How do you perceive a loner of the opposite sex? Does being a loner make him/her undatable in your eyes?

northernlights190 · 2022-11-23T09:30:22+00:00

A former partner of mine was a loner. We were together a long time. I’ll put it this way — it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me I don’t necessarily think it’s a problem on its face, but I will say that a good amount of the time, when a loner gets a partner it can lead to them putting a lot of pressure on that partner to be their literally everything, which isn’t always healthy.

So it would be a yellow flag for me. I’d really want to suss out why he was a loner and whether he was truly happy that way before getting too deep.

Ppdebatesomental · 2022-11-23T14:23:28+00:00

As u/northernlights190 said, it depends on WHY this person is a loner. A lot of people are loners because they are fundamentally unlikeable. There are lots of different flavors of unlikeable, the person high in narcissism who believes himself to be better than everyone else, the person extremely low in agreeability, etc. Someone who doesn’t have friends? Definitely a red flag.

Someone who values lots of alone time, but maintains deep, important relationships with a few friends and family? Probably will have an amazing relationship with someone but might not be for me.

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-11-23T12:53:43+00:00

my husband was a shadowy lurking figure of no fixed abode when we met. i was also almost completely alone. we met in a bar. i am an aspy weirdo, he is a schizotypal weirdo. you can meet a woman but dont expect her not to be weird

CasperElshao · 2022-11-23T08:26:13+00:00

Not at all. Just have to assess firm boundaries so they do not get too clingy.

Bats_are_cuter · 2022-11-23T10:06:51+00:00

Being introverted, shy etc are fine with me personally.

Loner brings to mind connotations that would be off putting. Someone who has zero friends just wouldn't be the right fit for me I don't think. I'm quite introverted but sociable so I would like someone whose temperament was compatible with mine and vice versa. I would also worry that I would need to be everything for them socially.

I may be interpreting the word loner differently to how others hear it mind.

switchretro45 · 2022-11-23T18:18:43+00:00

For me a loner women makes her more datable because it shows she is not a mainstream clown or slut instead she is doing her own thing.

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-11-23T08:46:41+00:00

I wouldn’t say undatable, but definitely unlikely.

I’m a naturally friendly person and I’ll chat to anyone and I definitely work with a few people like you’ve described, it’s like trying to get blood out of a stone, I’ve kinda given up on them and now just do the standard polite conversation and avoid being alone with them.

Lost-Zebra6453 · 2022-11-23T09:21:56+00:00

Personally I like when my partners have a wide social group so that we have people to hang out with more than just my friends. If both partners have a social network it’s more interesting than just one group of friends

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-11-23T11:09:00+00:00

I do not mind as long as I thought he was attractive.

gate18 · 2022-11-23T13:04:39+00:00

If you are happy with your situation I don't think it's a problem and you proved it:

Some of them did find it weird that I was leading a solitary lifestyle, but only after being together for a while and they never said that explicitly. Others just didn’t care.

I'm 100% sure Leonardo Decaprio (now or in his prime) couldn't get every woman!

Meaning even if you "ticked" all the imaginary boxes some people will not like you because of the boxes you tick.

Of course, being a loner means - by definition - that you will meet fewer people hence fewer opportunities.

If you are unhappy with being a loner that completely changes your vibe.

Ok_Chicken3237 · 2022-11-23T18:49:28+00:00

Anyone who isn’t extroverted with lots for friends sort of annoy or bore me. I’m sure it’s fine for others but I’m not at all interested in dating introverts. I’m extremely extroverted.

everyoneisbiting · 2022-11-25T17:20:27+00:00

I think for women, a lot of them would see a male loner as a dealbreaker since women are generally more social and have more social support than men and wouldn't want to be their partner's only form of social interaction. Not to mention that a man's social status is more important than women's generally speaking, so a man not having any friends at all makes them seem low status.

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-11-23T16:55:33+00:00

I'm fairly extroverted. I like meeting people and talking to people and doing things. I would befriend them yes maybe invite them to do stuff with me but we wouldn't be compatible romantically because I need to do things that involve being social. Like spending time with my friends going to concerts going to conventions.

So for me yes. That would be undatable in my eyes.

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-11-23T18:43:07+00:00

> Does being a loner make him/her undatable in your eyes?

yes bc loners tend to be misanthropic and thats pretty poisonous for a relationship

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Siukslinis_acc · 2022-11-23T09:25:13+00:00

Might be that you are more introverted. That might not be attractive to extroverts (whom you probably see socialisong). But it might be attractive to other introverts (whom you probably don't see as they tend to sit at home and don't go out).

hungrychick404 · 2022-11-23T10:18:53+00:00

While I can be seen as a little more introverted, I love socializing and I would have trouble dating someone who wouldn’t be down to tag along to some social events or get to know my friends a little bit.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-11-23T11:02:01+00:00

Loner is not undateble, it all comes down to his behavior. I know some of them expect to be treated with silk gloves, and that’s just not a way to start a relationship. Maybe they truly don’t realize it, but all the talk about “giving him a chance” just kills anything that could have been imo.

Upstairs-Rip-604 · 2022-11-23T11:08:20+00:00

It all depends on the loner. There are different types of loners.

I think someone who dates online is undateable.

Fzhek · 2022-11-23T11:59:20+00:00

For me I'd prefer to date a girl who's a bit more introverted. So no, being a loner is not undateable.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-11-23T12:07:05+00:00

Depends on why they're a loner. If they don't like interacting with people and refuse to attend social situations, our lifestyles wouldn't be compatible so I'd try to avoid dating. If they're just shy and socially awkward but can still enjoy spending time in group settings, that's completely fine as I can just help them through the awkwardness. I'm with a man like that.

Due-Lie-8710 · 2022-11-23T13:13:29+00:00

depends

IntegrityDJones · 2022-11-23T13:24:11+00:00

If I wanted to seriously date yes. One of my old fuck buddies kept pushing for me and to be a part of my life for some fucking reason. He was 33 with no friends. If you’re in your 30s with no friends, that’s a red flag. You’re telling me NO ONE likes you? In 3 decades on this planet, not one person wanted to keep hanging out with you?

AGalWithThoughts · 2022-11-23T13:42:59+00:00

I'm not a loner so I'd imagine saddling up with a loner would either mean I became one and was socially isolated, or I did social events by myself forever and that's an unattractive idea to me. It also has other implications, like possible career advancement might suffer because the loner isn't interested in networking, that kind of thing.

pinktuliplover · 2022-11-23T14:13:20+00:00

Makes them more attractive to me

KayRay1994 · 2022-11-23T14:20:34+00:00

Entirely depends on why they’re a loner and how they carry themselves

MistyMaisel · 2022-11-23T17:18:25+00:00

Like someone else said, yellow flag. My boyfriend described himself as something of a lone wolf, and I can kind of see what he means, but he's also a social butterfly and happy to interact with our community and shared friend-group. He just really can be content by himself, playing with his weapons, and watching tutorials on you tube. And he doesn't need to be constantly hanging out with people and doing stuff.

Previous loners weren't self-validating and content. They needed it from someone, weren't getting it from anyone, and when I dated or hung out with them, they'd pour their everything on me and be surprised when I didn't enjoy that.

Bikerbats · 2022-11-23T19:05:11+00:00

Yeah, it's a huge red flag. I never once dated a girl who'd I truly call introverted who wasn't also, clingy, jealous, possessive, and worst of all had ridiculously insane ideas about how much time a couple actually spends together.

STEMbruski · 2022-11-23T19:23:24+00:00

Women with friends who are too close to them is a "redflag". Women who are obsessed with friends in general are a "red-flag". In general I think people who can't live in solitude are trash.

DreysunTheOne · 2022-11-24T02:50:48+00:00

If a girl is actually a "loner" like no friends, no social support no close family that's a massive red flag.

Essentially just showing before hand she can't handle any type of relationship

Title	How do you perceive a loner of the opposite sex? Does being a loner make him/her undatable in your eyes?
Author	ImperatorInvictus19
Upvotes	9
Comments	40
Date	November 23, 2022 8:15 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/z2jgwk/how_do_you_perceive_a_loner_of_the_opposite_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-you-perceive-a-loner-of-the-opposite-sex.1140489 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140489

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