Is it okay to not want to date in your 20's?

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-10-31T22:03:05+00:00

Reading all these post gave me assurance. Im turning 25 in a couple of weeks. I just got out of my first serious relationship. It lasted 6 months.

I was and still am a bit traumatized from dating the first guy. I went on to date a few others, but it was just as painful each time when I put myself out there. I decided to not go down this spiral, so now I’m just focusing on school, work, friends, and whatever makes me happy.

It’s been going great!

Don’t worry about meeting other people and your family. They’ll stop pestering you. Mine stopped a long time ago.

Confused_One_ · 2021-10-31T21:53:54+00:00

I wish I thought like you at 25, I would have saved myself a lot of unnecessary stress and heartbreak.

25 is so young, but society wants you to think time is running out already. Please do all the things you want to do. The relationship you have with yourself will last a lifetime.

staywiththecrown · 2021-10-31T19:25:12+00:00

Kudos to you! I spent ALL of my 20s focusing on attracting men and on dating, and it was a huge waste of time.

I really wish I had made the same decision you're making now about focusing on you and your goals. My family's culture puts the emphasis on a husband and kids also, so you'll hear a lot of resistance and fear mongering from them, but stay strong!

Useless men are a dime a dozen, but you only live your 20s once.

abby_ch238 · 2021-10-31T21:21:38+00:00

Yup! Being able to do everything I want without having to give my energy to someone else feels amazing. If someone happens to come along who adds to my life that’s great but otherwise I’m fine with just never dating again. Nothing else matters except my peace of mind

Vivid-Creampuff · 2021-10-31T19:49:19+00:00

I wish I hadn’t dated in my 20s. All the men were trash, and I should Have been focused on my career

poody456 · 2021-11-01T03:44:32+00:00

I’m with you here. I feel like I’ve wasted 15-22 focusing on obtaining a relationship and it has been a huge waste of time and energy. At least it has been an experience and I can reference it when I feel like going back on my standards lol. But I’m hoping to spend the rest of my 20s on myself, friends, hobbies, travel. I am never happier than when I am alone and focusing on these things

Healingirl · 2021-10-31T19:20:41+00:00

Yes exact same! And this is actually my whole strategy, if I ever find myself again wondering if a dude is gonna cheat on me, when he's gonna text me yadi yadi yada, then I am out! A HVM would never make you feel this way, so that's one clue.

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2021-10-31T23:58:26+00:00

Yes, it totally fine! When I was around 25, I also was disappointed with what was available and decided that dating was a waste of time and focused on other things. I wasn't even "hurt", it's just that there were too many lvm in that city and it wasn't worth my time. About 5 years later, I decided to date again once I moved to a city with better men, on average, so that dating was actually enjoyable for me.

GabbaG0ul · 2021-10-31T21:30:10+00:00

If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t. Dating is a giant distraction and it effects everything! Mental energy is not infinite. If you are worrying about why he’s not texting back, is he cheating yadda yadda, then that is going to hinder your ability to do anything else. Also, you arent going to find happiness in a man. Period. So stop wasting the time in your life when you should be searching for happiness, on men.

BuyHighPanicSellLow · 2021-10-31T20:50:21+00:00

I did this. I was dating a pathological liar when I was 18. After that relationship, I said I’m not dating again until Im 25. Back then I figured relationships were for finding a partner, getting married and having kids. Since I didn’t want any of that, I swore off dating.

It worked. I kept men at arms length, and likely saved myself a lot of heartache. I recommend taking a break to anyone who wants one!

extraodi · 2021-11-01T03:14:49+00:00

Yes! I basically stopped dating after 23. I had just gotten out of a toxic relationship and wanted to be single. While focusing on myself, I found that I’m much more happier alone. I’m still young, and y el novio can wait!

NotYourCirce · 2021-11-01T18:15:24+00:00

Honestly wish I hadn’t wasted my time getting in low value relationships in my 20s. If I could have a do-over I would date and have fun, but leave guys who were dead ends and holding me back. I wouldn’t have gotten entangled in abusive relationships. Learn from my experience and immediately block and delete a guy who makes you feel worthless, upset, confused, or any mix of negative emotions.

oi_oi_oink · 2021-10-31T19:41:14+00:00

I feel the exact same way, I'm two years younger than you and don't think that dating right now is the best move for me. I am working towards building a life of my own right now, I want to be the woman I've always envisioned. So dating isn't really something on the top of my priority list.

I also feel like I do not have the emotional energy to be cheated on, be two timed or to deal with all the sex-driven, broke-gross-unhygenic and proud of it kind of LVM. Maybe once I gain more stability career-wise, create a whole life for myself; then I'll start dating.

xfelugirlx · 2021-11-01T03:11:23+00:00

It’s fine if you don’t want it. I see a lot of women regreting the time they wasted on men in their 20’s all the pickme and the expectations on lvm. Focus on yourself and your growth. I wsnt to fall in love with my life. Preach queen, that’s better that any man out there

sadfishbaby · 2021-10-31T20:21:45+00:00

Me! Im also the same age and getting my masters too. Men are just disappointments in general, all they do is make us mentally and physically traumatised. I really want to achieve more academically, what are your plans? I can relate to the family pressure , as a south asian I face the marriage pressure but at least I've gotten this far fortunately.

Sage_Planter · 2021-11-01T00:17:31+00:00

Yes and no. Let me explain.

It depends what your life goals are. I'm all for women doing what they want, but if you want to get married and have kids one day, it's valuable to figure out what you need in a partner and how to thrive in relationships. I've dated a few men in their early thirties who just didn't have the experience or tools to be good partners. They meant well, but it felt like I was much more emotionally mature based on my experience. So, is it okay to not want to date in your 20s? Absolutely. But also keep in mind your long-term goals.

That said, taking breaks from dating is absolutely necessary, and sometimes, it's extremely important to refocus your energy on other endeavors. I'm in my thirties with a pretty incredible career, a Master's degree, and a happy life, and a lot of that is thanks to the times I recognized I needed to focus on myself and things that make me happy.

fireforestfairy · 2021-11-01T13:32:18+00:00

Sure. Most men are LV. Trying to find a compatible HV guy in the dating pool is like waddling through a swamp to find a diamond. It's not worth the effort.

up_d00t · 2021-11-01T17:09:16+00:00

How I explained dating to my gay sibling:

If I walk in a room with 100 men I would find maybe 5 to be long term relationship material, not one night stand, not just dating, actual relationship. Let's assume that maybe 1 of them feels the same. Great.

However I'm now in a room with 99 men I've rejected. How likely am I to be (r)aped? (M)urdered?

Why would anyone date under those circumstances?

radfem_babe · 2021-11-01T14:33:38+00:00

Focusing on yourself, improving yourself, enjoying your 20s. All good things. Men will always be there. Just keep leveling up.

SupremeDearLeader · 2021-11-01T19:10:27+00:00

Focus on you 100% , get that master's, travel ect !! Half my current family is hispanic and the coddling of men for their entire lives is real, avoid man babies like the plague !!!

DifferentBar6 · 2021-11-02T02:38:44+00:00

It’s ok not to want to date, period

esthermaniii · 2021-11-01T19:55:49+00:00

Yes!

I can relate to this. Focused on my career mostly and dating isn’t at the top of my list.

Decentering men and romantic relationships does a lot for your mental and emotional well-being! It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

I’m happy to see that I’m not alone in this :) sometimes I feel like I’m the one who’s made this decision

Title	Is it okay to not want to date in your 20's?
Author	exhalefierceness
Upvotes	441
Comments	26
Date	October 31, 2021 7:13 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qjwhwv/is_it_okay_to_not_want_to_date_in_your_20s/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-it-okay-to-not-want-to-date-in-your-20s.1080762 https://theredarchive.com/post/1080762

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