How soon is too soon to go to a man's home

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-12-24T10:05:43+00:00

If you agree to go to a man's house or have him at yours, he will think it's for sex, no matter what you say.

2340000 · 2021-12-24T11:56:14+00:00

Unpopular answer

Men rape, assault, coerce - we know this. I discourage going to any man's house unless he's been vetted.

However, it is imperative that you know going to his house does NOT suggest sex. Why? Because YOU said so. Men claim everything a woman does, is inherently sexual. The assumption that you've preemptively consented to sex makes women feel they owe sex. That's why the narrative was created - to pressure women when they get into your car, go to your house, etc.

3 dates is too soon, 10 dates as well. But when the time comes, it would be great to show up and do nothing. If he tries, leave. Get your shit and leave his house if he tries to make it sexual🤷. You need to learn how to enforce boundaries in those types of situations. If you don't, you'll be policing yourself. Which is exactly what men want because it makes it easier to abuse you.

And if a man can't be alone with you (in his house or yours) without making it sexual - why are you with him? Same thing if he keeps asking you to come-over in an effort to coerce you

block/delete🚩

vitryolic · 2021-12-24T12:10:34+00:00

Never have dates at a man’s house before you’re in a committed relationship. It’s usually the point where he will stop putting effort in if he just intends to use you for dating/sex (which is a large majority of men). Once you’ve been over once, they will keep making excuses to have home dates until they can get you into bed.

Every time we agree to home dates (outside of a relationship), we devalue ourselves and tell him less effort is required to keep us. Also there’s the safety aspect of it not being safe with someone you don’t know well. 90% of rapes are committed by men that women know.

Olympia43 · 2021-12-24T14:56:25+00:00

No, I would never go to a man place before we are exclusive. So, not before at least 3 months of dating (I also do not cuddle/make out before we are exclusive). I also want to point out that vetting does not stop once you're in a relationship/exclusive with a man. I think there is a bit of confusion here.

xfelugirlx · 2021-12-24T12:41:47+00:00

Don’t do it, he’ll think is for sx or that you are easy to please lol

Platipus6 · 2021-12-24T08:12:43+00:00

You may not intend to, but he will. Only go to a man's house on the day you want sex.

thewetdog_ · 2021-12-24T13:25:06+00:00

Why would you accept to go to a man’s house, to “watch a movie” with him and cuddle on the couch in the dark if you don’t want to have sex with him?

Date him in broad daylight/nightlight. Go to places and events and activities.

The only male house you should be “chilling” at is your established boyfriend’s. Not a guy you see on and off some weeks.

And also 3 dates is not the same as 10. At 10 dates a guy should know if he wants to go steady. Any man inviting you over without being boyfriend and girlfriend just wants to sleep with you.

oscine23 · 2021-12-24T16:16:44+00:00

I did this after four months. But I’d known him for 20 years prior and felt safe enough to do so and it was winter 2020 and we’d run out of outdoor date spots (because of Covid). I would not have done it otherwise.

The thing to remember too, is that YOU may have a hard time talking YOURSELF out of sex once you get over there and you get all comfy and turned on. It’s better to avoid the scenario altogether until you’re ready to go there.

The handbook also talks about letting him get you off before having sex to assess his capabilities. But you have to be alone somewhere to do that, at some point.

Anonimica_X · 2021-12-24T10:34:10+00:00

I'm not dating currently, but if I have seen 0 red flags and there is genuine connection without sex; I would consider 3-6 months. Obviously, you should be roster dating and being mindful of your privacy and security.

I would also consider asking for a surprise virtual tour of his house during one of the video calls. It will give you an idea of his habitat and habits without giving him a chance to prep.

Edit 1 - Watching a movie at home, absolute no-no in the first 6-8 months of dating as per my personal standards. It is low effort and has potential for violating your security. More on this can be found in our lovely handbook.

seraphinelysion · 2021-12-24T14:04:31+00:00

Idk. I've been to a guy's place before without any intention of sex on either of our parts. But this was during daylight hours. I was only stopping by because he had to take his dog out and he let me check out his place, which was cool cause he let me snoop a bit and determine his lifestyle & cleanliness. 🤣 I say it depends on the guy and how he has been interacting with you and if you feel safe with him. I would never recommend to go to a guy's house at night though. Or if he suggested any "date" ideas at his place. It's ok if it's during the day and you're keeping a short time limit on being there.

Hhjjuuy · 2021-12-24T15:24:25+00:00

I don't intend to have sex, and I have been clear about this.

A rapist does not care.

Vmchik · 2021-12-24T13:22:21+00:00

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Remarkable-Ad-4758 · 2021-12-24T11:33:50+00:00

No matter what you say to them - Any indoor time to most heteronormative men equates to ‘she really wants to have sex with me’ and they are dumfounded when you explain no.

I have learned this the hard way.

Just do not have a member of the opposite sex into your home or go to theirs without expecting them to think it is for sex.

Outdoor and activity dates for as long as you feel Comfortable

When I was new to dating pre FDS one invited me over for a coffee to his flat mid day - I knew him through a friend. He wanted sex after an hour.

Madholley · 2021-12-24T12:18:21+00:00

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Sunshine_Daisies2525 · 2021-12-24T17:34:35+00:00

Why are people replying? Please report posts that show they didn’t read the handbook.

Title	How soon is too soon to go to a man's home
Author	mypetchickens
Upvotes	78
Comments	34
Date	December 24, 2021 7:34 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rnh3kn/how_soon_is_too_soon_to_go_to_a_mans_home/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-soon-is-too-soon-to-go-to-a-mans-home.1090883 https://theredarchive.com/post/1090883

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