I 29F discovered early this morning that my 30M boyfriend was being sent nudes and explicit text messages from his previous fling, the entire time we’ve met and been dating (only 6 months so not too long).

I read their whole text thread. It’s 90% her begging for his attention but the 10% is him eventually giving in. So it’s not much, but it’s enough for me to consider it cheating. He was sent a nude the morning I picked him up to spend a weekend away together.

Please bare with as this is my very first time dealing with “cheating.” And I consider this cheating. And I am so heartbroken even though our relationship wasn’t long. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been cheated on before. But I just don’t know how to handle this and I’m a big RP fan. Its clear I didn’t vet him properly and I REALLY thought I did.

He’s obviously extremely apologetic and hates himself for wanting the attention. I obviously do not forgive him. I was a good partner, I have no doubt about that and neither does he. I am quite attractive and have been told I’m a HVW multiple times. He’s just couldn’t let go of her attention, so I just not be high value ENOUGH. We’ve just been going back and forth for a few hours on how he called her and finally ended it with her, she called me to confirm (I told her who I was because I felt she had the right to know) and how he only wanted me and he will go to therapy and bunch of other BS that I imagine happens after situations like this. After all of this, I am afraid t date again. I really, really tried seeing the red flags. And I still missed them.

I am 29. I want children so bad and I am terrified to meet another guy after how poorly I vetted him. I just feel like my time is coming to an end. I don’t know if this is allowed in this sub, I just feel so lost and scared as a woman who confidently did all the right things.

edit: wanted to make a few clarifications.

  1. Most importantly, he didn’t just ignore these texts. He had a previous fling with this woman, and he has been bread-crumbing her. Whenever she tries to talk to him, he ignores her. She gets mad. But whenever she sends an explicit picture, he responds. He responds with I love yous or asking for more nudes or asking for sex. This woman lives on the other side of the country, so his excuse is he knew nothing would come of but he admitted that it was stupid, wrong, and he admitted he liked the attention. He admits that he gets plenty of attention, affection, and sex from me and has never complained about that. He just liked the additional attention and acted on impulses.

  2. Why I looked through his phone: We were watching the Tinder Swindler. I made a comment along the lines of, “How did those women fall for this?” with other remarks, and he responded with, “it’s easier than you think.” Quickly with a “just kidding” afterward. I looked through his phone a few hours after that because it didn’t sit right with me, joke or not. This was my very first and only time looking through his phone. He gave me his phone password in the beginning of dating, which is why I had it.

  3. After a day, I feel less dramatic and that my time is not up. I am confident in my appearance, I have feminine hobbies that I love, and a stable job. I can bounce back. It just stung like hell yesterday knowing I did everything right but it wasn’t enough.