Waiting for sex, attraction, and not being worth the wait

h1shman · 2023-04-03T21:00:13+00:00

Everyone’s relationship is different but I’d only ever approve of the dynamic where she is chaste and I’m the guy she breaks the rules for ow somewhere in a middle ground. The extreme you posted is just covert cuck LARPing

TRP says some dumb stuff but setting rules for betas and breaking them for alphas is spot on in my personal experience.

The found Jesus situation is unique. Really it’s down to questioning her motive. Did she find Jesus or was the guy she slept with 6 months prior to the last straw of men using her for sex and not committing

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-04-03T17:26:38+00:00

Let’s revisit this in a few years…

WowYouMustBeJoking · 2023-04-03T18:22:14+00:00

No, it's not an exception. You have no way to know how her sex life would be with any of the guys she didn't make wait for sex.

All you know, is that she wasn't able/didn't want to put off the sex with another guy, but was able/wanted to do it with your friend. So at the beginning of the relationship she was more attracted to other guy as shown by the best objective metric there is.

Fogofit24 · 2023-04-03T18:05:39+00:00

If she changed her views on sex, then I think what they did sounds reasonable.

If they’re both sexually active, then it’s reasonable to question interest of there’s no sex. Having female friends has not helped me in this regard because they’ll go on a date and then fuck another dude the same night on the regular. Usually a FWB. So I can see how some men feel cheated.

In the end, just depends on clear communication and respect. Both lacking in dating.

orbstnedifnocdesab · 2023-04-03T18:37:09+00:00

out lairs exist but average western women isnt letting chad wait for sex

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-04-03T17:34:57+00:00

Your friend is an example of all the many kinds of ways to have a relationship.

Far to many single men are saying not to do something out of fear.

People who ignore that fear are getting into happy and healthy relationships.

While others stew in their fear.

Opening_Pattern_301 · 2023-04-03T17:59:03+00:00

Since the woman your friend was dating was honest about who she was and he gave his total consent thats on him, hopefully your friend actually married her because he liked her and not because nobody else liked him otherwise thats a certain way to end up with someone who settles for you, which is how these situations happen 99% of the times dare i say.

Thinking about it, if a woman who used to be promiscuous comes and tell me she wants to wait until marriage i ll just respectfully leave, as long as she respects my freedom of choice i wont have any particular issue if she is looking for guy who is willing to wait for her despite her past, but any attempts of shaming me, calling me a bad person for not letting her have my cake and eat it, invalidating my feelings or straw manning me for it will warrant her a reality check, im not entitled to a womans body just because im super respectful and patient and i pay the bill, neither is she to special treatment from me just because "she is no longer like that and she deserves a nice guy", keep in mind that the first time i got intimate with my late girlfriend was like 6-7 months after it was official although i never cared, it just happened

2023-04-04T00:48:16+00:00

Some people wait to have sex and have wonderful sex lives with their wives/husbands.

Other people wait to have sex and find they have completely different libidos, different sexual tastes and no chemistry.

It's up to the individual if they want to take that risk or not.

ilovesoundtracks · 2023-04-03T19:00:46+00:00

My best friend of 10 years recently got married. He did a year of dating, a month of engagement, and a then got married soon after. However, he and his wife waited until marriage before having sex.

Wait for it.....

However, she did have a promiscuous past and had sex with someone 6 months before meeting him. He liked her a lot so he went along with it.

Here it is. So predictable.

DisasterPeace7 · 2023-04-03T22:32:10+00:00

Let's talk about waiting for sex. I used to see this a lot in the RP community. I would here the troupe - "If she makes you wait for sex, but she didn't make other guys wait, she is not as attracted to you as she was the other man."

Correct

now he tells me that she wants to have sex all the time.

I am sure she does

When my friend was dating his now wife, she told him that she wanted to focus on turning her life to the lord and he has to wait to have sex with her. However, she did have a promiscuous past and had sex with someone 6 months before meeting him. He liked her a lot so he went along with it.

One of the oldest tricks in the book and he fell for it 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Is my friend an exception?

In half seriousness I'd have to know a little bit more about them but I'm sensing foul Play lol

Over_North8884 · 2023-04-03T17:28:13+00:00

Your friend's wife is an outlier.

toasterchild · 2023-04-03T17:29:13+00:00

That sounds crazy as fuck in the other direction. There's a lot of reasonable inbetween.

Anxious-Tailor-7182 · 2023-04-03T20:27:30+00:00

Yes, he's an exception. In theory waiting is fine if you have some sort of guarantee that you'll get what you want in the end. But in any other situation waiting is just dumb waste of time. I wouldn't wait for more than few weeks because I have more interesting things to do and there are other girls that won't make me wait.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-04-03T21:31:56+00:00

It's never a good idea to "wait" for sex if it's something you want do. Your surpressing your innate desire for sex because you think it will make someone else happy. A better option would ne to find someone your actually sexually compatible with instead of pretending you're okay with not having sex

Longspkdiamond · 2023-04-03T17:35:36+00:00

Red-pillers are obsessed with the idea because they feel cheated, oppressed, snd entitled to sex. This way they can shift their entitlement onto the woman. "If she did that one thing with the other guy she has to do it with me".

This sort of thing is why everyone should mind their own business and not disclose details of past relationships, in my opinion.

The reality is that every sexual encounter is different. Every relationship is different. And people change over time. No woman has a scale of how attractive her partners are or anything like that. Some things just feel right at different times.

Lovers691 · 2023-04-03T17:32:17+00:00

She could be an exception or it could just be that she understands that she need to lockdown a decent man and would tone down the sex as time passes. Is your friend the breadwinner or significantly wealthier than her?

SteveSan82 · 2023-04-04T07:03:34+00:00

I don’t wait for sex. If there is no sex on the first date then I stop talking to her. Only time I waited was with virgins as so figured they were nervous

JakeArcher39 · 2023-04-03T18:11:54+00:00

It all depends tnh. Human variance is real and context matters.

At the end of the day, whilst there are obviously markers of value that apply to most people (like lower body count being better than high body count for women),.only YOU as an individual can determine truly what 'value' looks like in a relationship, and to what degree certain flaws might detract from that in your partner.

Statistics do show that the lower the previous partner count for a woman, the less likely she is to get divorced. However, this applies to men as well. But regardless, if you develop feelings for someone, you develop feelings. Modern society just simply isn't set up for most men to find a partner who is a virgin or very low n count, unless you're from a very conservative area / community of religious community. It is what it is, tbh.

I'd also not underestimate the impact of sociocultural pressure on young women in regards to sex and "empowerment". The mainstream media and pop culture narrative bombards them with notions of sleeping around and hooking up being good, being something that men want, and that they "should be doing", because it's "normal". If they don't do it, then they're prudes, or frigid, or boring. Young women want to fit in. It's arguably what they value most. If all their friends are hooking up and having casual relationships, and they see it all the time on TV, and hear it in all the music they listen to, they're going to want to do it as well, even if purely out of conformity. They may then realise after 1, 2 or however many years of this lifestyle that it's actually damaging for them, and so they have a bit of introspection and shift to a more sacred view of sex. The next guy who comes along then experiences this new version of them. This doesn't necessarily make them hypocrites. Again, context is key.

I do think sex is definitely worth the wait for the right person. Alot of RP dialogue around this focuses on the idea of "why buy the cow when all the other men were able to get the milk for free?" Aka, why bother investing in a LTR with a woman who happily slept with men previously with little, or no, investment on their part. Indeed, this applies if your primary benchmark of a relationship is sex. However, imo, there's alot more to a relationship than that, and many reasons to "commit" to a woman (even if she were to have had casual sex previously). If we use this metaphor, then the cow offers alot more than just it's milk. If you just want the milk, that's cool, but if you want the overall value the cow brings in your life, then buying it is a worthy investment irrespective of how easily other men were able to obtain it's milk previously...

despisedlove2 · 2023-04-04T01:12:20+00:00

The issue is her promiscuous past not how fast she consented to have sex with her fiance. A high N count will make their marriage less stable no matter how things look right now.

MistyMaisel · 2023-04-04T04:06:25+00:00

As a gal, I've always thought this was shit and immediately not wanted any guy who even implied this to be the case.

Why are you comparing yourself to my exs? Clearly, I'm not with them anymore. Clearly, I'm not attracted to them. Clearly, they failed. And I learned from this and adapted who and what I wanted to be.

So they got something you aren't getting or faster, that's because I'm not the same person as I was with them and you aren't them. Has nothing to do with attractive or not.

If you must insist upon the exact same sexual treatment, I assume you'd like to insist upon the same exact all around treatment and getting to deal with all the quirks they did. No cherry picking.

But of course, this is pure insanity. You aren't the same people. Doesn't make you less attractive. Not getting the same sexual time frame or acts does not mean we aren't into you the same or more. You're different so you get different.

Sure, my current man is the only guy I've ever had sex with. I'm sure my other exs would love to say it's because I didn't love them or I'd have done that with them. But, a: I wasn't ready to, b: they never made me feel like they were the right candidate, but always showed potential, c: I never called any of them cowards to their face and then doubled down when they tried to weasel out, d: they never accepted this kind of brazenly critical treatment from me, and e: they never went out of their way for me like this.

Men seem to think everything is an issue of how hot they are. But in my experience, how hot a man is or isn't tends to be low on the top ten list of reasons why a woman is or isn't sleeping with him if it appears at all.

As for if it is worth the wait, my boyfriend seems to delighted by the end result of his waiting, patience, and suffering the slap in the face of being called a coward directly by the object of his affection. I'm all over him in a way I never was with the others and he's getting his socks knocked off. It's us virgin good girls y'all gotta look out for. We'll steal that soul. We've been waiting for the right guy and have a lot of pent up energy for him.

DicamVeritatem · 2023-04-04T12:44:34+00:00

Yes. An anecdote. An exception. You friend took a substantial risk and was lucky it worked out for him, at. least so far.

Ohmaygahh · 2023-04-04T14:54:03+00:00

In poker, a 7,2 off suit is generally considered to be the worst hand you can be dealt with. It gives you such few chances to win, and so limited contingencies that you should 100% of the time just fold it.

Does that mean it's unwinnable? No, you can win with that hand... but playing that hand seriously is being a sucker. One would be investing so much on something so suboptimal. Why do that when you can invest your time, energy and resources on a better play? It certainly takes a kind of a guy to do that because even if you win, you won because you got LUCKY, not because of any inherent skill or "foresight". It loses 99% of the time. So...

LOL the exception? Report back in 6 years...

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-04-04T15:31:46+00:00

Your buddy got lucky. I’m not sure how much I subscribe to the trope in your first paragraph.

But I’ve heard in other women-centered spaces that a LOT of women like this have trouble becoming un-frigid once they marry. Good luck to them.

Title	Waiting for sex, attraction, and not being worth the wait
Author	macalph21
Upvotes	6
Comments	90
Date	April 3, 2023 5:20 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/12ar3k4/waiting_for_sex_attraction_and_not_being_worth/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/waiting-for-sex-attraction-and-not-being-worth-the.1206973 https://theredarchive.com/post/1206973

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