We owe it to our grandmothers to live out our best lives

cicerii · 2022-01-11T14:25:21+00:00

So true. We now have a choice. Sadly, many women allow themselves to remain trapped in bad situations with the resources to get out that our grandmothers could only dream of.

ultblue7 · 2022-01-11T16:36:29+00:00

Yep. My grandmother got married when she was 16 to my grandfather who was 27. She always regretted not being able to get an education—she was taken out of school at the equivalent of 4th grade in the US as compared to her country. Its another reason why I cannot communicate my issues with older females in my family; they simply cannot understand—not through any fault of their own. This is also why I particularly value FDS.

night_glitter · 2022-01-11T05:35:58+00:00

Damn right. I am childfree/sterilized. My mom had 2 children + 1 miscarriage. My grandmother had 4 children. My great grandmother had TWELVE. Twelve! I can’t even imagine. I never met her, but most women who have access to bc don’t have twelve children. I never knew them, but I do know that if my great grandfather was a LVM/ZVM/NVM, that there’s no way my great grandmother could’ve left.

My mother married 3 LVM and left 2 before settling my for my father who offers no value other than his pension. I married a LVM and got to leave after he had an affair. We had no children. We had a very active sex life, so I absolutely would’ve been stuck with children had I not had access to contraception.

What a time to be alive. The way my marriage fell apart was horrifying and traumatizing, but y’all, we are so lucky we get to just say no to abusive men.

Cocoo_B · 2022-01-11T05:41:32+00:00

‘’We can choose to forego men entirely’’

This is really the greatest victory of the feminist movement imo. It’s sad that many women (in the Western world) dont even realize that this is an option we have now

Bekinditsfree · 2022-01-11T05:55:35+00:00

Yes! The women who came before us fought for the freedom from dusties we now enjoy.

But I kind of want to time travel back to Britain in the 1920s for like 3 hours just so I can throw rocks through windows and shout “votes for women”.

Just for the hell of it 🤷🏾‍♀️😛

avamansouri · 2022-01-11T10:01:05+00:00

my great-grandmother had 4 kids starting from age 13-17 (including a pair of TWINS) and then her husband died when she was 17. This was really common in the small villages of the middle east. She never married again in her whole life. She dedicated her entire life to her family and raising her kids and grandkids. I was so blessed to have her in my life up until I was 17.

I just was talking to my grandmother (her daughter) today and she was saying how she couldn't believe she was my younger brothers age (19) with two children already. Her husband, though, was the most HVM there was. He dedicated his entire life to his children and family and loved my grandmother so openly and proudly. He used to paint many portaits of her over the years and hung them all over the house. He brought her to the US the first moment he found out she was pregnant so they could have a better life for their family here. He eventually brought my great-grandmother over as well so she could have her mom. I've never been so loved by someone in my life. He loved every single fiber of my being and let all of his children and grandchildren know how loved they were. He worked his ass off, started a business and named it after his wife and daughters, and built them their dream house from practically nothing.

Even though my grandmother had this amazing man who dedicated his whole life to her up until he died, she still never got to do a lot of things. For starters she got pregnant at 17 so she was still a teen and she never got to fully develop before being responsible for human lives. They only had enough money for one of them to go to college and because of years and years of staying isolated at home with the kids her english suffered. She was attached to him and would have had no way out if he was mistreating her. Luckily she was his entire universe and she never felt like she suffered at all until he passed. The truth is they both sacrified for HIM to be the successful one in the end as she inherited all of his financial responsibilites and she didn't know how to handle them properly.

Her whole world was him and her whole world is STILL him. She didn't have a choice. I'm grateful to have the choice to have my whole world be about me.

ccro7 · 2022-01-11T11:22:03+00:00

This reminds me of a movie I saw a few times in my 20s. It was a strong message to me to ignore the prospect of marriage and to explore life as much as possible and enjoy that hard-won freedom.

'The Portrait of a Lady' (directed by Jane Campion, starring Nicole Kidman, Barbara Hershey and John Malkovich). Based on the novel by Henry James.

Spoilers follow*****

A young woman who has beauty and brains inherits a fortune. She has men throwing themselves at her both before she inherits and after. So she has everything - she has the world at her feet. She can do as she pleases.

What does she do?

She travels a little then accepts the marriage proposal of a poor aesthete, believing that she has fallen in love with him.

Turns out, he has only married her for the money - this was a time when everything a woman owned instantly became her husband's property upon marriage - including her fortune.

He also becomes physically and psychologically abusive to her. It takes decades for her to find out that she has been lied to and manipulated by people she trusted from the beginning.

She leaves her husband and the life of luxury forever and it's implied at the end that she very reluctantly accepts the proposal of a man she has no feelings for but who has loved her all these years.

Guilty_Assignment · 2022-01-11T15:54:06+00:00

Lmao I have a protective order against my grandma for death threats against me. A lot of our grandmothers lived the exact lives they wanted to. No, we owe it to ourselves to live lives that give us maximum benefit, no one else. Just like an addict trying to get sober, your motivation needs to come from within. Otherwise it won’t last.

2340000 · 2022-01-11T12:22:59+00:00

My grandmother was 14 when she got pregnant with my mother! My grandfather is 6 years older than her. So he was 19 turning 20.

Unfortunately, she's dead now - died when I was in highschool. But I carry on for her❤️

2022-01-11T17:51:09+00:00

Seeing how miserable my mom and aunts are in their marriage was a huge motivation that me getting divorced was the right decision. They all had the same grievances I had and I just couldn't stomach spending foever being someone's bangmaid. I definitely married someone exactly like my father... and my dad is an amazing dad but now I finally see he isn't a good husband. I felt like it was my duty to stop the cycle. I'll happily die alone and happy than with a partner I resent majority of my life.

Hypatia-etal · 2022-01-11T06:41:20+00:00

My grandmothers told me I had no right to refuse to take advantage of the education opportunities available to me because they didn’t have those opportunities. I took this to heart. Their words helped me when I was dating & married to men who told me to quit college and that I didn’t need an education. My sisters husband tried shaming me for getting a bachelors degree as if it was weird or indecent. Fortunately, I already had it when he married my sister. The push back is everywhere. My grandmothers changed my life with their words. They fortified my mind and gave me the focus I needed. One grandma even was my support person when going through an awful divorce. She told me I didn’t have to put up with his mistreatment of me.

We do owe it to the women before us who didn’t have these choices, to embrace them.

LogisticalConundrum · 2022-01-11T07:22:36+00:00

Yep, my maternal grandma had five kids one died young and she almost died from an illegal abortion before she left her alcoholic abusive husband. She had to cede custody of her four kids to the abuser and his new victim. Her mother had 8 kids, all boys except her. My paternal grandma had to immigrate to the US and leave her whole family and everything she knew behind because she fell pregnant from her GI boyfriend during the Korean War.

My mom was a teenager in 1971 when they passed the Equal Credit Act. Women weren't allowed to wear pants in schools when she started high school. She was a woman working in tech in the late 70's and early 80's but she still left her job to become a stay at home mom because that's what was expected of her, I'm sure she lost massive career opportunities and a staggering amount of income potential by doing that.

Do right by your forebears, young women, and seize the opportunities that this shitty dystopian capitalist hell-hole bears. Maintain your independence and be the kind of person who can drive society in the right direction. Women can't drive social change if they are beholden to a man and relegated to caring for his domestic interests.

ytsorFx · 2022-01-12T00:37:55+00:00

I love this!

My grandmother was so oppressed by my narc grandfather that not only was she emotionally abused by him but also severely depressed. She was of the generation of no divorce.

This one's for you, Nan!

fdsalt1 · 2022-01-11T05:44:55+00:00

Researching family history I found my great great grandparents in several censuses. My great great grandmother immigrated to the US from Italy when she was 19 with my great great grandfather who was 27. They were likely first cousins. The censuses list grade 6 listed as her highest level of education. She couldn't read or write or speak English her entire life despite living her for decades. The census lists her occupation as "homemaker" and says she had 10 live births and 8 children.

My grandmother (from another line) was incredibly intelligent. She was given a scholarship to attend a boarding school in the 40s and 50s and then another university scholarship. She met and married my grandfather and they moved from the small town to the city while they attended the university on full scholarships. After they graduated she began working as a teacher (one of the only jobs women in the 50's could get) and each of her younger 6 siblings lived with them, sometimes 3 at a time, to attend university. Neither of her parents graduated high school and they were both farmers. She paved the way and supported both financially and practically all of her siblings to earn university degrees.

I think about my female lineage all the time and want my ancestors to know that life is better for me than it was for them, and it's better for me because of them.

I am 34 and don't have children. I have traveled and lived on multiple continents, have a bachelor's degree and work in one of the best jobs in the best industries in our era. I am completely financially independent and am building wealth. I will never rely on any scrote for anything. I spend my time, money and energy doing what I want to do in life, with so much less stigma or oppression than they had to deal with.

Poke-A-Haunt-Us · 2022-01-11T15:17:07+00:00

My grandmother, who is now 95, told me a couple years after my grandfather passed away that she felt so free. I know she felt guilty for saying these words, because she said, "oh I loved him very much, but I've never felt so free." I never want to be in my 90's and finally living my best life and feeling free for the first time. I'm 45 now and I know women in my family and co-workers/friends look at me like I'm strange because I'm so content with my single life. I can't wait for more women to normalize and realize they don't need men!

sunbeankiss · 2022-01-12T00:25:41+00:00

I dont owe anything to my grandmother, who wants me to pump out a bunch of kids and follow unfavorable cultural norms because status quo.

I am very grateful to the grandmothers who did their part to give women like myself more opportunities to live a full and vibrant life.

Sincerely, Happily childfree :)

frogchickenhorse · 2022-01-12T04:36:09+00:00

I love my lifestyle.. living and working from home. But I admit that the isolation with Covid ramping up again and the isolation from work- no communication unless there is an issue is starting to get to me again. I cut off toxic people last year and now don’t have those outlets. God I’m in a shitty mood.

One thing I noticed with my mum, once divorced, she never had a relationship with a male again. My nan perm split with pop once she could get her own bank account in the 70s.

jenna_grows · 2022-01-11T08:22:33+00:00

I was saying this to my mother in law yesterday and she’s in full agreement. We are in the best position we’ve ever been in and we have a lot of work to do, but we’re getting there. For our granddaughters and great granddaughters ♡

For all our kids ♡

--dackymacky-- · 2022-01-11T09:23:38+00:00

Yep! So grateful that I can choose a partner, or just live alone rather than be forced to marry a man for survival.

I remember saying once (on my main account) on a dating sub that it was better to live alone than with a toxic partner. Got a salty response from a someone, presumably an incel, calling me shallow and entitled lmao. Apparently it’s entitled to want a healthy relationship.

Future_Duty2401 · 2022-01-11T15:55:18+00:00

When I left my abusive ex my gran phoned me to tell me how proud she was of me. My grandad had died a few years before and she said he was bully but never felt like she had an option to leave. She lived so happily on her own after he died and little things, like she wore clothes he wouldn’t have approved of. It’s sad she spent so many unhappy years with him but I’m glad she got her freedom in the end.

qazzovuoi · 2022-01-11T10:06:47+00:00

My grandmother only passed me intergenerational trauma but it wasn't her fault

SpiralDancingCoyote · 2022-01-23T05:45:50+00:00

I think about this a lot. Right now, I have been considering it specifically concerning a sex life. I am the only woman in my family who can say she has never been raped, molested, or sexually abused - how horrendous is that? And yet, I am positive my family is not unique in its history of sexual abuse of wives, daughters, and sisters.

Now, I am not at all saying that I have had terrific, always-good sex with a caring partner - in fact, I have had that maybe once. All of the sex I have had - most of it bad - I have wanted. But all of my sexual experiences have been leaps and bounds better than many of those experienced by all the other women in my family.

Why on Earth would I use my absolute sexual right, responsibility, freedom, and pleasure to fuck some dudes in one night stands, FWB relationships, or even a serious relationship when they are selfish, lazy, bad lovers?

You and I have a right to good sex with a partner (or partners) whom we trust, who keeps us safe, who commits to our mutual pleasure, and who respects with no qualm our right to say no at any time. Don't settle for anything less, ladies. (Even if it makes you single for years at a time, like me. :( )

Anyway. I don't know of that makes sense to anyone else.

Title	We owe it to our grandmothers to live out our best lives
Author	Fun_Sherbet
Upvotes	1258
Comments	37
Date	January 11, 2022 5:15 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/s150yi/we_owe_it_to_our_grandmothers_to_live_out_our/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/we-owe-it-to-our-grandmothers-to-live-out-our-best.1095541 https://theredarchive.com/post/1095541

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