Incredulous AF

nosaj-samoht66 · 2024-02-14T03:28:16+00:00

Woman fall out of love and there is no return for them. She was probably checked out before the coaching, I am sure you will hear she cheated before the divorce, I doubt it, maybe….. does it matter now?

In my opinion the best thing you can do is to implement the “gray rock” method (google it, I did when someone told me about it) on her. Total indifference, transactional discussions only, and keep her at bay as much as possible. It starts as an act and turns into your reality.

I’ll tell you the rest gets better, but takes time. I divorced at 47 and was devastated. When it is time to move on after you mourn the relationship (do not skip that part or you’ll just turn into a bitter prick). You will find the script has flipped, dating for decent single guys in their 40s is so fucking easy compared to your 20s. You’ll get laid more now then you did prior to being married…. If that is not your thing, at a minimum you can upgrade or just date people. But even then the pressure is gone, because…. you do not need to settle down, have kids and save up for the house with the white picket fence in the burbs.

For me, I started working out, bought a vehicle my ex would never have “allowed”, shopped at men’s clothing stores that included a glass of nice bourbon and complimentary tailoring, got into Swiss watches and generally regained power that I had not even realized I lost. I also relish one on one time with the kids without her nagging bullshit. If I was still married it’d be a mid-life crisis, now people think I am a better version of who I was.

It all sucks until it doesn’t. Good luck brother. I got a lot of help from this site, but beware the folks that went down the “bitter prick” path.

roman_erudite · 2024-02-12T15:55:13+00:00

Very similar story here but no kids and only half of your marriage. I think it's just you're too good of a person so you go on assuming others are decent. But she just showed her true colors to you. It's on her not you. Your work, and money will be to not let this color our interactions with everyone else for the rest of our lives. Although we have to learn and be a bit wiser and less naive.

Dunkman83 · 2024-02-12T06:05:23+00:00

yup, im sure she started hooking up with him "after" 🙄

rhett342 · 2024-02-12T01:29:46+00:00

Honestly, I don't really know how to answer your question. Getting divorced sucks. You do everything you can to care and provide for your family. You pass up plenty of opportunities with numerous women who are way more of a catch than your now ex and you do so happily because you love her and want to honor your vows. You build the life that she wants even if it means giving up on what you want. You stand by her during all of her bad times and don't think twice about it.

Then she nukes it all and blames you for it.

I don't know how to stay positive about that. I just throw myself into my work to keep busy and rebuild my finances because of how bad they are from letting her manage them for so long.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-02-12T01:17:57+00:00

Light switch effect - google it. Don’t expect an apology ever either, she’s already justified it by making you a villain.

Sorry man, happened to me too, guy from work got in her head (and more obviously). We have a 2 and a 4 year old.

SpacemanLost · 2024-02-12T01:02:43+00:00

Seen this happen over and over again.

The thing you need to understand and embrace is that she is mentally processing this in a way that you just will never fully understand and is light years away from how most men view and act. And that way involves wild emotion swings, rewriting relationship history on a dime - repeatedly, getting drunk and high on dopamine hits from attention and new partners, and warping reality to never be at fault - ever.

You can't change it, and usually not even predict what she will do next.

The way forward is to realize and internalize 100 percent that the woman she is now is NOT the woman you married. She's a different person - and not the one you sunk all the commitment, devotion, energy, and everything else into. She's someone you can mentally detach and walk away from. Make your gameplan to focus on what matters - your kids and protecting your and their futures. You can only control what you do. If she's going to make an idiot of herself, you don't care. Always remember you are playing the long game and you need to hold steady to it.

Enough_Youth_4564 · 2024-02-12T00:38:46+00:00

6 years or 16 years it doesn’t matter. She’s sick and evil and it’s not your fault. The ONLY way to get back at her is to become the best version of yourself. Find another woman, don’t force yourself to fall in love but if you do good for you. You still have an average or 80 - (your age) in the world, make the best of it. Don’t let her feed off your misery to power herself (because that’s what evil people do)

Cheb44 · 2024-02-11T23:21:14+00:00

Dude it’s fucking nuts, it’s like waking up to another person in your house.

Lumpy-Prior3261 · 2024-02-11T23:03:45+00:00

Want to piss her off go find a woman and just start taking her here and there you don't need to be close or start something the minute your wife's finds out she will be calling every day wanting you to take her

DaddyNoBux · 2024-02-11T22:11:59+00:00

You can’t wrap your head around it. It’s alien behaviour.

All you can do is control your response to it. Your response to the dark thoughts that will try their damn hardest to consume your mind. Rise above it and hold your head high. Men are bound by honour.

You need to fill your time with something that is going to establish new thought patterns which will replace the deeply ingrained ones that were created in your relationship.

People say hit the gym however as much as that helps, you’re basically moving weights from A to B. It doesn’t really stimulate the mind

Combat sports on the other hand, particularly a complex one like BJJ, will take you to another level.

Your STBXWs callous behaviour has also provided the environment for you to level up in so many ways. Take advantage of it. This can either be the making of you or the breaking of you. That's for you to decide

You've got this brother. Don't let us down.

captainchippsixx · 2024-02-11T22:02:54+00:00

Dude she hooked up before you split. Wake up bro. You never know what they have been up to unless you have all the evidence. You can assume the worst and she is the worst. She is trash now. Move forward and leave her on the curb for Monday morning trash pickup.

lifeisallihave · 2024-02-11T21:29:49+00:00

Not much else to add to the above. You will have to navigate your new life with your kids and make it a good one. Your kids will thank you for that. Work on your goals too.

Relationship coaching is pretty much what they use to tell everyone, they tried everything but things didn't change.

Reddit188869 · 2024-02-11T21:18:14+00:00

Have a look at the sub. You’re 1 of a million with the same story in here. Her mind & feeling towards you changed long ago. You were supposed to read her mind and be a different person. Don’t sweat it. It wasn’t your fault.

Kids? Pour your energy into them, make a new life with them. Decide what you want it to look like, with the knowledge that she will only be a distant part of that. Don’t pay attention to feelings of ex, they will seem like they ebb & flow. Pay no heed. ultimately she blew up the family and is secure in that knowledge because she has another branch to hang on to. She would do it again if you gave her another chance. Focus on your new life. Keep your head up and the new pieces will fall into place eventually without you noticing if you can keep yourself busy through the dark emotional periods.

Title	Incredulous AF
Author	shroom_dot
Upvotes	21
Comments	39
Date	February 11, 2024 9:11 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1aoinw9/incredulous_af/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/incredulous-af.1245150 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245150

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