How to really stop putting women on a pedestal?

throwaway_enterprise · 2020-06-12T19:22:22+00:00

Bro you might want to start approaching women to realize that there's no pedestal. 💜

2020-06-12T21:00:30+00:00

Start from yourself. You have to feel worthy of them. Understand your strengths and reinforce them to the point you're proud of. Go to the gym and try to achieve the best version of yourself. For confidence, fake it till you make it. Build your character and start acting like it. You must get to the point where you enjoy being you.

When approaching, don't be afraid to act like a fool (cause you will be the first time, actually), don't take rejection personally and learn from them. Laugh at them, make them feel judged, even for the dumbest reason. Obviously don't overdo.

Dwaynedibley24601 · 2020-06-12T19:59:31+00:00

live with them for 1 year... if that doesn't take the bloom off the rose nothing will. When you see their disgusting habits... clean their hair off of and out of EVERYTHING, listen to them prattle until you want to blow your brains out and have them pile mountains of shit on every flat surface in your house. your view will change. They are just people and really no different than men, but men keep the bathroom cleaner.

throwawaayy2020fn · 2020-06-12T23:20:14+00:00

I struggle to understand this and 100% do not belong in this subreddit but it came up on my home feed, so here's my take. I'm a woman and I have female and male friends.

What women do you interact with normally? Is it really only your friends' girlfriend? Think about people you work with, friends from childhood, family members/guardians.

I think you need to reframe how you see women - it will be incredibly difficult to talk to women (effectively at least, without coming across as creepy) if you go into every interaction thinking of them as romantic partners rather than friends, coworkers, family, bosses etc. You need to be comfortable at least for a while with the idea of not seeking sex/romance. If you /really/ don't already know women, it probably wouldn't hurt for you to be a bit more social anyway - try clubs, classes and volunteering, you will naturally almost always talk to other people in these settings. Some of them will be men. But some of them will be women, because women are other people.

You might also need to consider being more comfortable with being awkward sometimes, or embarrassed, and pushing through it. It's important to break the cycle of believing you "can't" do this. That you can't see women as human because you never interact with them, so you can't interact with them because you can't see them as human. It's self-fulfilling.

I hope this helped.

SMSD2020 · 2020-06-12T23:05:27+00:00

This is a really, really interesting question.

First of all, women aren't the issue here, it's what you think you want from them.

Do you want sex?

A friendship?

An intimate relationship?

A wife?

What is it that you want from women that makes them higher than you?

You can ask yourself the "5 whys" on the statement, "I put women on a pedestal"

Why?

Cause I think they are better than me

Why?

Because they've never paid attention to me

Why?

Because I don't deserve attention

Why?

Because.... whatever

Then, the actual root cause as you can see is not that women are on a pedestal, but that you have some negative mindset regarding your inner self. Once you can reveal that issue and start solving for it, the pedestal thing can be addressed.

Now obviously your 5 whys will be drastically different, this was just a quick example. You can feel free to PM me though if you want to walk through it.

hunterpua · 2020-06-12T18:22:02+00:00

i cant do it because i almost never interact with them

Paradoxically, this is the answer to your question.

When you simply try to convince yourself of any idea, your mind will fight you on it and the odds of your mind winning that fight are very high.

Why? No evidence.

Even if you try to tell yourself, "but theres this guy who says this and this guy who says that", your mind can just respond with, "Yeah, well you're not those guys."

You can also try to tell yourself, "But I saw this girl on TV and she was gorgeous but she has X, Y, Z flaws."

Your mind can just say, "You don't know that for sure. She could be putting on an act."

So really, the solution is to man the fuck up and interact with them and get to know them really well.

Why is it important to get to know women as deeply as you possibly can?

Because that's gonna shut your mind up.

How is your mind gonna argue against you when it knows for a fact that you personally know a bunch of beautiful girls with all kinds of flaws?

It can no longer argue that you lack evidence because the evidence will be right there ready to smack it in the face anytime it tries to argue against you.

So interact with them and get to know them. Even drop your ego and get friendzoned by a bunch of them.

Just come to terms with the fact that you will never ever be able to have anything remotely non-platonic with the first few girls you get close with.

The first few girls are not for sex or relationships anyway. They're for convincing your mind that they're human like you.

And once you're convinced then you can move on to new girls and seduce those ones.

...

This part is for everyone reading this comment

A lot of you have sent me direct messages asking for my advice because you read a comment I made on this sub, just like this one, and found it to be very helpful/insightful/meaningful and I'm happy to say I've been able to help you guys so much more because of that.

Here's the problem: More and more messages are coming in and I really want to help but its getting hard to keep up.

So I've put together a Facebook group for you guys that want to improve your dating lives and want to actually understand the psychology behind our interactions with not only women but with ourselves and people in general.

If you want to be part of a group that believes in finesse over brute force, technique over strength, smart work over hard work, Seduction over pursuit then click on this link and request to join.

If you are serious about getting better with women then I'll be happy to welcome you in.

bayfarm · 2020-06-12T22:15:19+00:00

When you realize they poop, fart, and smell like every other human being.

GrandMasterB19 · 2020-06-13T00:08:10+00:00

So I've been in your position and I've been on the otherside as well because I've had phases where I was dating and had lots of female friends and I've had phases where I was totally single and never interacted with any women. There's layers to this issue.

The first issue here, I want you to know is not your fault. We are programed at a very young age to put women on a pedestal by media, society, our parents, etc. It's really hard to break this cycle if you didn't grow up around a lot of girls/women becuase they seem like mysterious creatures to you.

As you become more experienced with women you'll realize that most of them really don't want to be put on a pedestal. In fact, they're looking for the guys that aren't intimidated by their beauty/feminity because they're sick of the guys that pedestalize them all the time without even knowing them.

The reason this cycle is so hard for you to break is because it's really difficult to interact with women on this level when you have no experience with them and you're sexually frustrated. Your senses are stimulated by their beauty, feminie energy, voices, smells, etc. And it turns you on. Women are more or less aware of it whem they have this effect on guys, and they generally will see you as weak/inexperienced/low value. So you remain frustrated and the cycle continues.

The guys that are good with women on a platonic and romantic level tend to be guys that had good masculine role models so they're really in touch with their masculinity and that polarizes women. They also had sisters, female friends, relationships, etc. from a young age so they really understand womens behavioral patterns and grew up seeing them as equals, rather that romanticizing them.

I have no sisters and was mostly raised by my mom so this does not come naturally to me. The more time I spend around women, the better I get with them. The less time I spend around women, the more awkward I get around them.

The solution to this problem is to spend more time around women, in all regards. Learn to read and understand them. You'll start to see them more for who/what they actually are than the illusion of what they're "supposed" to be. It's a difficult cycle to break.

Secret_Twitch · 2020-06-12T18:37:44+00:00

Read The Manipulated Man and tell me then how you feel about women.

ReallyNotAWalrus · 2020-06-12T22:11:38+00:00

It's easy, build a pedestal for yourself.

dexterjettser3 · 2020-06-13T00:26:57+00:00

Stop watching porn

Radicalmattitude1 · 2020-06-13T01:09:25+00:00

Short answer, work on yourself. You see yourself down here, they’re up there. So move yourself from down here to up there with them, or even better, above them.

SaigonNoseBiter · 2020-06-13T02:52:07+00:00

Here's the truth. You cant stop putting girls on a pedestal until you have success with a hot girl and then realize that they are just normal people that have their own negatives, insecurities, etc. Their shit stinks too. For me this was a gradual process. The first gf I had was 'so hot' in my eyes...hotter than I thought I could get at the time. Once I realized she was normal that became my baseline and my 'pedastal' line was pushed forward, and I went on to date the next version of a girl 'too hot for me'. Repeat. Now it's basically gone (I'm sure it still exists to some extent). All the inner game in the world wont get you over that hump until you have successes. But you CAN fake it til you make it. Good luck bro.

Sexytubaman · 2020-06-13T11:43:42+00:00

Do you view ALL women as being on a pedestal? Or just girls you think are too good-looking for you?

I ask this because I think a lot of the “pedestal” stuff comes from viewing women as being of higher status than you. A cure for that is to become higher status (i.e, smarter, better looking, etc) yourself. I’m willing to bet you don’t put less good-looking women on a pedestal. I bet it’s only the “hot” ones you do this to. When you become higher status yourself, women will proportionately stop looking like goddesses and look more like regular, flawed people. At this point, you will naturally start to treat them as such, and you will be more likely to emotionally/sexually connect with the “hot” ones.

But there’s another point I want to make. Namely, that “hot” girls aren’t always (though there are obviously exceptions) so “hot” in categories other than looks.

Because of this, you need to look at the big picture with women in regards to what you want in life. Are looks all she has? If you just want to have sex with her, that might not be an issue. However, if you want to have a supportive long-term partner in life, a girl with only looks and no skills/motivation isn’t exactly an ideal fit.

The bottom line is that you need to figure out what you want in life, then figure out how to get it. Seek women who bring the type of value you want to your life, and become the type of man who will attract these women. The “becoming the type of man who will attract these women” part comes first, and that’s your responsibility.

When figuring out what you want in life (and with women), it’s of the UTMOST importance that you are honest with yourself.

Do me a favor and read that last sentence again.

You must be honest with yourself about what you REALLY want in your limited time here on Earth. You must be honest in this internal conversation with your figurative “soul”, because the worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

I hope this helps.

Also, just an extra tip that popped into my head: Being honest with women (in addition to yourself) is a good strategy too. It shows non-toxic masculinity, which women generally love, and if you just want to have sex, women will (and this floored me when I figured it out) have sex with men that they don’t even LIKE. But ONLY if the man is honest with his sexual intentions. This is because feeling safe is a HUGE thing for women, and if she doesn’t trust your sexual intentions, she won’t feel safe with you and WILL NOT have sex with you.

Think of me as your big brother giving you advice. Message me if you have any questions about any of this stuff.

gives you a noogie and reminds you that you’re a jerk off, but in a brotherly way

-Sexytubaman

speaklastthinkfirst · 2020-06-12T21:04:47+00:00

We all do it to one extent or another in our lives. It’s ok to be excited just don’t show it. Be cool.

Lilluzzo · 2020-06-12T22:34:34+00:00

Period shits..

2020-06-13T01:35:02+00:00

Its tricky, exposure is what works for me. I certainly display behaviours of putting a woman on a pedestal but in my mind I dont feel what im doing is wrong as I am just treating them with respect and how I would want to be treated.

Just keep going out with women and discover what they are really like. Everyone has flaws Your brain will just snap and you will realise that these women arent that special. It can take a while to get to this stage, I didnt until my early 30s (im a really late bloomer)

You have to take a step back and find out what they are offering you, if it is just looks (essentially a good looking woman is just born with lucky genetics) they actually provide no value to you or your life going forward. How can you put someone on a pedestal when they arent giving you anything or making you to be a better man. The woman will be the salt and pepper on the steak (where the steak is your life and what you want to do)

Also id recommend doing speed dating if you want to get out of your head. Just keep doing that over and over and interacting with women will become more natural.

2020-06-12T23:48:05+00:00

Maybe imagine them on the toilet and that should humanize them real quick.

knightanzal · 2020-06-12T20:14:48+00:00

Go online and search "women with and without makeup"

fradoseco · 2020-06-13T05:02:44+00:00

Maybe you’re a hopeless romantic. Show your this side to women. I would fall in love with that man in 2 seconds and die for him 😭😭 us women are tired of men who treat us like crap. Honestly! Be brave and go for it.

DatAmazingSuperPower · 2020-06-13T05:40:45+00:00

Put yourself on the pedestal.

gigglybutt22 · 2020-06-13T06:20:15+00:00

put yourself on the same pedestal :)

2020-06-13T08:11:33+00:00

Learning to see women as normal human beings means interacting with them like they’re normal human beings. You will always put them on a pedestal like that if you never actually start talking to them and realizing that they’re the same as you or I. Start small, talk with female family members who you’re acquainted with, or girls that you’re already friends or acquaintances with, or the girlfriends of your friends. If you don’t have anyone, try talking to girls from your school/college/workplace. It will probably be very awkward at first and both of you will be uncomfortable, but once you get to know some of them you will realize that they’re not special, they’re just humans. Small talk should consist of very small things of importance, like their favorite foods or colors, or some good shows they’re watching, or maybe their clothes if you notice something unique. It should still moderately interest you because people can tell when you’re not invested in them unless you’re really eXperienced with conveying thoughts through expressions which you probably aren’t. Use self-disclosure to get to know them better, this is revealing things about yourself to get the other person to talk; if you’re just practicing you can lie if it makes you more confident or comfortable. If you’re too nervous or anxious to talk to girls, try all the normal confidence boosting shit people do like working out, meditating, general self-improvement and being productive; these all increase your own sense of self worth. If doing this doesn’t help, you might need to medicate with drugs to stop your anxiety. Hope this helps a bit, I used to be the same way but I was able to get over it.

ZlatanAgrees · 2020-06-13T08:46:13+00:00

Your childhood is responsible for your problem. I would wager that your parents taught you to be nice to girls and shit so you ultimately grew to see woman as some special human being, someone that you have to please, some goddess or whatnot.

Not long ago I was in your shoes mate, I would have a minor sweat and tense body everytime I went past any attractive girl. I began to think about it. I realised that women aren't that special after all. I asked myself 'Why are they so special?'. I came up with no answers. They are just an oposite gender, they are just women. Nothing more. They don't deserve me putting them on pedestal. Helped my confidence a lot, also having interesting shit in your life helps towards confidence.

Later I could look girl in the eyes and don't feel pressured to impress her or do whatever to please her. Could throw in an occasional smile to a passing girl that I caught glancing at me (but I am shit at dating).

In conclusion just have self worth, she is not more valuable than you. You don't treat stone like a diamond.

vugits · 2020-06-13T10:33:50+00:00

Don't intellectualize it. Get your hands dirty. Trial and error.

hoetheory · 2020-06-12T22:39:21+00:00

Sometimes, when I’m really anxious talking to someone, I remember that they probably have a ton of shit in their colon as we’re speaking, and that I’m just as human as they are. There’s no reason to treat someone as anything but.

SourBow · 2020-06-13T01:06:22+00:00

How did you make your friends? Did you choose them based on any one who started talking to you? Did you base it on factors like your ability to get along with said person and whether or not your liked their personality? did you try to find common ground among them before realizing these were people you wanted to spend more time with?

Apply this to women as they are just people and make them qualify for your time as oppose to the other way around. Say to yourselfs yeah she's cute but so what ? What else does she have to offer

miyagikai91 · 2020-06-13T06:30:04+00:00

Stop seeing yourself as a nuisance. I’ve had problems with this too but have started to recover. Guys like us have this problem because we have a problem seeing ourselves as worth it. Cut yourself more slack, hang around women more, and listen to what they’re communicating. Getting inside your head and making false occurrences won’t get you forward.

modernmonk4040 · 2020-06-13T08:48:31+00:00

Start meditating, first thing is to get out of your head

Noah_saav · 2020-06-13T09:45:17+00:00

Accept that you are enough and are fine with being alone to calm any needy behavior which puts women on a pedestal. Love yourself and realize you are the prize.

Secondly have an abundance mindset to put all women on the same field. Reward those women that seek your attention but don’t give them an elevated position without any merit.

coldwaterharsh · 2020-06-13T09:56:39+00:00

Easy - go out practice cold approach without any motive. Once you get comfortable in talking to them then only learn about "stop putting her on pedestal and all".

StarsnDiamonds · 2020-06-13T10:06:20+00:00

Theres no easy way to do it.

Gotta go through the mud. By approaching girls, getting rejected, getting your heart broken, recuperating, etc, you'll learn that girls are only human too. They shit, eat, and breathe, just like the rest of us.

There are no shortcuts. The more intense situations you put yourself through, the more you are willing to break down your ego and previous beliefs, the faster you will transform.

rnniefb2 · 2020-06-13T11:28:31+00:00

Work on yourself first. Always.

betacrucis · 2020-06-13T11:57:30+00:00

Have you read Models?

Sexy_Koala_Juice · 2020-06-13T12:06:12+00:00

There's no trick to it, because there is no pedestal, Women are just like men, they're flawed just like us too. It's something that will take time and will build up overtime.

Your issue isn't women though, it's attractive women, you might be nervous around new people but you wouldn't for example have issues talking to your teacher or a friends mum etc.

Work on your confidence and remember it's literally not the end of the world if things don't go your way or don't work out.

KingKwaji · 2020-06-13T12:46:24+00:00

Get a few of them as friends (I.e. talk to them like you would a guy) and you’ll realise there really ain’t shit special about them and their normal just like you. More or less, stop caring about talking the right way, and talk to have fun.

purplemashpotato · 2020-06-12T22:23:58+00:00

When you Get some self esteem it comes naturally

2020-06-12T23:24:00+00:00

Remember that they shit.

Andress1 · 2020-06-12T20:35:37+00:00

The only way to do it is when you have an abundance of women you find attractive to date.

Dominus-Prime- · 2020-06-12T21:42:16+00:00

Your problem isn’t women; it’s how you’ve come up to perceive them and value them. If you really want to get at it you gotta dig inside you, “stand in front of the mirror” and fearlessly investigate your relationship with women starting from childhood (likely).

Disturbed_Aidan · 2020-06-12T23:51:05+00:00

You do realise that women bleed from their vaginas on a monthly basis right?

shaggy1452 · 2020-06-12T23:58:48+00:00

Just start forcing yourself to interact with them, not even trying to fuck them, but just interactions in general, after talking to them enough at some point it just sort of clicks.

FinalPush · 2020-06-12T20:22:40+00:00

It only takes one girl. One girl to be interested and attracted to you to shift your mindset. I bet you’re young and often in love like me, despite having never made it work before.

teddestin123 · 2020-06-12T21:51:34+00:00

As far as practices go, go to a mall and have mundane conversations with store clerks or people in general. Ask about interests, about products. Ask opinions. People love giving opinions cuz they think theirs matter. The more you talk to women the more you’ll realize they’re just normal fucking human beings with issues just like men. Remember, dont go to ask for numbers. Your going their to improve your social skills. For more info google “corey wayne improving your social skills”. Its a lifechanger.

TheMailmanic · 2020-06-12T22:38:48+00:00

Approach more women with a friendly vibe...just ask for the time or for directions somewhere.

macadamia128 · 2020-06-12T23:09:12+00:00

You have to start somewhere. The more time you spend with them the more normal you treat all of them.

omegaphallic · 2020-06-13T00:12:56+00:00

Become an MRA, that will cure you of putting them on a pedestal real fast when you see/read enough horror stories.

rawrxxdxxd · 2020-06-13T00:43:34+00:00

This be easy to do if they couldn’t fuck other dudes. I feel like a hostage with women bc all they have to do to destroy you is let another dude fuck then. It gives them all the power and you end up on your knees if you aren’t careful.

Benparker369 · 2020-06-13T01:49:13+00:00

Bro this really cute girl came over to my house when my parents were throwing a small dinner gathering. She’s my age and we just shot the shit all the way. Just test what they’re comfortable talking about and talk about your interests aswell.

Sexytubaman · 2020-06-13T14:25:18+00:00

Ah. Thanks for enlightening me on what MRA means.

DajuanKev · 2020-06-13T18:05:36+00:00

I relate, bruh. I approached Some women they made me feel unworthy asf. They were cool, but I had to turn my self down because I didn't felt like I earned it and to avoid being needy. Women can look unreasonably beautiful.

yourgirlfriendsdad · 2020-06-13T18:52:54+00:00

Fuck a hooker. You'll see that pussy is just pussy. Other guys will tell you not to because if you do women will think you're gross but it's ironic because these guys are actually campaigning to keep women on the pedestal. Most of the reasons people think fucking a hooker is bad are reasons that appeal to men that have women on a pedestal.

Sexytubaman · 2020-06-14T18:41:01+00:00

I appreciate your input.

TheGreatConst · 2020-06-18T04:24:03+00:00

Do you really expect to get an answer here? Simply put, the fact that guys need to learn how to get women is already putting them on a pedestal. Simply put, it isn't about putting women on a pedestal, but about not overvaluing sex. The problem is that you try to change yourself to be liked by women. Just stop doing it. Just be yourself is the best advice ever, but no one really gets it. Do what you want, not what you think girls want. Stop adjusting yourself for their sake.

Derk_cone · 2020-06-12T23:33:59+00:00

The only way you're really realized is when you bag a solid all-sround chick (maybe an 8) and you're not satisfied. You know you can get this far, who knows what your limit is. You wouldn't be with her if you were garbage, so you know your worth it up there. That's when you pick up your king crown again

pleaselie · 2020-06-12T21:19:16+00:00

When they start to piss you off by acting like women... If I were you, I would start a hobby that has a lot of feminine public.(if you like the thought of it, of course). Like... Dancing class, acting class... If you spend more time with them and become friends with some of them... You will realize that quickly.

jackdh95 · 2020-06-13T04:05:07+00:00

U stop caring . U r only an option .every one has 10 different social media platforms thousands of guys in her dms offering dick and bubble gum and they are all out of bubble gum and people actually think there boyfriend or girl friend is loyal ???lol .no one is loyal when social media has turned every one into an option .stack your money and focus on you .

selfishnun · 2020-06-12T20:44:32+00:00

Women have been put on a pedestal by society and they can’t be taken down. It’s too late friend.

rom1bki · 2020-06-12T23:20:10+00:00

Maybe post this on r/menslib. You’ll probably get more helpful responses.

neonator1 · 2020-06-13T10:30:19+00:00

I dunno....I like to put them on a high stool....split their legs open...eat that pussy for a bit....then fuck em........try that....

Straight-Weight · 2020-06-12T21:39:53+00:00

Get married

kupsofjoe · 2020-06-12T21:07:19+00:00

Being a mysoginist helps

Title	How to really stop putting women on a pedestal?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	436
Comments	131
Date	June 12, 2020 6:08 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/h7pv1n/how_to_really_stop_putting_women_on_a_pedestal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-really-stop-putting-women-on-a-pedestal.1497123 https://theredarchive.com/post/1497123

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