Just had to lie to my daughter about a photo of my ex-wife naked with another man.

upfnothing · 2023-07-16T03:50:17+00:00

She’s your child’s mother. She’s not your anything. It stings but you have to find a way to move on because it can and often does get way worse than this.

Spodee5 · 2023-07-16T14:11:26+00:00

Anyone else concerned the daughter knows and is wondering why dad is lying?

sicrm · 2023-07-16T04:28:06+00:00

I would personally let that be the last time I lied for her and wouldn’t have even done it that time.

I_Touched_Grass · 2023-07-16T07:51:17+00:00

Why do you have your ex connected to any electronic accounts still? She should never have had the option for her photos to show on any device in your house.

Change your passwords, block her on any/all social media.. Move on, she's not yours anymore.

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-07-16T07:20:14+00:00

Whoever that dude is he is not and was never your friend

ragingredditir · 2023-07-16T12:08:30+00:00

Depending on your daughters age, good on you for protecting her. If she was an adolescent and already knows what sex is then I would have just been honest though.

My phone call with the ex prob would have been more like “thanks for sharing that pic with me. I took a screenshot and now I have it in my back pocket. I could send it or post it where ever I want. If you don’t like that, stop being so reckless. click “

Reflog1791 · 2023-07-16T21:23:42+00:00

“Sorry you had to see that.” And leave it right there. If she asks a follow up question, “your mom had another boyfriend so I ended the marriage.” If she asks who the guy is, “somebody I used to know.”

Then that’ll be it and it’ll be over forever. The bare bones facts are a good thing to get out there in an appropriate way so there is no family secret.

Anyway I had to have this conversation with my kid. That was like 2 years ago. Obviously it is old boring news now and we moved on and don’t talk about it. There isn’t a cloud hanging over us or anything like that. Answer is move on and let it go.

Jbr74 · 2023-07-16T16:16:42+00:00

I wouldn’t lie to my kid to protect a piece of shit.

DeadliftsDonuts · 2023-07-17T02:51:33+00:00

Maybe if something like that happens again, you can tell her to ask her mother. That way you don't have to lie and the mother has to explain.

Obviously212 · 2023-07-16T06:49:16+00:00

Damn sorry you going through that. Best to just focus on you and avoid any thoughts of her.

Noodletrousers · 2023-07-16T11:48:13+00:00

Oof! That sucks. I feel for you.

Get out your phone or computer and find a guided meditation on YouTube when those pangs of awfulness come. It may not solve everything but will help give you a few minutes of peace and distance from the pain.

For me it was too easy to pick up the bottle at first. I found that I needed better coping skills and I found that to be a great way to refocus much of the time. Sometimes I still went to the bottle afterwards, but eventually I stopped drinking to stop the pain.

BosPatriot71 · 2023-07-16T12:32:04+00:00

The devil inside my head says to release the pic online for the world to see. Maybe he’s married too?! I could never do that but it’s fun to think about.

Fuck her and that other guy. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Runningoutofbacon · 2023-07-16T19:43:58+00:00

Good on you for not letting your daughter become collateral damage to her mother's choices. If you are sharing pictures somehow, shut it down. Your daughter needs to be protected. Don't risk a 1% chance of this happening again.

I was cheated on too. It was hard for a while, but it gets better in time. Reach out to family and friends as much as you can. It's also okay to feel the pain as much as you can tolerate. Stay away from alcohol and drugs during this time, they will only make you numb and make this process take longer.

People change, you are not the same person when you got married and neither is she. You are likely holding onto a version of her that simply doesn't exist anymore.

mrclark121 · 2023-07-16T19:58:32+00:00

Wow that's absolutely rough reading that my man. I can only imagine the pain your going through and then having to top it off with a lie to your daughter. Hang in there brother no one deserves that...

anon97t01 · 2023-07-16T21:35:39+00:00

Oof. 😵 That’s a real gut punch. I found out about my wife’s affair almost 3 months ago, even though we have been separated for 2 1/2 years but it still made me sick to my stomach for a few weeks. To this day, as I type this, it still churns my stomach. I truly feel for you, brother. Hang in there, it will pass, the reality is that it is going to hurt and appear at the most random of times for months and probably years to come, but less and less frequent.

I just finalized my divorce and will be having my last contact with her this month, but even just looking at her makes me feel all types feelings. Disgust from thoughts of her with another man. Anger from thoughts of her refusal to stop drinking, so much so that she rather go as far as to find someone because she simply will not change, while making me out to be the bad guy. Sadness because I may never find someone as beautiful as her. And yes, even lust because she is very attractive. The last one is a disturbing mix of lust and disgust, as well as shame that I even think about that after all she has done.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2023-07-17T01:00:37+00:00

I make it a point to not lie to my children. There are times when I will delay my answer by an appropriate amount of time and then look at them and tell them that they really need to ask their mother about that.

I would be concerned that your child figures things out and then knows you are lying.

I also would be quite a bit more direct with the Ex.

SPIRIT_SEEKER8 · 2023-07-17T01:49:12+00:00

I know it's hard to see right now but... She did you a favor helping you cut those emotions off. You will heal your emotions so much faster now.

I'm sorry even still, I know it's not easy. Wishing you and your daughter a future filled with the happiness you imagine your life to be.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-07-17T03:26:22+00:00

Seeing them with someone else should break that last chain holding on.

Of course you loved your wife. An remember those good times. But never forget who she really was at the end, that’s who she is now.

This new guy is getting the damaged flawed version of your Ex, an when they get with their affair partner it’s a cheater an someone who is cool with fuckin someone else’s wife. Let’s see how well that ends up.

DriveByTroll · 2023-07-17T04:02:02+00:00

If the situation was reversed do you think a Judge would be nearly as magnanimous? Their digital production being made cloud accessible feels like a custody risk to me.

Classic_Dill · 2023-07-17T13:24:58+00:00

Do yourself a favor and allow that picture to start to burn anger into yourself, that anger will actually get you over the hump, how you handle that anger is a completely different story. I get tired of people, not understanding the anger can actually help you heal if you use it correctly, your ex kind of sounds like mine, absolutely no class!

Alicia-Huss1234 · 2023-07-21T01:40:31+00:00

Why telling her the truth?

Title	Just had to lie to my daughter about a photo of my ex-wife naked with another man.
Author	not_to_sure_about_it
Upvotes	34
Comments	43
Date	July 16, 2023 3:43 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/150vo2e/just_had_to_lie_to_my_daughter_about_a_photo_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/just-had-to-lie-to-my-daughter-about-a-photo-of-my.1225420 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225420

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