Rule: if you have to guess whether she's into you, she's not.

Moikepdx · 2021-08-22T17:30:52+00:00

You greatly underestimate the stupidity of young men and the power of denial in the mind of someone who:

A) Is scared of rejection; and

B) Does not believe they are good looking.

I had a naked, incredibly hot girl laying “little spoon” on a couch with me under a blanket, with her legs wrapped around mine. My actual thoughts at the time:

“Is she into me? Nah. She’s just very comfortable with nudity because she’s a stripper. The blanket is for warmth, and her legs are intertwined with mine so she won’t fall off the front of the couch while we’re watching TV.”

I did NOT make a move. Sigh.

paris_rogue · 2021-08-22T16:18:29+00:00

Not true if neither parties have initiated contact as shyness can be a relevant factor. However, if you make contact and she ignores/doesn't show interest, yes, back off.

bbchad · 2021-08-22T17:17:11+00:00

This is terrible advice because it can vary depending on the culture. This might apply to Latin Women, who make it very obvious they like you very quickly, but where I live it really doesn't apply at all. I've ended up sleeping with a number of women in eastern Europe who showed no obvious signs of interest.

CanadianTurt1e · 2021-08-22T15:59:41+00:00

Basic rule of thumb that applies to most situations:

If she flakes more than once, she's DEFINITELY not into you. If you're trying to set up a date and she's continuously trying to make it difficult, remove her from your life. If she gives you the "I'm so busy," realize that's her way of saying she doesn't want to be near you. The truth is: NOBODY is that busy. Unless you're living in Japan where people work 12 hour shifts. But if you're in the west, then I guarantee you nobody is that busy. If she's genuinely interested, she'll make an effort to be in your orbit. She'll make at least 1 day out of the month to hang out with you.

Do not let women use you for personal validation. Do not allow yourself to be toyed with and used. You will only end up feeling bitter towards her when you find out that she's dating guys behind your back.

Leave now. Your mental health is more important.

dodged_that_one · 2021-08-22T18:19:55+00:00

Nooo. Assume attraction and only take rejection as rejection. There is so much space for poor signals and misinterpretation giving up at the drop of a hat will leave you constantly moving on. Make your intentions clear and proceed until she has too, maybe even confirm with her so it's unequivocal, then move on without hurt or rancour if it's a "No".

effreek · 2021-08-22T15:54:35+00:00

not necessarily. Dated plenty of Russian girls when living in Moscow. Had poker faces during dinner dates, but turned out they were into me after all. Can be a cultural thing.

RedEyeBlackEye1 · 2021-08-22T20:59:02+00:00

often not talked about(or experienced, at least by average looking guys) occurrence.

I'm referring to the situation where in a woman will NOT show signs of interest, NOT try to get your attention, and NOT even be able to stand in your presence IF SHE VIEWS YOU AS TOO GOOD LOOKING.

"Good looking" is open to interpretation. A "drop dead gorgeous" guy to 1 chick might just be a "kinda cute" guy to another chick. You'd be surprised at how insecure, low self esteem, and HIGH EGO some(many) females are. Usually that fineass woman over there in the short tight outfit with the big booty WILL quickly avoid the very handsome broad shouldered guy walking into her grocery isle.

Why would an attractive chick avoid an attractive guy? Simple, Bc she FEELS not pretty enough, she THINKS he has "hxes all over town"(as 1 chick accused me...not even close.), And SHE has to be the "pretty one" aka the one with the power. This is the type of stuff that happens to these type of guys Everytime they go out in public...several times. For every 2 females that do show signs of interest, 5 more will NOT show any interest (might even avoid you) at all.

I can't make this shxt up. Smh.

earsurgery9 · 2021-08-22T15:23:18+00:00

In fairness, I think most people know this assuming they have basic social skills

The problem is that there are still a handful of people hanging on for dear life in the hope that Mystery was right and that you can make her want you if only you remember your DHV stories and negs lol.

Safe-Investigator271 · 2021-08-22T14:42:51+00:00

If the lizard keeps changing color then something is up

Roycewho · 2021-08-22T16:16:11+00:00

This isn't always true

ShinbrigGoku · 2021-08-22T16:24:37+00:00

She'd grow frustrated and angry with you. She'd pick fights with you and you won't know why she's acting all strange.

Well that answer my situation after not talking to her for two weeks.

RunsFastAfterCoffee · 2021-08-23T04:35:41+00:00

Am a woman and I think this is bad advice. I definitely am not overt with the men I'm into. I wait for them to signal interest first. It's just a feminine instinct. Yes, I stay in touch and never blows them off, etc. But I always maintain that plausible deniability.

Tomieez · 2021-08-22T11:34:00+00:00

I am not sure about this, maybe this was the case previously, but with the inception of online dating, online chatting, most people have more than one 'candidate' at a time.

I do agree that the there shpuld be more palpable signs for the case than against, but the signs being 'obvious' is an overstatement for me.

elizabethtarot · 2021-08-22T21:02:25+00:00

This isn’t true, I wish it was that easy. Maybe for men it is, but as a female, my shyness makes me a avoid those who I really like hence this sub lol

Shakespeare-Bot · 2021-08-22T21:26:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

neversleeps212 · 2021-08-22T20:02:45+00:00

It’s not at all true that a girl will go out of her way to make it I unambiguously clear that she’s into you. However, if you go out of your way to show her your interest and she’s dismissive or unresponsive then yeah, she’s not into you.

But most women tend to wait for guys to make the first move both because that’s what’s culturally instilled and also because women don’t like rejection and hot women generally don’t have to make the first move as plenty of guys are willing to go after them.

2021-08-23T03:35:19+00:00

If a girl is interested in you and she knows you're unaware of her feelings, she would try to make it obvious that she likes you and want the relationship to be more.

Sadly, i have talked to a girl who say they like this guy but they don't make their feeling aware. And the guy has no clue. There can be even more girls like there.
That's why maybe some guys keep guessing this?

AlmondCave · 2021-08-23T04:36:27+00:00

Bull shit. Im litteraly dating a woman who proves that isnt true.

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-08-22T13:21:13+00:00

With basic social skills you should be able to tell if a girl likes you or not, especially as a grown ass man.

Optionsmfd · 2021-08-22T17:08:56+00:00

if she wants to b with u.......not only she she NEVER flake... she will break other plans to b with you

ForTheLoveofGeese · 2021-08-22T21:36:49+00:00

Funny how even as you get older, sometimes you forget this. Played myself last week, go figure! Always a good reminder.

lItsAutomaticl · 2021-08-23T00:17:27+00:00

I don't think this is true, a lot of girls are that lazy and used to guys making every move that they won't even bother acting interested.

Baron_Semedi_ · 2021-08-23T00:37:44+00:00

An exception to the rule is a shy and insecure girl especially with mental issues. She can crush in you or be in love with you and because of self loathing push you away. Know this from experiencing it about 4 times.

Rude-Kaleidoscope-58 · 2021-08-23T01:15:04+00:00

If you only date or approach strangers, you’ll run into this uncertainty a lot more. Whenever I dated men I already knew through work, school or an existing social circle, the attraction & crushes were often greater compared to strangers.

It’s hard to get excited about a stranger.

Artist-in-Residence- · 2021-08-23T03:24:47+00:00

I made a few edits to your post:

Here's the rule: if you have to guess whether **he'**s into you, he's most probably not.If a man is interested in you and he knows you're unaware of his feelings, he would try to make it obvious that he likes you and want the relationship to be more.He will laugh at your all your silly jokes. He would tease you. He would constantly touch you. He would come up with excuses to spend time with you, alone. He might be emotionally vulnerable with you and won't hide it. And still if you don't get the hint, he might become bold and push the boundaries to the sexual realm by certain implications through jokes or opinions.If none of it work then he'd grow frustrated and angry with you. He'd pick fights with you and you won't know why he's acting all strange. The reason is, unaddressed attraction grows to become resentment so he might end up hating you too.Yet, he can do all those things while being friends with you and so the only way to be absolutely sure is to confess and see if he feels the same about you.The point I'm trying to make is simple: you don't want to waste time in his orbit guessing and hoping he might give you a chance. That's just pathetic! If he's always talking about other women he's dating or his numerous FWBs, he's definitely not interested in you!

A man who is into you will let you know you're the apple of his eye, the center of his entire focus of attention.

OTOH, a woman will not show her interest in you unless she's absolutely certain that you're not simply casting a wide net trying to get attention from any number of women, and that you consider her a priority, not an option.

Woujo · 2021-08-23T04:03:04+00:00

Wrong wrong wrong. You oftentimes can't tell.

krispykreme01 · 2021-08-22T17:38:45+00:00

Do you want to play a game?

namastaybish · 2021-08-22T17:54:51+00:00

How can I show her my intentions, should I just be direct???

Defiant-Principle-43 · 2021-08-23T01:13:24+00:00

Who is telling men our secrets

NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr · 2021-08-23T01:14:01+00:00

only way to be absolutely sure is to confess and see if she feels the same about you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pump the brakes, Son. Overall post is good, but that part went off the cliff. NEVER tell a woman how you feel. Even when you're in a relationship with her. The very instant you kill the mystery for a woman is when she loses attraction for you and walks. You're almost there, but what you should've said is, "flirt back and start escalating things from light touch to interjecting innuendo into your conversations". The more you make a woman think, "Does he want me?" the more she's going to spend time thinking about you when you're not around. More thinking about you = attraction building. Remember, women love the joy of figuring out your mystery. Once they "solve" you they get bored and look for other mysteries. There was a brilliant post on this topic the other day about how confessing one's feelings basically forces her to validate [your] feelings or risk wounding [your] fragile ego. When a man tells a woman how he feels he's saying, "you have to like me back because i've spilled my guts and that should force you into liking me." See if you can find that post. It's better worded than what i just wrote. It's good advice. But you're absolutely right: don't become her orbiter.

2021-08-23T06:01:29+00:00

After reading this thread, I think women need to come to a consensus because there are several women in the thread saying it isn't true, or calling bs and saying they're the opposite. Yes men have to be better but as long as women cannot agree on things like this, there will always be confusion. This post is true for the woman who posted but there are plenty of women in this thread who disagree with her. It's hard to set a standard guideline when y'all are at odds with yourself on what the guidelines are.

Lemon8007 · 2021-08-23T10:13:26+00:00

your point doesn’t cover reason tho. its more like an assumption and opinion. which is fine too but if it was that simple, you would be a rich person by now. if a girl knew how much a guy likes her, would that be enough for her? for most girls not all, they love a mysterious guy and Chad last name is Mysteriously. tho, some girls just want stability and so they dont like chad, some doesn’t care about the aura or dark n gloomy devil may care attitude, some girls are straight up and forward about what and who they like. if a girl doesn’t like you, you wouldnt hear from hear ever. if she still calling u but mentions chad a lot, and no longer laughs at your jokes or has your full attention like before, she’s indirectly telling you she likes u but youre a boring drag. so be like chad. if thats not your way and you strongly believe in your self righteous individualistic ideals about a mans character then you want the wrong kind of girl to like you, then thats when you move on.

Rude-Kaleidoscope-58 · 2021-08-23T12:22:26+00:00

Honestly I'm so bad at reading / having IOIs from girls that I don't really know if she's into me or not before asking them out.

If I have to wait to see any clue that she's attracted to me, I usually end up overthinking and waiting for the good timing to take risk, which technically never happens, hence it's too late, the opportunity is lost.

Main problem is flirty and friendly behavior can look pretty similar depending on the type of girl, except if she's a really demonstrative person.

buffnecknorest927267 · 2021-08-23T19:34:50+00:00

Don’t think you actually understand anything……

Title	Rule: if you have to guess whether she's into you, she's not.
Author	DjArie
Upvotes	459
Comments	71
Date	August 22, 2021 11:27 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/p9atmn/rule_if_you_have_to_guess_whether_shes_into_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/rule-if-you-have-to-guess-whether-shes-into-you.1277809 https://theredarchive.com/post/1277809

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