The paradox of confidence and why confidence can be an equally bad trait for women to look for in a man

odd_cloud · 2023-01-25T20:06:58+00:00

Another side of it is that abusers, narcissists, and aggressive people also have high confidence.

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-01-25T21:02:29+00:00

confidence can be equally bad

Confidence is never bad. As it’s opposite isn’t self awareness; it’s doubt. People who suffer doubt, anxiety, or fear, are ‘self-selecting’ themselves. Out of The SMP. So women focus on the men left, who are confident enough.

It’s understandable, encouraging women to screen out confidence. It’s however fear driven. Which is rarely a beneficial way, to make decisions.

Godspeed and good luck!

RightNowImReady · 2023-01-25T21:48:21+00:00

I would argue that insecurity stems from not living up to your own standards rather than self awareness itself. Self awareness is a requirement for that to happen but it's not the direct cause, there's plenty of people that are aware of where they stand in the hierarchy of the dating market but simply aren't neurotic enough to let it hinder them in process of pursuing women.

A complete loser being confident as hell is a sign of very low neuroticism, which is highly attractive to women. The rest of him, not so much, which is why these people generally don't have successful LTR's but still get laid.

New_Presentation_876 · 2023-01-25T20:41:44+00:00

It goes to say that being confident isn’t about knowing they will like you but that you’re okay if someone doesn’t/not everyone does.

Also I believe humility/being able to admit to one’s limits and faults is important to determine if someone is truly confident or not since self awareness begets true confidence.

Now I know you mentioned that self awareness seems to be linked to insecurity which it can but usually isn’t since insecurity is based upon a flawed view of the self that is not well rounded. The opposite of this would be extreme narcissism (the character trait not the personality disorder/mental illness as that is something entirely different) and based upon a flawed view of the self where one can do no wrong.

True self awareness is knowing your strengths and being proud of it whilsts knowing your weakness, acknowledging it, but finding the motivation to either work with them, improve or accept as is and focus on other things.

OptimistInHell · 2023-01-25T20:14:41+00:00

Man took "confidence" and turned it into a philosophy lecture, then moulded it into a preach...

Could just be a simple case of a Dunning-Kruger effect. Some people just make dumb choices and will rationalise it all their decisions based on the premise that they're more intelligent than they actually are... like many on the internet. Hence you get some who flip when you challenge their solmenly held belief systems on these matters.

wtknight · 2023-01-25T20:14:02+00:00

Sure. It’s why women who are well-adjusted look for men who are not only confident, but who are generous.

This is a major problem in the dating world because it causes the biggest piles of human garbage men to appear to be amazing at first.

To challenge your view, I don’t think that the number of women who choose men like his is as large as is implied, especially once women have gotten older, been burned once, and know what to avoid.

mackenzie013_02 · 2023-01-25T20:29:41+00:00

I don’t think insecurity stems from self-awareness necessarily. Insecure people are often insecure about things they don’t really lack.

Confident and self-aware people will say “I don’t have pots & pans / can’t do X, I’ll go and figure it out”. Confident people are secure in themselves, which means they’re open to working on their shortcomings (and more than often actively do so). Lack of self-awareness implies arrogance.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2023-01-25T20:54:04+00:00

Why do you have such a negative view on self-confidence? You call every sexually successful man an arrogant asshole. Why? Doesn't this signal your own insecurities and lack of self esteem? I have found insecure are always the most hostile towards others.

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Fit-Faithlessness149 · 2023-01-25T21:18:38+00:00

Dunning Kruger in dating

nonameboredman · 2023-01-25T22:21:46+00:00

Moderation is best. Looks like we're discussing two-three standard deviations to either side of the median, and of course we end up talking about extremes which don't make much sense. People must be reasonably confident. Too much of it is pride, and too little of it is crippling.

Since it is obvious that "the paradox of confidence" has all to do with one's inner and personal balance which would be one's very own fight and absolutely nobody else's, I fail to see how men's confidence issues could relate to women's preferences.

Affectionate_Pen_623 · 2023-01-25T22:53:11+00:00

The horrors stories include but are not limited to “He didn’t have a bed frame or sheets, he’s 27”. As well as “he sleeps bare naked and farts in his sleep and I have to wash the sheets cause he leaves brown streaks”. Oh, let’s not forget the classic “he rages at video games like a baby” and “he can barely cook something on the stove or use the oven”.

Jesus Christ, the bolded made me gag.

If there is one thing I've learned its that a lot of women like plausible deniability. Its nothing to fucking do with confidence or insecurity. Some women just have low fucking standards. A part of being a man is realising this. A guy who can't properly wipe his ass is likely a man who can't garner much in the way of sexual interest...no matter how much incels want to convince you that "Chad" doesn't need to shower or brush his teeth.

This is a major problem in the dating world because it causes the biggest piles of human garbage men to appear to be amazing at first.

Again, no. Its not really confidence. Have a look at most men, the ones in relationships too. The vast majority have absolutely no outlying charisma or confidence. A lot of people are just either used to poor quality or partners or are too afraid to demand more from them. I take good care of my appearance and have come to learn that there is very much a contingent of women who love it and a selection who, upon meeting me, become deeply suspicious and standoffish. These are the types who would be better suited to less well groomed men. Confidence is hardly a factor.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2023-01-25T23:24:43+00:00

There are healthy way to deal with your insecurity and unhealthy ways. Unhealthy ways can include being withdrawn, putting yourself down constantly, insulting others to feel better about yourself, being abusive, etc.

Much in the way of when confidence isn't backed up by competence it's not an attractive trait.

I think it's this massive flaw in thinking confidence or insecurity can only manifest in one way, or that it's good or bad, sympathetic or unsympathetic.

adultTAW · 2023-01-26T00:37:18+00:00

1) duh.

2) It doesn't matter because women can't control that they're attracted to men who act confidant any more than men can control being attracted to women with nice asses.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-01-26T00:38:36+00:00

Confidence is neutral and amoral. It can be good or bad. Every awful idea was advanced by someone in total confidence. So yeah, more vetting is needed. But it is probably true that confident people are more fun, since they are less afraid of doing stuff, speaking freely, have more social energy, can initiate, etc.

despisedlove2 · 2023-01-26T01:26:32+00:00

Nonsense.

Confidence comes from accomplishment, and you can't have that without being self aware.

PsychologicalHand155 · 2023-01-26T14:47:20+00:00

You, like many others, confuse confidence with arrogance.

Confidence requires self awareness. Arrogance, maybe not

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2023-01-26T18:02:54+00:00

There are two types of confidence I recognize: Confidence and Misplaced Confidence. When discussing personality traits and cognition it's more informative to evaluate them to my mind by the level of degree or as a matter of degrees. Ex; people with certain mental illnesses have stages or degrees in which their perceptions are altered. Self-awareness is a requirement for confidence to manifest but what type of confidence comes about will also be a matter of degree of the self-awareness the person has and to what extent the self-awareness is strong in public or private environments.

Neither confidences should be confused with "arrogance" which has the lowest degree of self-awareness. People with the lowest degree of self-awareness, not because they have no self-awareness at all, but because their assessments of both physical and internal self are inconsistent with objective reality of self, external systems that evaluate them and their physicality.

With confidence the individual has all the formal credentials and self-awareness is consistent with public and objective evaluations of self. They are the most easiest to trust in and risks taken resulting in negative impact are typically minor and easiest to recover from or "reroute". Not because he doesn't take big risks, but because is recovery speed and time is greater. (high security)

With misplaced confidence the individual has all the formal credentials but not the experience/skill-sets, none the less the man "overshoots" from a place of confident security. Regardless of him failing, he has a cushion that will not hurt him. Men with misplaced confidence are equally as attractive as men with "reasonable" confidence. The Misplaced Confident man can exhibit arrogant traits without being arrogant. He will take more un-calculated risks but with less negative impact. The self-awareness is usually average and common for a lot of confident people. (high-average security)

With arrogance the man may have "off the books" experience (self-learned skills) but not usually and results are usually very small in sample size (1 or 2), or they do not have either and overestimate their competence. They can take either calculated or un-calculated risks that result in mistakes made always have the most tremendous negative impact. They are also least likely to know how to recover/no support network. They can get to the top but once down will have a steeper incline. This is the man that slips a disc deadlifting. Recovering time is either non-existent or long-term. (weak security)

Title	The paradox of confidence and why confidence can be an equally bad trait for women to look for in a man
Author	Sea_Regular_3520
Upvotes	53
Comments	88
Date	January 25, 2023 7:52 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10l7w66/the_paradox_of_confidence_and_why_confidence_can/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-paradox-of-confidence-and-why-confidence-can.1150251 https://theredarchive.com/post/1150251

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