If a girl refuses to spilt the bill with me, based on expectations of chivalry, is that a red flag to move on?

Murfdigidy · 2015-07-25T17:00:17+00:00

I get it, some girls are just old fashioned. I wouldn't call it a deal breaker. Next time joke and tell her oh good so you're the type that will cook me dinner and do my laundry if you're so old fashioned like that!

chiliehead · 2015-07-25T16:36:25+00:00

Not necessarily a golddiger, but maybe just used to get spoiled by guys as their means of providing value. Go on cheap first dates, a coffee/drink is so much better than having dinner anyway, and screen for red flags. I wouldn´t like to date this kind of woman expecting chivalry and stuff.

2015-07-25T21:38:31+00:00

I think if you ask someone out on a date, it is more common to pay for everything. That being said, if you take her out on a few dates and she never even offers, ask yourself if your wallet can handle this romance...

RedMindBlueEyes · 2015-07-25T21:36:09+00:00

It certainly says a lot about how she sees you, and based on that you want to move on. Definitely. Also, I'd love to meet someone who "refuses" to "split" the bill with me. What is she going to do when you pay for your own food? Run away?

Chivalry is just another word for a free meal, and she sees you as a provider for that. One of the women I'm seeing talks about the men who pays for everything she wants all the time, while she is all too eager to pay for everything when she's with me. Be me, don't be all those other guys.

Eveverything · 2015-07-25T22:59:29+00:00

A red flag for a long term relationship prospect? Maybe. A red flag meaning an indicator of disinterest in you sexually? There is no reason to think so.

I know this as a fact from very recent personal experience- my date from just last night with an OKC girl. We meet for drinks, and both have two. She orders espresso martinis, more expensive than my two beers. When the check comes I let it sit for a few minutes before pulling out my wallet and putting my card in the book. She doesn't make a move to pay or offer. I think whatever, I'm lucky that I'm in the position to not notice another $22 on my credit card statement.

Literally about 20 minutes later she's in my bed saying to me "you can take my pants off if you want" :)

Morokweng · 2015-07-26T00:01:01+00:00

I don't buy drinks for girls if I meet them while I'm out, but I generally pay for things on a date, because I asked them out after all.

Girls like it if you take care of them. It's a manly thing to do. Instinct runs far deeper than these modern ideas of equality.

FrozenFirebat · 2015-07-25T16:42:05+00:00

Not necessarily, but when a girl brings up that she's 'old fashioned' like that, I typically tell her to go make me a sandwich. It's how she reacts that determine if she's just interested in a free meal.

For me, however, whenever I invite somebody (male or female) to do something, I pay for them as my guest. It's just how things work in my universe; And often enough, people adopt my way of thinking.

EndOfTheUniverse · 2015-07-25T22:04:33+00:00

If you asked her out and then tell her to split the bill that is just rude in my opinion. If she asked you out then you wanted to split the bill that would be acceptable.
Asking someone out is basically saying "i would like to treat you to something on me, would you like to come?" So unless you only want to be friends it rude of you.

If a girl gets overly upset and freaks out its a red flag though. But if she is just disappointed/upset i think she has a reason to be.

SIC_redditcruiser · 2015-07-25T22:04:23+00:00

Just don't make a big deal of it and always assume you're going to pay unless they're physically getting out their money. Don't expect anything in return by buying aka don't give to get. - Paraphrasing from Models by Mark Manson. You should read it.

iam1self · 2015-07-25T19:49:32+00:00

Depending on the date, i preface going out with how i go dutch on the first date as a rule.

EndOfTheUniverse · 2015-07-25T23:48:00+00:00

Everyone has their own values, and their own ways to go about it.

Coffee, a snack, a quick bite, I'll pay (if I have the money. Freelancer income is variable as fuck)

I've never had a serious dinner date, but I assume if I did, and if the girl expected me to pay for everything, it'll leave a sour taste in my mouth.

Why? I don't know. Probably because being with someone who thinks they're entitled to something never feels good.

However it all depends on the atmosphere and the context.

524544444954 · 2015-07-26T01:45:49+00:00

No. At least not once. If she refuses to do this after a few times, then maybe it's an indication she is using you, but that depends on many other factors. You have to use your brain here - there's nothing wrong with paying for you and your girl's meal if she's going to reciprocate in other ways. If she's trying to get by with a free meal, obviously a red flag. But this basically boils down to are you happy? Then it's fine.

keptit2real · 2015-07-26T02:51:04+00:00

I don't mine paying on the first date. I don't like it. My rule is this if she doesn't attempt to pull out her wallet then it's a red flag. If she attempt to pull out her wallet/money I will tell her to put it away I got this one. I'm looking for aa partnership. And the girl who is willing to pay I think is also seeking a partner. Being self-employed teaches you a lot.

lagernuts1 · 2015-07-26T08:44:09+00:00

Not 50/50, but I pay for what I order and she pays for what she orders. Actually, if a girl doesn't pay her own way then I find it difficult to respect her and there probably won't be any second date.

Powder70 · 2015-07-26T09:34:35+00:00

Chivalry needs to die, but you can still be polite. Either mention it's going to be 50/50 before the date or pay and say 'you pay for the next one'.

penguin_says_slide · 2015-07-25T17:40:39+00:00

A red flag is too serious. That has probably been her experience so far. Kindly tell her you won't put up with that bullshit and in most cases they agree to split the bill.

If she persists, treat it as a shit test. Go the 'sandwich' route that another commenter mentioned and so on.

1337syntaX · 2015-07-25T18:20:46+00:00

Not necessarily a red flag, it's really up to you. Personally I don't mind paying for the first date but I would never consistently date a girl that always made me pay

QuellonGreyjoy · 2015-07-25T21:39:16+00:00

If invite a girl on a date and make the plans, I'll pay. If she suggests going out or picks the place then I usually expect her to pay for herself.

Once my SO and I were serious I pretty much paid all the time though, of course I was out of college and made 4 times what she did so I really didn't think twice about it.

Angus_Fraser · 2015-07-25T16:46:09+00:00

Why are you expecting to go Dutch? You should cover the date if you're the one that invited her out on the date. That's how hosting works, and you're hosting the date.

ThrowingMyslfOutther · 2015-07-25T20:08:25+00:00

Don't do something that incurs a "bill"

purpleblazed · 2015-07-25T21:48:31+00:00

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Turlast · 2015-07-26T00:50:54+00:00

If I invite a woman out for a drink, I'm not going to go out of my way to not pay for it. If I invite a woman to the movies, I'm not going to avoid paying for her ticket and let her buy her own popcorn. That just seems silly to me.

AAtoPUA · 2015-07-25T16:25:14+00:00

golddigger.

josysomething · 2015-07-26T14:17:03+00:00

Who asked who on the date? If you asked her on the date you should expect to pay and be pleasantly surprised if she offers. And vice versa if she asked you.

2015-07-26T15:49:44+00:00

I always hate going on dinner dates and drinks. Paying for a few drinks isn't that big of a deal but if you are continually approaching and meeting new girls that will get expensive fast. I think it should be split but I think it's better to mention that sooner than when the bill comes.

baseballdude81 · 2015-07-26T16:23:35+00:00

You should be the one paying for the bill, all these people saying that the girl should pay is retarded. You invited her, so you should be the one paying. Women don't want a guy who's cheap.

jonnyhaldane · 2015-07-26T20:33:11+00:00

I would see it as a red flag. Girls that put themselves on pedestals are honestly no fun.

sera88 · 2015-07-31T17:10:47+00:00

Sucks to say it but a girl that has to split a bill on a date is a girl that will be ditching you fairly quickly. It's not exactly the money. It's the ego. It's a shit thing to say but it's the truth. Girls look down on girls who pay. They may say they don't but pity is obvious and it sucks.

Guys are attracted to looks. That's why I hit the gym everyday. That's why I buy cute clothes. That's why I buy make-up for my natural "no make-up" look. It's not a bad thing, it's an understood thing. So try to understand, girls make an investment in you guys too. Without my effort why would anyone bother with me?

What it sounds like is this. It's a red flag and you should move on but only because to do otherwise would be wasting your time and theirs. If you aim for what you want, the effort (even wasted) is worth it. If you aim low, you count the cost. You're counting the cost of feeding these chicks. Admit that and stop hiding behind the bs "expectations of chivalry" shit. If you think I'm full of it, ask yourself if you'd ask Kate Upton (or whatever beautiful unobtainable chick you like) to pay up. No? Yes? Whatever. Just ask for separate checks, ok? Makes it real easy on the girl when she's not assuming things and it sets the tone of equality, right? No expectations.

blonderson · 2015-07-25T23:20:37+00:00

I'll chime in and say that as a woman I'm put off by a guy who won't even treat me to one meal. It can come off as cheap, or even worse, selfish. That isn't to say that's true, but when a guy pays for the first date it sets a precedence of generosity. If a girl wanted you to pay for every meal, that'd be a red flag. But if you won't even pay for a first date you might run into some issues. A lot of girls don't like it.

Berg426 · 2015-07-26T01:51:54+00:00

I understand that a guy should probably take care of the bill and it doesn't mean you're being a doormat. It's because girls spend a shit ton of time and money getting ready for dates. Make up, hair, clothes, jewelry. That is actually pretty expensive. And I'll wear a nice shirt and jeans. Probably the same nice shirt and jeans I've had from the last couple years.

2015-07-25T20:06:33+00:00

It's not necessarily a moral or tradition thing these girls just do it because they can. You may want her to split the bill but I guarantee the majority of guys are desperate to get in her pants and will just pay.

purpleblazed · 2015-07-25T22:04:30+00:00

This is one small perk of being gay. For me and my BF it's always unsaid that the person who initiates the date pays for food, though I never expect to get a free meal. It's polite to at least offer to split the tab, even when I know he is going to pay. Maybe he buys dinner, but I'll pick up the drink tab. When it's just us grabbing a bite we split it.

Yetttti · 2015-07-25T23:10:34+00:00

Depends on if she sucks your dick at the end of the night.

mellamaneddie · 2015-07-25T21:15:23+00:00

If you're not planning on picking up that tab then you ain't a man. Doesn't matter who you're with. It's not a chivalry thing, it's a life thing. Don't be stingy with your bread- why would she want to be with you if you're never willing to buy her a meal? Spend some money on other people without losing your mind. It will be ALRIGHT.

DaygameCoach · 2015-07-26T00:54:59+00:00

You are better off covering the check on early dates; you can keep them simple like drinks of coffee. Or free, which around here is a museum or zoo.

Women screen men for cheapness, so why fall into it by asking her to chip in? Kind of funny that a free or inexpensive date isn't seen as cheap. I once had a woman look to see how much I tipped...I called her out and she was embarrassed (and never did it again).

Cuisine, Daygamer.net

2015-07-26T01:44:23+00:00

Get rid of her

NorthEastHooligan · 2015-07-26T14:03:16+00:00

It is a red flag to move on. For her. The man should always pay.

Title	If a girl refuses to spilt the bill with me, based on expectations of chivalry, is that a red flag to move on?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	74
Comments	97
Date	July 25, 2015 4:20 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3ekk06/if_a_girl_refuses_to_spilt_the_bill_with_me_based/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/if-a-girl-refuses-to-spilt-the-bill-with-me-based.1391542 https://theredarchive.com/post/1391542

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