Are there hobbies you wouldn't want a man to have?

cats5483 · 2021-09-19T03:27:25+00:00

theres one hobby i can think of right off the bat that absolutely turns me off. gambling. i dont like the idea of throwing away money just for a chance to receive more in return. plus, its something that can very easily turn into an addiction.

as for video games, i dont mind if a man plays them to unwind after a long day, but when it starts to interfere with his daily life or affects his mood negatively, then theres an issue. i play video games occasionally myself, but none of them focus on violence or make me angry or frustrated. creative games as well as rhythm and puzzle games can stimulate the mind creatively and analytically ive found. so they can also be beneficial

abacabbmk · 2021-09-19T08:48:31+00:00

I've always find it funny that people think gaming is a waste but those same people will spend many hours per day or week watching Netflix or on social media

DameWashalotFaraway · 2021-09-19T11:03:05+00:00

I would hate it if my husband's hobby was collecting. Some collections look awesome, but they take up so much space, often cost a lot of money and can get really dusty if you don't stay in top of them.

I think sports might be the best hobbies. They get you outside, exercising and usually meeting other people.

Video games have a slight negative connotation to me because the people I've known who are into them tend to use them to avoid responsibilities and family life.

titlejunk · 2021-09-19T02:26:47+00:00

Video gaming.

I actually don’t care what my husband does with his time generally, but certain games seem to effect his mood. He’s anxious about getting to play. Mad if other plans get in the way. Obstinately opposed to stopping at agreed upon times.

There are reasons that some people need to avoid certain types of games for the health of their relationships.

To be clear, my husband is free to do whatever he wants, but he is now as attuned as I am to what games consume him versus what games entertain him. We are to the point that he will try a game for a day or two and then tell me “I know. I need to step away from this one.” Other games are fine. He plays on the xBox almost daily. It’s the type of game that’s problematic. And it’s not 100% predictable for us yet.

gdobssor · 2021-09-19T04:33:27+00:00

Anything involving strip clubs or massage parlours or sex workers.

Large amounts of alcohol.

Extreme BDSM or Swinging or poly.

Porn or onlyfans or camgirls.

Hunting for sport or for skins/body parts (for food only would be fine as long as the animals were not endangered, the animals were respected and the meat was not wasted.)

Hours and hours of video games every day. A couple hours would be fine.

MarchBaby21 · 2021-09-19T03:28:48+00:00

I find gaming to be a complete and total turn off. Call me judgmental or whatever. But it is what it is and there’s really not much I can do to change that. I’ve known so many men who get completely consumed in games to the detriment of everything else around them.

I think many women feel similarly to me and try to force their men to fit into the box they want them to. But I think it would be wrong to attempt to change a man and take away a hobby. So I married a man who doesn’t game and explicitly does not like video games. We don’t own any consoles, it’s just not on our radar. He gets completely consumed in other hobbies (gardening, home DIY, among others) but I don’t find them to be unattractive so we work through that when it becomes a problem.

softrevolution_ · 2021-09-19T03:36:32+00:00

my husband was in the top 15% of players in the world at his main game, competed in tournaments that have won him money, and plays on a team that has earned him a scholarship

I have found this to be vanishingly rare in the general population of gamers. You have a unicorn. Cherish him. :)

I don't mind gaming unless it takes away from me. Full stop, if I feel like I'm splitting SO time with a bunch of pixels, I'm not there for it -- unless I also have a unicorn and he's bringing in money off it. But since I'm unlikely to meet and marry a big-name Twitch streamer, see sentence 1.

Also? Porn. It's nice in moderation but I don't want my sex life to start to resemble it or rely on it. I've been there with an SO. I was young and stupid until I wasn't. It was one of the things about that relationship that broke me: he could not separate a normal sex life from what paid actors do. It didn't cost him a cent, but what it cost me I'm still working through.

Speaking of cost: anything else is a matter of "Do we have the resources?" That's time, attention, and money. I will not be widowed by a hobby, just as I will not widow someone for one or send us broke over it. (Yes, women have to be careful of our hobby habits, too!) Be into something, but not so into it that it detracts from other aspects of your life. Surely this isn't too radical an ask?

fauxintellectualism · 2021-09-19T04:07:19+00:00

While I don’t love video gaming (I used to say I’d never date a gamer), my fiancé does play every once in a while. It’s something he used to enjoy more when he was single and could play with his friends, but since we’ve been together, he plays sporadically. He also used to write for a video game review company, so it was his job to play and write about games. But most of his hobbies are things I enjoy as well like running, reading, writing, playing music, hiking, and traveling. On the surface, he doesn’t look like he would play video games, and when we first met, gaming wasn’t something that came up, so it wasn’t until we had been together a few months that I realized he even liked video gaming. We did get into some arguments about it, but I learned to amend my expectations seeing that it wasn’t a deal breaker. He doesn’t understand all of my hobbies either, but he respects them. Neither one of us are doing things that are harmful to ourselves, each other, or the world around us, so him playing a video game for 30 minutes one random weekday night isn’t a big deal to me anymore.

Fingapapit · 2021-09-19T16:20:25+00:00

My SO, after we got married, noticed that I was spending too much time in VR playing games and ignoring physical exercise, which led to a change in my physical appearance (not by a HUGE margin, but less visible musculature). At first I resented it but she also never said anything about it, just quietly began to respect me a little less.
Thank God I noticed and just stopped playing cold turkey for a while. It took me seeing "525 hours in 2 months" counter in STEAM to change my attitude.
Over the past 8 months, I channeled that extra energy into side businesses (ironically the biggest project is making a video game, with like 8 other people). I think it's important to remember that video games are often a social activity (playing with friends), or a chance to unwind (like reading a book). However, I think it's absolutely necessary to balance one's total output, and hobbies definitely have a place there, but not at the level of pure escapism.

LateralThinker13 · 2021-09-21T23:11:50+00:00

I think that women mostly don't want their spouses to have a hobby that they (the women) don't care one whit about. That is, if the woman doesn't benefit/enjoy/appreciate the man's hobby in the slightest, she may see it as useless and taking away from time and energy he could be investing into her.

Sure it's selfish and myopic, but plenty of humans are that way.

Now it helps if your wife can find something to appreciate (or even be proud of, if not participate) in the hobbies a man chooses and enjoys. But if nothing else, so long as the man is meeting all of his duties and not neglecting you, just leave his hobbies alone.

One caveat. Hobbies aren't normally addictions (though they can be). Know the difference. Addictions bad, hobbies good.

Underground-anzac-99 · 2021-09-19T04:27:46+00:00

My exes main hobby was getting stoned. Got sick of supporting that one, especially during covid when he out of work and not contributing a lot financially but could always afford pot, cigarettes and takeaway. Bringing it up was “nagging” so I eventually gave up entirely and let him do whatever he wanted to avoid a fight. We still broke up. Some hobbies are destructive, some not.

sinisterforces · 2021-09-19T03:46:49+00:00

Yes I totally see the issue with playing video games. The issue is however imo that there is a fine line between hedonism in the negative sense (or just doing things that are worthless even if they are associated with good things) and needing time for procreation. It’s very dangerous for human health if we try to be productive all the time. To me that’s some of the failures of protestantism on overall values. But that’s another topic.

If we see this from a female perspective: I think the equivalent female interest or easiest comparison here is actually also a video game i.e. the Sims. When women play that and overall the game, it is an overall very feminine game. In addition many women tend to play it in a sense that they do a lot of the female role in a relationship. In a way you could say that you learn something? But what is the purpose if you are perfect at taking care, creating and beautifying a home and children that are virtual while not caring for or neglecting it in the real life?

Having an interest is very important and it’s crucial that we don’t undervalue interests that we don’t understand, but when “unproductive” ones come at an expense of fulfilling duties that is when it becomes a case of concern I suppose. I think a very big issue in the northwestern european sphere is the influence protestantism has insofar that it values very hard work (protestant work ethic), I just think that’s a likely reason to increased mental unhealth. We don’t need to be productive as long as we fulfill what we can do already.

Wild-Second-6852 · 2021-09-19T02:35:07+00:00

I'm genuinely supportive of most and all hobbies that people have. I don't feel like it's up to me to decide how much time someone spends on something. I'm sure there are unhealthy amounts (think addiction) but in general, I really don't care.

However, if that's all they want to do and never want to spend time together as a couple... that's another thing altogether. For me, an excessive amount of gaming is just a huge turn off for me. I say this as someone with gaming consoles who dabbles. I want my future husband to unwind when he gets home and spend that time as he sees fit, and I will dote on him. But I always want someone who wants to spend some time with me, who likes to go out, whether it be for a few drinks or going to visit a food truck or whatever. As long as his interests don't become threatening to the relationship, then I'm fine with it.

When I used to stay with my ex, I wouldn't bother him as soon as he got home. I gave him space, had his dinner ready and knew that he wanted to be left alone. He needed time to chill and his way to unwind was normally to take a shower, eat dinner, then play Overwatch with his friends for a bit. He needed that time and it wasn't my place to block him from his interests as soon as he got home. I didn't care how much time he spent on it because I knew if I was patient, it would eventually be our time together. I just went and did something else, no big deal.

I will say that that's why it's important to find a man that you have common interests with. I'm a split homebody/going out type of person and I'd like someone who's like me. They don't need to spend all their time with me, as I believe it's unhealthy for couples not to have other friends and interests but at the same time, I'm not going to be happy in a relationship with someone who sits at a computer all day with Cheeto dust on their fingers and then when they get in bed at night they just roll over and ignore me... does that make any sense? I support those men and their existence but I just don't think I'd like that in a partner. Therefore I won't seek it out.

WeWearMirrors · 2021-09-20T17:55:01+00:00

Video games would be a major turn off for me, too.

But I feel sorry for the man in your story, OP. How demeaning to be ordered to stop doing something by his wife. And how odd that he'd say so in that way, publicly.

I would not have continued dating someone who was into video games. As you say, I can put up with plenty of things, but that happens to be my red line.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2021-09-19T22:18:56+00:00

I’m honestly surprised there aren’t more “video games” comments.

I personally was someone who thought “why would aomeone ever care about their boyfriend/husband playing video games?” Then I started realizing that most people who consider themselves gamers are actually people with anger problems who take their frustration out on video games rather than deal with it themselves.

I have noticed plenty of girls who are fine with their men playing video games, but those men aren’t the ones who rage or spend 8 hours a day playing. Video games just like any hobby are fine in moderation, but it’s very easy to lose sight on that moderation as you get deeper into it.

banalchenal · 2021-09-19T08:00:07+00:00

Anything infront of a computer is a massive turn off for me. Gaming, coding, Reddit lol. Anything too abstract or intellectually self-indulgent.

misogyny_fetish · 2021-09-19T02:09:08+00:00

When there’s not a physical manifestation of a hobby, it can be hard to justify. Gardening, sewing, toy trains, legos. I can see it. I can feel it. It’s easily shared and appreciated. I straight up don’t care about your Minecraft thingy. You spend 500 hours crafting a tree for a game? Idk I’d rather you have a traditionally feminine hobby that actually creates something!

Maybe I just need to get with the times though 😬

DunboyCastleInTheSky · 2021-09-20T16:14:55+00:00

Baking or anything like sewing/knitting would be a huge turn off for me.

Playing video games is a form of stress relief and entertainment, not every hobby needs to be productive. I feel bad for the guy you mentioned.

pame12 · 2021-09-21T14:51:06+00:00

What about ASMR? Constantly listening to ASMR especially erotic ASMR?

Flharfh1 · 2021-09-21T21:25:00+00:00

I find the widespread aversion to video games interesting, especially since something like 2/3 of men under 40 report gaming as one of their hobbies. It is probably the single most popular hobby for younger men.

Title	Are there hobbies you wouldn't want a man to have?
Author	Inside_Ad_7292
Upvotes	32
Comments	41
Date	September 19, 2021 1:59 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pqz5nd/are_there_hobbies_you_wouldnt_want_a_man_to_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/are-there-hobbies-you-wouldnt-want-a-man-to-have.1075643 https://theredarchive.com/post/1075643

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