Why Doesn't She Like Me?

geraldebaylerIII · 2022-03-13T13:35:44+00:00

It sounds like a good thing that she left - the marriage was clearly destroying your self-esteem. Focus entirely on yourself and your kid. Work out, learn, meet new people. Do fun things with your kid. It'll get better over time, but sorry it sucks so much right now.

Gattsama · 2022-03-13T13:37:46+00:00

Sorry for your situation. no one can tell you why she doesn't like you. But odds are she never did. Look up Rollo Tomassi "The Rational Male". Many Men have just plain been lied too (women too). The idea is suppose to be you do your role: provider care taker, father, support, listen, etc and she responds with love, support, loyalty and sex.

But thats not how women actually work. Most women love very conditionally, and if you don't meant those conditions they can not love you. They will use you however.

It's nothing you did wrong, or right. She's not wired for the unconditional love that Men want, and society claims she can / will give. Likely she saw you as a strong beta provider, but you never tickled her hypergamy. She picked you for resource management. Again, don't know. Just playing the odds

https://therationalmale.com/the-best-of-rational-male-year-one/

WorshippingLasagna · 2022-03-13T14:49:45+00:00

Oh the good father, but terrible husband complaint. In my experience this comes when a woman doesn’t feel comfortable in being married, but can’t find a better way to blame the husband. Let her go and be happy 😊

SpacemanLost · 2022-03-13T16:17:06+00:00

Another older guy chiming in who has been through it all and seen many friends and peers go through it as well.

One thing you need to understand, and its often hard to fully internalize is that once she decided she was done with you (and probably could do better) is that NOTHING you could do would make her change her mind to like you again like she once did.

When asked she'll say you didn't do this, or didn't do that to X degree or amount, but that's her finding a justification, not an actual criteria. You could suddenly find yourself with a new job that pays 2x what you were making yesterday and you only have to work half the hours so that you could be home with the kid/doing chores/tending to her, and it won't matter. She might hem and haw for a bit, but that's just cover until she finds some other justification for you not being good enough for her.

The term you often hear is "moving the goalposts" and it's not about how far to go to reach the end zone, it about providing cover to the fact that the game is rigged such that you can never win.

You can't go back to how she felt when you first met - its sort of a "what has been seen can't be unseen" situation, but what's really happened has taken place inside of her. Usually it's some combination of dissatisfaction that adult life isn't easy like seen on TV, the appearance that her friends all have it better (social media is no help here), and the belief that she can 'do better'. But she's also aware the expressing that will make her look like a shitty person so she can't admit that. Facing existential pressure in her head with that and things like getting older, time slipping by, etc. she takes action and blaming you for your (manufactured) shortcomings provides her with cover - both socially and in her own conscience that she's the good guy, not the bad guy.

There are women who stick by their men even though their men have barely done half the job at providing and being a good partner that you have done.

There are also men who give their women legit reasons to move on: Alcohol or drug usage, putting their child in danger, refusal to do anything expected of them as adults, and so on. But I'm assuming none of this really applies to you, because usually it doesn't. Usually, it's something internal to the woman, who has a burning need to make her decisions acceptable to everyone else.

LonelyNC123 · 2022-03-13T13:50:15+00:00

Friend - if this works out OK financially for you, you are LUCKY she is gone. You may now feel that way now, but you are.

This is my 2nd marriage. My advice to you as an old guy (57), never get married again! Be a good dad for your daughter, engage in serial monogamy, but NEVER get legally married again.

You are (justifiably) sad but this will pass. You now have the opportunity for a whole new great life ahead of you for you and your little girl.

WartimeDad · 2022-03-13T14:32:04+00:00

Because she just wants to fuck other people. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her being a shitty wife and partner.

I’m sorry this happened to you. But DO NOT believe her lies about you. She is just lying to you to justify her own unjustifiable actions.

Sea-Mission-6316 · 2022-03-13T15:39:26+00:00

Unfortunately, she saw you as a provider and "Nice Guy". Guys see working our tails off to provide for and protect our family and trying our best to be a good husband and father as our natural role in life. And we should. We evolved for the man to leave the cave, hunt something, and bring it back to the family. However, nothing dries up a woman faster than being a good guy (aka Nice Guy).

They want the bad boy and the drama which ensues thereof. I'm older and have seen too many times where a husband treated his wife like a queen and she eventually sh@t all over him. The women then proceeded to leave the Nice Guy husbands to hook up with men who treated them like crap and tossed them out with the trash when they were done with them. It's the damdnest thing. Other old guys have talked with me about seeing the same thing. It makes no rational sense. Learn the phrase "It is what it is." It will help you as you deal with your divorce.

Read a book named "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover. It will help you understand how you ended up where you are currently. Lawyer up and fight for your kids and your financial future. Be fair but firm and don't be a Nice Guy. Good luck to you and may peace be with you brother.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2022-03-13T15:27:46+00:00

Your turn has ended. That's why.

Don't try to project your thought process onto this situation. Logic and 1-2-3 don't apply here unless you know understand concepts like hypergamy and tingles.

Bill Gates. Jeff Bezos. Dr. Dre. These are all men at the top of the game. What do they have in common?

thefudmaster · 2022-03-13T16:08:03+00:00

OP, you will NEVER make the modern woman happy. What your ex doesn’t realize is that while she thinks she will be “free and independent” she will be viewed as used goods to all men as a single mother. It will be a revolving door of pump and dump behavior from her male suitors. Don’t worry or get anxiety about women liking you. Ignore them blatantly and they will flock to you.

Falafelluvr1976 · 2022-03-13T15:30:13+00:00

I was going through a similar story. She just stopped loving me and several therapies could not help. Most important insight is that it is not your fault but her Problem. People change. All the best!

Sum1StoleMyGamertag · 2022-03-13T17:55:22+00:00

Don't beat yourself up, I haven't heard this as much but seek a therapist as well if possible. My STBXW left the house 3 weeks ago unannounced, and for the first 2 weeks all I did was plague myself with these kinds of questions.

The best answer I came up with is maybe a little selfish, but it was her fault this ended, not mine. I continued, and still to this day strive to be a better man. Your biggest takeaways from this could be the lessons you learned from the marriage, and improvements you made towards your life.

Keep making them, improve your work, go for that degree you've always wanted, rekindle a relationship with old friends that you've lost touch with, and above everything try not to beat yourself up too much.

Physical-Pie748 · 2022-03-13T18:21:51+00:00

women intiiate 80 - 90% of the divorces. so this must mean, in nearly all of the divorces, the women are the ones unhappy and initiating the divorce. so this means they always have something to complain about and not happy with something. its something most divorced men see , not only you. so this seems to be the average divorce: women unhappy because of something --> divorce

"That 50 percent is oftenquoted and it is probably on the high side, but it is illuminating that80 percent of the divorces are filed by the wife. This statisticsuggests that more women are unsatisfied with their marriages, at least to the point of ending them, than men." , from google/divorcesource.com

warrior_up · 2022-03-13T18:45:41+00:00

You got beta-tized by thousand concessions. Nice guys always finish last - sadly you should have told her to GFY when she first started shaming you. That probably would have been the only way to put her back in her place

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-03-13T22:50:57+00:00

She doesn't like you because:

You gave her exactly what she wants. (This tells her you're a beta, rather than alpha who sticks to his desires rather than the woman's).
She found someone more alpha than you.

I know the above sounds "cliche", but having gone through a horrible divorce myself, and after a lot of reading and researching on the red pill, I found out the above are the reasons.

Third_Eye78 · 2022-03-13T15:17:29+00:00

I’m sure you’ll make a great partner/husband for someone who actually loves you for who you are. Life is too short to be be with someone like that. Sounds like a blessing in disguise

AreaGuy · 2022-03-13T16:44:44+00:00

It's a brute fact, friend. The "why" is irrelevant at this point. I mean, unless it's a legit thing that you should work on, which it doesn't sound like...

Love on your daughter, bro! I get mine back this afternoon, and I'm looking forward to cuddling while watching something on unicorns or throwing the frisbee around. (Two distinct options, I have never been able to combine cuddling and frisbee.)

syro23 · 2022-03-13T19:14:48+00:00

You need to read “no more mister nice guy” your problem might be that you are listening to her.

OraleEse13 · 2022-03-14T01:27:30+00:00

She's cheating on you.

pegleg_legal · 2022-03-14T04:43:50+00:00

Because she didn't respect you, understand what you did, or care about anyone other than herself. Probably because she was incapable of doing so. Did you ever feel she wanted you to fail? Did she accuse you of being over-confident or arrogant? Asking for a friend ...

Different_Ticket826 · 2022-03-15T20:24:55+00:00

I’m sorry to snoop - I guess I see all your comments and really feel bad for all parties involved. Mostly the kids.

I’m not trying to be the victim here - I hate that. Hate drama !

I’m just trying to understand the man’s perspective on divorce.

I’m hoping to come out of this Without turning bitter.

I truly believe whatever happens in the divorce will set the precedent for our lives moving forward. I know I can forgive, but resentments can leak out in forms that hurt more than the person you feel wronged by.

I just wish the best for you all ! I’m in a world of pain for my kids and I don’t know how to fix it.

I didn’t do anything crazy - or cheat - or be abusive. I choose and pick my battles - I might be quiet but I see all. Doesn’t make me weak - I just see a bigger picture. Didn’t work.

Guess I set the tone on how to treat me.

Oh wow I sound pathetic 🤦‍♀️

I have no answers - I don’t think anyone actually does.

Good luck !

Title	Why Doesn't She Like Me?
Author	WorkingItOutSomeday
Upvotes	31
Comments	66
Date	March 13, 2022 1:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/td6v22/why_doesnt_she_like_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-doesnt-she-like-me.1106485 https://theredarchive.com/post/1106485

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