Women's dating experience?

gymbro718nyc2 · 2022-11-15T12:09:09+00:00

Well, if this is a gangbang kink, I see men outnumbering women as a good thing :)

But let me get to the meat of your post. I will start with a story unrelated to sex, yet a great analogy to what is going on with male/female dynamics.

Years ago I read a non-fiction book about a VP of sales who went to work for a fledging software startup. After driving sales success, he decided to scale up the sales team. So he looked around him and took the top qualities of the people who were already successful on his team, put them in a job ad and had HR post the ad all over the internet. (If this sounds familiar to how women approach dating with their endless lists of: "he must be tall, dark and handsome, and also dress really well, and wear matching belt and shoes, have some facial hair but not too much, and be a doctor, but a lawyer is also okay, but it will be best if he's in finance, and also he just own his own house and be able to travel and...and...and..." is because it is.)

They then received 300 applications! Out of those resumes, they whittled it down to 50, whom they phone screened and cut down to 10 to bring in for in person interviews. Out of those people, he hired exactly no one. They were all terrible.

Then the VP goes on to the have the realization that quality sales people are not out there working on their resumes and sending them in to job applications. No. They are too busy working their jobs and hitting their targets, and if they do get other jobs it is through offers from ex bosses, current clients or they get recruited through their networks.

Well, if this isn't a great analogy for women's experience with men, I don't know what is. Many women get hundreds of resumes from men, whether that's likes in dating apps, thirsty messages on Facebook or approaches in real life. But here is the clincher! Quality men are not out there spamming apps, Facebook groups or approaching indiscriminately in bars. Quality men are out there living their lives, keeping their cup full of excitement, purpose, getting their needs met through their friends, networks, family. These are the type of guys women want, because they are not needy. To them, a woman is someone to invite on an adventure, not the adventure itself.

Neediness, ie thirsty guys spamming everyone, is quite possibly the biggest turn off for a woman after poor hygiene. So if you ever wonder how is it that a woman can get a 100 messages like the ones you described and feel "blah" and then go on to say "there are no good guys left", that's exactly why. The very act of a man throwing himself at her with his neediness, immediately makes him an unattractive prospect.

I think the reason for this is simple. Women are always looking to attach themselves to a man who feels that he is complete. A man who feels he is lacking especially in the female department will always be a turn off. It's an energy thing and women can read it very well, because before there was language and people spoke in grunts, there was a lot of fucking. Lots and lots of fucking. And guess what. Women's standards haven't changed since then.

So is there a solution for regular guys? Yes, I believe so. The solution is a combination of learning to like and love themselves, of learning not to NEED a woman for validation and a boost to their self esteem, and of learning to create a great cake of life where a woman is simply the icing on the cake and not the cake itself. The great cake of life can be friendships with men, a fulfilling career, hobbies, sports, travel, whatever. Whatever it takes for you to not feel lacking and incomplete because you don't have a woman.

Interestingly, when a man finally stops needing women, is when women come out of the woodwork to try and be with him. I've told this story of having broken up with a particularly toxic girlfriend. It was such a bad time that I swore I didn't want to think about women and didn't even want to look at them. Not in a hateful way, I just needed a break from anything female. Well, well, well. I was literally proposition by a coworker who wanted to fix me up with a girlfriend of hers who in her own words "just needs a really good fucking". Other women were coming out of the woodwork checking me out and even coming on to me. These women were nowhere to be seen when I was single and needy and actively looking.

It's not that hard to become a non-needy guy. Guys believe it's about swearing off women and suppressing your sex drive, but that's BS. There is a difference between NEEDING and WANTING. When you need something, you feel sad and bad about yourself that you don't have it. That's what kills guys. They FEEL empty and incomplete because they haven't got a woman. That drives all their needy and creepy behavior. When you stop tying your self worth to whether you are successful wjth women and just learn to feel content with yourself, all of a sudden women will be much more interested in you. Because quality guys don't have to go out there and spam every woman in sight. Quality guys live a fulfilling life and women want to attach themselves to them.

_demidevil_ · 2022-11-15T12:50:30+00:00

7’10 - is that a typo?

gudinn · 2022-11-15T17:09:47+00:00

Makes entire post. Doesn't mention the exact kink. 😓

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-11-15T17:12:37+00:00

Yes, everybody knows 95% of messages men send are garbage. What's to be done about it? Maybe a few public service announcements for men to do better, but it's probably going to be more effective to focus on what you can control, in this case, data management;

I mean, it's not all negative; some of the guys do contact and are
relaxed and just hit her up for a casual conversation which she said she
enjoyed participating in.

Yes, so from a guy's perspective it's hard to see what the problem is exactly. Like if I go to a supermarket I don't think I can just take the first 10 items I see home and be done with it. I actually have to look around a little, read some labels, knock on some melons, etc.

You know what I realize? Men in this sub are always being accused of having low social intelligence, but I think women who find this task insurmountable might also have very low social intelligence. Like "I can't conduct a conversation in order to figure out who you are or interpret text for social cues" levels of low. Which when you think about it is probably no surprise; if men are (theoretically, per this sub) so poorly socialized why would we expect women to be any better at it?

Upstairs-Rip-604 · 2022-11-15T12:36:35+00:00

I’m a 20 year old virgin woman who’s never dated a guy. I will not actively seek out a significant other. I’m content with the family I have and my hobbies. It would just be a bonus if I stumble upon the right guy.

I feel embarrassed to admit that I purposely make an effort to avoid love from people other than my family. Perhaps I’m a little bit afraid of love.

renfsu · 2022-11-15T12:39:13+00:00

Women have it easier due to the sheer amount of options they have.

However women read this, see the word "easier" and think we're saying they have it easy.

We are not saying that. Imagine you're trying to lift 400lbs. I'm trying to lift 700lbs. You have it easier of course. But lifting 400lbs isn't easy.

Women struggle because how thirsty men can be and how easily women are turned off. But I would say women who are overly logical in their dating experience tend to never be single. The ones who hop from guy to guy tend to not "feel" like it today and change their mind tomorrow. There are plenty of downsides to dating for both genders. But I will never feel bad for women who complain about being alone while having hundreds of DMs. Every "I'm so alone" post by women has some sort of "I get many likes on tinder and get approached every week" in the comments.

And when I say women I mean ugly women, hot women, skinny, fat, wheelchair, three legs. There's always somebody out there rushing to wife you up.

CimZim · 2022-11-15T12:52:00+00:00

Damn, reading this was a roller-coaster of entertainment. Okay, but now you just gotta tell us what the kink is...or at the very least DM me, because I won't sleep tonight wondering what it is lol. I bet it's either puppy play or a lactation kink or showing off Bad Dragon toys.

But yes, men are thirsty as fuck, even if you're literally doing nothing more sexual than existing. If you are female, and you are alive, then you realize that at any given moment there is a man in your vicinity thinking sexual thoughts about you. Unless you're at a gay male convention I suppose lol.

Perfect example; I'm 16, working as a cashier at my local pharmacy. Dude in his 40s comes up asking for his prepaid order, which I'd just stashed under my drawer with a few others. I know I can reach it by leaning over the counter instead of walking all the way around the 8' long counter. So I do, and he immediately says "whoa, I didn't know I'd get such a sexy show with my meds today!" And I'm over here like what in the blue fucking hell? Yeah, merely bending over a counter for 2 seconds to grab his freaking kidney medicine was enough to put me from "tired underage cashier girl" to "sexy adult woman showing off her ass". It is so bizarre, to know that if I was a 16 year old boy, it very likely nothing at all would have been said, even if the guy was queer as a $3 bill.

But yes. Girl, woman, someone who even looks like they might have a vagina = lots of weird ass comments and messages thrown at you for having a body that exists in some plane of existence.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-11-15T16:36:10+00:00

It's pretty easy for heterosexual men to see what it's like to date as a woman.

Go home, get dressed up, look good, and then go to a gay club.

SoleMatesC4S · 2022-11-16T00:19:08+00:00

Greetings, fellow kinkster. Like yourself, I also participate in a community of like-minded people and am regularly agog at the horror stories I hear from women as well as experience the shitfuckery myself. G'wan, ask me about the clowns who responded to my personals ad who admitted that they didn't even read it, or who tried to trick me into talking about my kink by posing as a "couple".
Even so, I still don't like to make generalizations or mass-shame the people who aren't doing these things, because I don't like it when it's done to me and it's often used to mask a whoooole lotta social injustice. I mean, if I said half the stuff about black folks that people say about men in general I'd have been canceled so fast my eyes would still be spinning in their sockets, and I don't like to be a hypocrite, you know?
What I do do (heh. doodoo.) is acknowledge that these things exist in a healthy way, without using them as an excuse to shit all over people. Like, if a dude says "hey, I saw your ad", I might be like, okay, this guy is probably fishing for an interaction I'm not interested in, let's see where he goes" rather than be standoffish or hostile or rush to the sub to scream YESALLMEN or whatever. And I'll totally listen to my ladyfriends/models/whoeever when they say "I had a bad experience with so-and-so" and not shut her down if she doesn't choose her words super-carefully, because I know where she's coming from and it's a nitpick. But that won't stop me from pushing back against misandrists who want to push for mass population culling or some shit.
Here's the thing, though; a lot of guys operate on a "no skin off my nose for asking", philosophy, especially on the Internet. Like, I regularly message models on Instagram asking them if they want to work with me, even if they aren't fetish models. Most don't respond, but occasionally they do, and I work with them, and it's great. I lost nothing by asking, and had everything to gain if they said yes. I nearly worked with She-Hulk's body double this way. I mean, the convo petered out but at least she wrote back so I could make my pitch. If I'd said "no way She-Hulk is gonna talk to me", there would have been absolutely zero chance of that happening.
Now, an old dude like me who's been around the block a few times is still pretty selective about who he does this with, but up until recently (when shaming people online became the norm) I could totally see younger guys simply shotgunning crude passes at everyone just to see who'd say yes because sex is fun and all you need is one yes out of thousands. The ones who still do this probably just haven't gotten the memo, TBH.
Kinks are tough though because in, say, a model car sub you would totally send a photo of the new McLaren kit to someone and be like hey, how cool is this, how would you paint it, but in a kink sub sending a picture of said kink to a woman in hopes it would kickstart a conversation is seen as aggressive and creepy. It often takes a lot of unlearning and relearning to figure this shit out, and surprise surprise, people don't react well to being shouted at so they simply never let people teach them when they fuck up. It is what it is.

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odd_cloud · 2022-11-15T19:16:10+00:00

Are introduction to your posts also 7’10” long?

Title	Women's dating experience?
Author	roastpork99
Upvotes	1
Comments	122
Date	November 15, 2022 11:40 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yvupy2/womens_dating_experience/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/womens-dating-experience.1139740 https://theredarchive.com/post/1139740

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