Wife and I moving toward divorce. Unsure of a lot but we want to do as amicable as possible and avoid lawyers and court. Just mediation is possible ? Anyone have experience in this outcome without a messy court situation and lawyers ? Thanks for help

RalphWastoid319 · 2021-09-03T16:31:45+00:00

Yes, you can have an amicable divorce. The caveat is that BOTH parties have to be committed to the process and be willing to work together in the future as co-parents. At least one (maybe both) person will have to choke down some emotions to avoid the inevitable anger and desire to fight that most people feel.

That being said, my actual divorce cost $165 in court fees. We agreed to everything and worked with each other over the years to ensure our kids were taken care of until they were done with college. I still get along with my ex and we still talk on occasion. We did not work together as a married couple, but we did pretty darn good as co-parents.

Tonysirloin1 · 2021-09-03T14:14:45+00:00

I am going through it now. Get yourself a lawyer on retainer regardless to read over the agreements etc and to help guide you through the process. The mediator is impartial and isn’t looking out for your or your STBX interests. It is still way cheaper than going through the court system

DontShoot0808 · 2021-09-03T18:22:33+00:00

I know lots of people here say lawyer up. I can tell you my ex and I did the whole divorce ourselves. Total cost of divorce was under $500.

We both decided that we wanted our money to go to our kids and not to some lawyers. We split all assets 50/50 sold the house split 50/50.

The only issue we had was with child support but in the state of AZ there is a a calculator that is there for a reason so we went with that.

So it is possible to divorce without a lawyer.

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2021-09-03T14:15:23+00:00

FWIW, I read that most divorces start amicably, but don't end that way. Food for thought.

Calm_Tomato · 2021-09-03T17:03:09+00:00

My STBXW and I came to an agreement on our own. We’ve been married for 10+ years, 2 kids, house, new car. We started off by going through mediation and it wasn’t going well for her and she got pissed and walked out. Never went back but we negotiated with ourselves. The mediator still helped us with certain things like inputing numbers for different scenarios so we can get a ballpark idea of what child/spousal support should be. It wasn’t easy and it took us about 4 months to finish everything but we did it. In the end she gets more help now (higher spousal support) but for less time (7 vs 10 years) and we did it on a sliding scale where each year I pay less. So it’s better for her now, but better for me in the long run. The rest of the stuff was just math. Calculating the buyout of the house, retirement, bank acct, etc. We are still in good terms and our divorce should be finalized in January (Cali has a 6 month waiting period). Still in the same house but she is looking at apartment and for a job. If you have kids, work with each other for their sake. She is/was a SAHM so now she’s going to have to work. We just signed our agreement 2 weeks ago and everything is done, just waiting for the paperwork to go through the court process. Yes we got upset from time to time. It happens but you have to push through it. I agree that you should consult a lawyer to read over the agreement before signing if it helps put you at ease.

babymirage · 2021-09-04T09:13:15+00:00

My first divorce took 6 months filing to nisi, and cost a total of $25,000 in legal fees.

My second divorce took 3 years and $300,000 for a 3.5 year marriage. Late in the divorce process I uncovered a witness who said that ex #2 announced a month after meeting me that she ‘took’ her first husband for $1.3m and she could get more out of me (news flash, I wasn’t wealthy and she spent 3 years looking for money that didn’t exist).

YMMV

theragingbull- · 2021-09-03T16:16:10+00:00

i wish you luck. if your able to accomplish this maybe you two should remain married. just kidding.

mediate but consult a lawyer on the side you have to protect your interests from here on in.

best of luck.

deadlast5 · 2021-09-03T17:20:16+00:00

I did a divorce without a lawyer. My advice, get a lawyer. I got screwed from trying to be peaceful and not bring lawyers into it. I wasn’t thinking with a clear head. You need someone outside to look out for your best interest.

velesxrxe · 2021-09-04T02:44:31+00:00

Yeah here are some tips for you:

Get yourself a lawyer.
Don’t tell your STBX about it.
Consult with your lawyer about the best outcome for your case/what goals you want to achieve.
Don’t trust a mediator. They are a waste of time.
If, on the rare occasion, you do happen to reach an agreement through your mediator, run it by lawyer immediately before you sign anything.
Be postured and ready for litigation when and if your amicable divorce doesn’t turn out to be so...amicable.

walkingdisaster4046 · 2021-09-03T14:25:51+00:00

Don’t screw around. Hire a lawyer. Hire a lawyer to consult during mediation process and verify settlement drawn up. Hope it’s as smooth as possible, but in my and numerous others experience there’s rarely an instance of an “amicable “ divorce.

debrabeauty · 2021-09-03T14:19:38+00:00

I’m sorry for what you’re going through, In other to avoid a messy outcome you both have to compromise and see peace as the only way.

letak2018 · 2021-09-03T15:35:25+00:00

By all means, try to mediate before going to court and fighting it out over months or years. But have a lawyer there to make sure you aren’t getting screwed.

HelixFish · 2021-09-03T19:31:34+00:00

We used a mediator and saved a shit ton of money. Overall settlement was even, 50/50 custody. You will both want a lawyer to review the mediation agreement but it won’t cost much vs. using lawyers to fuck each other. If your stbx is willing, go for it. You will save a ton of money and stress.

knighttimeblues · 2021-09-03T20:02:51+00:00

Amicable divorce is possible; I’m not sure divorce without a lawyer is, though. Both my ex and I are lawyers and we considered hiring a single mediator, but the ones I spoke with said there is an inherent conflict of interest in “representing” both sides and they wouldn’t do it. So ex and I each hired lawyers who held themselves out as mediators and did a lot of the work ourselves to keep expenses down. There is a lot to consider, even in a friendly divorce, and it is good to have someone helping you think through the issues and telling you likely outcomes if you did litigate an issue. When both lawyers predict the same outcome of a particular dispute it helps you settle the issue without fighting it out in court. And the possibility of mutually assured destruction if one of the parties or lawyers goes rogue helps to keep things on an even keel too. Good luck with it.

Mickwillie · 2021-09-04T05:25:08+00:00

Hit me up please my friend. I honestly thought I might’ve written this post and just forgotten.I’m going to the same thing and I’m just skeptical as you

JohnnyDivorce · 2022-10-23T01:41:41+00:00

I used No BS Legal and paid around $2000 for my divorce. Got through all the documents within two weeks.

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