Don't ignore Facebook!

blinkums · 2013-06-02T16:45:35+00:00

I actually do think Facebook is high risk for many of us. The fact that we frequent Reddit probably means a predisposition to internet addiction / desk jockeying.

I personally deleted my Facebook a year ago because it was addictive, and I felt like I had more friends than I actually did.

Pugilanthropist · 2013-06-02T20:11:47+00:00

I should really write down some rules for Facebook some time.

Quick version: I have to use it for my work: politics. And as a result have a pretty large online presence, routinely putting up shit from work or some statement that gets 20 likes, sometimes upwards of 40. It's always a little awkward when people you haven't met in person or people you haven't met in a while and they claim they've been following you on Facebook for years, want to talk about my job, blah blah blah.

However, I pretty quickly realized that my Facebook was a megaphone for me and, given what I do involves a lot of online organizing and can very easily slip into the controversial flame-war sort of thing, I've become very, very good at not being abrasive, controlling the narrative of my Facebook profile, while at the same time using it as a tool to maintain my social life as I fly about the country. It does get a little tricky when folks want to tag me from my latest Vegas outing and I have to be cognizant of the fact that I may be vetted for my next position through my Facebook profile, but I'm careful about that too.

Long story short, I have to use Facebook and I have to be smart about it. And I think that's where people fuck up. I saw someone here posted about how they are waaaaay too open about the thoughts going through their mind on Facebook and that hit the nail on the head brilliantly. Thsi should go without saying - DO NOT USE FACEBOOK AS YOUR PERSONAL VENTING PAGE. If you're going to use social media, keep in mind it is a two way public forum. In addition, you can paint yourself as a fun and interesting person over Facebook, but considering how ubiquitous it is in emerging fields, don't talk about how crunk you got on the weekend on there.

Now, that said, the messages and IMs you send to your friends ... those are all private. And there you can be as depraved as you want to be. And at that, I can't agree more with what /u/tofutofu has said ... Facebook provides a degree of familiarity that a text message just doesn't have for one reason or another. I think part of it is just in the semantics of the phrase "instant message."

Moreover, because of the very nature of the medium, when a girl gets an instant message from you out of the blue, she's going to first see your picture. That means it's going to trigger a memory, either good or bad, and she'll associate your message with that memory. So make it good.

Secondly, she'll sometimes click your profile, and there she'll see two things: first, what friends you have in common. Or, as we call it this funny place called the "real world," social proof. Next, she'll probably see some of your conversations with your friends, and since most people use Facebook to brag anyways, you'll probably be demonstrating your value.

As we all know from seeing how this works offline, there's no reason to believe it doesn't work online as well.

Facebook has gotten me laid several times. Hell, it even broke my dry spell randomly last week. Moreover, Facebook is extremely helpful at maintaining professional relationships across large distances. Anyone who's not using it is simply not taking advantage of an available tool at maintaining relationships, whether it's for work or pleasure.

TLDR: Facebook works. Not just at getting laid, but at helping your career too. You have to be smart about it, but if you're not using it, you're shooting yourself in the foot.

LesaneCrooks · 2013-06-02T18:31:44+00:00

I deleted my Facebook 3 years ago and couldn't be happier.

It makes you realize people you add you really don't care about knowing what they're doing everyday.

Facebook is pretty much what you make it, right. The people you have are those that will make it worthwhile but even then...I had friends that I knew in real life that once I got a glimpse of their everyday social life sharings they simply became annoying, dumb or made me change my perception of them.

With women, it became false advertising. They take down all their pictures that are "ugly ones" or the ones they think highlight their flaws.

Facebook just became a place to lust over accomplishments and feed off of compliments. Do you ever see anything they did terrible that they know would get frowned upon? The worse were the extremely vague status' seeking attention when they're "sad" for whatever reason.

It's like we market and try to sell ourselves all the time to the entire world for no real reasons.

All of this wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have so much mental energy invested in it. Employers use it to decide if they want to hire you, people using it to decide if they want to befriend you or date you.

Facebook took away the effort to actually meet people and take moments to make them intimate memories. Even birthdays are made irrelevant to remember without Facebook reminding you.

Then again, this is my opinion and could mean nothing to others.

Edit: typo

ortofon88 · 2013-06-02T18:00:49+00:00

When i meet girls and they ask me what my name is on facebook, i love the look on their face when i tell them i dont use facebook. I do have an acct that i use to find local events but i only have about ten close friends added on there. I think some people can use facebook well to their advantage when it comes to dating, and awesome for them. I find it super lame when people are out at a social event checking their feed though.

Phaint · 2013-06-02T16:54:43+00:00

I could not disagree more with this advice. Do not go home and add girls to facebook that you just met at a bar for various reasons. Some I will point out here is that it can come off slightly creepy, needy and completely eliminates any mystery, which is a major factor in attraction, that had surrounded you. I could write quite a bit on avoiding social media with women, from Skype, to twitter, to facebook.

Jake_STi-RA · 2013-06-02T18:28:19+00:00

Facebook can be a tool but a burden at the same time. It's good for more introverted people like myself that don't really get out often.

Don't let it fool you into thinking you have lots of friends because there's a good balance between having that Facebook network and real world network.

I laugh at myself for this because I post a status of something whitty but thought provoking and I get tons of likes and comments. Then I post a status if someone wants to grab a beer at this joint downtown and I get maybe 2 likes but no interaction. Huh...

KallistiEngel · 2013-06-02T19:47:58+00:00

Could you explain why you think it's better to be generous with likes? I would have assumed being too generous with likes would water down their significance.

There are a few people I know are going to like most of my posts. It's predictable. But when someone who rarely, if ever, likes things hits that like button, it stands out to me.

TofuTofu · 2013-06-02T15:39:15+00:00

I'd rather not use Facebook. Like, I don't have an account. It serves me pretty well.

mynameiscalvin · 2013-06-03T04:24:12+00:00

Unlike many others on here i TOTALLY AGREE with this....obviously as with all things, some self control is necessary ie: don't be a creep, but I can attest to the fact that it can be a good way to maintain attraction with girls that live far away from you but could still visit from time to time.

story time: I met a girl at a friends party, turns out she was from two states away visiting my friend along with his other high school friends. I added her on facebook a few days later and began the slow and sheepish cycle of trading likes on photos and sharing links and what not....eventually a few months down the line, I find myself in my friends hometown, message her on facebook, get her number and meetup. unfortunately she had a boyfriend at the time but attraction was nevertheless built(we had A LOT in common).

(another great thing about facebook is that you can immediately tell which girls are in a serious relationship and you can tell when they are single again) this sounds kinda creepy but i promise i don't spend all my time stalking girls on facebook...

anyways I continue building the attraction over facebook, chats and pokes and whatnot and soon I see that she is single...

I eventually arrange a visit and guess what now we're dating..so how about that

I can also attest to the whole "couch surfing" benefits from facebook too. Your friends will move and when you have about 800 of them you won't be keeping up with all of them. when going on a trip to another city I just check facebook to see if any of my friends (ones the I am close enough to stay with at least) live there, and sometimes they do! Boom! you get a free place to stay and a fun night of reminiscing and joking with old friends.

facebook is great guys, just don't get addicted and don't be a creep

2013-06-02T18:20:54+00:00

I've been having this argument with a friend for months now. He refuses to use facebook, but wants to improve socially. Our social circle organizes events on facebook however and 99% of the time I am the only person who will remember to text him, this guy also doesn't have a car and almost always asks me for a ride when I remind him something is coming up. I'm pretty close to just letting him figure it out for himself because he's just shooting himself in the foot and wasting my time/effort.

mrbrinks · 2013-06-02T21:22:01+00:00

This is one bit of advice Tofu that I have to disagree on. My girlfriends always lament on how they get creeped out when guys add them on FB too quickly, regardless the level of interaction they had.

I could see this advice being used for girls you KNOW are long-shots and will most likely never see again so it's a fine roll of the dice since you lose nothing, but if it's girl you could see again I'm very much against the FB friend request.

dongnasty · 2013-06-02T18:06:58+00:00

Facebook in my opinion can be so polarizing with so much religion and politics being the theme of so many posts. I prefer instagram which is only photos with a small blurb of a description on each photo. No advertisements and it is a lot more casual than Facebook.

Ra1den · 2013-06-02T18:54:09+00:00

I've always avoided Facebook, but this topic is making me consider opening an account. I would only want to use it for girls though. Can anybody you are friends with see all of your other contacts?

fish619407 · 2013-06-02T22:45:11+00:00

I don't have a phone.

I arranged all of my current GF's dates and get togethers with FB.

TofuTofu · 2013-06-02T23:37:04+00:00

Why should I kick start your book? I think it's a fair question, who are you and why should I pay money for your words?

azooee · 2013-06-03T05:55:45+00:00

Could not have said it better myself. Tofu, your advice is always right and I cannot wait to read your book. Wish you lots of success.

TofuTofu · 2013-06-02T17:44:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

lintlickerrr · 2013-06-02T16:09:39+00:00

Do not question the great TofuTofu.

2013-06-02T18:59:10+00:00

I have use Facebook primarily as a way to keep in touch with friends and family, but i am guilty of randomly adding hot girls who are suggested by the "you may know" feature of FB.

Anyway sometime ago i added a girl i liked (a friend of a friend of a friend), because of her "Goth looks" (I'm more of a tie-less suite kind of guy tho) because the looks have always intrigued me. Anyway i made a couple of wise cracks on her status, been funny and all and got positive feedback, and a couple of weeks later i saw her online on the chat, so my opening was literally this "Hey X can i ask you a question?", she said something along the lines of "yeah dude" and i asked about her tattoos and where she got them, showed a pic of a tattoo i have and asked her if she could connect me with the guy that did all hers (she has a lot)

We made a date to with the tat artist next saturday and after that we went for a drink at my flat, it was a pretty cool day.

I have been doing these 2 or 3 times a month with solid results, the key here is not start by saying hi/hello/etc, but by saying "can i ask you a question/ i need your opinion on something/or any variation of that) and then ask the girl about something you know she likes/works at , tats, fashion, drugs, dance, games, GAME OF THRONES (I'm particular interested in this girl).

My point, as Tofu said, don't dismiss FB game, is an easy way to set dates with little to no effort.

Also I can't wait for your book man, seduction as we practice it here is not just awesome for picking up, but since i have learned i have been doing amazing in my familiar, personal, and work life.

Cheers.

yamehameha · 2013-06-03T03:19:10+00:00

Nice try zuckerberg

Deranged_Individual · 2013-06-02T22:26:33+00:00

I honestly think that using facebook will not get you laid and if it does it is a very small percentage. Usually when I meet girls the most important thing to collect from them is the NUMBER. That's all you really need. Why would you add her on facebook when you just met her? There is no point, she can then stalk your profile and find out most of what you're about. As for adding people you see who you believe are cool and what not, I mean that's great and everything but in the end it won't really affect how much you get laid...

chru23 · 2013-06-02T23:51:19+00:00

Does anybody else not use Facebook because they want to keep social circles and other aspects of their lives private? AKA to avoid being Facebook stalked by other people?

I have an account but never post anything publicly as I don't want to have public conversations that can be read by hundreds of people, I don't want all those people seeing everyone else I know, I don't want everyone to know what I'd doing all the time, I need to keep track of who can see what, etc. It's just too much of a headache so I just use my account for private messages.

What are your thoughts Tofu? I had a look through your personal account and seen you have almost 600 people added. Do you ever think "Okay, this post/comment/like is going to be seen by hundreds of people when I click this button" before posting?

MuscleBrick · 2013-06-02T17:51:28+00:00

If I may ask a question:

When and what would you post to a girls wall? I usually just chat or send a interesting link. But can posting on walls be useful?

xNaDx · 2013-06-02T21:13:07+00:00

This is kind of a stupid question, but whats the difference between wall posting and private messaging? I know the technical differences but you know what i mean!

SecretAgentZeroNine · 2013-06-02T22:32:24+00:00

I disagree. I know waaaaay too many women who damn near stalk their partners female commentors/likers to later on bring it up even if its nothing but a plutonic friendship. I don't need that drama in my life.

leodoestheopposite · 2013-06-02T23:06:32+00:00

I don't know what the psychological phenomenon is called, but we all have a tendency to romanticize and idealize memories over time.

Actually it's called hypnosis, not it's not what you think the Las Vegas style show, if you are really interested, read or better study the work of Milton H. Erickson.

crybabypeepants · 2013-06-02T23:54:32+00:00

I think people will just be fine with using Messenger. That's all I really use to touch base with everyone once a week or so.

rollerskatedog · 2013-06-03T03:49:53+00:00

i disagree, but if works for you then keep on doing dat shiiiiiit

insaneInsult · 2013-06-03T07:24:34+00:00

As a teenager who deleted his Facebook where social media was a necessity for social interaction sometimes I feel as if I've made a very big mistake. However I know I'm better without it in some ways

61secondsandmore · 2013-06-03T10:00:48+00:00

I am personally ignoring facebook due to time management and prolly because of nonsensical noise you can find on the news feed. I am deleting it on the 31st of December while it is certainly still deactivated. I believe deactivating has caused me to focus more of my interests rather than bathing myself with news about others. I have 899 friends there but only a few that I can really call close. I believe its a great tool, but not necessarily something for people who wants to know more about their interests. You want an active life? I advice....leave it.

xNaDx · 2013-06-02T18:36:00+00:00

Actually I think facebook is very bad to show to a girl. When friending them it will show who you really are, I've friended about three people on facebook and literally I or the other person could not stand each other when talking again. It was like being in the friendzone all over again. Facebook is a really bad move.

Fullofshitguy · 2013-06-03T01:58:08+00:00

Fuck Facebook. Don't make it so easy for someone to e stalk you. It lowers your value. Especially when they see the typical lame ass Facebook shit occur over and over. Try to be a little more mysterious then every other smuck who gives away every scrap of information about themselves on one web page.

NYLASaint · 2013-06-03T02:59:38+00:00

Word!

2013-06-02T16:02:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Don't ignore Facebook!
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	281
Comments	123
Date	June 2, 2013 3:35 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fitbh/dont_ignore_facebook/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dont-ignore-facebook.1353243 https://theredarchive.com/post/1353243

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