I can’t get over my soon to be ex wife…I’m obsessed and need help getting over her and her dating profile..any advice?

ranger69danger · 2023-04-29T05:40:27+00:00

Get. Off. The. Internet.

For like one day, go camping. Do something spontaneous in recreation. Something exciting. Ride a motorbike.

Avoid alcohol.

Seek out and make new friends.

FunkyTownMascot · 2023-04-29T06:55:53+00:00

She's not yours. It was just your turn. Soon she'll be someone else's turn/problem.

Trust me, once you get out of the fog you'll look back and barely recognize her. I can't stand the sight of my ex.

heartless_monk · 2023-04-29T12:47:59+00:00

So you’re “obsessed” over a woman that’s out looking for other cock to fuck?

Chin up, chest out. Get it together man.

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-04-29T05:46:28+00:00

You came across her profile?

That sucks

I’m sorry

Ecstatic-Eye-5766 · 2023-04-29T12:37:46+00:00

Oh yes u can…. Just travel somewhere like Colombia, Brazil, you won’t even remember you were married at some point 😂

polarshred · 2023-04-29T09:52:27+00:00

Avoid alcohol. Stop jerking off. Hang with friends. Conversely, do something by yourself (outdoorsy shit, hiking etc)

xadmin123 · 2023-04-29T10:07:38+00:00

Sorry it’s tough seeing a profile of your former lover on a dating site. It’s best if you keep yourself busy

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-04-29T11:41:26+00:00

Go on a long driving trip and keep busy. Oh and start dating yourself

northdakotact · 2023-04-29T13:22:42+00:00

My ex went on match years ago with an 8 yo pic, that I had taken of her in the marital home. lol

My advice is to calm down, and remember a leopard doesn't change it's spots. She will find someone to abuse, use and discard.

My ex did find a weak simp, this spineless simp got cheated on by his first wife and he had to come back to the abuse buffet for more.

silmarp · 2023-04-29T13:40:53+00:00

Ok. What happens is the following.

Your brain is a tool that tries to protect you from bad things and tries to put you into familiar places where you are safe and happy. That's an evolutionary strategy and that have helped humanity survive until now. Except some people had to leave Africa a looong time ago and they populated the planet by leaving their safe tree where they had to jump down from because the food was scarce.

Thing is. Your brain is focusing on the image of your ex because with her you had a safe place and you were happy. So you go looking for her pictures and your brain will release just a little bit of Serotonin so you feel a bit happy. Then you notice it's all a fantasy and your brain will notice you are depressed. So your brain demands you go to a safe place and what do you do? You go back to her pictures to get a little bit of hormones your brain releases upon seeing her 'holy' image.

Thing is. What you are doing is normal and natural but it's not healthy, You are 'addicted' to her and that's not great.

Now. What can you do? If you are not exercising you should start. There is a reason people tell you to exercise after a bad relationship and it's not only to get into shape. The thing is that by exercising your brain will in time release some hormones that are the sames you get from looking at her images. This in time will make your brain forget her image and you will feel better because everything is about hormones and if you are getting them from other sources then it's ok. In time your body will adjust to it.

That is the first point.

Now for the second point. You need something to distract your mind.

You can't do exercises 24/7. And when you are alone your brain will again point to her because the little fellow is trained to do that. Then you need to tell your brain to think about other stuff. Try to learn something earnestly. Like. Do you know German? Maybe it's time to learn. Did you ever think about learning how to play a guitar? This is the time. You need to keep your brain occupied with something. It needs to be something active and not a series because a series will not stop when your mind lose focus but that is not the same when you need to practice the accusative or to play the do-re-mi. Active, not passive. After some time passes your brain will learn that you will not budge and go to her so your brain will try and get other ways to keep you safe and comfortable.

Also, if you have something that reminds you of her like house decorations. Change it. If you have had the desire to do something but couldn't due to her it's the time to do. This will send a message to your brain that you are no longer to be trifled with.

Basically you need to reprogram your brain and tell the little fellow to stop being insistent on her image. That is no love. Everything is a lie and your brain did not catch up to it yet but it will. And if you do your part it will do it soon.

ApprehensiveStudy671 · 2023-04-29T11:06:19+00:00

If you can, just take trip to a far away country. No internet, no phone calls......just enjoy a very different culture, enviroment and live in the moment while you're there. The longer the better!

CaliDude75 · 2023-04-29T13:02:28+00:00

Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t care. A friend of mine recently shared that my ex asked him out, and he declined. Not mad. She can date or see whoever she wants now.

Maybe I’m kind of indifferent because I was the petitioner. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Sudden_Ad_4193 · 2023-04-29T12:41:23+00:00

The world would be a much happier place if everyone just get stoned and go fishing. Seriously, just get busy with something, anything

Coffeguy649 · 2023-04-29T17:24:41+00:00

I am in a similar situation, however it gotten much easier.

My ex wife made a false accusation to benefit her in the divorce process and try to keep my twins away from me even though I have always been an active father.

I still catch my self looking at old pictures and feeling a certain way because it was a place of comfort and stability.

It fades with time, but only thing that makes more difficult is we have children, so im dealing with her for atleast another 16 years

Bipolar_investor · 2023-04-29T21:04:54+00:00

Man the fuck up ! That's my advice. I've been there and done that, man up, and remember to love yourself first before loving anyone else.

Proper_Algae_5234 · 2023-04-29T09:15:54+00:00

Start Jiu Jitsu...

Nothing beats rolling around with other sweaty men and choking each other out (not in the erotic way)

Chance_Refrigerator7 · 2023-04-29T10:19:29+00:00

Why is almost everyone bashing on the ex wife? I am just wondering this?

wisstinks4 · 2023-04-29T15:21:14+00:00

I would take a little different approach here. You sound disappointed that she’s out dating, however, I would focus on the fact that you need to be happy that she’s out of your life and she can go cause harm, pain and suffering to someone else’s life and not yours. The good news is, you’re released, you’re free, you’re able to go make a better life for yourself. You got separated and divorced for a reason and you should be OK with everyone moving on to their own space in their own time. I encourage you to do the same, go find your greatest life out there now.

kaktuxmx · 2023-04-29T20:17:50+00:00

Go to therapy, once a week, try to see if that help. No shame on going. It worked for me, is weird, but help me a lot.

Healthy_Letter_4930 · 2023-04-30T16:41:07+00:00

Tough one. Why i never cheated. I am assuming that was the case.

That's reality. If your ex is a good looking woman, even worse.

Conversly, plenty of guys here that had their wives cheat on them and still have to see them in dating apps.

Not sure what to tell you. I'd learn from it. Remember this feeling and bring into your next relationship whenever that comes along.

I had a good friend who cheated relentlessly on his wife. Finally got caught. His wife went out and F'd a bartender thye both knew in their marital bed. He was devastated.

I had a similar dynamic with my high school gf. Cheated on her. I was devastated when we finally broke up and she was dating new guys.

In my recent 10 year marriage, I was the betrayed. I very much have a clear conscious about things and no guilt over my divorce, being on Bumble, hooking up with hot women.

Now guess what? Eevry now and then, when we call her at night and I am with the kids....tears...sniffles. boohoo. She misses me, the family. She doesn't say it out loud thoigh, she would never give me that satisfaction.

But back to you. I would always remember this feeling. I know it well. There is nothing quite like it and nobody gives a damn and rightfully so.

Title	I can’t get over my soon to be ex wife…I’m obsessed and need help getting over her and her dating profile..any advice?
Author	Pale_rider_6007
Upvotes	9
Comments	55
Date	April 29, 2023 5:28 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/132k8hv/i_cant_get_over_my_soon_to_be_ex_wifeim_obsessed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-cant-get-over-my-soon-to-be-ex-wifeim-obsessed.1217337 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217337

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