How do I protect myself?

Gxl4 · 2022-05-09T07:19:35+00:00

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

See you in a few years OP.

WartimeDad · 2022-05-09T05:53:56+00:00

I would advise you this: ask her if she is willing to be your partner for life, without marriage. If she can’t agree to that you damn sure don’t want to be married to her. And if she can, than what is the point of the marriage?

There can be valid reasons, sure. But they are VERY few and far between. If it’s family pressure, that’s not a valid reason.

Shitpostradamus · 2022-05-09T05:25:02+00:00

how do I protect myself?

Don’t get fucking married

Content-Board7302 · 2022-05-09T08:44:15+00:00

Just remember whatever your honeymoon period is whether it be 5, 10 or 15 years that’s all it is … Unicorns don’t exist … As soon as you have kids prenups mean nothing … If you roll the dice the odds are stacked against you and you will lose. About the only thing worth giving a go if you insist on ending up another statistic is don’t think with your penis, marriage needs to be earned given the loss you will likely suffer.

What does this mean in practice make them wait at least 5 years and never pedestalise a woman…

This is not to hate on women it’s just to reflect on female nature, a woman can never love you like you think. And as they say in the classics, “hypergamy is real”, you always need to be on your game.

throwaway165393 · 2022-05-09T06:05:41+00:00

Make sure they make the same or greater income.

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-05-09T07:01:42+00:00

Just don't get married, why risk it if you're already risk adverse? Just have a stable LTR with her and enjoy life (as long as the state isn't common law). Men gain nothing from marriage except huge potential liabilities. Just don't do it.

denvercaniac · 2022-05-09T13:56:38+00:00

The reason "too many horror stories" exist is there's not really a foolproof method of self-protection other than not getting married.

It's as simple as that.

crypto_keeper88 · 2022-05-09T11:45:06+00:00

There is only one piece of advice, DON'T GET MARRIED! You are an idiot if you do, that's all I can tell you.

akihonj · 2022-05-09T06:09:08+00:00

I have a good friend who says this, give me one, just one social, legal or moral argument that cannot be refuted and I'll get married.

The truth then is you can only protect yourself so far, keep everything separate, hell, live in separate houses if you have to.

Get a prenup, a good lawyer will cost you dearly but a divorce will cost you a lot more, a good prenup will take care of future earnings.

Pray that your prenup is accepted in the court when you eventually get divorced.

Gattsama · 2022-05-09T08:38:54+00:00

Prenups are not 100% fool proof. A judge does not have to honor it. Is a civil process so a judge can do whatever the judge wants. Best advice you will get here is not to get married. But you won't listen, the way none of us listened when at least one person told us not to get married. I refused to listen and I am now looking at my second divorce. I'll probably will get married a 3rd time because I am an idiot who loves to give away my money and soul.

playerknowmore · 2022-05-09T15:20:47+00:00

If you are going to get married; do it after thirty five. Maturity is a must for marriage. Those guys who get married before twenty five are destined for FOMO, by one or both of the couple. Both should have experienced other people.

Set your boundaries upfront. It's amazing how cheating spouses a surprised by divorce. Your triggers for divorce should be made known well before you get married.

Split the bills. Don't marry a housewife. The more she makes the less money she can take from you. I filed a few years ago; didn't pull the trigger. I learned a lot about how divorce would hit me financially. My wife and I make around the same money. Either of us could afford the house. When I seen what child support would cost me I thought it was fair. We have teenagers, so they could pick and choose where they stayed. I In my marriage I was getting an allowance. If I were to divorce I would have six grand a month afterchild support.

Marriage is the best way to raise children. The last twenty years has produced three amazing kids. As a matter of fact one of the main reasons I didn't pull the trigger was my oldest got into Princeton. We could easily afford it together, but would probably be a struggle if we divorced. Our reason for divorce was silly. She wanted me to things on her schedule, and I am not a pliable person. In this end we both made compromises.

As someone who stayed married; it is possible. First key is love is not the glue. Marriage is a partnership; bestfriends don't cost a boat load of money to get rid of. What I learned from filing is divorce is a business transaction. That made think marriage should be run like a business. The collaboration should have mutual benefits for the partners.

Marriage is in no way easy. You have to be certain that you want it. It also doesn't come with a guarantee. The trick to surviving love; is never love anyone more than yourself. Everyone in your life are bit actors that only be there for the value they add to your life. Do I love my wife? Of course, but I know I can live without her. She I love her, but she also knows I will choose me over the relationship.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-05-09T09:34:26+00:00

Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. A prenup is the same as negotiated desire. Negotiated desire leads to obligated compliance, which results in resentment by both parties. It's the same thing as her not taking your name: It's a huge red flag.

And since you know how risky marriage is, then this part isn't for you. It's for the men reading over our shoulders:

Marriage has undergone drastic changes since the early 1970s. What used to be the bedrock of Western culture with life-long commitment and unbreakable barring the most severe circumstances, has been relegislated into something entirely new thanks to the lobbying efforts of radical feminists and the divorce industry. This includes legalized abortion, no-fault divorce, domestic violence laws and the concept of marital rape. The changes themselves were not wrong. However, the principal benefactor of these changes are modern women. And modern women have a sense of entitlement that is not possible to satisfy, expecting to have it all. Magically they expect to juggle a marriage, career, parenting and social life with no hassle. When it doesn't work, the husband is the first to suffer. We live in a world where arguing with your wife is considered emotional abuse, telling her that she is spending too much is being a control freak, and wanting regular sex is misogyny. These same women cannot cook, clean or handle the kids without stressing out, but we men are expected to make it better. In trying to make divorce fail-safe for homemaker or lower-earner spouses, society has made marriage unsafe for virtually everyone else. Marriage used to be a worthy goal for a man but today, not so much.

Marriage is a good idea; it’s how we execute it today that makes it one of the worst prospects imaginable for men. Marriage today has the potential to be the most damaging decision a man can make in his life – it’s a legal extortion scheme. You’re betting a woman half your net worth that you’ll love each other forever. Marriage is handing a woman an axe, then putting your head on a chopping block in the trust that she won’t cut it off. It’s not reciprocal. The modern state of matrimony has become the legal equivalent of gambling. Getting married is like betting half your stuff she won’t cheat on you. No matter what she contributed, or did not contribute to the marriage, half of your stuff is hers. If you are not married, she has no claim on your assets, nor you on hers. That fact alone makes rejecting marriage the smartest financial move a man can make, and lets you avoid career slavery. Marriage used to be a business and social partnership for the accumulation and conservation of wealth and the raising of children. Now marriage is the new retirement pension for modern women, rewarding them for breaking a contract. A woman that won’t take your name in a marriage will gladly take your house in a divorce. You can get the same effect of marriage by selling your house, giving all your money away and have someone castrate you. There is no incentive for men to get married. Society has stacked the deck against men in modern marriage. You are allowing the state to decide what happens to your wealth, your freedom, and your access to your children if a marriage doesn’t work out. Statistically marriage has become the worst decision a man can make in his life at present, yet so many men want to believe they won’t be one of those statistics.

By all measures, contemporary marriage is essentially what’s known as an unconscionable contract. Women are taking advantage of men in every way possible, and the government is enforcing this scrupulous behavior. To sum the current circumstance: women have choices, men have responsibilities. Marriage only benefits women. Men accept all of the risk. Marriage amounts to a no-win struggle of mutually assured disappointment. In this era there are no appreciable advantages for men to marry even the most ideal of women.

Marriage is not a rite of passage into manhood. Only get married because you want to get married. Ask yourself, what are the practical advantages? What would you gain? Would your troubles disappear? Getting married because she wants to is a recipe for disaster. If you make the decision to marry, at least you do so with your eyes wide open -- unlike the majority of men. If you are going to have a successful long-term relationship, you have to accept the nature of women, and you have to work within those parameters.

Rustic_Father · 2022-05-09T11:43:15+00:00

A few questions:

1) why do you want to move to a state that obviously has backwards laws?

2) why are you planning for divorce before you even married or even found the person yet?

crowexplorer02 · 2022-05-09T16:43:27+00:00

You said not to tell you twice, so I'll tell you three times:

Don't get married.

Crushed_95 · 2022-05-09T05:21:56+00:00

A prenup will do nothing for you if you have nothing now and get married and get financially stable. Everything you accumulate after divorce is half of hers.

Eve-3 · 2022-05-09T08:56:13+00:00

Why marry? You can live together and have a family without involving the government in your business. The only thing a marriage is is a legally binding contract. If you need a law to enforce her staying it's because you already know otherwise she won't.

LowerFars · 2022-05-09T09:37:04+00:00

http://black.blue/marriage/This%20Face.m4v

http://black.blue/marriage/Sell%20It%20To%20Me.m4v

fhl415 · 2022-05-09T19:08:02+00:00

Character would be the most important trait. The challenge is to detect character from social conditioning, parental influence, religious beliefs, etc. Because when your marriage hits the 10-year plus mark or a difficult period it is character and not all that other stuff that keeps them loyal and committed. Ultimately, everyone does what they want to do society, parents, and religion aside. Plus, you need a partner that can express themselves constructively. Your courtship period should not be rushed so you can observe any potential life partner through many situations and how attitudes/behaviors may change over time. Lastly, past behavior is an indication of future behavior.

canival9885 · 2022-05-10T11:17:02+00:00

If I could do it all over again, i would not have gotten married. I was on the fence to begin with and got married for all the wrong reasons. If you are having this same thought don’t do it. You will live with regret and anguish all your marriage then when you divorce you’ll realize “damn, I wish I didn’t get married.” Good luck whatever your choice is.

Mountain_Split_2381 · 2022-05-10T12:44:45+00:00

Run!

doing_my_best_co · 2022-05-10T15:31:53+00:00

Life is a zero sum game. You start and end in the same place. Everything you get, you will lose. Either slowly over time or all at once in some tragically quick ending. The only way to not lose anything is to not gain anything, but paradoxically to never have anything is the greatest loss of all.

When they leave you, it hurts. And nothing is going to spare you that. Financially, if they make about the same money as you and have the same spending habits as you then you will do alright at divorce time. But it is a tricky balance, because if she starts to make more than you, it destabilized your marriage and she is more likely to leave.

If you make way more than her, if it falls apart you are really financially screwed. You essentially become a financial slave to a person who is out having fun ( and sex) with other people. Even if she leaves you!

Never refer to our legal system as a justice system.

Title	How do I protect myself?
Author	----Poseidon---
Upvotes	6
Comments	33
Date	May 9, 2022 5:02 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/uljpns/how_do_i_protect_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-protect-myself.1114930 https://theredarchive.com/post/1114930

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