Guys, what's your relationship w/ your father/father figure like? Or lack thereof if that's your situation.

CraftyCooler · 2024-02-17T22:49:48+00:00

I've had a really good relation with my dad - he was a bit rough, we have very often had very loud arguments with lots of cursing but it was just our style, no hard feelings after that. He was also very tough - he wanted to build a house for us so he went to US, and for 3 years have been living in basement and eating heinz beans to save money. When he was dying of cancer i was visiting him in hospital every day before and after work, not a single day missed for 1 month. Really great guy. Regarding interaction with women he was rather old school - so he was saying that i should pay for dates, organize everything and do not waste girls time if i am not about to be serious regarding relationship.

odd_cloud · 2024-02-17T22:39:10+00:00

My father was in the family, but did not participate in family life.

Can you elaborate what patterns did you notice?

Hatefuleight-36 · 2024-02-17T22:37:35+00:00

Pretty awful. People who have seen some of my past comments and posts here already know most of it but he's pretty vile. Was abusive to my mom, cheated on her, abandoned her, only provides for us with money and pretty much refuses to come back to the apartment he has us living in while he and a bunch of dudes he has employed live in a far better house meanwhile my family stays in a somewhat shitty third world building that often gets roaches and sometimes rats invading it, and also somewhat recently brought my mother to tears when me and my sister went to see him and he brought what I can only assume to be his Rwandan girlfriend who's half his age over and put me in a situation where I basically had to have a super long and awkward conversation with her. Pretty much the main person I think of when feminists here wax poetic about how trash men are as he's one of the only guys I know who have fit the bill for that kind of brazenly unlikable caricature of meanness that many women here try to convince me men as a whole operate under, and more recently, he basically harassed a poor women at my university's finance department for daring to inform him that my school fees had to be paid within a certain timeframe to the point that she actually blocked his number and pretty much implied to me that he was the most difficult parent she ever spoke to.

I'm also quite sure from what my mother has told me that he only had me and my siblings because in our culture it becomes a point of shame for a career man of a certain age to not have had any children yet, and to make things worse, I think to console me for the fact that I had no girl to spend valentine's day with, my mother informed me that my father was a virgin throughout his years in university until his friends basically forced him into a room with some chick. That never happens in this day and age, when he was my age it was an entirely different era, so while she might have wanted to say it to make me feel better, I am now somewhat convinced that I must have inherited some aura of unattractiveness and inceldom from my father.

So yeah, you could say it's not the best.

CasseroleTruck · 2024-02-17T23:40:48+00:00

I have this weird potential attachment to men who remind me of my dad despite being sexually straight. There's something about stoic masculine-coded guys that draws me in and makes me want to interact with them, see how they tick etc. It might be b/c my own dad (I love him, he's amazing in his own ways, he has just never been very interactive, expressive, or open) is someone I subconsciously want to connect with on a more emotional level. It also might be b/c I see similarities between these guys (or just many/most guys) and myself so there is a default empathy to whatever their circumstances.

Sometimes I'll find myself thinking about a dude that currently is in my life somewhere (coworker, friend I reconnected with, new acquaintance, etc) and it's a feeling of warmth and purely emotional. I've told my friends and they said it's not necessarily weird just probably that I'm pretty sensitive or that I'm trying to fill a void that was left from the past or during my upbringing.

RecreationalPorpoise · 2024-02-17T23:50:25+00:00

He was an insane, violent manchild, the kind of man women are not supposed to have babies with.

Breaker1617554 · 2024-02-17T22:45:52+00:00

None, my father, growing up was manipulative and emotionally abusive. He would often pit me and my siblings against each other for his attention. He was a pervert, and would often rest his head between my sister’s legs, as a child I had no idea what he was doing. It wasn’t until I get older that I realized how much of a creep he was. He was very suicidal, and he often asked me if I would join him. I don’t know why, but I was very loyal to him and when asked that I would say yes, makes me wonder if you would’ve actually tried to get me to commit suicide with him.

MikeArrow · 2024-02-17T22:48:48+00:00

My parents divorced when I was 3 so he was in my life but had a very contentious relationship with my mother.

He has a lot of untreated mental health problems. I probably have the same ones so I get it to a degree but he was a very poor role model in terms of demonstrating what a strong, confident man should be.

AethertheEternal · 2024-02-17T23:02:43+00:00

Ok. It was fine during but my youth but I haven’t really spent a lot of time with him since my mom moved to another city (when I was around ~11 years old).

Spyro7x3 · 2024-02-18T00:08:07+00:00

My dad and I are cool he's kind of a social lib on somethings but he's based and Christian pilled mostly we work in the same industry so he taught me his craft. He's also like a dad for all of my friends who don't have one or a bad relationship with their fathers it can be annoying because sometimes I get friends calling me to go hang out with him lol I ain't mad but it does sometimes feel like my friends Stan hard for my dad.

YasuotheChosenOne · 2024-02-18T01:35:29+00:00

What’s a father? 🤔

ExternalBarracuda292 · 2024-02-18T02:12:30+00:00

My family was always very close. We've had our ups and downs over the years, but we always stuck together. I remember when I was young my dad lost his job and it was a pretty hard time for us, but my dad told me "jobs come and go, but no matter what happens, we'll always have each other". That always kinda stuck with me.

Of course, nothing lasts forever. When my mom got very sick, I promised her that I'd take care of my dad, and we've continued to look out for each other now that she's gone. The fun family vacations of my youth may be gone now but we still try to do things together sometimes.

I know that many people don't have this. I know many people whose parents are divorced or who aren't on good terms with their parents and my heart goes out to them. That feeling that someone always has your back is important in life. I hope the people who didn't have that growing up will eventually find it with a good friend or a partner.

Dr_Click_Click_Boom · 2024-02-18T02:50:40+00:00

It was good. He was very strict while we were growing up but showed a slightly softer side once we became adults and grandchildren started arriving.

Pretty no nonsense. No trauma or drama. I have fond memories of him teaching me how to do stuff as a boy and even as an adult. He died in 2012. He was 81.

SillyMushroomTip · 2024-02-18T00:01:57+00:00

Love my dad but he was extremely difficult and drank way too much when I was a kid. Could never talk to him about things that were bothering me because he would always make it about himself and then proceed to tell me how I'm worthless anyways. He made my teens and early 20s a living hell.

We have a better relationship now that I moved out awhile ago.

Steakman1 · 2024-02-18T00:36:58+00:00

I grew up in a single father household. Never had a bad relationship with him. But like every person, he had flaws. I know he loves me. But it was always shown through him doing stuff for me. We never say we love each other, never hugged, or anything like that. Honestly not sure if that is the norm or not. But that’s what I’ve been used to. He’s been pretty successful in sales. So he talks a lot. In fact he talked so much that he would talk for me in a lot of cases. It was pretty common for doctors to tell my father to stop talking so I could explain the issue rather than him. And this was part of the reason I think I fell behind in my social development. I think he also has a thing against showing weakness because the only negative emotion I’ve seen from him is anger. Which he’s always been known to snap pretty quick. He also never really instilled his morals in me like I think parents often do. So a lot of my values/morals came from other sources. Overall he wasn’t a bad father.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-02-18T01:25:54+00:00

I had a great relationship with my dad, and even more I had a really great relationship with my uncle. My dad could always be my father, while things I didn’t feel comfortable so much with my dad I could talk to my uncle about. “I know that kind of girl, be careful around a girl like that” were things my uncle would tell me.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-02-18T03:54:07+00:00

Don’t have one. My parents divorced when I was 8 and I’ve seen my dad maybe twice since then.

PiastriPs3 · 2024-02-18T06:04:42+00:00

It was a bad relationship, really bad. Last time I saw him, I was 18 and a threw him out of the house after he abused my mother. Pretty sure I gave him a black eye. 10 years later, they've finally divorced. We had to pool together as a family 200,000 dollars to buy out my father's stake in the property my mother lives in to finalise the splitting of the assets during the pandemic, which crippled my finances. My dad has several other properties worth 5 million and has tried to use his wealth to buy our love again but no one is budging. Eventually I know I'll have to reconnect with him before his dying days to reclaim some of his assets. That day will haunt me, but a million is a lot of money though. Me and my brother have plans to turn his property into medium high density housing since it located in a rezoning area near the CBD. Like most pioneering migrants, my dad is very Industrious and intelligent, but is also schizophrenic sociopath who destroyed our childhoods and is the embodiment of toxic masculinity.

But damn, the guy did well with women which probably sowed the seed of the Redpill when I was a kid. The guy should have never had kids, he never loved us.

Hot-Law2682 · 2024-02-18T06:49:03+00:00

Really good.

I respect him a lot and ask him for advice on stuff. We bond over shared interests and have good conversations when we do see each other.

We talk a lot about our future plans (him with his job and me with school stuff), world events, and financial things. Our family has a lot of investments so we chat about that occasionally.

As far as dating goes he gave me some pretty bad dating advice when I was a kid (if a girl says no keep asking until she says yes). However, I'd say him being a good masculine role model helped me a lot regardless of his actual advice. He is a kind, sporty, and conscientious guy. But most importantly hes great at talking to people, he can have a good conversation and get respect from anyone. He has definitely inspired how I engage with people and try to live my life.

His relationship with my mom is good. They have been married for 23-ish years and I've never seen them fight. They were briefly in couples counseling but I only knew that after the fact (I had no indication during). It definitely seems like they love each other and its been fun asking them questions about their relationship now that I'm more of an adult and am seriously dating.

just_a_place · 2024-02-19T03:16:16+00:00

I have a way better relationship with my dad than my sisters. As a man I can relate to my dad man to man but my sisters drifted away after their teenage phase and never reconciled with him, at least never back to the same level of intimacy as when we were all kids. So for them he is some distant authority figure I suppose, a bystander like you said - just another man out there. But for me he is kind of like the guy who has been there and done than and whom I can confidently share stuff with and depend on him for advice that doesn't have an ulterior motive.

My relationship with my dad is close I would say; ever since I have been on my own I depend on him a lot for advice, and just plain help like with cash or physically moving/building/fixing shit.

My dad keeps his distance from women ever since my mom burned him with a divorce. I suppose my resignation from women could stem from that, since lately I have felt fed up and suffocated with women and am no longer interested in ever pursuing any kind of long term relationship. My dad has shown me how to be happy by myself, how to find self fulfillment which makes all this incelish obsession with women completely alien to me and even repulsive. And no I am not gay, I have plenty of sexual and physical attraction to women but that is it. Even when I like a woman's company it is only up to a certain point before I start feeling suffocated and drowning and I just have to assert my barriers. A lot of women don't like that so they usually move on or just stay friends with me - from a distance.

GreenTurtle47 · 2024-02-19T14:47:31+00:00

Completely nonexistent, my father was gone by the time I was 5. My mother had custody rights taken away from her when I was 11 due to abuse, I was taken in by my grandmother, who’s verbally abusive and growing up as a teenager with her just opened my eyes to how someone ends up like my mother.

My Grandfather was completely absent at home; he was away for work most of the time and retired later than he had to. As long as I’ve been alive his routine was go to work, come home and eat dinner, drink liquor and watch sports or the news by himself. Repeat. My uncle was a teenager when I was born and was around semi-frequently until I was about 9, then he got back with an old girlfriend and raised her children, I think I saw him once during the next 12 years. I think he went about 7 years without even speaking to my grandfather/ his dad. That was a pivotal moment for my realization that my mother’s parents are exceptionally distant and I’ll-suited to raise children. My mother and uncle were essentially raised by an older woman that lived nearby the family home.

All this to still say, I didn’t much mind the absent father figure or absence of parenting, even with my mother until we lived in squalor and literal feces. When I was 11, I had this intuition that I shouldn’t put effort into those kind of relationships. I don’t really look at a single one of them the way my friends and ex-girlfriends seem to look at their families. And I’m fine with that. Alternatively, the frustration and resentment I have towards my grandmother for constantly being aggressive, overbearing, insulting, and demeaning - for years - has absolutely been more damaging than the absence of a real father figure, or even a mother figure, at home.

qwertyuduyu321 · 2024-02-20T01:09:05+00:00

Savvy men know that this is the single biggest red flag in the universe about women. With the help of the internet and quite a bit of initiative on my part, I came to this epiphany when I was 20.

"Where is dad?" is the single most important question you can let a woman answer. I'd rather have her take Adderall if it means that she has a healthy(ish) relationship with her dad. It's that important.

I, myself, grew up without a father and I'm mostly aware of my shortcomings and it took A LOT to unfuck them (and some I still have to work on). But if you aren't aware of those shortcomings that resulted as a consequence of that dysfunctional relationship with your dad in the first place, you won't have them sorted out. I run for the hills when I meet women like this.

Tip: Women, too, should ask where his dad is. How the relationship is currently.

TRTGymBro · 2024-02-17T22:51:36+00:00

Well, he ded now, but we had an on and off relationship for a while. He was a difficult person with a drinking problem, very negative and critical. I never really liked him, but towards the end of his life I felt sorry for him.

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-02-18T00:28:00+00:00

My lack of a father figure is due to the men my mother chose. She's near 60 and still chooses these same men.

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Title	Guys, what's your relationship w/ your father/father figure like? Or lack thereof if that's your situation.
Author	More_Suggestion_2425
Upvotes	10
Comments	56
Date	February 17, 2024 10:20 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ate1nu/guys_whats_your_relationship_w_your_fatherfather/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/guys-whats-your-relationship-w-your-fatherfather.1245693 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245693

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