To be honest whenever I meet Alpha guys they annoy me because I don't like how they just seem rude and douche-y to me. Is there any way to get over this?

Spam-N-Eggs · 2012-10-11T03:46:16+00:00

The answer lies in the fact thaf the type of people you describe or are considered by society to be "alphas" are, in reality, not truly leaders. True leaders do not need to impose their will upon others in order to gain their respect or loyalty, but rather that respect and loyalty are earned. The greatest leaders to ever walk the earth had a certain gravity to them, it was through their exceptional intelligence, compassion, strength, courage, and penchant to teach and inspire that made them stand above the fray. These types of people are not tyrants, but rather make others around them better. People tend to be willing to kill for and die for these great men and women because the loyalty they command is so strong. These are the true alphas we should seek out and become.

rmbarnes · 2012-10-11T10:06:19+00:00

There is another way. Google 'sigma male'.

You sound a lot like me, in that you hate the thought of being lead but at the same time don't like leading either. The sigma is a lone wolf who exists outside of the male dominance hierarchy as he is neither an alpha (leader) or beta (follower). Think Clint Eastwood in just about any wild west movie he's been in. Sigmas can do well with women. There's really no need to be an alpha if that makes you unhappy. Sigmas can get plenty of women.

themanbat · 2012-10-11T07:10:35+00:00

Be a different kind of Alpha. Think Clint Eastwood, not douchey fratboy.

revenantae · 2012-10-11T03:19:49+00:00

Why bother 'getting over' it? Wy not simply find people you like instead?

NotoneFrick · 2012-10-11T05:21:50+00:00

When a dude is alpha towards you, be alpha towards them. You'd be surprised how fast they back down. -Alpha

kazagistar · 2012-10-11T12:17:45+00:00

There are a few limiting beliefs that caused this kind of thinking in myself, that I have worked through in the past few years:

1) Dating and socializing is not a zero sum game. That one guy who goes all out and gets all the attention and girls is not going to cause more then a ripple, and certainly isn't ruining anything for you or out to get you. He is just having fun the best he can, and trying to stop him will not help anyone. Why do people hate frat boys and sorority girls? As far as I can tell, they just have wild sex parties a few times a week, but don't really bother anyone else much (though it might be different at other schools).

2) The natural alpha is intelligent in a different way. When I was high school, I did homework and video games. When he was in high school he did parties and girls, and through brute trial and error, got decent at it in some way. See what bits and pieces you can learn from!

3) Social functioning does not function in purely rational manner. Thus, something like "pointing them out" or "calling them down" is meaningless. They generated their social proof by having it, or acting that way. There is no "reality" of leadership, merely a social construct that everyone can chose to tap into to whatever degree they want and change to whatever degree they want or can. If you think his frame is wrong, then the solution is to learn to better project THAT frame.

FittersGuy · 2012-10-11T06:13:30+00:00

You don't have to be alpha to get what you want. I'm definitely not alpha, but I still find a way. Don't force yourself to be something you're not. Be "alpha" in your own way. For example, strong silent types - those people don't mess around and nobody messes with them.

Over_Unity · 2012-10-11T07:44:58+00:00

I feel your pain, I have worked in bars and have seen guys that use the "take up space" statement so literally its obnoxious. They stand in the middle of a main isle of traffic and refuse to move no matter how you present yourself or project your voice. (I'm 6'3 250lbs and have a booming voice) They usually look, notice I have a case of beer or some other load and just ignore the fact that I'm there. I've gotten to the point were I just shoulder through them and haven't had any problems yet, but it bugs the ever-loving shit out of me that someone can be that douchy!

stevejabba · 2012-10-11T06:49:44+00:00

Cultivate your own leadership qualities, you'll find that natural leaders tend to come through pretty quickly in any group kind of situation.

Other than that, it's not really a big deal and you shouldn't let it emotionally affect you. When you become centered in yourself you'll find that no - one ever really tries it on with you, they just get a "don't mess" kind of vibe from you.

RedErin · 2012-10-11T13:42:51+00:00

Most humans have a strong desire to be led.

2nd_class_citizen · 2012-10-11T07:27:09+00:00

Butchering the alpha male

UnapologeticalyAlive · 2012-10-11T14:20:36+00:00

There's a big difference between the car salesman type of leadership vs. real leadership. Car salesmen try to persuade you in a certain direction by saying whatever they think they have to say without any consideration for honesty. They'll stretch the truth in every manner possible if it increases the chances you'll do what they want. A real leader simply does what he wants to do and suggests that you do the same. A real leader maintains his integrity and is willing to let you make up your own mind about whether or not you follow him. That's the kind of leader you want to be.

There's no reason to feel guilty about leading people as long as you maintain your own integrity while you're doing it and you leave the decision of whether to follow you or not up to them. Most people actually like being led. Just let them decide whether to follow you or not and most people will choose to follow.

Greenlava · 2012-10-11T14:21:08+00:00

Yeah, tell them to fuck off.

2012-10-11T14:50:30+00:00

Girl cries about guys being douchey. She cries about guys miss-treating her and how they piss her off. She wonders why she always ends up with a dickhead and why they always argue. All she wants is a nice guy. Somebody who is just normal. But she still ends up seeing a douche. Have you ever wondered why? It's because most women need a mixture of emotions. This is why they love watching those girly movies. They want to cry and laugh. They want to feel fragile yet powerful. They want to love and hate. Girls feel alive when they can experience a mixture of emotions. When they meet a nice guy half of that disappears. Everything is just... well... nice. It's boring, mundane. It feels like it's something an old couple would do.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that you may be annoyed by all the alpha males being dicks but you don't yet realize how much you need to be annoyed by them. If you were surrounded by nice guys you would want to hang yourself.

2012-10-11T18:56:31+00:00

Of course! In today's society arrogance is often misunderstood for being Alpha, exhibit A: Mr Donal Trump, with his own TV show on prime time, and other BS and a big following of people looking up to him.

Here's the good news for you: you don't have to hang out with them. Unless you are paid to do so, at a job; and even there... you can always looking for another job.

And of course there's also some bad news: some - but not all - girls do fall for those guys, and actually seek them out.

You don't want to be someone you are not.

A couple of suggestions:

This is a post (not by me) about Confidence not arrogance, that I found quite useful http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/s9m4b/the_definitive_guide_to_confidence/
If you think you are a Nice Guy, take a look at the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, I thought I was a Nice Guy, and this book is one of the handful of books that I can say, it changed my life. The first half is great, the second half got boring and I didn't finish.

winndixie · 2012-10-11T06:37:08+00:00

Alright, I have a solution that's going to blow your mind. You ready for it? Here it comes:

Talk to non douchey (possibly nice, but not doormat) guys.

I know, I know. You don't have to pay me for that advice. I'm only too glad to help.

asm129 · 2012-10-11T06:42:39+00:00

I know what you mean. I've been to a few pua meetups and the guys who have the most experience are mostly douchebags. Like they will look down on other guys who are starting out or are just not so cool to them. I think they rationalize being douchebags as though they have to always project an alpha image so thy act like they don't care what people think of them. I had a chance to wing with experienced puas, but i have a lot more fun gaming with my pua friends with less experience and who don't take themselves as seriously.

2012-10-11T14:11:50+00:00

This is what I struggle with the most about r/seduction - the ideal presented, and what women seem to find attractive, is frankly repulsive to me. I actually want to be a nice guy. I want to help people. I want to be friends with them. I DON'T want to spend every second of my life being superior, or a 'leader,' or the most aggressive caveman. I sure as hell don't want to treat women like objects.

I've spent a fair bit of time here trying to reconcile the two philosophies, without much success. If I remain celibate for life and not a repulsive douchebag, so be it.

fragglemook · 2012-10-11T11:14:44+00:00

Told what to do? Who can tell you what to do? Even if it's your manager or the owner of the business you work for, and they're barking orders at you as if you've just shit your pants and placed them on the kitchen table between the Sunday roast and the Brussels sprouts, the only guy who can let them do this is you.

A real alpha response is to immediately find humour in their attempt to control you with their display of obvious anxiety. Just find it funny that they don't appear to know a graceful and socially adept manner to achieve your cooperation.

QuackAttack_00 · 2012-10-11T11:26:02+00:00

If you don't go for the Alpha, you get a redditor.

2012-10-11T12:48:22+00:00

In addition to this post, if I were you I'd consider trying to AMOG the AMOGs. There are various minor outer game techniques that you can use to cut these types down a peg.

Also, I think you're putting "Alphas" all into the same group. Alpha males, to me, are of two different varieties. There are true alphas - people capable of getting what they want through genuine charisma and dominance, and AMOGs - bully-types with overbearing personalities that dominate a group by force. There is nothing wrong with being a true alpha; you want to avoid being an AMOG.

puaCurveBall · 2012-10-11T15:22:34+00:00

the problem is I hate being an alpha leader myself

So lead them in a way that isn't annoying, so these other douchebags don't try to lead themselves.

You can lead in any way you want, do it in a way that makes sense for you instead of mimmicking others.

2012-10-11T16:01:58+00:00

To OP, what you're doing when surrounded by so called alphas is exactly what you should be doing. A true leader listens to the group. They are comfortable and confident enough to rely on other people when he/she sees that another person is more suited to lead in that specific task or situation. These fake alphas are attention whores and people need to call them out on their bullshit more often. Good on you for being free thinking and not letting these assholes manipulate you.

puntingbaxter · 2012-10-11T16:51:20+00:00

Whenever I catch myself doing this. I think to myself "stop being a judgmental mfer"

I think it's natural to judge, but as long as you can catch yourself doing it. You can stop it from getting to you.

hhmmmm · 2012-10-11T17:01:18+00:00

I've been watching Cuckoo, Andy Samberg's character (Cuckoo) is really alpha in it but in a very not traditional hippy way (played up for comic effect) it's worth a look. He's a man comfortable in himself and confident and outspoken.

2012-10-11T19:58:52+00:00

i think if you were to be encounter a true alpha, you yourself will gravitate towards them and will have nothing but good things to say. so, to answer your question, those people are probably not alphas.

2012-10-11T20:27:20+00:00

4chan nailed the male social hierarchy here

2012-10-12T00:21:14+00:00

Relevant. These guys aren't necessarily 'alpha,' but they are unstifled which appears very confident to a lot of women.

asnof · 2012-10-12T01:55:26+00:00

Why change it? its just the way you are

2012-10-11T12:22:34+00:00

It sounds like you're rationalizing reasons to avoid "alphas" because being around alphas makes you feel insecure.

It's okay to be alpha, because being "alpha" implies that whatever group you're with likes you.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2012-10-11T16:20:29+00:00

DUDE. I hope you don't take offense to this but you sound really beta from where I'm sitting. You say you don't care about being alpha, but you also don't seem to want to be beta. I hope you realize that that makes absolutely no sense, and that's probably why you're so offended by confident people.

You have to stand where you stand and pick where you want to be. And by "pick" I don't mean "become a leader" or "choose to be submissive", I mean become independent of the people that bother you and let them live their journey. If they want to engage everyone and be douches then let them do that. It'll be your own personal joke that you're onto them. So what if they make a "sale"? It's their road. Their path. Only a total beta would let someone else's crossing path cause a detour.

Title	To be honest whenever I meet Alpha guys they annoy me because I don't like how they just seem rude and douche-y to me. Is there any way to get over this?
Author	throwaway59393
Upvotes	83
Comments	71
Date	October 11, 2012 3:13 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/11ah4r/to_be_honest_whenever_i_meet_alpha_guys_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/to-be-honest-whenever-i-meet-alpha-guys-they-annoy.1340998 https://theredarchive.com/post/1340998

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