A snapshot of the dating world today -

cml678701 · 2021-10-18T18:38:01+00:00

I’m celibate by choice, but I am kind of surprised at how long it has been. I could go out and easily have sex tonight if I wanted, but I don’t want to have sex unless I’m in a relationship. However, I never expected to be celibate at 34, as I thought I’d marry a great man years ago, and be happily married long before now. Still, I’m a lot happier celibate, and with my standards, than I was when I was getting used sexually on a regular basis. It just sucks how few decent guys are out there, and while we can have casual sex more easily than men, it doesn’t mean we want to.

ETA: I LOVE the point the article makes about women feeling pressure to age gracefully, and then not being attracted to men as they age, since the men have left themselves go. So. True!

Craftyhobby · 2021-10-19T04:34:08+00:00

It seems to me that even the most "man-hating" women out there don't hate men as much as the average man hates women. I have never in my life met a "feminazi" that goes out beats, rapes and occasionally murders men.

Very rarely do I even see "man-haters" casually objectify men in the way that men do to women all the time.

ihurlpearls · 2021-10-18T16:57:09+00:00

I love sex but I don’t think I could ever let a man touch me or even kiss me again unless it’s serious. They let it get to their head and treat you terribly after. It’s just not worth it.

Patsy_Stone_darling · 2021-10-18T22:34:22+00:00

I recommend booking a full body massage whenever financially possible when you get the intimacy itch. I aim for every 4-6 weeks, but I also have old soft tissue damage from a car accident and work related injuries.

For me it definitely makes up for for physical touch on top of all the physical and mental benefits of massage, especially since the nice woman who massages me isn't trying to have sex with me.

Ok_Feeling_7702 · 2021-10-18T22:55:06+00:00

I feel like single moms are another category of involuntarily celibate. I don’t have the resources to date (no babysitters I trust) and most men do not respect single mothers. Not to mention bringing a non-bio parent into the home is a risk for child abuse so I would have to be even more discerning. Most of society thinks we should just focus on our kids anyway. I have accepted my “femcel” status for the most part.

dating-adventures · 2021-10-19T00:15:36+00:00

I’ve never had sex and am waiting for marriage, but it’s hard to find a man who’s on board with that so here I am lol

CatSweets · 2021-10-18T23:36:56+00:00

I'm 31 and I've been celibate for almost two years now, kind of involuntarily. I stopped using OLD after finding FDS one year ago, and outside the apps men simply don't show interest in me. Of course in the apps they just want easy, no-strings-attached sex, and I'm not here for it. And in real life the men I know aren't attractive, I haven't developed a crush on anybody in ages.

It just makes me sad because I crave intimacy, affection and sex, and I know I can't get it without a relationship (and even then that's not a given), but men seem uninterested in making an effort at even getting to know me, and I'm done chasing them. I never got anything other than heartbreak and humiliation out of it.

I'm sad that I'm alone? Yes. But I know it would be worse being with an LVM/being used for causal sex.

usernamewhichiafree · 2021-10-19T02:22:53+00:00

I think it's hilarious that people call us female incels. Like bro, so much dick out there if we would want to have sex, and only sex, there would be no problem. If anything FDS is preaching voluntary celibacy in some situations which is safer for women to begin with in many aspects. I personally have no problem with not having sex. I never had pleasure with a man to begin with. If I am alone, I always enjoy myself. So I really don't see the point of having contact to men just for the sake of having disappointing sex.

Daphnetiq · 2021-10-19T04:54:54+00:00

Rather than blaming the opposite sex for their unhappiness, as some of their male counterparts do, femcels tend to believe their own “ugliness” is the root cause of their loneliness.

This line breaks my heart. Shows pretty well how women and men are conditioned differently by society.

KloudyG · 2021-10-18T16:53:13+00:00

Yes, a bisexual woman. Dating women is not the same as dating men, so the incel part makes sense. I think that context is important, she was involuntarily celibate because she was pursuing women.

All4Goldie · 2021-10-19T03:22:18+00:00

This article is great. I love how they highlight the differences between men and women involuntarily celebrate cultures. It just shows how we’re so different for men and reinforces FDS principles!

I was voluntarily celibate for several years until this year when I decided to try OLD in the libfem way and it backfired horribly!! I’m lucky I didn’t come out worse than I did at the end. I’ve been working to level up for a while but did a mini-level up when I found FDS (after that last horrible dating stint) and decided to let go the last of my pickme tendencies!!

ayorules · 2021-10-18T22:23:15+00:00

I'm celibate by choice in the sense that I know I can swipe right on every dude on tinder, match with ~70%+ of them, and get asked for sex within a few minutes of talking to them, but I don't.

I used to do the casual sex thing. Didn't work out for my mental health. I have a healthy sex drive but celibacy >>>>>>>>>> banging any random dude who just sees me as an exotic buffet item before moving on to another choice of their choosing (benefits of being a Black woman and attempting to date non Black men). Sex positivity and the superficial nature of OLD has just made men more superficial irt sex than ever before imo. I think more women of our generation (at least in western countries) will become volcels because of than in the past few decades.

(before black male incels read this, I do not have any racial preferences, just happens that the only men who I've clicked with on OLD and shown (superficial) interest in me are non Black 🤷🏾‍♀️)

Edit: I'm 24. Did the casual sex thing age 21-23ish. To be clear, I'm bisexual and wouldn't mind a fwb with a woman. Only a volcel irt men. Meeting bisexual/lesbian women is just harder in my area.

sekhmetwisdom2020 · 2021-10-18T22:39:40+00:00

I'm in love with my solitude as well ...they will have to compete with her

Advanced_Lobster · 2021-10-18T20:06:00+00:00

I'm a voluntary celibate. After a toxic 8-year relationship, I will need a lot of time to be ready for a new one (if ever). It has been 3 years since we broke up, but my self-esteem is still not high enough. I don't intend to date until I feel again like the strong woman that I was 11 years ago.

No interest in hook-ups, since I had a couple when I was a student and they made me feel like a piece of meat.

I replace a relationship with family, friends, pet and vibrator. I'm so scared of entering again a toxic relationship that the idea of being single forever is much less terrifying.

katiekat0214 · 2021-10-18T22:14:59+00:00

Celibate here by choice, but also circumstance: widowed 2016, was working full time with a commute up to March 2020, then moved back to my home state in spring of 2020. I haven't had time to date (hello, full-time teacher, in Los Angeles, with a commute! What's this "dating" of which you speak?) Then the pandemic hit, and the world is just now opening back up. I can't say I miss sex, being demisexual; I can and do take care of myself, and have close family, a few close friends, and now, a new job with a food bank, that I hope to turn into full-time work in the next couple of years.

I do very much miss close male companionship, and that unending, free-flowing, no-holds-barred conversation I had with my late second husband. If I could ever find a third romance, for this autumn of my life, that's what I'd want: a deep, solid friendship first; fantastic conversation; companionship; someone to do things with; living apart together. Ideal! This time around, I want him to choose me, court me, show that I'm the one for him, because he's competing with my love of solitude and independence. I'd know he was the right man for me if he seemed downright relieved and happy NOT to marry, and to live apart together, which works well for independent and/or older people.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2021-10-19T11:51:25+00:00

So many pickmes make fun of women who aren't having sex like "oh you can just tell by looking at someone if they're not getting that Dick, no glow" etc. Utter BS. Projection, probably related to their orgasm-faking unsatisfied sex lifes.

mindwindansea · 2021-10-19T21:15:08+00:00

Casual sex is like fast food: it's cheap, quick, and you're guaranteed to feel bad about yourself afterwards. I've been holding out for a filet and a bottle of Italian red; for the kind of decadence that can only be experienced with true intimacy, commitment, and care.

Thank you, OP & commenters for making me feel less strange, less alone. I'm 36 and have had sex a handful of times in the past 10 years. I often have 1-2 year periods of abstinence. I often feel like there is something wrong with me, but I can't change the fact that I find meaningless sex is flatly unappetizing.

Massage, yoga with hands-on adjustments, and a toy called 'Girl's Best Friend' are my primary coping mechanisms. I highly, highly recommend the latter and have often found myself wondering what kind of ill-advised and harmful impulses I may have followed in it's absence.

merseyway · 2021-10-18T19:21:21+00:00

It's a relief to know I'm not missing out on anything, but then the reason I'm celibate in the first place is because I don't want to sleep with someone unless i can be fairly sure it won't be a disappointment. Men ruin sex.

KindredMaximus · 2021-10-19T02:21:18+00:00

When it comes to a meaningful and fulfilling connection with a man that includes exclusive, mutual pleasure, I also feel a deep sadness sometimes. As I'm older and my marriage was a farce, it's really taken me to dig deep and accept that the kind of relationship I feel would be possible with a self aware, honourable man without a gigantic ego is not possible and that I will likely die without experiencing it.

It MAY be possible if I put hundreds and hundreds of hours into meeting and vetting men and even then I'm not guaranteed an outcome. It doesn't take long before they start pushing for sex and they'd absolutely forego what I believe would be the ultimate expression of human partnership, for a quick dick dip.

These 'femcels' don't want shallow and I've discovered many men can't actually do deep. It's like they're empty and I'm not sure how they live a whole life at such a surface level but they sure seem to.
I don't want to have deeper more meaningful connections with my friends than my partner - what does he actually offer, if I get more meaning and support from my friends? I don't know - some days I just mentally kick some grass over all this shit and walk away. Also, as I get older, I notice my childless friends put up with more in relationships than I ever would. I do have emotional connections that are fulfilled by my children that I notice these women do not. So I'm not totally bereft.

Title	A snapshot of the dating world today -
Author	m_r_rosewood
Upvotes	247
Comments	29
Date	October 18, 2021 4:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qaq5zh/a_snapshot_of_the_dating_world_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/a-snapshot-of-the-dating-world-today.1078811 https://theredarchive.com/post/1078811

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