When it comes to dating, most people wear a mask. They present an improved version of themselves for a time and let the mask slip once they're comfortable. Sometimes that mask slips immediately, sometimes it lasts until you're married with 3 kids. But one way or another, that mask will come off.

Part of the reason the handbook tells you to wait 3+ months for sex is the mask. Most of the time, it won't stay put past 3-4 months and you'll get at least a hint of who that person really is. My personal experience confirms this - I was in a 6-year relationship with a man who was amazing and romantic for the first 4 months before all hell broke loose.

Why did I stick around for 6 years? There's never a simple answer for this. Anyone who's been in an abusive relationship will tell you. But the main reason was that I fell in love with the mask and spent years waiting for it to return.

He's going through a rough time right now. Once that's over, we'll go back to normal.

He's got a drinking problem. Okay. Once I convince him to get help, we'll go back to normal.

He just started sober living. Once he's used to it, we'll go back to normal.

"Normal" of course was the mask I saw at the start. I bought into the idea that it was his true personality and not just him being on his best behavior. I thought once we got back to having no problems in our lives, our relationship would go back to how it was.

But there are ALWAYS problems and stressors in life. You and your partner should be able to roll with the punches and not let your relationship suffer because of outside drama. (Yes, sometimes problems will take a toll and you may need to lean on your partner for support and help. That's not what I'm talking about here.) Even when my ex was sober and back to enjoying life, there was always that fear in the back of my mind that the angry, depressed person he was when drunk would resurface. My fears were confirmed one day when, after a series of bad phone calls, he put a hole in my wall out of frustration. This event didn't immediately lead me to end things, but I think of it as the real beginning of the end of my feelings for him.

The first four months of our relationship were great. He was funny, charming, and loved me to bits. We had our first fight at four months over something stupid, and I got whiplash at how quickly he changed. That angry man who yelled/cried at me over the phone would resurface often at the slightest provocation.

Don't be like I was. DON'T get hung up on a few months of good times. It's one thing to support your partner through rough times, but don't let the rough times take over all of the relationship. And make sure you're actually supporting the person you think you are, and not a mask they decided to stop wearing.