Letting go

awaythrow-8675309 · 2024-03-08T20:05:54+00:00

My stbxw has mental health issues. She struggled with anxiety and depression and in the midst of our last month together while we attended therapy because she emotionally cheated was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It was very hard at times. I likened it to a nurse complaining about their cancer patient. No one would ever feel bad for me and I wasn't looking for pity, but man it was exhausting and hard to deal with. I still came home tired and mentally drained from my nurse shift if that analogy makes sense.

The stuff she did, the gaslighting and the lies at the end were terrible but it wasn't always bad and it wasn't always like this. It's only been 6 months and I miss what we had but I know it's also not what I needed and I deserve better. I go to therapy and I try to process this every day as best and as healthy as I can. I don't drink or do drugs, I'm not out trying to meet other women, I'm not out partying or living a life pretending that I'm celebrating this because for me this entire thing is a monumental disappointment filled with sadness. I met a guy the other night who was the opposite and basically like "yeah man best way to get over someone is to get under someone hell yeah!" and it just didn't resonate lol.

So yeah it's a struggle.

recovering88 · 2024-03-05T21:48:56+00:00

There will always be good memories. They’re the reason that we continue going on when all signs have told us to stop. I was completely devastated when my ex wife said that she wanted a divorce. She strung me along for a year and I followed her like a simp. Then one day I realized that I was being pathetic and started distancing like she told me to and I also saw how bad life was. We simply aren’t meant to be together, it was codependency on a two way streak. I’ve become better in the sense that I like who I am now. It took me separating from her to live up to my potential. Am I a better person? Jury is still out but all indications have told me that I’m a much more pleasant person today than I was before. It takes time. We all heal differently and our timeframes are also different. Take it a day at a time, I realized I was better when a friend asked me how I was feeling and my answer was “free”. I recently learned that my ex was doing a lot more than she was letting on and it really helped me get out of that funk. If I can give you some advice then it’s this. Just because someone apologizes to you doesn’t mean that you have to forgive them. No one tells you when to forgive them. You do it when you’re ready. That probably wasn’t for you but I feel that there may be someone here that needs to hear that.

krazykanuck · 2024-03-05T04:17:59+00:00

“I want to extend grace to her but she wants nothing to do with me or a relationship “

I want you to read that a few times. Pretend that someone else is saying that to you about someone else. What do you see? I see someone who is trying for closure but wanting to get it from someone else. She does t want that, its time to realize you are doing that for you not her, and thats okay, but you need to stop for your own sanity.

Smeat_Jenkins · 2024-03-05T03:51:25+00:00

Ouch man. I feel you. My marriage was shit, but I loved her so I stuck with it and tried to discuss things with her. Turns out she hated the relationship and was counting down the days to convince herself she needed to get divorced.

Now here we are. I'm not happy about it, she is happy (pretending she isnt) and I am slowly drifting into acceptance that its over.

I just hope its not too late for me to find my forever partner. I envy those who grow old together loving one another.

probebeta · 2024-03-05T00:46:35+00:00

It's hard not to be sad. I sometimes have dates where I know them for less than a month and I still feel sad when we part ways. They say when things hurt you do it more and it eventually stops hurting. Can't say that's solid advice but it might be a necessary solution so that you can start living life on your terms.

Reflog1791 · 2024-03-04T22:08:00+00:00

Extend that grace to yourself!! LET HER GO.

New_Crow3284 · 2024-03-04T20:31:14+00:00

This reads as my story...

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-03-04T20:25:14+00:00

Separate the marriage from the person. It’s reasonable and normal to grieve the loss of the marriage and not grieve the loss of the person. The difference? That marriage had a lot of YOU invested in it. It’s time, money, emotions, sacrifice that you personally made.

Enough_Youth_4564 · 2024-03-04T20:17:38+00:00

She probably blames you for many things in her life also. Just write her off and keep moving on. When she wants to talk to you she will, nothing you do today will change that.

iSurvivedltd · 2024-03-04T19:27:26+00:00

A woman. Plus mental issues isn’t good bro. You may love her but be thankful you two are separating.

Title	Letting go
Author	JimSevere0271
Upvotes	21
Comments	16
Date	March 4, 2024 7:17 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1b6jh4i/letting_go/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/letting-go.1426182 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426182

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