What Makes People Boring?

Chinaroos · 2014-09-29T18:16:00+00:00

Key takeaways:

1) be interested in other people
2) be animated, show people you're interested in them
3) nobody wants to hear about your problems.
4) if you can't manage any of the above, don't pretend that you can

zephyer19 · 2014-09-29T17:37:19+00:00

Maybe it isn't them, maybe it is you? Perhaps you expect to be entertained instead of being entertaining yourself.

That being said. I forget who said but, "any idiot can survive a crisis. It is the day to day things that wear you down." I think the daily grind does that to you.

mcquinn7 · 2014-09-29T21:41:39+00:00

This was useful to read.

About two years ago, I read how to win friends and influence people - although it was initially quite successful, I started realising that although the initial part of the conversation was engaging, people soon got bored, because (a) I would keep them talking about themselves (b) I wouldn't say anything to contradict them (c) I wouldn't give to many of my own opinions. I realised that this was not interesting over the past year, and since I've been much more natural, just saying what I feel when I feel it, as well as sharing opinions, and I've found it much more rewarding. You also feel more like an equal as opposed to a passive member of the conversation.

It's good to read this article and solidify these concepts, thanks for posting.

Psychol324 · 2014-09-29T18:53:44+00:00

Fuck, I have almost all these symptoms, no wonder people hate me.

KoreanBoy1 · 2014-09-29T20:54:46+00:00

Wow, I'm a textbook, but it doesn't suggest how I can improve.

nominally · 2014-09-29T23:18:38+00:00

This was actually a very interesting article. They went through an iterative process of answering the question. Note how the key messages change between iterations.

In the first set of studies, the researchers asked people to describe things "that other people do that make them seem boring to you."

The top result:

The #1 most boring way of behaving was what the researchers called "negative egocentrism" – "being negative and complaining, talking about one's problems, displaying disinterest in others"

But then they did an "in vivo" study.

In the next set of studies, people were videotaped as they engaged in conversations.

And the top result:

Interesting people disclose more of their thoughts and feelings than boring people do. (This, apparently, is different from just talking about yourself all the time.)

THAT PARENTHETICAL IS VERY IMPORTANT.

Disclosing your own thoughts and feelings != complaining, being self-absorbed. Don't be afraid to talk about you!

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2014-09-30T00:13:29+00:00

There are no boring people. But there are lots of people I currently share no interests with.

cryogenisis · 2014-09-30T06:23:58+00:00

Often it takes me what feels like tremendous effort just to keep the conversation going. When this happens things go downhill fast. Had one gal just look at me and say: 'We're obviously not a fit' and just walk out on our date. Other times my date just looks pained to be sitting there.

I just gave up like two years ago after probably dozens and dozens of flop dates.

glitch0 · 2014-09-29T19:18:42+00:00

This is surprisingly spot on, do pay attention to that list.

IPET24 · 2014-09-30T03:05:17+00:00

Wow! A key point I learned somewhere else....tell STORIES! Small talk dies, but getting them or yourself to tell good stories is always interesting!

Aendrue · 2014-09-30T00:35:15+00:00

If you're bored you're boring, fill up your time with things and get out there!

Aleio16 · 2014-09-30T00:43:58+00:00

Oh, thank god I'm not boring

agumonkey · 2014-09-30T09:25:37+00:00

Sometimes you will be boring out of irreconcilable mindset differences. I could go on for hours about some subjects (music, math) but nobody will feel what I feel and will have this clueless look on their face before jumping back to the latest TV Show or Celeb song title.

ps: I didn't read the article yet. #impatient

james8807 · 2014-09-30T10:18:59+00:00

I find that people who are considered boring have some of the following traits (not all of these apply):-

They only tend to talk about the specific subject that they know about that no one else knows about.
They are generally introverted, so dont speak much, if at all
They have no skill with understanding how their words affect others e.g If a guy they just met is talking about fishing, instead of feigning interest by saying "whats the biggest fish you've caught?" they tend to say "I'm not really into fishing". BANG! conversation dead.
They are to scared to be themselves or express their emotions through the worry of being judged.
they lack excitement, or flare. Some of the most "interesting" people in social groups tend to be the most outrageous or outspoken
Low intelligence can also be a factor, oftentimes the most boring people are the ones that cant question their existence. Conversely, those that are too intelligent make everyone lost with what they are saying, so theres that.
People that always talk about work outside of work

Diece · 2014-09-29T23:40:54+00:00

Boring people in my opinion are people that are afraid to leave their comfort zone. Afraid to experience what life has to truly offer. They value security and steadiness over everything else and that's okay because if there wasn't boring people we wouldn't have anyone to fill the monotonous jobs that interesting people dislike. It works out.

Title	What Makes People Boring?
Author	SirByron
Upvotes	304
Comments	46
Date	September 29, 2014 2:20 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2hsg5o/what_makes_people_boring/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-makes-people-boring.1377267 https://theredarchive.com/post/1377267

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