I want a long term relationship with a great girl some day, but I don’t want to be married.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-01-11T12:51:23+00:00

Dog. Get a Dog. Or any animal really ideally edible in emergency. Sheep may have potential . Chicken too. Bunny? Any animal long as it’s legit got 4 legs no arms .

Alatornio · 2023-01-11T14:06:12+00:00

Just because common law marriage is not law does not mean future changes will not be retroactive.

Only truly safe way is separate living situations.

When you fall in love, you will probably forget everything anyway. Most men do.

Live life, just keep on your toes.

2ndChance_1stMistake · 2023-01-11T14:40:17+00:00

You can have a LTR, but as soon as you start cohabitating, you're setting yourself up for the high hard one.

If you absolutely must cohabitate, you can establish a cohabitation agreement that spells out everyone's specific responsibilities to the household and to each other. Make sure this agreement outlines that your assets, income, resources and means are your sole property and that the at the termination of the agreement, no one is entitled to anything from the other party.

And don't ever get a joint account for any financial transactions.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2023-01-11T17:14:44+00:00

These are the statistics you will likely face:

50% chance of you getting divorced.
90% chance that your wife will ask for divorce.
90% chance that she will get to keep the kids (and you pay child support for 18+ years).

Get a vasectomy.

Focus on your self (Career, hobbies, Travel).

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-01-11T11:56:04+00:00

Don’t move in together.

Boomer70770 · 2023-01-11T16:47:29+00:00

It's no better or worse to be single, just different.

If you find a partner, not just a woman, but a teammate who insists on striving for the two of you to be equals in the relationship, to each better the other, even then I'd say no.

The fact is, if things go sour, you can watch what you worked for over the past X decades disappear into the hands of the courts, attorneys, etc.

The trajectory your life was on is suddenly in disarray. You go from having a savings and retirement to living paycheck to paycheck trying to keep up with the expenses.

Your friends and family pick and choose a side. They say they don't, but they do.

This goes on for years. You're the only one with any incentive to get the divorce done fast; everyone else knows the longer it drags out the more money there is to be made.

And the attorneys... if you don't spend at least 5k on a retainer, you're getting the bottom of the barrel. These attorneys don't move anything along. They make excuses and invoices and will make a 2k retainer vanish before your eyes with no clear explanation.

People change throughout their lives. Can happen anytime, anywhere, without reason or warning, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

If I could go back and give my younger self advice, it would be to never marry.

Why would you?

It validates you as a couple to the rest of the world, but if you find the right partner, you won't care about that validation.

MartyMcFly7 · 2023-01-11T17:17:30+00:00

Ditto.

I'm in a LTR at the moment, but we haven't moved in together. I've seen many warnings about cohabitation but few good explanations. There was a famous case in Canada where an unmarried man was made to pay support, but I haven't heard of too many cases in the US, other than those in common-law states (Colorado, DC, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas and Utah).

There are also a few palimony-friendly states where cohabitating couples have seen awards (California, Colorado, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Maryland, Michigan, Nevada, New York, South Carolina, and Washington). However, in 2010, New Jersey palimony law was changed and ended palimony in that state. So while laws could change, I still see it as far safer than marriage.

While the palimony laws will vary by state, generally speaking, don't promise to give her a lifetime of support. But even if you do, it can be difficult for her to prove. If anything is questionable (e.g. buying property or starting a business together), get it all in writing.

Worth_Shoulder3006 · 2023-01-11T11:19:18+00:00

I know a few lady friends who feel the same since they were in bad marriages too. So. There are other women out there with your exact same philosophy. I guess the trick is finding one of them that you like and she likes you.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-01-11T09:55:00+00:00

Life will happen for you and you won't be able to control a lot of it. Marriage doesn't have to ruin your life. Be with someone that just wants to be with you the rest works itself out

Fyfel · 2023-01-11T17:55:28+00:00

Get over yourself, you’re not Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos you won’t have millions of dollars in jeopardy. Women risk just as much by getting married, they could end up having kids with a guy that turns into a lazy ass hat and now they’re stuck sharing kids with a bum indefinitely. You’re not the prize, she isn’t the prize, we’re all humans with equal amounts to gain or lose when committing to a relationship.

Sincerely,

The divorced dude who was cheated on and started over 🤷‍♂️.

pk2at · 2023-01-12T00:04:00+00:00

Go for a surrogate baby. Its not easy for women to get custody when the child is not their own and they are not married to the father. Its a better option than getting a dog!!

Title	I want a long term relationship with a great girl some day, but I don’t want to be married.
Author	LosingMyFocus
Upvotes	14
Comments	29
Date	January 11, 2023 7:21 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/108yn9s/i_want_a_long_term_relationship_with_a_great_girl/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-want-a-long-term-relationship-with-a-great-girl.1146125 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146125

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