Separated yet not divorced

Theedon · 2024-02-07T00:00:17+00:00

I took the separation as a vacation from her and being a husband. Then the divorce papers were served and I was done. I tried to be logical and civil. We were not on the same page at all.

We had a $50,000 loan to help us stay in our house. All I had to do was make the normal payments for 5 years. The time our son would be in college and the loan would be forgiven. She pushed for the sale of the house and we had to pay back the $50,000. My brother offered to pay her not to sell the house. She refused. Oh and the house, doubled in price over the next 5 years.

yosemitesam00 · 2024-02-06T23:18:28+00:00

Beyond done, stuck in family law purgatory with trial being this summer after 2+ years of waiting on court dates.

Mr_vmn005 · 2024-02-06T02:46:19+00:00

Absolutely, I'm done with my soon-to-be ex-wife! The divorce process is complicated due to her games, making it longer than necessary. I'm in a 20-year friendship-turned-relationship, and I've been upfront about my baggage. My new partner understands why it's not finalized yet. Despite my ex's derogatory name-calling, she refuses to meet her, even though we share a son. Sometimes delays are beyond our control, and it's crucial to ask your partner why it's taken so long – genuine commitment involves transparency about the situation.

Desperate-Classic466 · 2024-02-06T02:16:19+00:00

I (M53) had been separated for almost 4 years. I started the process during Covid but I was slow lazy and procrastinated.
Met someone who basically was divorced and it was great…but one of the main lingering things was the fact that I was not divorced. Admittedly, I really didn’t know what I was doing…but now I have a path. We are working through a mediator…our kids are grown and now it’s just finances. We are trying to keep it simple…like if you earned it..you keep it. But this new person doesn’t want to take the chance with me. She’s said come back when it’s final. I said ok…but I may not be waiting for her. Why is divorcing soooo complicated.

Ok off my rant.
Good luck to everyone

FunnyQuirky3177 · 2024-02-06T00:36:57+00:00

I’m done. 💯

21 years and a lot of bullshit

probebeta · 2024-02-06T00:32:35+00:00

8 months separated. She has agreed to 50/50 custody but keeps changing her position. We can't agree on payments, I feel it's all a money grab where she will try every tool to extract more money from me. She won't disclose her financials while I did. My suspicion is that she's been siphoning money out to her parents for over a year, otherwise I dont understand what the hold up is.

Juggling between work and child care has been a nightmare but almost got a system. Being laid off for inadequate performance due to distraction is fairly possible though.

I went gray rock after she threatened to report me for psychological DV. Is there such thing? I never did anything to her she just wanted me out. Now she's grey rocking me back... lol, that's actually better for me so she's doing me a favor. It's strictly business, I hate her guts, but it's getting better every day as things stabilize. It's hard work but I'm so much happier without her. Id even send her a bouquet of flowers after she signs those papers.

Not knowing what the financial damage is going to be is pretty stressful, but it's not in my control, can't lose my mind over it.

Orthanon · 2024-02-06T00:16:19+00:00

Well when she takes your kid and tells everyone you're abusive it kid of kills any feelings you has for them.

Solid-Phase-1655 · 2024-02-06T00:02:07+00:00

Almost 2 years separated, 1 year 2 months divorced. Ex grabbed 9k in cash and walked out with my child. I was done that moment. It gets better men. Just takes time.

whiskey_piker · 2024-02-05T23:46:57+00:00

Yeah, terrible situation. You are being lied to.

“Let me know when you’ve figured your situation out and the divorce is final”

HotWheels757 · 2024-02-05T22:56:56+00:00

I'm (53M) in this situation. Separated 2 years, divorce nowhere near finalised - complex finances.

Could not be more done with the stbxw. Totally processed and made peace with the situation, although it took most of those 2 years to get there. My stbxw is still high-conflict and high-drama. It just washes over me now and doesn't impact me.

The lovely lady I'm seeing now has no reason to (and doesn't) feel insecure about the situation. It's definitely possible, although ymmv.

IllustriousCry672 · 2024-02-05T22:44:47+00:00

My ex filed for divorce the literal first day she could (without telling me, last I had spoke to her 3 months prior she had said 'I'll think about it) but took over 8 months to actually serve me. I'm not sure what the issue was, if she had really wanted to wait until our wedding anniversary to do so (which she did) or if she just didn't understand she had to do more than just file.

But yeah, there was an 11 month limbo period there where weren't divorced but didn't talk. (still haven't, but divorce is final now)

sixpack7506 · 2024-02-05T22:03:34+00:00

Depends on the situation…

I had started dating before my final decree came back, but not before all of the “settlement” agreements were complete, meaning all property, custody and support was finalized and signed, but the final paper wasn’t in my hand. Mine was fairly agreeable though and wasn’t ugly by any means.

I started to move on the day I found out that she was cheating. There was no thought of R (I don’t play the 2nd choice game) and I did all the right things…. therapy, self care, tons of reading, self reflection etc.. I moved on quickly and she’s just a part of my past now… and I’m only 9 months out from actually finding out…. However, things weren’t great for about a year prior and I think, looking back now, I had begun to detach without even thinking about it.

Again it’s tough to say because every situation has a unique dynamic. I will offer an opinion that if he’s not willing to discuss his timeline or be forthright with info then that is not a good sign. I was always very up front and honest about my current situation and where things stood. Just my .02

atomicnugget202 · 2024-02-05T21:58:21+00:00

7 months and I'd still love to reconcile but the reality of that happening I feel is NIL so I've had no choice but to just focus on ke and when it happens it happens and I'll be able to manage the divorce process 'I hope better' than I have the separation.

summitsummitsummit · 2024-02-05T21:52:14+00:00

You just described me lol. All I’d say is go easy and understand that this man has been through hell (even worse if he has kids). Just be honest and ask questions but most of the time yes we are very much completely done with the stbxw at this point and how you described it id be almost 100% sure they are done

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-02-05T21:37:37+00:00

I'm only at two weeks of separation. She wants the divorce and she's filing. Im not done and I still want to try again.

Is0prene · 2024-02-05T21:35:18+00:00

It is risky dating someone who has not finalized their divorce yet. Many people are unable to process it until the dust has settled and the smoke has cleared. Everyone is different though.

My divorce was like a full time job and was a distraction from everything in my life. I was so angry throughout the whole thing that my body was not able to grieve properly until we had finalized and things calmed down. You must be careful you don't become a fill for his empty void if he hasn't properly healed himself first and learned how to be happy on his own.

The other thing to be careful of is his ex can get even more vindictive if she finds out he has moved on to another girl and it can make her do irrational things out of emotional jealousy and complicate the divorce more.

But yeah, once I was separated I was DONE with her. I just wasn't ready emotionally for another relationship yet until some time after I had finalized to figure out who I was again.

Don't know if that makes any sense.

lifelesswriter69 · 2024-02-05T20:52:08+00:00

every situation is different....

i can tell you - i am and was done the day i made my intentions clear. What is unpredictable is how the stbx reacts throughout the process.

in my state, divorce can be finalized in 90 days in a perfect world; minimum 1 year with someone who is difficult/doesn't respond.... or drag out even longer depending on certain circumstances

guess you need to talk to your partner and get all the necessary details that will help you feel less insecure and anxious

godspeed

Title	Separated yet not divorced
Author	Useful-Shake-1527
Upvotes	15
Comments	49
Date	February 5, 2024 8:32 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ajqqn8/separated_yet_not_divorced/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/separated-yet-not-divorced.1244666 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244666

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