, I go inside and she’s watching tv and I’m like, “hey babe I did this and that for you hope you like it.” Her response? “Good.” I say, “not even a thank you?” And she says no shit, “You don’t think I deserve that?” It’s like TV shows or culture or I don’t know what is giving women this outrageously ballooned sense of entitlement. They’re queens and as husbands our duty is to serve. Freedom is so so sweet.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 05:14 PM
1

Definitely.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/22 11:08 PM
5

Nothing got done in my case UNTIL I scheduled the trial. She will play that game of chicken until it dawns on her that trial may not be the loving embrace she expected. Have you finished discovery? Ask your lawyer if they can get the trial scheduled.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 03:50 AM
7

Yeah mine did a character assassination too. It’s a tactic exes uses to bolster their self confidence and to help justify their own actions. Basically, she is likely having a difficult time emotionally, and rather than look internally to see that the failings in the marriage would somehow have anything to do with herself, she must therefore place that onto you. In the scrambling, it is easier to rewrite history or simply lie to yourself about what happened. And so then the lie gets projected out…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 06:00 PM
3

In terms of litigation, all I can say is stay the course. Also, control only what you can control. You can’t control her. You can’t control the judge. Just be the best dad you can be. As for mental health, you need to stay on top of it by eating right, lifting heavy weights and exercise, meditation, and hobbies. It will get better. You’re in the shittiest part right now. You’re not alone. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 01:09 AM
4

Every man going into a divorce or midway a divorce should understand this. The lawyers inject drama. They purposely go the route that has been working for them in court, i.e. husband was controlling abusive asshole guy. Basically all of us have this experience! I received all caps emails from her lawyer telling me about how controlling and abusive I am and how I was using the law to continue the controlling behavior I had in the marriage. Looking back her attorney was simply losing the case and …
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 01:03 AM
3

You should have purchasing power. She can’t just buy shit frivolously and charge you. She needs to get your approval on things before she buys them. In other words, there is no need for designer swim wear. I don’t trust my ex. She would buy the nicest shit possible and then kids wear it one time and she eBays it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 07:36 PM
19

Dude women like this are the absolute worst. She’s lying to herself, and then she broadcasts that lie onto social media. Why tf are you into her? I’ll tell you why: you’re into the idea of her, but not her. You need to fucking forget about this train wreck of a human being. There are way better women out there. I don’t know why you can’t see that but you need to splash some water on your face and get real. She’s a psycho bitch whore. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/22 01:38 PM
9

Start lifting heavy weights. Do push ups every time things feel difficult, starting now. This will put chemicals into your brain that help you deal. Your daughter will always be your daughters and they will always love you. Many people grow up in two-home families and turn out just fine. They deserve you happy, and right now you’re not. Don’t put her on a pedestal. There are many women that are available and will appreciate you as you are, even with the kids. So, frankly, beautiful and wonderful…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 10:35 PM
2

I see. Well that’s a bummer that you don’t get any free weekends?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 06:48 PM
3

Why do you say husband/ wife? That’s dead lol. Call it Dad/Mom. In your schedule nobody seems to have the kids after Tuesday. At any rate the way you’ve written it is very confusing. These things are already super confusing so don’t feel bad. I see she is calling it a “visitation.” That’s bull shit. Pick how many days you want and then make it simple. here is what I suggest for a 50/50: Dad: every other weekend (starting Friday evening) and always has Monday and Tuesday (exchange Wednesday morni…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 06:46 PM
3

She probably will. Expect the worst haha.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 01:53 AM
13

If I were you I would push for 50/50 parenting time and joint custody. Die on that hill. You might also insist that you keep primary residence since she is the one that’s moving. The minuscule difference in your earning should equate to basically zero child support.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 01:03 AM
2

What is the motion?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 12:56 AM
7

I met a friend at the bars. I started participating in after work activities with coworkers. I met some folks doing hobbies. I also went on some dates that failed as relationships but i still talk with them as friends/ fwb hah. I don’t have a ton of time, and I wouldn’t say I’ve made a whole group of friends. But enough that I can reach out on a free night and maybe go out. I’m generally just more open to meeting people and don’t hesitate to get numbers.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 06:45 PM
14

I went with the ‘new friend group’ approach and I’m loving it. I also reconnected with old friends.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/22 05:51 PM
4

Yeah dude forget about it, alimony makes no sense. I worry you will need a lawyer. I recommend recording your interactions with her.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 09:15 PM
1

Mediation worked for me in the final hour. She basically wouldn’t accept anything reasonable whatsoever… until it became clear that trial was going to get ugly, and that I had a very good case. You should go into it knowing what a fair 50/50 split looks like. Then simply stick to that. Sure there’s a little wiggle room there because continuing litigation comes at a cost. But if this is your first mediation attempt, there is a good chance she will probably come into it with lofty goals. She will …
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 08:54 PM
4

Alimony depends on things like how long you were supporting her? Was this marriage >5 years? Did she rely on your sole income? My initial thoughts are that it seems rather unlikely that your situation would be an alimony situation. And so I agree that you should not agree to alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 08:43 PM
2

I didn’t fully anticipate just how fucked family law has become.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/22 04:09 AM
19

Getting dates is easy and fun. Finding an amazing partner, less easy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 09:12 PM
12

When a woman gets a lawyer, the lawyer asks her if there is any abuse, emotional or otherwise. Even if there isn’t, the lawyer encourages her that whatever her reasons, is to get proof. The lawyer will convince her she is a victim. The lawyer begins drafting up the divorce documents. This is empowering to your STBXW and the new victim status makes her feel good. She goes to her friends who are super supportive of her and sympathetic to her as a victim. You need to protect yourself here. Get a la…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 03:14 PM
7

You will get through it. Lift heavy weights. Do not put her on a pedestal. “Literally everything I wanted in a partner.” No she isn’t. She is throwing your marriage in the trash is that what you want in a partner? Recognize what IS, and not what you want it to be. You don’t need to go out drinking to escape the pain. You need to do push-ups. All the pain should go into exhausting your muscles. Start right now. Don’t worry about dating right now. That will happen when you’re ready and it will be …
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 10:56 PM
2

Your mom is a hoe! Lmao
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 12:06 AM
7

Go get a lottery ticket!
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 06:39 AM
1

Yup about right. Hopefully they are good. The money is saved later. But in the end a complex divorce like yours is going to be minimum 40k and can likely go much much, much higher (trust me I know). I started with a shit lawyer and it cost me when I had to switch to a better one. $750 is a drop in the bucket. Definitely reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 05:35 AM
2

Be wary of falling into the trap of hearing what you want to hear. And good luck man! Sorry this happened to you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 08:07 PM
1

Personally, I don’t think this is the battle you want to fight. Try not to let it bother you even though of course it bothers you when it’s impacting your kids negatively. But at the end of the day this isn’t something you can control, and trying to control it may go to litigation which then can easily become expensive and ultimately backfire. It’s just not worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 07:35 PM
4

Is she your ex wife or are you simply separated? Hire an attorney. We don’t have enough information. We can tell you only that you’re delusional if you think that her cheating has anything to do with alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 02:02 PM
2

Have almost the same story. That’s awesome for you. My ex wife’s lawyer new she was going to struggle in a deposition. She did everything she could to stop the deposition and delay trial. It’s truly amazing the delusions a person can wrap themselves in to avoid confronting the truth about their own actions. Scary, really. My advice at this juncture is that you should move for a settlement. Her attorney at this point must recognize that this client isn’t a winner, and she may actually pressure he…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 03:19 AM
1

Or maybe you feel like you don’t belong here because you don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 02:28 PM
5

The articles don’t matter. What matters is you specifically being a good dad. More than that even is what the hell she has that would suggest you shouldn’t have 50/50. If it’s just her, like, opinion man, then who the hell died and made her queen of all decision?
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 04:06 AM
3

Oh, right. Yup well at this point all you can do is follow that order like it’s a religious document haha. Sorry you got fucked brother.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 07:04 PM
3

I get your frustration, but respectfully that’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking if the current plan is labeled as a temporary or is it labeled as a final parenting plan? Other ways of asking the same thing: Is the custody battle ongoing, or is it over? Is the divorce complete or is it ongoing?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 06:17 PM
10

Yeah it’s weird how the other side seems to become recharged by fighting. She needs the fight! It’s her drama. Best you can do is to try and work on all the things that help you not let her fight impact you. If you just finished family court and you have a parenting plan, then what you do is super adhere to that plan. It’s not just your schedule it’s your ammunition for dealing with your ex being crazy. It’s all you need. Nothing she says or does should be allowed to impact you because you just …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 04:17 PM
3

I had a similar scenario where I had an asset that paid irregularly. Some years negative some years positive. Nobody wanted to hear about the down years.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 03:22 AM
2

I hear you on the garbage they watch on tv haha. Man please go easy on yourself. This will likely become ugly and hard. Stay hydrated and prepare mentally and physically for the marathon ahead. Choose battles wisely. Decide now what you need to see in the divorce as far as asset division and custody. Good luck brother and don’t forget to lift heavy weights.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 03:19 AM
3

There’s no avoiding it in the way you are suggesting. Not to my knowledge, anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/22 12:39 PM
3

I’m average. I’m not fat though, and I do work out. I think being slim helps tremendously. As far as a first pass goes.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 11:29 PM
10

If you don’t have kids get the fuck out of there.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 02:04 PM
7

I seem to have no issues whatsoever. You’re at a good time for it (a year out). Edit: I meant to elaborate but daughter threw my phone and it posted. Basically you need to make a decent profile on the apps. This takes some work. Some of the friends with benefits that I have show me your competition and it’s fucking hilarious how bad men are at making profiles. Put a little bit of effort in and you’ll get dates. Don’t write dumb shit like “looking for friends with benefits.” Just be normal. Go on…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 12:58 PM
1

I had a female and I think she was better. It was like she could read my exes mind. I think only women can truly understand how devious other women can be. Think of high school girls. They are so cruel to eachother. Just as an example, women are often mad at men for over-sexualing them, but in reality it is not men that want women to wear make-up or be sexy. We find them sexy regardless. The pressure is coming from other women! Women are hard on eachother. I digress, you realistically want the a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 06:09 PM
3

Yeah dude they had a PI following me around 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 05:58 PM
1

Hey man. Try your best not to catastrophize. You’re gonna get through this and if you stay calm and sensible then you will not get fucked. It will be 50/50 across the board. Yes, that means 50% of any value that has accrued in your home since the day of purchase. Mine was the absolute worst case scenario. Was the court biased? Yes, at first. However over the course of the divorce her shit all came out and ultimately I got 50/50 custody (which turned into more the day after when her true colors c…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 05:56 PM
3

Document this and talk to your lawyer. All will be okay in time. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/22 02:45 AM
9

It totally sucks man but it’s also a new chapter. Why in the world do you want someone who would do something so horrible? Why would you want to be with that person? As someone a couple years out, maybe more, I’m amazed at how many women there are that are 1 million times better. I’m free to do what I love without the bullshit that comes with me ex wife’s judgements. I don’t have to try to keep her happy or handle her crap. I am with much hotter women. I have peace of mind and clarity. You’re in…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 09:33 AM
8

Yup. You have good days ahead. Don’t forget that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 08:56 PM
2

That vehicle is marital property. She should take on half the debt and it will be negotiated as to who keeps it. What makes you think it’s yours?
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 05:42 PM
7

Yeah man it definitely gets better. Way way better. It takes time to process what happened, find yourself again, and get down the road to mental well being. I highly recommend lifting heavy weights, because it sends feel good chemicals to your brain and lets you channel the bad energy into something good- your health. But regardless just go easy on yourself. It’s okay to feel down and out rn. You just went through, are going through, some really brutal crap! It’s totally normal to feel like it’s…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 05:19 PM
3

Wish I had this wisdom at your age
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 01:46 AM
1

My situation was like this and I did spend a small fortune, however I got 50/50, and perhaps more importantly I did not roll over to my ex. This is the moment where you show her that she cannot control you like she did in the marriage. It sets the tone for the entire future of your coparenting relationship. You really gonna just let her steam roll you on everything she wants?
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 09:28 PM
3

Hilarious. Mine went to my work too with the same claims!! It’s insanity!! She also went to the kids daycare with that crap. Why are they like this? The frustrating thing is to see some people take her side and treat me slightly different. Those people are dead to me now. It was the height of the “me too” movement and she took full advantage. Anyone who believes things without any evidence, whatsoever, is dead to me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 01:23 PM
3

Sorry you went through this. Mine also feels her bogus TRO is proof. She also feels like family law is biased against HER. And she claims my fighting the TRO was abuse, in-it-of-itself. Her feelings don’t matter. It’s so weird that many women believe that their feelings are the penultimate evidence and should be held higher than any other thing.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 12:15 PM
2

My ex makes scenes like this too. She feeds off the same drama that exhausts me and makes me feel sorry for the kids. She lives for it. She does not, however, say sorry. That’s cool that yours is at least somewhat aware of her impact on her kids and coparent.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 12:10 PM
2

That’s what I read!
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 12:57 AM
1

She sounds super obnoxious sorry brother.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 12:57 AM
1

Every kid is different. Mine was ridiculous difficult at 6 months, and although still difficult, much less so now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 12:54 AM
2

I personally think most cell phones do good enough, but sorry I don’t have a good recommendation. I didn’t get the good advice until it was too late. But what I had was very useful. Hopefully you don’t need it but it doesn’t hurt to have it. Think hard about what the split should look like. What do you own? Who gets what? What is fair? Do you have kids, what should custody look like? Believe it or not, you’re more likely to get her to agree to something fair now; than when lawyers start fighting…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 04:31 PM
3

Trust us on this one haha. Seriously though: you need to lawyer up, begin recording conversations, truly get your head into the realization that this divorce is happening and there is a very, very, high chance (after reading what you have said) that she will be an extremely manipulative and difficult adversary in the divorce. This could mean false allegations and complete revision of your past and who you are as a man. Go to the gym and lift heavy weights asap.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 04:15 PM
7

Oh she was definitely testing ‘being single.’ Why is every story the same? It’s so depressing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 04:12 PM
3

The bleeding out is so brutal.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 03:17 AM
9

It’s ingrained into people from a very young age. There’s whole reality shows based around it. People are just totally wrapped up in the idea of it. It’s as if they think that one day will last forever.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 07:19 PM
3

Okay but none of that matters.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 01:47 PM
12

I would advise you this: ask her if she is willing to be your partner for life, without marriage. If she can’t agree to that you damn sure don’t want to be married to her. And if she can, than what is the point of the marriage? There can be valid reasons, sure. But they are VERY few and far between. If it’s family pressure, that’s not a valid reason.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 05:53 AM
10

Exactly! My ex does everything she can to not be a mom. Suddenly today, she wants a couple hours. I was thinking, why just a couple hours? And your post made me realize, ah yes it’s because she needs to keep the appearances of being a mom on her social media lol.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 04:18 PM
1

It all depends on if it will go easy or hard. Do you think she will contest the divorce or try to fight you? You have kids? Will she try to get more than 50% custody and does that matter to you?
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 03:03 PM
8

Imagine the worst thing that can happen to you and multiply it by 50.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 04:15 PM
6

Cut her off dude wtf
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 04:11 PM
14

For her, regardless of whatever she was saying to you, it was always about her being with other men. You can’t “save” a marriage. Many of us here have tried. This story is so common. It might take you a couple years to process it, but maybe it’s faster if you just accept the truth: all of the problems were stemming from her wanting to fuck other people. So the silver lining is that this isn’t your fault! You did everything you could. You were thinking of your kid, your family. She was thinking a…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 02:10 PM
1

Why is it always the frying pan!? Lol
/r/MensRights06/05/22 03:22 PM
6

My ex wife also abusive. Emotionally, financially, physically. I was called all the names and screamed at. Shit thrown at me regularly. She had me trapped, and the moment I said “no” and tried to confront her about the abuse, she called the cops, claimed I was abusive, took my kid, got a restraining order (zero evidence because I never did anything), took all the money from the accounts, left me on the street with literally nothing. The courts just ate it up. All she had to do was act afraid. Ou…
/r/MensRights06/05/22 03:20 PM
11

I’m years out and I don’t think I’ll ever not hate her. The hate may lessen. But some things are unforgivable. Some things are worthy of hate. That being said, hate eats at you. So, my solution is to hardly think about her at all. But yeah when I do, you’re damn right I hate her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 03:51 AM
2

Yup and then you’ll be in court defending yourself. Without kids and you don’t own your home together, it’s hard to see why she would go the restraining order route. Not much to gain. But yeah she can get one with absolutely no evidence, my ex did.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 12:34 AM
2

If you have kids it absolutely matters. And it will matter regardless if she plays the “violence” card and gets a restraining order.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 12:19 AM
2

It sounds to me like she’s already planning her exit, and that she will be choosing the ‘destroy the man’ tactic. Beware, she will use this claims of violence and emotional abuse to take literally everything from you. The courts will EAT IT UP. You have a rough road ahead of you have kids. Please tell me you don’t have kids?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 11:26 PM
1

Just laugh, be light hearted, make attempts at jokes (not at her expense). Eventually, you not-so-innocently touch her, but not awkwardly. Pull her close. Make it obvious. You’re a dude so it’s expected that you’ll be shit. Any effort is endearing. It’s really not complicated. Try not to overthink it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 05:16 PM
1

You’re definitely better off. Your son will be okay, and maybe even better off. You will live a better life. I’m not sure what you’re looking for in terms of “letting things go.” I am years out and have not and will not forgive or forget what happened. I’m not sure I have it in me. So no, you may not let it go. Maybe that’s okay. Your situation is at maximum shitty right now. You have this bogus restraining order. Your ex is loving the attention she gets from being a victim. She will likely go o…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 02:10 AM
1

I personally think avoiding a trial is best for the long term coparenting relationship. If you can avoid it, don’t go to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 05:01 PM
6

Not being able to say sorry. Shitting on your bed.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 08:03 PM
1

I really hope you’re right!!
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 05:43 PM
2

This is really helpful. Thank you. I’ll be using these lines in the future, for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 05:43 PM
3

Fight for every last penny because it absolutely does not matter how “nice” you are or how much you cut back, the outcome is the same. She will, regardless, flip out and cause war. It’s not on you to manage her emotions anymore. Let her flip out. Let her go to war. 50/50. Just from the way you’re even contemplating that tells me she has been abusing you. You should not have to give her anything. It’s 50/50. That’s the fucking deal.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 04:54 PM
2

Thanks man. I’m trying!
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 03:43 PM
3

This is really good to hear. Gives me some hope that they will see the truth. Already it’s clear they are struggling to understand why mom would say that when they clearly know me and it doesn’t fit with what they know about me. But golly I’m pissed off about it. Last week I heard she was telling the daycare teachers about how abusive I am. I’m just like god damn it! This woman lives for the sole purpose of being perceived as a poor victim who is liberating herself from this monster of a man.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 03:43 PM
2

I’ve done this! I think it’s why she ramped up her attacks recently.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 03:39 PM
3

Thanks… I guess I’ll bring ‘em to therapy. The woman is insane, and it’s so hard to see my kids trying to process this thing as she feeds them endless streams of bs.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 03:20 PM
2

Changes to the schedule need a week notice (within reason). Financial stuff. Updates to eachother about kids. There isn’t much else. Ideally you deal with her as little as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 02:02 PM
2

Exercise, no matter what.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 03:46 AM
4

Fuck that’s hard. Inhumane even. Hang in there. Be kind to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 08:40 PM
1

Kids or no?
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 08:38 PM
3

My ex managed and still manages to blame me for her rages lol.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 08:37 PM
3

Fuck man I’m sorry this is happening to you. Fight hard.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 04:13 PM
2

All of your thinking about this isn’t doing you any good. The result is the same. Focus on you. Get her out of your mind. Don’t ever let anyone else own you like this ever again. Hire a lawyer. Now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 03:40 PM
3

Yeah man, it gets much better.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 02:54 PM
4

Feminism no longer means what it used to mean. You absolutely should not be a feminist. Simply say that you are for equality. Feminism is a word that has branched in meaning. Which you know, because even you had to sort of define it when using it, which is the correct thing to do since over the last decade or so MANY MANY MANY women are now using it as an anthem call to hate men. So I suggest ditching your allegiance to the word “feminism” and be like me, I’m pro equality of all genders. Equalit…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 01:32 AM
6

I read the title as saying that the sub is filled with all women. As in, there aren’t many men. Not that all women are ___. And I agree with you that women are not awful. But some are! R divorce seems to have forgotten that. I think there are some people in this sub that do seem to hate women. And I’m not a fan of that, or the whole ‘red pill’ and ‘MGTOW’ stuff, or whatever it is. But overall, we support eachother here. I’m not sure what the exchange was that led to someone telling you to fuck o…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 01:01 AM
15

Fuck that sub. I got banned the other day for pointing out that the mod made a CLEARLY sexist remark about how “all men generalize women.” The sexism on that sub makes me sick. The way they immediately jump to assume the man is abusive. The way they are incapable of seeing that there is likely another side to the story. The way they don’t just want to see the woman blind side and divorce the man, but actually want to see her ruin his life. Label him an abuser. Take his children. Ruin his livelih…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 10:31 PM
2

People always are changing. Do you change together? Do you change for the better? I highly doubt that “you are the problem.” There are two people in the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 09:33 PM
12

She’s so woke. You can’t argue with these people because they are ethically superior which means if you don’t agree then you’re a sexist racist homophobe.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 06:51 PM
5

Try to take the amicable route with her. You’re going to be in a WAY better place in two years than you are capable of imagining right now. The road ahead is difficult. You’re right to make your goal your children. Align that in all that you do. But also believe me when I say that if you lift weights, take care of yourself, meditate, have hobbies, than you are actually aligning your goal to your kids. The thing is that the kids will see you FLOURISH once you get out of this marriage and through …
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 04:58 AM
8

I miss the fidget spinner on my finger more than I miss my ex wife, that’s for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 03:37 AM
6

It seemed to work for me. Obviously my match rate was extremely low and most conversations lead to me getting ghosted. But, over time, I met many women of all different ages and ethnicities and interests. It’s a jungle.
/r/MensRights19/04/22 02:14 AM
3

Transcripts are useful, yes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/22 07:37 PM
45

It’s almost like the moment the marriage happens, they start resenting you for every little thing regardless of how important it is.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/22 11:23 PM
1

Forthcoming is her claiming you are abusive. You will be served papers. Likely a restraining order along with ex-parte divorce and parenting plan. Get a fucking lawyer yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/22 10:40 PM
4

It’s amazing how once you see how hated men are, you see that it’s everywhere and nearly ubiquitous.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/22 12:59 AM
6

Please record this happening.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 03:11 PM
2

If I’m not too late, I would add that you want to know if the attorney is familiar with the specific judge working your case.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 04:49 PM
2

The kids are better off with parents that are fulfilling their own potential. If you’re truly just in a “stick it out” situation, then you need to get out of that for your kids. Staying for the kids doesn’t make sense, leaving for the kids does make sense. Unless they’re like right about to go off to college in which case yeah wait a year or whatever. But if your marriage is dysfunctional beyond repair and you’re emotionally drained all the time because of the crap, then get out because those ki…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 03:42 PM
2

This should be spelled out in the divorce documents.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 03:39 PM
2

I wore a tie.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 03:38 PM
2

I didn’t have this problem at all. But, I do sympathize with you. Hope you can shake that funk off you soon. The whole world is waiting for you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 03:37 PM
3

You’re ahead of the curve. Please record her just like you did and also assume she is always recording you. Emotionally this will be difficult. The proven method is to exercise and lift heavy weights to exhaustion. This releases chemical to your mind that act to sooth it and free it from all the emotional bs your STBXW is putting on you and even if she’s a saint about it divorce is still a bitch. Also meditation. Put the ear buds in and do 10 minutes of guided meditation every day. I’m a couple …
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 04:32 AM
2

Amen this is EXACTLY what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 04:22 AM
1

Lmao I was banned.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 10:20 PM
2

Here is that mods response. What a fucking coward. Can you believe they try to defend themselves as if they’re using a data driven approach to their sexism? What a joke. And yes of course I was banned. “Nope. I was very specific about behaviors on this sub. I am basing that on observable data I’ve accumulated over the years as moderator and not generalizing to women as a whole. Edit - oops you’re also brigading so bye.”
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 10:19 PM
6

I just commented to that: “You legit just generalized all men and women. “Weirdly though women tend not to generalize in that way on this sub.” You’re part of the problem. “ I suspect my ban is forthcoming.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 07:59 PM
10

Unbelievably, the moderator “catcher of souls” or whatever is blatantly sexist. This is what they write in response to an angry woman responding to your comment. And I quote: “I blame myself. I keep refusing to let angry men (or women)blame all women/men since Eve/Adam for their experiences with divorce. Weirdly though women tend not to generalize in that way on this sub.” Are you fucking kidding me? A generalization of all men and women in the exact sentence claiming that they don’t allow that?…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 07:53 PM
1

Are you kidding purge that crap it’s cancer.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 06:21 PM
-1

It’s helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 10:14 AM
8

They’re so hot tho.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 01:12 AM
9

I don’t know man. Going with the metaphor, I definitely get that after you get hit you’re hurt, and you learned a lesson. But what I’m saying is dont let that keep you from one of the best things about life. Also, I dont let my ex have that power over me, to make me so bitter than I can never love again.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 01:03 AM
8

Get a better strategy and snatch that cheese.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 12:54 AM
2

Ikr I’m fucking ripped lmao
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 11:41 PM
1

Why anonymous?
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 02:44 PM
3

She’s super abusive.
/r/MensRights09/04/22 01:06 AM
2

It sounds quite a bit like many stories in which the woman has cheated or is about to cheat or wants to have sex with other people. She is trying to justify her actions by trying to find all the flaws in you so that she can be like “well he didn’t appreciate me.” Or whatever she has to do to not look in the mirror. Sorry man it’s a long hard road ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 01:02 AM
1

Lmao plastic surgery. Classic.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 01:37 AM
7

That sub is extremely toxic. Support for the poor victims (only women can be victims).
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/22 01:35 AM
4

Of course you’re bothered. She’s being ridiculous and it hurts your kids. That’s way too soon. Sorry man your ex fucking sucks and it is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 06:30 PM
10

Nothing will come of it, but it needs to be done. You need to be calm the entire meeting. Simply go in with your numbers, and don’t budge. Then make sure you say that you don’t see how any progress will be made given that she is not budging and you’re not willing to budge. Don’t let the mediator drag it out into more and more sessions. They just want money. She will play therapist to your STBXwife instead of trying to make progress. Just stay calm through all that and say, “well she lies. It’s d…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 02:55 PM
1

I used the intro course on the waking up app. Catch the intrusive thoughts that come into your head and replace them with thoughts of shit that isn’t toxic. You got this man. You’ll get through and when you do you’ll be happier than you’ve been in years.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 07:56 PM
1

Great ideas. Traveling is a smart plan. Everyone has a different path but many of us agree, would not have gotten through it had it not been heavy weights and meditation.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 07:49 PM
2

It’s really hard. Perhaps one of the hardest emotional things to overcome in your whole life (not withstanding matters of life and death). It’s reasonable to think about it. I’m sure you know but exercise, particularly heavy weights, hobbies, and friends are good distractions. I learned to meditate and that helped a ton and is still useful even once it’s long over. Unfortunately there’s not much to do to stop thinking about it until the whole damn thing is over and you’ve got some space from her…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 07:18 PM
3

Definitely not alone
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 04:15 AM
6

I love women…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 12:27 AM
2

Indeed the court is an asshat. My experience is that in the courts eyes she can do no wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/22 03:08 PM
3

I would think that the IRS will likely catch this and y’all have a forthcoming paper audit. All you can do is try to take the high road and just have you lawyer send a message that states the error has been noticed. If the IRS comes your way you should be able to point the the STBX. Unfortunately, I doubt this provides you any “ammo” with regards to the divorce. My guess is that nobody will care except to say that she made an honest mistake. Of course, had you made this mistake they would have c…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/22 02:16 PM
2

Dude you’re young and there are so many other women. She was HORRIBLE. This is the best thing that ever happened to you. You’re out relatively unscathed except for the trauma of it. At any rate. Just be easy on yourself. Hit weights hard. I mean really heavy and really intense. Get into new hobbies and interests.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 03:52 PM
5

She wants to control you because she can’t control herself ha.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 04:20 AM
4

This is amazingly consistent with my experience. Thanks for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 04:51 AM
1

I’m learning to say no. You’re right that it’s the last minute dump on me that just makes it extra egregious.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 05:04 PM
2

Yeah after more than a year of a custody battle wherein she acted like I couldn’t be a dad in any capacity, she now dumps our child on me regularly. I get bout 80%. It’s really hard. System is broken.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 01:50 PM
1

Why not date? Is there a reason you’re not dating?
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 01:49 PM
1

Record every conversation and stay calm. Photograph that journal. Next comes her claims of domestic violence or abuse. She got the memo going around that is telling her she won’t be held accountable if she says you’re abusive.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 04:33 PM
3

There is a very difficult balance to strike which involves you establishing boundaries. Because of the litigation, you have correctly been worried about coming off as escalating the problem. By trying to keep the peace you were unable to put up and defend boundaries. It’s totally understandable that at some point you would snap and try to reestablish the boundary. Litigation is poison on the coparenting relationship. Especially when it comes to the man being able to set up and defend boundaries.…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 06:02 PM
12

Nah they just lie to themselves. Whatever they have to do so that they do not face the consequences of their behaviors. Rewriting all of history is a common technique.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/22 03:42 PM
2

This is a common scenario and she is basically forcing you to get a lawyer. I take it you have kids and she’s trying to prevent you from being a dad?
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/22 04:44 PM
6

That’s awesome I look forward to this.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/22 04:41 PM
2

You can win this. Stay rational. Stay calm. Yay the course. Do whatever the current parenting time order from the judge is. Fight for 50/50 no matter what. She needs actual evidence and her efforts will back fire if she looks like a spiteful mom trying to keep child from dad out of spite. Make sure you’re always thinking about what is the best thing for your child. That happens to be 50/50 time. The 2-2-3 worked but you’re happy to go to a 2-2-5-5 or other 50/50 schedule. All her claims are bogu…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/22 04:41 PM
7

You need a lawyer asap
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/22 04:08 PM
1

Fucking hell dude she sucks. Get out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/22 10:28 AM
3

Record every conversation
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/22 10:23 AM
1

I disagree. Get a therapist involved and the abuse word will start flying around. They will validate the woman regardless of how unfounded it is. Then the man will say “wait that’s not true though,” and then the counselor will say “that’s abuse!!” There is no gain from marriage counseling.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 02:37 PM
10

Too true. Marriage counselors without fail 1) side with the woman, 2) enhance false accusations and rewrites of history, 3) will testify against you in court. It’s all they do. They sure as fuck don’t save marriages.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 02:34 PM
3

I see. Well thank god you dodged that bullet. Obviously your circumstance is really brutal right now, but it’s a good thing you’re not trapped with her for life like so many of us are. Here’s the thing. Greener pastures await you my friend. That may be hard to see right now because you’re currently in a load of shit. It is true. She gave up on the marriage. She doesn’t know what it takes to be in a long term relationship. None of it is your fault. She isn’t the person you love. Don’t fall into t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 02:30 PM
1

Kids or no kids? This changes everything. I’m sorry this is happening.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 10:19 AM
2

Yeah I think the attorneys simply take it all. It’s almost like they first request you to fill out the DRA so that they know how much they can get from you before it wraps up.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 04:00 PM
2

Mine went over 100k. Careful out there my man.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 03:41 PM
1

Here is what I read: you have given her conceded a ton in a valiant effort to avoid litigation. She realized she has a huge upper hand because she is a woman, so she can take all that you’ve given her as a gift, and then force you into litigation and take even more by holding your kids hostage in the negotiation. Once a woman gets like this there is little you can do. She will ride this horse into the sunset. Family law is so fucked. I’m sorry man.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 03:40 PM
1

Yeah and all that talk about you needing to deal with your “issues.” Don’t tell yourself that crap man! You’re a fucking king, and women would love to be with you. You’re doing renovation projects. You try to work. Everybody has ups and downs and issues. If she thinks she is going to find greener pastries she’s insane. So, take your blindfold off and realize the blessing that is divorce. All this struggling you’ve had trying to please her or yourself or anyone, it’ll be over! The struggle will b…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 04:30 AM
5

You’re in the shitty part right now. Do NOT fall into her traps. She is lying to you. She has moved on long ago. There is zero hope in the marriage. Don’t talk to her. Don’t give her time of day. You’re super lucky you don’t have kids. Look at what is fair 50/50. It’s literally just half of everything accrued during the marriage. Write that figure down. Someone has to buy the other out of the house or you have to sell it. Fuck her. She is a terrible person, and she has likely cheated on you. She…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 02:55 AM
3

Gotcha. Yup it sounds like you’re doing all you can. She gets her fuel by taking yours, and dragging everything into the mud. Don’t let her take your fuel. Everything through the parenting app is a good idea.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 02:43 AM
3

You’re not dumb. But, it’s no surprise whatsoever that she is eye rolling you. Here’s the thing, when I read this I see a bunch of “I told her…” And, although all of the things you told her are literally facts and things the apt complex is asking for, many women just don’t operate that way. They operate by emotions and feelings. The way she feels right now is that you are not allowed to “tell her” anything. She is ‘liberated’ from your control. So she’s not listening to anything you say, she is …
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 02:04 AM
3

I’m sorry man. This shit is really hard. I don’t have much to offer in terms of advice, but I whole heartedly sympathize with you and I hope things get better. Go easy on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 12:38 AM
2

Don’t move out. Record all conversations. Get attorney. Hit record and calmly tell her and record her abusive words.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 09:56 PM
10

I’m trying to hide that I’m poor 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 09:00 PM
11

Because she just wants to fuck other people. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her being a shitty wife and partner. I’m sorry this happened to you. But DO NOT believe her lies about you. She is just lying to you to justify her own unjustifiable actions.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 02:32 PM
2

Yup. When a woman claims she’s a victim everyone supports her. Everyone agrees, you are an abusive monster and she’s a strong woman who liberated herself from you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 02:26 PM
6

The ones who say they are scared are so commonly the ones also yelling, starting shit, throwing shit, hitting. I’m not saying all women lie, I’m just saying I see a pattern.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 03:01 AM
2

Amen
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 11:49 PM
9

You’re not in love with her you’re in love with an idea. You need to recognize it for what it is. Exercise and meditate and learn how to stop letting you learn mind wander into a desire what isn’t even real. You empty your mind of thoughts of her and it leaves a whole bunch of space in there to think about things that bring you happiness and joy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/22 07:05 PM
1

Tell me about it lol. Ideally use daycare or school.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 03:30 PM
2

5-10 younger seems to work.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 10:54 PM
2

I should have said One person has Monday and Tuesday and every other weekend (including friday), The other person has Wednesday and Thursday and every other weekend. That way during the week you always have the same days, and then weekends alternate.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 09:08 PM
2

The first step is percentage. If it’s 50/50 there are many plans that are used. 2-5-2-5 is common.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/22 06:06 PM
1

Haha yes
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 01:23 AM
71

It would be funny to hear from the guys, they would be like “yeah she was a ton of drama.”
/r/MensRights01/03/22 09:12 PM
1

Yeah I just ask girls out without a care in the world. Most don’t take the bait, but some do! Btw age gaps don’t matter.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/22 01:21 PM
2

I’m dating a girl with the same age gap you have, so obv I think it’s okay. I’m done worrying about what other people think. You only get one life, enjoy it. People who are judging you are either bitter or jealous. It’s their problem.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/22 05:28 PM
3

As many months as there were years with your ex. It is a good rule of thumb I heard, and it seemed accurate in my case. I admit that I may not have been “emotionally available” immediately, but that doesn’t mean you can’t date. Dating and getting laid and having attractive women interested in me was a huge part of the recovery. Go for it!
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/22 02:51 AM
4

Marriage counselors almost always immediately side with the wife and will discount anything a man says. Later when the divorce is full swing and your wife is throwing abuse allegations at you, she will try to bring this counselor in as evidence that you are a monster. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/22 05:14 PM
4

Haha my ex hid all sorts of marital assets. A house, hidden accounts, even land out in the country. She basically took all the liquid capital she could get her hands on and spread it out in the first couple months of separation. Ultimately she basically got away with it. Even though it was verifiable and she lied. It still worked in her favor. Why? Because the judge doesn’t give a single fuck. Because nobody gives a fuck since she’s a woman. And ultimately because she used the all to common DV c…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/22 02:40 PM
3

You need an attorney. You need to hit record on a device and then go talk to her about custody and separation. Record her yelling and being unreasonable asap. Record everything she does and says.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 05:36 PM
5

You need to start lifting heavy weights and exercising. Meditation. Don’t wait to do these things start doing them right now. The anguish in the mind is MUCH less if you have tired muscles.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 02:46 AM
3

My experience was that the judge read nothing and so basically none of the contents of the motions mattered, only the title. The fact they had to be discussed when the hearing came.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 02:43 AM
1

Fuck
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 11:42 PM
10

Yeah that makes it harder. Even so, it’s for the best that you rip the band aid off. Do it for them. My relationship with my child is so much stronger now. It’s hard to have less time, but the time is much more quality. Record your interactions with her. Hit record, then confront her about the spending and relationship issues. Be calm. I regret not recording because once I started to be assertive about my needs and boundaries she went ballistic and rewrote history and made me out to be an abuser…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 05:58 PM
18

You need to divorce and separate finances before she takes you down with her. The positive thing I can say is that it will get better eventually. Obv it will be hard between now and then. I promise that this will get better but you have to get yourself ready for this. Half of her debts are yours. Therefore it is important that you get an attorney and file for divorce asap. Her behavior is unacceptable not just in the spending but also in the lying to you about the spending. You aren’t alone in t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 05:28 PM
3

Fuckin A right
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 01:44 PM
2

Anytime. You’re not alone, many of us have been through what you’re going through and come out on the other side. Just don’t give up no matter what.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 03:06 AM
2

Fucking brutal man I’m so sorry the system is so broken. I don’t get why the hell she gets to be in this god-like position of deciding what is right for the kids and when you get to see them. You shouldn’t need her approval. That being said it took me a good year and 6 figures before I was able to get parenting time straightened out. That’s with a perfectly clean record. So for whatever reason courts seem to just give moms free reign to traumatize their children. I recommend that you think about…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 02:52 AM
3

You’ll need a parenting plan, yes.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 01:37 AM
2

Record every interaction with her. You need to see your kids. Hire a lawyer immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 01:36 AM
2

There might be cyborgs amongst us.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 08:52 PM
3

Message her that she needs to include you in decision-making if you are to be sharing costs. Then adhere to that logic.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 07:21 PM
1

Ohhh I see why you’re here now. Hahaha
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 08:13 PM
1

How did it go?
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 05:36 PM
1

Yeah go get you some.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 05:35 PM
1

You’re overthinking all this shit. r/divorce is toxic as fuck. It’s just a support group for women. You need to ask dating questions in a dating subreddit. No idea why you are asking here.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 05:31 PM
3

Your next step is to exercise. Lift heavy weights. Focus your mind on self care via exercise, good eating habits, and meditation. What do you like to do? Play video games? Watch movies? Sports? Music? Do that after lifting heavy weights. You want to be the best “you” that you can be. Go easy on yourself. Divorce with a shit ex like yours is seriously hard. The hardest thing maybe in your whole life. She has taken your child from you and alienated him against you. That’s hard! So, be kind to your…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 04:56 PM
3

Yeah I feel ya. She just lies to herself. Never believe a word she says. Only thing true is what she does.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 04:47 PM
9

Man basically you got to eject this thinking out of your head. She makes no sense. She’s a fucking mess. She needs validation. She’s … who cares. It probably won’t last. My ex did it for awhile and shocker, it didn’t last long. When I think about the crap she’s done since we split it blows my goddamn mind, and then I think, “what tf am I thinking about her for?” And I go back to thinking about whatever I want. Do your best to break the cycle of her being in your head at all. Sounds like you’re a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 03:39 AM
11

It doesn’t stop, but the ups and downs become less frequent. The big breaks and lack of routine make the rollercoaster much more brutal. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 07:21 PM
31

You’re in love with the idea of her. You’re not in love with her. Recognize the difference. She’s done. You need to move on. Greener pastures are ahead. Fuck this person who won’t work on your relationship. She isn’t worth your effort or mental energy. Focus on you and things you like and don’t think about her at all. Delete Facebook it’s toxic cancer and will only make you feel bad.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 07:16 PM
3

Please stay and give advice. As you know, there are so many that come in at their lowest points, desperate, and with no support. Congrats on getting that chapter of your life over with!
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 02:58 PM
1

I forgot the splitting costs thing and regret it already. Wish that was included! But yeah I think you want to cover as much as possible. I don’t think of it as a custody order but rather as a parenting plan. It’s very flexible.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 11:06 PM
3

I had to demonstrate that it didn’t happen. It was as though in family law you are guilty until proven innocent, and it was on me to prove something didn’t happen. I suppose our side of the pond is different, or maybe it was just that way for my case.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 08:33 PM
9

Fuck her lol
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 11:39 PM
7

Get some!
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 12:45 AM
6

You should record her. You need to record her. You should do this without her knowing. Before you even mention divorce see if you can record her being “abusive.” I personally think that word is garbage, but the courts love it. If you can get her yelling on tape, or playing psycho mind-games, that will be wonderful later if she suddenly claims you’re abusive and insane. How to go about this: You should plan out what you want. Do you have kids? What kind of parenting arrangement do you see for tha…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 09:56 PM
9

The therapist will immediately validate everything she says about you, and agree that you need to work on yourself. The therapist will immediately disregard anything you say, and will basically paint you as the problem. Then, when the divorce is underway, your STBXW will weaponize the therapist and act like they are evidence that you are the monster she says you are. Fuck marriage therapists. If you go down that road get a young male. Do not think that it is a “safe place” to be honest. Think of…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 04:14 PM
1

Lol yup I was on this timeline.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 02:33 AM
2

Perhaps you can get paid child support. Money sucks but there are things more important than money, like being a significant part of your kids lives. But I understand, you got to do what you got to do!
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 08:29 PM
4

Any time. It’s a long road ahead but you’ll be so glad you made this decision once it’s all done and you’re on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 06:45 PM
2

Don’t listen to a word she says. Lies and lies about abuse are just run of the mill these days because they are so effective. This is a marathon not a sprint. Listen carefully to your lawyer and be ready for a long expensive legal battle. Do everything you can to be a good dad. Take parenting classes. Take anger management classes (even if you don’t need them). If you want 50/50 then never agree to anything that isn’t 50/50. Exercise often. Lift heavy weights. Push your pain into the weights and…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 06:44 PM
6

Yeah dude it’s totally fine and reasonable. It sounds like it’s just an incompatibility issue. It’s a long time to be married to someone and when it’s incompatible it’s super hard. It doesn’t need to be “bad” in order to be incompatible. You only got this life and if you’re sure this marriage isn’t working for you, then you have got to move on. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 06:36 PM
3

Dude there are so many hot women. Move on. Get her out of your head and replace that space with whatever you want that makes you feel good. For me it was fun and music and video games and … hot women. There are other hot women that will want you after the gym. Give them your headspace, not your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 05:27 PM
1

Haha yes I can confirm that 100k each is within the realm of possibility. Try to get a really good mediator, someone who was a judge or gets how this shit works. We had a bad mediator who caused problems. Later, in the final hour, a good one came and forced my ex into some logic. Basically saying to her, “look I know the judge, i have seen them rule on cases like this, and the judge is not going to rule in your favor on this (or that).” Get that person in the first 6 months rather than after 2 y…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 02:35 AM
5

Ugh be ready to come back to lies and claims of abuse. I doubt she will agree to your schedules, but I’m hoping for you anyway!! Be sure to let us know what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 09:57 PM
1

I’m not sure when breaking it down to just those things. My divorce was extremely costly. Those specific things were just so minor compared to the overall. Maybe $1k.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 09:06 PM
1

An extreme scenario would be like mine, in which my ex simply would not yield anything over in the discovery process. My attorney filed a business records subpoena to the banks themselves, and they provided 5 years of statements to us. We also filed a motion to enforce discovery, but that didn’t do too much. We got all the records through business subpoena. Her failure to provide documents helped my case. I suggest you do whatever you got to do if they ask for them in discovery. They may not ask…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 08:04 PM
1

Amen. This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 07:21 PM
1

You’re not alone! You will get through this. Worth every penny to fight for your kids right to be with you. Hang in there, and get a burner Reddit account.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 07:12 PM
3

It’s a crap shoot. Ya just got to have fun and don’t care when you don’t have any interest coming your way. Smile in the photos. Don’t put your kids in photos. A tiny bit of effort goes a long way. Funny wherever possible. Oh and don’t forget the rules: be attractive and don’t be unattractive.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 11:00 PM
3

Lots of different types of people. Meeting different types is fun. Humor and flirting. Feeling wanted. Feeling sexual chemistry. Enjoying the company of another. If you take to it as “I’m going to have fun.” Then it can be fun. If you take to it as “maybe this will lead to a LTR and ultimately marriage and then that marriage is going to fail and I will get divorced again and lose all my money,” then yeah dating sucks ass. Just have fun. Oh yeah and of course the sex.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 06:24 PM
2

I’m 100% open, so yeah the “have children” thing is clear on the profile. I’m def not saying LTR is what I am looking for, but I’m also not saying that I am writing it off entirely, so that’s a confusing area. I guess deep down if a woman checked all the boxes and is really great, then sure I would be willing to go into a LTR with her. When these conversations happen, I’m as direct as I possibly can be. I think being upfront is key. My match rate may be low, but it’s not zero, so that adds up to…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 05:54 PM
1

I do. Despite my many red flags, I have had dates with women who don’t have kids and also women who have kids of their own.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 05:23 PM
3

Nah I got over that phase, and now I’m in the next one. Which is apparently just dating all of the beautiful women like it’s my job. Apps have made it so easy compared to prior to my marriage and I’m capitalizing on that to the fullest That being said, take your time man. Play games. Enjoy what you enjoy. That’s for sure the first step.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 03:23 PM
2

Got nothing to do with “faith.”
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 01:11 PM
0

Fuck man, you’re a mentally strong dude. Similar to my story so it hit me. Keep up the good work brother.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 01:09 PM
2

There is no wrath quite like an emotional STBXW and a broken family law system.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 07:08 PM
2

Sure, if you’re good with her buying you out, and she can do that, then that’s a good start and you will have that money as the down payment or whatever. That’s common, for the dad to leave and buy a house or get an apartment. Just don’t forget she could do the same, if you want to buy her out. Also common is simply selling the home and going to two houses or two apartments. Sometimes a person gets bought out and the other stays for some short time before selling. That’s really the heart of the …
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 06:10 PM
1

What makes you concede the house to her, without considering she leave? Also, you said earlier something like, “we can’t afford two houses.” Im confused about the “we?” I guess what I am getting at is that there are some options as far as things play out, but there isn’t a “we.” You, or her, may have child support / alimony, depending on salaries and circumstances of the marriage, but ultimately there isn’t a “we.” Once all those allocations are made it’s a rather cold and simple matter of what …
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 06:03 PM
1

Are you considering selling the house then, or are you suggesting she would stay?
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 05:41 PM
1

She and bachelor #3 want to feel like there is no bad vibrations from you. Unfortunately, even if there are no bad vibrations, they don’t get to have that clarity and you don’t owe it to them. They need a priest if they want her sins to be forgiven. Looking to you is barking up the wrong tree. That is ridiculous you owe them nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 06:44 PM
3

Exercise and meditation. Learn how to reduce thoughts and feelings related to that trauma.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 01:40 PM
1

Hang in there!
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 06:55 AM
20

Listen man I truly hope you can get to amicable but it’s a ways away if you’re not amicable now. They do happen, and you’re right they aren’t exactly yelling from rooftops or commenting in divorce subreddits. Your situation matters. There are amicable divorces, sure. But from the tiny bit I know about your situation: “wife had enough of my shit,” and I take it you have children (since you mentioned coparenting). Amicability may be difficult in the short term. You should use a burner account on h…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 08:41 AM
3

No problem. You got this. Best thing that I did for myself, and you’ll hear this from others too, is lifting heavy weights. Mental pain can be used as fuel to build muscle and in exchange the pain depletes and the muscles grow. By the time the divorce is over you’ll be ripped and happy and ready to date beautiful girls half your age 🤣. It’s the truth lol. They’re waiting at the end of the rainbow
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 04:55 AM
2

Oh god man she’s probably hiding assets already. Mine did. She cleared out all the accounts. Get on this. Get a lawyer tomorrow. I commented elsewhere but didn’t see this.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 04:45 AM
2

Yeah it’s sadly not an uncommon story. Brace yourself! Take the high road. Try your best to see that post-divorce, once you’re able to be who you want to be without this person around, it will be GOOD. She will rewrite history and turn you into this monster, never believe her. She does that because she’s too weak to see her own faults. She does that because she’s a coward. You’re a good man who tried, but you’re with someone that won’t try. Not your fault. Move on and try your best to protect wh…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 04:40 AM
5

You absolutely need to start recording her and get her insanity on tape. Please do this. She’s already checked out of the marriage. She’s testing her support. She will have a TON of support. Women simply do. Men don’t have any. She will find out from her support groups that she will have a huge advantage to you in the divorce. They will pump her up about being single and how liberating it can be. They will agree with her about how shitty you are. She has likely made up her mind about divorce and…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 04:18 AM
3

My ex did this exact shit and came back from her partying only to claim I was abusive and then filed a restraining order and got me out of house and away from kids. It took an extremely painful year to set that right and with no help from any judge or mediator. Be very careful. She’s unstable and has a huge advantage in family law and she knows it. Very little of what she does will matter. Every single thing you do will matter. Document and record with an actual tape recorder. Be very calm, hit …
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/22 06:35 AM
2

Amen.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/22 03:48 AM
3

Smart to record! Wish I had! It would have saved me 70k and probably would have had custody if I had recorded at the right time.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/22 04:25 AM
2

Yup. It will never cease to amaze me how nearly all family law Judges hate the idea of men taking care of children. Never would have believed it until it happened to me. They legit will hear nothing the man have to say. We need to demand reform.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 05:56 PM
3

It will be better in time. This is a temporary pain, I promise you that. Why do you want this person that is treating you so callously?
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 06:09 AM
3

In the final minute of the final hour it settled. Huge financial hit but otherwise unscathed. At some point I’ll make a post. I’ve been through it for sure, and had that same duo of the wife-lawyer nightmare combo. They very well take you to court ya never know they’re unpredictable. How is your attempt going down? A mediator? Hopefully one with experience?
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/22 05:58 AM
3

I went through the same thing. Definitely stick to 50/50. If you stick to that and then a judge ends up fucking you then you’ll live knowing you did everything you could. I think she will cave. She doesn’t actually want more than 50/50, and it’s not in the kids interest, she just wants to be able to act like she was a victim and now she’s a single mom with majority time. There is just so much goddamn support for women who claim to be victims that achieving more than 50/50 let’s her get lots of a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/22 05:05 AM
2

I predict: She will fold. You won’t get every single thing you want, but she will for the most part prefer to settle than to go have a judge decide her fate. Just be reasonable and if she doesn’t have any sense than court it is.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/22 04:32 AM
3

My ex legit called people at my work. It did not destroy my career. Wouldn’t say it helped though!
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/22 03:56 AM
14

Make sure you have her on record about the 50/50. The moment you try to escalate the tensions with potential for a court ruling is the moment she will say you’re abusive and you aren’t capable of watching the kids. Very common for women to use the children and try to alienate them from the man in order to get a better settlement scenario as the dad feels that to get to 50/50 he has to bite the bullet financially.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/22 04:29 AM
1

If she got the equity of the home due to the divorce then it shouldn’t be taxable… Dude just tell her no. Some argue oh keep it emotionless and just do what is better financially for you. But, you having to deal with her and her taxes comes at a cost. From what I can gather it’s not gonna be worth filing together. Just don’t. You wanted to file separately, so don’t let her control you and do what you want.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 03:28 PM
4

Fuck trump. She’s leaving you because you’re a loser and she’s right. Go troll somewhere else.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/22 03:48 PM
1

I heard it’s a bunch of people bitching about their exes haha.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 06:02 AM
5

Lift heavy weights. Record your interactions with her. You’ll be much better a year or two from now than you are now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 12:30 AM
2

My ex spread lies to everyone she knew and no one cared. If there isn’t a judge order anything goes as far as I can tell.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 09:00 PM
4

Why would you want to be with this person? You’re obviously way better off without her. Go to gym it will help.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/21 08:53 PM
7

Obv I don’t know your situation but boy do I regret having paid my ex anything that wasn’t under an order from the judge.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/21 04:07 PM
1

Lol I feel ya but probably better to let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 11:37 PM
2

Shut up and fuck off.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 05:42 AM
2

It’s complicated. If you bought “your” car during the marriage than it’s not yours, it’s a marital asset. If I’m you I don’t do anything until the deal is done. But yeah the costs are high and you may lose your car. What you don’t want us to do something like sell the thing and then have her claiming you sold her car without her input. You’re in hell. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 05:39 AM
3

A year and a half ago this happened to me. More or less the same thing. Fight her with all you got. Never give up.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 10:59 PM
2

That poor bastard.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 01:27 AM
2

3/4 of your money
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 01:27 AM
6

It gets better my friend. Also, people care. I give a shit. There may not be many of us but we exist. And love is just a word to describe what you feel. Right now you can’t see the ability to love or be loved. But in time it will come back. Sorry you’re going through this shite.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 03:40 PM
3

Idk about single the rest of your life but def dump the girl you are in a relationship with now. You’ll feel much better after and can work on yourself or find someone else. Point is, if you’re not into the person you’re with because of <any issue>, that’s valid and you should break it off. As for dealing with your stupid ass ex. Fuck I feel your pain. All I can say is exercise and meditation helps. Also, don’t forget that expecting her to be sane or reasonable doesn’t work. Remove expectations.…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 03:37 PM
10

This story is so common and I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. The system is broken.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/21 03:43 AM
8

Day 400-something. It gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/21 02:55 AM
1

Are you just getting started with a plan that has less time? I had less time for quite awhile, but have found that things change. It was so painful at the time but now my relationship is so strong… I guess what I’m trying to say is hang in there it will get better. Make the time quality. Be fully present. Play with them on their level. They love you so much so try not to forget that. Always accept additional time with them whenever possible.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 06:20 PM
3

Yup mine did too and it was one of the biggest screw ups my attorney made imo. Because the divorce dragged on it cost me tens of thousands.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 01:06 AM
8

Same. Everyone guilt tripped me into paying money and then they considered it a gift.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 12:15 AM
1

Right now what you are giving her is a gift. I seriously don’t see how it helps her. It’s weird. I have no trust in my ex. She lies at every opportunity. This reminds me of her. Do you trust her?
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 06:54 PM
8

My opinion is that you should not give her the statements. I don’t see the logic of it. She can show them her statements.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 04:43 PM
1

Exercise and meditation will get you through. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 02:09 PM
1

Record her. Get her on a recording saying that she will give you 50/50. Saying that you’re a good dad. If she yells record her yelling. My ex would say all sorts of things about how I’m a great dad and so on. She would yell. She completely abandoned her responsibilities as a mother. I did everything but I didn’t record her. She lawyered up and suddenly I was an abusive monster that doesn’t deserve time with children and must pay child support. I often wish I had recorded her bull shit. Protect y…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 08:00 PM
1

Haha that’s a good one
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 05:14 PM
1

They’re shit but you need one.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 01:17 AM
5

Go to gym often and be kind. It’s highly unlikely some guy wants to face battery charges for her. He might sympathize with her and support her. He might drive by to rattle you and shit. Try not to worry.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 12:46 AM
13

It is ridiculous that throughout my divorce, family law professionals REGULARLY would act surprised that I wanted 50:50. The mere idea that I would want an equal part of my child’s life was against their M.O. Imo default should be 50/50. Kids need both parents.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/21 11:32 PM
2

The amount of lying my ex wife did to get an advantage in court woke me up to the reality that women lie in damn near every relationship-gone-bad situation. Now, when I read women say “I got out of an abusive relationship” or “he was abusive,” and I see this all the time, I realize that it’s probably a lie and the truth is, at a minimum, much more complicated than she is putting on.
/r/MensRights28/11/21 09:47 PM
0

Then while I understand you’re wanting this to be over, I would suggest not worrying too much.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/21 03:33 PM
1

Did you both sign it?
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/21 04:28 AM
2

Agreed
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/21 12:52 AM
23

Beware of her claiming you are abusive. Record her. Record her as often as possible. Always stay calm and collected regardless of the shit she says. If you do so much as yell one time, she will claim abuse and try to get more than 50/50 parenting time. Even if you’re yelling because she’s a drunk having an affair. Record her being drunk and saying stupid shit. Record her yelling. Document that you’re the primary care giver of the child. It’s not easy but make damn sure she can’t claim that you a…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/21 05:25 AM
5

🤣
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/21 01:17 AM
2

There is only right now. Leave the past in the past. Enjoy the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 11:35 PM
1

Dude she’s going for the jugular.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/21 05:52 PM
5

Half of what accrued during marriage. Not a penny more…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/21 09:20 PM
2

Well just be picky af.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/21 07:38 PM
51

It really is super common. Don’t ever believe this shit. It’s the shitty tv shows or news or something. It tells women all men are these violent monsters and that they are princesses that cannot make any errors. She rewrote history, don’t for a second believe her version of it. I heard this exact same shit. And ya know what? It worked for her. The lawyers and mediators and judge just eats it up. Her fear, no matter how baseless, no matter how ludicrous, is taken as truth. She’s got to live “her …
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/21 02:25 AM
9

This is all very true and consistent with my experience.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 09:14 PM
7

This is ridiculously common and is highly effective. She will have all control and there is no downside for her. Our system is bonkers.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 01:17 PM
6

Stick em in a box and put them in the basement.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/21 06:29 PM
3

Yup mine did the same and this is an absolute mess as would be expected. It’s like literally within a minute of having said something she’s telling me I said something else. Impossible to reason with this type of person. Then everything became my fault no matter how big or small. Well after separation I’m getting blamed for the dumbest shit. Stuff that’s impossible for me to have been a part of but it’s still my fault. Like you said little crap to big crap. All rewritten. Always my fault.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 10:16 PM
2

Oh yes. She’s got to protect that ego at all costs. Be true to yourself? Fuck that. Rewrite history and make your own truth and then tell yourself that version over and over and tell other people and that’s the one that becomes reality (or so she thinks).
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 07:43 PM
1

I know exactly what you mean. You get to be yourself again! Like thawing out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 09:11 PM
6

Presently waiting for the sun to explode as the prerequisite to end mine.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 04:19 PM
11

You already have “lost” her. Although I would argue it’s more of her loss than yours. I’m beyond sick of hearing this same story. It really sucks man that she won’t work for your marriage but instead works against them. The truth is she wants to be with other men. She wants to have sex with other people. She thinks the grass is greener. She thinks you’re to blame for all of the problems. You’re to blame her unhappiness. Fact is she will never look internally. She will always blame you. It’s best…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 12:32 AM
2

Fuck that’s uncanny.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/21 05:22 AM
2

Fairly straight forward really. Complications only arise when there are disagreements. Particularly when there are disagreements in the kind of “he isn’t fit to be a dad.” Holidays should be figured out. Most folks alternate years but can also make traditions. Certain holidays at one home and other certain holidays at the other.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/21 05:20 AM
19

Don’t put good money after bad. Cut your loses she’s delusional and she sucks in general. I vote gtfo. You won’t pay 2 households. Regardless you’ll be happier in a year or 2. Sorry you’re going through this. Exercise. Heavy weights.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/21 12:03 AM
3

Depends on the mediator. I had an awful one that didn’t do shit. A good mediator should help fill out the form/calculation. Good to know the two incomes and the child’s expenses going into it. Sometimes you never even get to that point in mediation. My ex wanted to use the mediator to try and convince them about how I’m “abusive.” It’s basically all she ever does.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/21 06:16 PM
1

Sounds like the first good time for it was a couple years ago. The second good time for it is right now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/21 03:50 PM
2

I too am a man of culture.
/r/MensRights24/10/21 03:21 PM
2

My kid looks exactly like me lol 🤷🏼‍♂️
/r/MensRights23/10/21 02:15 PM
2

Don’t listen to what she says. Just seek a fair even split.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 03:13 AM
1

She gets half and the terms are negotiable or a judge may decide. A or C is most likely.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 12:54 AM
3

Man she’s sick. Super sick. She’s also not the person you have in your head. She’s something else. Do not cling to the idea of her. A much healthier existence for you is coming. It will take time. A year probably. Things will absolutely get better, but it will take some hard work. Start with exercise. Lift heavy weights. Push ups are a good start. If you’re feeling pain, translate that pain into physical exhaustion pain. Do that over and over and over. Make your mental pain a trigger to do some …
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/21 10:43 AM
1

There are those that listen to their partners complaints and then change for them. That’s often times the men. Then there are those that don’t articulate the complaints effectively, allow resentment to grow, and then finally express once it’s too late. That’s often the women. There is a weird cultural thing going on where women consider themselves as victims in almost any scenario. It leads to a situation where women have the false idea that everything that went wrong with the relationship is th…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/21 10:27 PM
3

So true about the rewriting history thing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/21 06:34 PM
1

If that is the ONLY issue, I would encourage you to push her rather hard on this second chance. I’ve heard of success stories. If it’s more than intimacy issues…. Do elaborate.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/21 06:05 AM
4

Speaking as someone who married WAY up, I disagree with no.2. All that means is I’m up against unlimited resources in the divorce. She will drag me through litigation for the rest of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/21 08:41 PM
2

Congrats.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/21 04:38 PM
2

If you look at the last reply I sent to someone before the one i wrote to you I provided some tips to another guy who was clinging to “idea.” To summarize: exercise (a ton), hobbies, meditation. Practice being aware of the present moment and note when “ideas” intrude.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 09:55 PM
0

Hate to say it but you’ve got the wrong view on sex. Experienced women have so much to offer! Embrace it and go have the best sex of your life. Don’t cling to ideas. Everything changes and therefore clinging causes pain. Being open to possibilities will end the suffering and bring you joy. If she’s with you then she’s with you. No need to think of previous guys she’s been with. Go get you some.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 09:04 PM
8

I admit that I didn’t go through this phase. I couldn’t stand her by the time we ended it. Haha. But dude, there are SO MANY FISH in the sea. It’s like slap full with fish. Younger fish. Hotter fish. Cooler fish. Red fish. Blue fish. You know that what you’re really after is the IDEA of her. It isn’t her. You want someone who actually likes you for who you are. There’s nothing I can say that can instantly snap you out of it. I can however tell you what to do. Decrease the amount of time you are …
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/21 04:16 PM
4

It’s so overdue. It’s currently a situation that guarantees maximum damage.
/r/MensRights10/10/21 01:01 AM
13

I’m currently in a tent with my kid and although my divorce was / is heinous, and brutal. My kid is the best thing that ever fucking happened to me and this is so so cool to be sharing something I love with my child. I don’t know the answer, but kids aren’t so bad.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/21 01:24 AM
6

No man you were a good husband. You were willing to change. That’s all a partner can ask. Fuck her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/21 07:32 AM
18

Oh lord here we go again. First thing is first get a lawyer. Next, make sure you see you son. As much as possible. I’m assuming you want to be part of his life, perhaps even an equal part? Do you have a restraining order against you? If so, follow it to a T. Record anything she says to you and don’t respond if communication is prohibited. If not, record every single conversation with her. Make sure you are calm and reasonable. Try to negotiate the divorce settlement and record her responses. Thi…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/21 11:51 PM
1

Yeah man I think it would look really bad for your ex if she tried to attack you over this. It would reek of jealousy, spite, and a childish inability to move on. In fact, I would hope my ex would try something like this because it would just blow up her credibility. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Have fun.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/21 07:52 PM
6

I have a hard time seeing how this is relevant in a divorce. I think about the hypothetical scenario that she brings it up in court, “wahhh wahh he’s on dating apps.” Judge: “umm okay well you’re separated right? He’s free to do what he wants, and you are too right?” What would be the argument that would hurt you in the scenario? Say she makes the argument you were cheating: Firstly, judges rarely care who is at fault for the divorce. Even when there is infidelity that doesn’t really enter into …
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/21 07:35 PM
3

First, I’m really sorry you’re going through this shit. It’s too bad she didn’t want to grow with you. But, so be it! You deserve better. It’s good you didn’t have kids with this shitty person which would complicate these matters. Anyway I recommend working toward changing your vantage point here. A paradigm shift. You should do your best to see this as liberating. You’re free! Take grocery shopping for example, you can get whatever you want at the store, without judgement. That’s pretty sweet! …
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/21 12:54 AM
5

Don’t feel guilty for even 1 second.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/21 02:14 PM
7

Haha I’m +$100k on what should have been a simple split down the midde 😭🤡
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/21 02:13 PM
14

I know how you feel. Fucking sucks man. Here’s my $0.02: Firstly know that the truth will come to you eventually. Six month time frame. It will come. Truth is sticky and weird. It just comes. For me I finally dealt with not knowing and then I got the evidence and suddenly the wound was fresh again. Second, if you have a feeling in your gut that she cheated on you, then she DID. Don’t doubt this. She was overprotective of her phone because she was cheating on you. Your gut is right. Believe it. T…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/21 05:53 AM
6

I randomly made this friend not long after the separation and he’s not like a good friend by any means. Just get some beers and shoot pool from time to time or whatever. But for some reason it was cathartic. Like oh shit something NEW is happening to me. Life continues.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/21 04:58 PM
3

Just here to repeat the importance of lifting weights. I highly recommend just starting in on the push ups like right away. Exercise, meditation, therapy, hobbies, definitely do not contact this horrible person.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/21 05:56 AM
5

Ugh I remember day 1. It’ll get better. Super sucks you’re going through this, again. Good news is that you’re going to be free! If you feel like sharing what happened. Or just sharing anything at all. Feel free. You’re right that we’re here to support you. Part of our own therapy I think, haha. Not many places for men in need of support unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 01:13 AM
5

I know a bunch of adults that are totally normal, well rounded individuals, that were raised shuttling back and forth between two homes. I was one too for most of my teens. The damage is when there is such conflict and hate between the parents that they don’t communicate and the kids learn to play the parents off each other. Good luck man. Just do the best you can when you have them. And when you don’t have them do whatever you gotta do to be there for them when they come back.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 12:52 AM
2

If you can record her sisters being on your side or confirming that she’s yelling or whatever.,, that could end up being huge. Try to get a recording of that. Do not give up.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 11:20 PM
3

What gets me is the no evidence. There is no evidence but just the simple claim is enough to completely derail the relationship between father and children for decades. It’s so sad.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 03:52 AM
2

We need more really good fathers rights attorneys. We need a social movement. Good luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 03:45 AM
10

You need to divorce her. Get the process started. This won’t get better. It will only get worse. The shitty thing about this situation is you can’t change her, you can’t change her flawed perspective. You’re doing the right thing by processing and going to the gym. You’re right that she is definitely trying to make you mad, whether she’s doing it consciously or not idk. Long story short I hope you’ll believe me when i say that this will not get better, it will get worse. I highly suggest talking…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/21 01:16 AM
6

Make 50/50 the hill you’ll die on. Then spend every penny of savings and maybe go into debt in order to litigate what should be the obvious custody arrangement.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 12:48 PM
3

I don’t think it will look bad for her. In general, because she’s a woman, basically nothing she does will look bad and it’s your fault if anything is not going smoothly. That’s been my experience anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/21 07:40 PM
6

I would just say that you want to be your best self when you have your kids. In order to do that you want to be you. The fully realized you that includes all your interests and hobbies. You want to be happy. Video games are part of what makes you cool. Personally, I love video games. All of the art and the stories that are told. Drives me nuts when people act like playing games is somehow a waste of time, it isn’t. Embracing who you are and what you like is good! So basically what I’m saying is …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/21 03:38 PM
6

Not much you can do at this point. Resist and it will get worse. Once that attorney gets their ear … I mean… is she reasonable?
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/21 03:45 AM
2

I’m a man and consider myself a feminist. I don’t think it’s a zero sum game. There are men’s rights problems and there are women’s rights problems. There is hatred of men. There is hatred of women. Neither of those things is okay. The issue I see right now is that it is culturally unacceptable to talk about the fact that men have rights, are denied rights, face hatred every single day, and that there is are structural problems that subjugate men. All those things happen to women too, maybe even…
/r/MensRights12/09/21 11:59 PM
4

This assumes the STBX is reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/21 11:44 PM
9

She’s a true monster. Evil beyond comprehension.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/21 09:01 PM
1

Yeah man I think the GALs typically do a good job.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/21 03:19 PM
2

To be honest, from reading everything you’re saying, it’s unlikely she will yield in any way to some discussion with her. She’s listening to her lawyer. She sure as shit is not listening to you. There is nothing you can say to her that will get into her brain. My experience has been that any logic will completely miss her. There is not a single rational thought swimming around in that brain of hers. It’s all emotion all the time. Why bother? Just see hold firm on your logical assessment of what …
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/21 02:48 PM
2

What do you mean by expectations? How far apart are you?
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/21 02:35 AM
3

Replace “incels and MTGOWs” with “single fathers” and I agree.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 03:41 PM
8

Totally went through this phase. Still go through it from time to time like waves.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/21 11:26 PM
2

You’re doing all the right things. It’ll be better once you’re out of there and able to establish something new. But it will be raw for awhile. Could be a long while. I highly recommend lifting heavy weights if you aren’t already. High intensity when you do it. For some reason the heavy weights works way better than the cardio for me. You need the muscles to be completely spent and then: Meditation. It wasn’t long after i was doing those two things before I just kinda put the past in the past. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/21 05:18 AM
3

Watch out she’s going to claim abuse. You have an attorney right?
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/21 03:43 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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