I’ve known for years I needed to get a divorce. I am 41, we both work, I make more, we have 4 kids and we have assets but not a lot in savings. It has taken two years for me to really accept that and start doing the hard work because of the emotional impact. Our whole marriage has been poor to awful. I have been emotionally abused for years. I did start therapy this week.

After stating my intent multiple times the last year, I allowed myself to be talked back into “one last chance” a couple of times. Nothing ever changes, nor do I see an attempt at change.

This week I shared that I was willing to try and do the divorce uncontested and the pros to that. I also shared, in writing, that she had until the new year to decide if she was willing to do it uncontested, how we would tell our parents and children, and give me time to set up a bedroom in the home office during winter break. I shared I would not be moving out while we were working through the divorce.

Later in the day, in person, she brought up that I would have to expect to play a lot of child support and she is not wanting to share custody. She doesn’t want the kids going between households on a regular basis.

I tried to get her to restate this in a later text exchange, but I think she realized I was trying to get it documented and she made up a lie.

I am worried we will end up with separate lawyers and that will lead to enormous suffering for the kids and the financials of getting a divorce and a place to live. My only concerns right now are the kids and keeping them safe and supported. I hate the idea of selling the house, but that is likely to happen.

I need help and advice of what I should be doing the next couple of weeks to protect myself during the process. This includes how to talk to my parents, how to protect myself legally and financially as best I can, and how to determine my priorities in negotiating. Besides the mental health of my kids, my biggest fear is money.

My sincere hope is 50/50 everything, but I think she is going to make me work for it.