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[–]-Cachi- 107 points108 points109 points 4 years ago (27 children) | Copy Link
Please always err on the side of caution with these things. If you think that someone might not be able to consent, then don't do anything!
It's as simple as that. You did the right thing OP 👍
[–]-Cachi- 52 points53 points54 points 4 years ago (26 children) | Copy Link
Also regarding the """blowing an opportunity""", if you are into this girl message her explaining that you'd love to see her, but didn't want to meet her that night because she was too drunk.
She should appreciate that you're a decent human being. If she doesn't and reacts badly for some reason then yep, you did dodge a bullet.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]SamuraiZero4 21 points22 points23 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly dude, if she can't find time or motivation to spend time with you sober, then she's not worth it.
[–]autumnwaif 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just text her that you'd still like to see her, but that she was too drunk, she most likely will say "oh that's so embarrassing" over the situation to gauge your reaction (she's possibly fearing further rejection) but you just need to reassure her that you don't think it is embarrassing, etc.
[–]-Cachi- 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes maybe esp since you don't know her in real life.
But welp that's the best you can do in this situation, reach out say that you'd love to meet her and try to have a more sober date!
[+]Mundane-Currency5088 -14 points-13 points-12 points 4 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
It concerns me that you are confused that she said no sex but are still wondering if cuddles meant sex. She straight up said she wanted to cuddle and no sex. Why would you think she meant sex when she said no to sex? It's actually really scary that there is someone out there who I has been told very very clearly NO in no uncertain terms and he is on Reddit like "did she maybe yes when she said no?"
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
[+]Mundane-Currency5088 -9 points-8 points-7 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
You are right to be worried that she would accuse you of rape if you went over there and had sex with her because it would be.
[–]Dazius06 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Yeah it's totally crazy to even consider than once OP reaches her Appartment she might change her mind, also totally crazy that she said something she didn't actually meant because saying directly to a stranger you want them to come for sex is how everyone does it all the time.
You are really making so many assumptions here and incredibly willing to jump to conclusions and accuse OP of being a piece of shit when all we really know about the situation is he is concerned about doing the right thing but would let things flow in the slim chance of thing being right for something to happen without repercussions or regret form any of the parties involved EVEN when one party can be slightly tipsy. (Hint we don't know how drunk she was or if she really meant what she said, people say things they don't mean all the time and so there is absolutely nothing wrong in considering a scenario in your head)
Honestly get over yourself.
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
OP has stated to me in this post that he is sure cuddles =sex and that I was foolish not to see it that way. He says he didn't go over because he is concerned about being accused of rape. Only after some clarification did he say he wouldn't have had sex, even though he had been insisting he thinks she had to have meant sex even though she said no. Again he argued with me that I'm stupid to not think she meant sex even though she clearly stated no sex. The best part is that no where in this whole post does anyone say it would be WRONG to have sex with her but I'm getting down voted for saying it. I have so much karma I don't actually care it just shows the attitude of the average reddit dude.
[–]StonePillow 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Oh poor you being down voted for being an oblivious ass.
He was worried the drunk girl would have initiated sex regardless of what she said and that would be an uncomfortable turn down for him, because yeah, the girl was too drunk to actually have sex. I mean you projection can be seen from a mile away...
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
That is not what he said.
[–]Dazius06 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Correction, He stated that cuddles could end up "evolving" into sex. Which honestly is an incredibly fair assumption to make, hugging someone, experiencing their warmth, talking to them with the light off and the physical touch can turn a person on. He never states that cuddles will turn into sex with 100% certainty. If he did please provide a link to the comment if you are so kind.
Being accused of rape is a fair consideration when you don't know how drunk she is NOR the kind of person she is or if being drunk changes the kind of person she is. If she happens to wake up and not remember she invited him over she could totally accuse OP of taking advantage... It might not lead anywhere in court or it may being afraid of this imo is normal.
She could have meant something other that what she said, women don't want people to think they are "hoes" and inviting over someone at 2 in the morning could totally be a case of you want coffee? After an night out... There is really nothing wrong with considering a scenario happening specially when variables are uncertain. She could change her mind EVEN if she originally invited him explicitly stating she didn't mean sex, did she say sex was totally off the table for the night? Or did she just say she was not inviting him to have sex specifically but... Who knows? Again OP is just considering it could turn into it and that he would be fine with just cuddles but would absolutely not be opposed to sex if it happens to be back on the table at some point.
It's not necessarily wrong to have sex with her, it could be but it is not certain by any means. You just want to put the blame on OP when he didn't do anything after all and came here asking what others thought of the way he handled the situation, all he did was entertain scenarios in his head that could end up happening, people can change their minds and people are also free to consider scenarios and how they would react given the chance. IMO that shows OP is interested in learning how to better deal with all this situations and is concerned about himself and for the girl.
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I wanted someone here to think it's WRONG to have sex with a woman who said no to sex
[+]Mundane-Currency5088 -14 points-13 points-12 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes she said no to sex. You might have been able to manipulate her but that isn't consent
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[+]Mundane-Currency5088 -6 points-5 points-4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She said no sex. You admitted she was probably too drunk to consent. I'm telling you you were right to say home because with that mindset it would have been manipulative to have sex with her because YOU thought she was too drunk to have sex and she said no. Yet you are on here needing advice on whether it was the right thing to do and you are upset with me for calling a spade a spade.
[–]TheOffice_Account 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Just no winning in this situation
That is correct. But ask yourself - do you want to LTR a woman who behaves this way?
The win here is that you got a quick peek into her character right now, instead of 5 years from now.
[–]TheOffice_Account 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ah ha! In that case, I have no advice because this ain't my area of expertise 😂
[–]Ancquar 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Which country was that in? In most places if she was able to formulate her wish to cuddle with you while not being with you (and thus not being currently manipulated) and put into text that can be saved as evidence, you are safe. On the other hand in a few countries with messed up laws, US being most prominent example, I'd pass to be safe.
[–]shittyfuckdick 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It was the US. Was curious about the written consent part
[–]Blackmagician 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No even with written consent it’s not worth the potential trouble. She could give written consent at 1 am and then the alcohol hits her harder or she drinks more by the time you get there.
You did the right thing. If this is a stranger, you’ve never been around them while drinking and you’ve never had sex with them you really don’t have an accurate way to judge how drunk she is.
If she’s really interested you can try again later. If someone only wants to have sex with you while drunk then it’s a pretty good reason to pass.
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Except her text said no sex and OP is asking is she really meant yes when she said cuddles. He has been arguing with me that it probably meant she wanted to have sex even though she said no and I'm getting down voted for pointing it out. Just now he wrote he would have just cuddled after doubling down that cuddles =sex. Even though she said no sex
[–]ThemasterofZ 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nah man, this is 🚩🚩🚩
Dodged a bullet.
[–]Deep-Advice7587 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link
Man, go for the date, it's only a red flag if she starts ghosting you after saying no in her drunk state.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
[–]Deep-Advice7587 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The date you agreed on initially
[+]Mundane-Currency5088 -6 points-5 points-4 points 4 years ago* (18 children) | Copy Link
Oh my God no. It sounds like you didn't go over there to try and seducd a drunk chick who already told you she didn't consent to sex not because you respect her NO but because you are worried that raping her would be seen as raping her. Because that is what that would be. See when someone says no to sex and then you do it anyway that's rape.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Then you followed up telling me that I'm foolish for not thinking she might have meant sex when she clearly said no and now because you couldn't convince me you're changing your story. This is the first time you even implied you would have not fucked this chick if you went over there.
[–]shittyfuckdick 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I think your brain damaged dude. Read my edits in the OP if you’re still this confused. I can only explain myself so many times.
And in the end, I didn’t fucking go at all cause worried that just cuddling her wasn’t consensual even though she verbally consented to it. Oh man they should really lock me up and throw away the key huh.
Fucking moron
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I just did. You said "not sure if cuddling=sex and then you argued with me about it
You are all over this thread saying you didn't go because you are worried you would get in trouble for doing it not because it's freaking wrong
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Your post says you were not sure if cuddles =sex when she she clearly said no to sex. That is scary as hell
[–]WillfulMurder 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Yes, meaning she might engage on him when he got there, not that he would interpret cuddles as sex.
Stop trying to make OP into a rapist when he literally did the right thing in the situation, and asked a public community for assurance on his decision so he can know to continue making the proper one in the future.
[–]shittyfuckdick 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you!
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
He says he only didn't go because he is worried he would be accused not because it's wrong. He is one bad decision away from being a rapist with that attitude
[–]WillfulMurder 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
Completely wrong, he stated that as one of MULTIPLE reasons, that was his reason stated for why he didn't go over and just cuddle; because cuddling alone with a drunk person could result in a false accusation.
To clarify:
-OP also didn't go over to cuddle because she was drunk and alone which could lead to a false accusation
Both of these things can be true at the same time.
You're the one creating future rapists by shutting down any questions of nuance with negativity rather than explaining why the situation is wrong. It shows you don't actually care, you just want to feel upset and justified.
[–]shittyfuckdick 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You put it perfectly and that is exactly my line of reasoning.
But don’t even bother arguing with this fool. He just wants to make me out to be the bad guy.
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lol she...and I am concerned. You didn't go over there which was good. But you are being a bone head as to why.
[–]WillfulMurder 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I honestly don't think this person is able to comprehend that actions can have multiple non conflicting motivations behind them.
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Never once has he said it would be wrong...no other reason makes him safe to be around
[–]WillfulMurder 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
illiteracy? He's said it in multiple comments as well as the edit on the post.
[–]TheFreakish 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Legitimately she could make up not remembering too.
I feel like often people try to pin this on not taking responsibility and having regrets, but just straight up... Alcohol could make her forget the entire conversation.
[–]Billyjeanisntmylover 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Man stfu
[–]Fapandwarmshowers 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes dont do risky things
[–]Spiritual-Fox6141 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
First off.. I'm not going anywhere at 2 am to cuddle. We both havevto understand we gonna hqve sex if i come out at 2 am.. That being said .. The first problem here is she's running the show. Her place her, time her, rules... ask yourself if this was anything besides a girl, does it make sense?. sports, war, court.. etc. If you feeling simpish, go.. but tape your dick to to your leg and never pull it out.. just cuddle.. if she wants more.. record her consent, or have the discipline to leave .
[–]shittyfuckdick 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would’ve been totally fine just going over to cuddle at 2 am. But even that seemed risky at the time.
Thank you, a voice of reason.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Dude, if you have to ask - she's too drunk
[–]theukvamp 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Could of gotten killed or robbed .Better safe than sorry
[–]Martini1 24 points25 points26 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Could have been falsely accused as well of sexual assault.
Too many what ifs, not worth the risk.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Martini1 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
It's a sad world but the feeling of a possible bullet dodged is a better feeling than one of regret or consequences of something untrue.
You did the right thing and something you should not regret. If she is a decent human being, she should respect your decision.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What a sad world where a man is more worried if being wrongfully accused than actually murdered
[–]no_not_this 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So never meet anyone ever. Got it. You need to live life man.
[–]YetzirahToAhssiah 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What? That's so random. I could get hit by a car in the crosswalk. I could get electrocuted by my laptop. I could get burned alive by my hot shower.
[–]no_not_this 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hahaha I know. These people should just sit in their basement where it’s safe
[–]5ive_Rivers 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Edit: Their (mom's) basement
[–]jjboy91 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Personally if she drank with you around I wouldn't go cause don't now how far she is
[–]TheFreakish 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not worth it, you made the right choice, you don't want any guilt on your mind.
Fuck I met someone, we spent every day and night fucking. Would wake up a few times during the night and fuck. Great chemistry. One day she tells me last night she was only half awake when we were fucking. I'm definitely taking it too hard, like... she was responsive, grinding on me, and making eye contact. Idk... maybe she was trying to start a kink. Maybe she's a sexsomniac. Maybe I misread her signals. I don't know, but it fucking weighs on me.
Fuck .. Another time I had a girl staying over, we'd been dating 8 months. She started talking to me she was really into the idea of getting fuck while she was drugged up and asleep.
... And then she proceeded to take sleeping medication and passes out.
Then starts grinding on me.
I ask her if she's awake, and in a completely sober voice she says "No, I'm asleep" (felt like she was pretending to be asleep).
I get she was most likely trying to play out a fantasy. Everything in my mind was telling me.. That's what she was doing. That's how it felt.
I'm fucking glad I didn't go for it.
That's shit is not worth weighing on your conscience.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Bro she doesn’t need to if she’s drunk and wants to fuck then you fuck she gives consent even when she’s drunk. Not your responsibility it’s hers
I’m no lawyer but I don’t think that’s how it works. And even then the courts usually side with women.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah so it’s fucking ridiculous. If they’re drunk and saying they want to fuck then they’ve given consent it’s that simple
[–]jackzander 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Better familiarize yourself with the law.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What’s the law around this? If she’s drunk and says let’s fuck she says let’s fuck.
[–]jackzander 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The sex offender registry will not care about your argument.
Saved you a click
[–]iamamoa -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
What law says that two consenting adults whom have been drinking cannot fuck? There’s a huge difference between consensual drunk sex that happens organically and sex with a girl whom is passed out on the bed and obviously cannot consent.
[–]jackzander 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
A person, per the law of most states in America, cannot legally give consent if they're under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
It doesn't matter if you disagree, that's how the law works.
If you want more information, you'll have to look it up yourself according to your location.
[–]iamamoa 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I guess so, but I imagine the world would a lot less populated if people didn’t drink some wine before fucking
[–]jackzander 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Undoubtedly. And plenty of sex happens after drinking or while drunk, and everyone's happy and everything's fine.
But the point is, that's not a guarantee. The law is generally structured to prevent drug-induced rape, which means any drug in the other person's system can be argued to invalidate the consent. Even if they took the drug willingly. So unless you're 1000% sexually familiar with the other person, you should never fuck around when someone's past tipsy.
Because all they have to do is blow the whistle, and your life is ruined.
[–]iamamoa 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I guess.
However I think you are safe if the sex is undeniably consensual. I think you can determine that no matter how drunk the two of you are. There’s a difference between passionately going after each other then one party being reluctant then giving in.
I think often times guy get accused when they get a reluctant girl to submit and then she regrets it later because she never really wanted it in the first place.
[–]jackzander 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It doesn't matter what you thought, it only matters what you can prove.
If she can prove she was drunk and you can't prove she was willing, the law won't care.
[–]iamamoa 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m saying that if she consents enthusiastically you won’t have to worry about accusations in most cases.
[–]Gigachad4Head -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She says yes.
[+]IOnlyCameToArgue -9 points-8 points-7 points 4 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
Legally: If any* amount of alcohol is in her system she cannot give consent.
[–]Blackmagician 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is wrong and people need to stop repeating it. First and foremost(in the US) not all states laws are the same. Most of them are worded around being incapacitated.
The issue and debate is what is incapacitated? Someone blacked out is definitely incapacitated, but barring that you don’t know people’s personal tolerance and you can think they’re not incapacitated when they are so it’s best to avoid situations like that of the OP.
But to think that all sex with even a drop of alcohol is nonconsensual is total ignorance of what goes on in people’s bedrooms day to day and in the legal system. Real life is not a college campus where they’re trying to practice harm reduction or Twitter where people want to present their version of reality.
[–]Spiritogre 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
Wrong. Even drunk you're responsible for your actions unless you're so drunk you can't act (passed out).
[–]IOnlyCameToArgue 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You don't know what you're talking about.
If you have sex with a woman who has any alcohol or drugs in her system the case can be made that she was unable to give consent.
Talk to a fucking lawyer.
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
They don't like to be called 'fucking lawyers'.
They prefer 'sexual abuse lawyers'
[–]Red_Wyatt 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you, I appreciate this comment
[–]naim08 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No, we prefer moneybags. Oh wait, thats what we call you
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A case can be made for anything. A case can be made that your Mum looks like a hippo wearing lipstick. That doesn't mean legally your Mum is a hippo
[–]NameTheory 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Different countries have different laws.
[–]Jtenka 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My gf of 6 years was a lawyer. You are talking out of your ass. She does this weekly. We're still close friends. Your initial statement is incorrect.
[–]jackzander -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Facts don't care about your feelings.
Learn the law or stfu.
[–]Spiritogre 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
You should. If you're drunk at somebody's place and accidentally trash an expensive thing who do you think pays? The drunk person. Same if you hit someone or hurt someone, you can end up in jail for that, especially get a more heavy punishment for being under influence of alcohol. You ARE responsible for your actions.
[–]jackzander -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Pretty fucking weird how you compare sex to committing crimes.
[–]Spiritogre 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It shows that the law says getting drunk and doing something is your responsibility.
The law doesn't give a fuck about your boring argument, and neither would your spot on the sex offender registry.
If you want to know what the law says, look up what the law says.
[–]Spiritogre 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I did, however you obviously didn't.
[+][deleted] -10 points-9 points-8 points 4 years ago (54 children) | Copy Link
I do not fully understand your question. Can you elaborate further?
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (53 children) | Copy Link
[–]Invest2prosper 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You fucked up a chance for getting your a$$ thrown in jail. Use your head with two eyes between them in the front - is she’s intoxicated she could claim she was incapacitated. Is it worth throwing away your life for some chick you never met in person before?
[–]Invest2prosper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You made the right call. If your gut says don’t do it, listen to it. If you chase the thrill you might find the juice was not worth the squeeze.
[+][deleted] -24 points-23 points-22 points 4 years ago (49 children) | Copy Link
Cringe
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (48 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] -20 points-19 points-18 points 4 years ago (47 children) | Copy Link
You still do not get it
[–]Quick_Watercress_932 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (45 children) | Copy Link
Any amount of drunk is too drunk
[–]alexmaycovid 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (44 children) | Copy Link
No, I don't agree, you barelly change after a glass of wine. at least majority of people.
you know somewhere they allowed to drive after a glass of wine.
[–]Quick_Watercress_932 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (43 children) | Copy Link
Disagree all you want, that wont make you right. The fact is that the moment a person ingests any amount of alcohol the first symptoms of drunkenness are lowered inhibitions and decision making skills. Therefore any state of drunk is too drunk to consent.
[–]Spiritogre 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (42 children) | Copy Link
Lol no.
[–]Quick_Watercress_932 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (41 children) | Copy Link
Lol Yes.
Why are you submitting these replies? They are not valuable.
[–]alexmaycovid 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Can you compare a little drunk or too drunk? I would not personally sleep with too drunk, because sex won't be good anyway and I can get some trouble.
Too drunk is when a person barely can walk streight or can not speak well
[–]shittyfuckdick 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
In her words “very drunk”. But I never actually met up with so idk
[–]alexmaycovid 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I really don't think you lost a lot
[–]Informal_Fishing5729 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you have any doubt maybe she is already too drunk. Don’t have sex with a totally drunk lady because she won’t even remember the moment. A few glasses is totally okay but completely drunk is a nono
[–]cobraCL 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You made the best judgement here - best be safe, and advance another time.
[–]HotCandle3978 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Her "no sex" means you are new to her so make it sound better she used word "cuddles" but ultimately it must have ended up as fucking sex. You did the right thing otherwise it could have been complicated.
[–]Jay-Ames 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You did the right thing. If afterwards she feel unhappy about her own actions she is gonna blame you for it. And because there was alcohol involved it makes you the criminal in an instant. Not saying every woman does this but guys have gone to jail for things like this.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Then come and cuddle with her with no sex. A few days after ask if she wants to hang out and try to have sex with her while she is 100 percent there.
[–]iamamoa 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Have you considered that she perhaps wanted a booty call, but did not want to come off as a slut over text. Just in case you shared her text with friends or posted it in Reddit.
[–]shittyfuckdick 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Totally. But how does that change anything?
It’s means she could have been making an excuse to see you and she needed a cover for her spontaneous behavior that wouldn’t have made her look like a slut. You could have easily went over there and chilled. If she was indeed too drunk then you hang out for a little, cuddle, talk and leave. If she wasn’t too drunk and just wanted to hang out who knows what could have happened. Just saying that there would have been nothing wrong with going to visit.
[–]shittyfuckdick 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yea that would’ve been best case scenario. But I was worried even cuddling could’ve gotten me in trouble.
[–]iamamoa 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It wouldn’t have.
The only thing that would have gotten you in trouble in that scenario is if you went to cuddle, she passed out and then you sexually assaulted her in some way.
idk. i think any sort touch in a non consensual way can get you in trouble. at least that was my concern last night.
Yeah, anything non consensual will get you in trouble drunk or not. However a girls not gonna come out and say touch me or fuck me. Their invitations are gonna be more subtle. My rule of then is if she doesn’t react enthusiastically to my advances then I stop
[–]premedchunsa 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dodged a bullet bro. Stop thinking too much about it.
[–]BonelessLimbs 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you're even slightly unsure, treat it like she's given a hard "No".
Maybe you feel like you really can't tell. Back it up and come back with a couple of glasses of water, if she's genuinely interested this won't be a problem. If nothing is progressing but you're still unsure. Literally just say "hey we're both drunk so maybe I'm wrong but am I picking up signals?"
If you aren't comfortable asking a question like that then you'll be better off always letting her make the first move
If we’re being accountable then she can consent as long as she’s not seeing double. Alcohol is a social lubricant, people frequently will drink and get a little buzz before sex or on dates.
If we’re not being accountable than as soon as one drop has touched her lips she can claim deniability and therefore can no longer consent reliably.
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