Wow.

Hooosreddit · 2024-04-19T04:06:25+00:00

Either she didn’t like what she saw in the apartment or she just got cold feet.

Sometimes people get scared for reasons that are beyond you. I understand that that may hurt but maybe this has nothing to do with you at all.

Let’s say you have a special lamp at your place and that lamp was there when she had a traumatic experience and she just had a flashback.

Let’s say she puked while you were in the bath and had to go.

You don’t know.

Go back over what happened and how your place looks. Search for things that could have made her uncomfortable. Fix those.

You don’t know what happened and it may or it may not have had something to do with you. Don’t use that to make you feel worse. Keep your mental garden clean.

tgm93 · 2024-04-19T04:24:21+00:00

Often when people are depressed they neglect proper hygiene. Is you place clean, tidy(ish), and smell nice? If not I'd work on that. Getting clean and organized will help with your mental health as well

KGRIZ16 · 2024-04-19T06:04:47+00:00

Mate, there is so much positivity in this post. You don’t even realize. You got her back. You talked to her enough, or gamed her enough to get her back. Just didn’t seal the deal. Which you won’t every time. But, my boy! You’re just missing the final piece in the puzzle that’s all!

MrDownhillRacer · 2024-04-19T06:31:21+00:00

Look, it probably didn't have anything to do with you specifically.

She doesn't know you. She doesn't know if you're a good guy or not. She just knows she's at the apartment of a guy she just met, and maybe she second-guesses that decision. The fact that she doesn't feel comfortable enough with you to say that to your face is not an indictment of your personality. Maybe she would have done the same if it were any other guy she went home with. The same way that if you decide not to pick up a hitchhiker, it doesn't mean the hitchhiker "gave you bad vibes" or did anything to make you think they are dangerous. It just means that you know that you have no way of knowing for sure whether the hitchhiker is dangerous, so you decided not to risk it. And it would have made zero difference in that moment if a completely different unknown person stood in the place of that hitchhiker.

It's not likely that you gave out such negative vibes that you turned her off if she liked you enough to even come back to your place in the first place. It seems more likely that she in fact changed her mind later. You can't really blame her for doing so; you know you're a safe person, but she doesn't know that, and has to take what she feels is the best action for her safety. Maybe, due to no fault of your own, but just her general knowledge of the statistical risk she was taking, she decided the safest option was to leave without saying anything to you. Maybe you both did everything right.

I mean, it's also possible that you did do something sketchy (if you had a lot to drink, that makes it likely that she did, and past a certain point of drunkenness, taking a person to your place should be out of the question), but I'm just saying this sort of thing wouldn't be out-of-the-ordinary even if you did nothing wrong.

MonkFancy481 · 2024-04-19T04:22:38+00:00

Don't worry buddy. I bet she was drinking also - she has weeded her own un-empathetic ass out for you!

In this modern world the trash takes itself out 👋🏻

vigilanting · 2024-04-19T04:14:51+00:00

Text her. Ask her what's up. If she ghosts, move on.

blaikalva · 2024-04-19T08:10:26+00:00

It’s well within her right to do that, even if it sucks for you

iiiamsco · 2024-04-19T10:10:28+00:00

Don’t feel too bad. The fact that you were able to pull this off is a good sign. Most guys can’t get a girl that they just met back to their apartment.

LordPoopyIV · 2024-04-19T12:05:13+00:00

Maybe you should've made her a bit more comfortable before leaving her 'alone'. Show her where she can sit, grab herself a drink, maybe open a window or light some incense.

I often tell people to feel free to look around even in drawers and closets, people are curious and usually jump the fuck on that mission.

If you just walk into a place and the host disappears instantly you might not know where to put yourself and waiting right outside the door listening is awkward as fuck.

Maybe she was the shy one trying to push her boundaries and already way outside her comfort zone.

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-04-19T19:50:55+00:00

Theres two things you can do.

Mope for the next two years

or Say that wasn't too bad I nearly had her let me try again soon. Everything is practice.

Objective-Piano7112 · 2024-04-19T06:39:08+00:00

Honestly bro I think she got scared. She's in a guys apartment for the first time you dissappear and she had either a moment of clarity or realized the possible danger in being in someone's apartment she had just met. Don't take it personally I know it sucks. Next time get her something to drink or water and make sure she's comfortable then take a quick piss. You probably seemed nervous and she's seen too many murder mysteries lol

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2024-04-19T07:32:59+00:00

Check your stuff.

I'm guessing you got robbed.

I know a guy that this happened to. She went back to his house. After he went to the bathroom, she took his cell phone and ran.

Might not be your phone, but I'm guessing she grabbed something.

megaloops · 2024-04-19T04:33:40+00:00

I assume you would’ve found this out by now if this was the case but make sure she didn’t run off with any valuables

Certifiably_Quirky · 2024-04-19T05:04:58+00:00

Maybe she got her period suddenly or needed to poop and was embarrassed. Maybe it has nothing to do with you, and she just wanted to avoid the possibility of confrontation.

Work on yourself and the things you can work on but don’t use this as an opportunity to berate yourself or put yourself down.

Sudden-Conference-65 · 2024-04-19T07:44:50+00:00

Look at the positives. She came back to your place. Chin up

RepresentativeOil953 · 2024-04-19T07:47:06+00:00

Maybe she got suddenly freaked out she doesn't know you well?

I had a situation when in the middle of a night I walking home from a party and I met a girl that was a bit lost in my neighborhood and asked me for way.

There is literally 8 bus stops in my vicinity, so I told her that I'll just get my dog, because I gotta walk him anyway, and I'll show her which stop is hers.

Now, I have a kind face and people trust me in general. I also didn't make her uncomfortable in any way, at least I think that. So I asked her to come with me, and she came along. We got into my apartment and I proceed to leash my dog.

Then I look on her face, and she's like terrified. Like, even though nothing wrong was happening, she got terrified that I was a stranger after all, and she shouldn't be so trusting to get into my apartment. She got nervous and started asking like "can we go can we go?"

So I showed her her stop, her bus was soon, and I went my way.

My point is, you have no idea what went in her head and she might just got randomly freaked out. May be nothing to do with you.

epimpstyle · 2024-04-19T12:46:35+00:00

Maybe it was too early to take her to your apartment. Maybe it all happened too fast and she wasn't ready for what she thought was going to happen., is not that your apartment was messy or such because if everything goes well, they don't care, it takes just a minute to change the blanket to a new one.

ayesee345 · 2024-04-19T16:10:41+00:00

First order of business is to make sure it wasn’t you or anything in your apt. Was it clean & smelling good? No dog piss/shit, dust, mold, trash, etc? Always always always have multiple air fresheners or candles around your place.m Did you forget & leave anything out that could be seen as a red flag: porn, weapons, drugs, old food, trash, etc? Were you clean and smelling good? Dressed properly? Going over the night up to them did you maybe say or do anything that could be seen as a yellow/orange flag that maybe didn’t affect her until y’all were actually alone at your place? Did you act differently - overly excited or horny when she decided to come over or once she came in?

Self-reflection often sucks, esp when already dealing w depression, but this kind of self-work/care is absolutely essential to your own self-esteem & confidence, esp when it comes to dating. The more bases you know you have covered & things you can tell yourself are 100% being handled the better & more confident you feel. Also, no matter how tempting it might be to ask her what happened or to try again w her, do not talk to her ever again. Move on. If she contacts you, obv don’t ignore her, just be cordial but firm; ask her what happened and if it wasn’t an emergency or something out of her control then tell her you don’t have or make time for women who behave like that by disregarding other’s time, not attempting to communicate and flaking out w/o any notice. Tell her you feel it’s a shame it didn’t work out bc you liked her, wish her well in the future, then end the convo abruptly.

innergamedude · 2024-04-19T18:13:28+00:00

She might have just been vibing because she's one of those women who've been like super-trained by culture to be super accommodating to all people, who will play along because she's afraid of not being liked or making someone uncomfortable. You went to the bathroom was just her first chance to bail without facing you. Might have had absolutely nothing to do with your apartment or anything you said in the apartment.

NoRefrigerator4969 · 2024-04-19T10:28:07+00:00

If your place was a mess as you suggest, she probably had a sobering up moment. When you get to your place the next time, make sure it smells good and is clean. No dirty dishes, etc.

Put on some music the moment you get home. Make it fun. If she came back to your place, congrats you built attraction. The next step is rapport and comfort before escalating. She didn’t feel those things.

Learning moment.

Lenovo_Driver · 2024-04-19T05:38:37+00:00

Was your place clean and did it smell good?

Dandys3107 · 2024-04-19T05:50:44+00:00

I believe with most similar stories you are just worried what would be the general opinion of you after such incident. And I can just tell you, shit happens. You didn't click with each other, it's normal and no big deal. Next time pay more clear attention to emotions and the mood, don't get into wishful thinking.

videogames_ · 2024-04-19T07:13:24+00:00

Seduction is ultimate ambiguity. Things happen. Clean your flat and play the numbers game.

WomenPickMales · 2024-04-19T10:27:03+00:00

Lol either you're not handsome enough or she went to your place to see what kind of money you had, and you weren't making enough money to make her overlook your lack of handsomeness

Beginning_Tap2727 · 2024-04-19T11:09:53+00:00

Depending on my headspace (not helped by alcohol 😅) I might have done this in a moment I feared you disappeared to grab a weapon. Sounds melodramatic but as women were trained to need to be on high alert, sadly often validly. It could be the cleanliness in the apartment, a change of heart, or sudden fear, but I think the fact that she came back with you says you did well to connect and vibe with her initially. Take that as evidence of the nights success and the abrupt departure as an upsetting and surprising end…but not evidence of your having done anything wrong ☺️

BravoPUA · 2024-04-19T13:01:20+00:00

This is why Mystery teaches the 7 hours of comfort.

I don’t need nearly that long. But many guys prob do.

A hook up after drinking isn’t “seduction”.

Electrical_Formal755 · 2024-04-19T14:09:25+00:00

had plenty of women come back to mine then change their mind and choose not to have sex with me. Cold feet happens in pickup and is part and parcel of the game and that's fine

nero_lord7 · 2024-04-19T15:11:51+00:00

Nothing to do with what you've done, she went to your apartment so you must have done a whole lot of rights (multiple right things) that's just how she must have felt either she was in a relationship at that time or could be anything. Just take all the positives from this, Not bad for first try 👍

dystopia061 · 2024-04-19T18:17:48+00:00

Smell?

burncushlikewood · 2024-04-19T23:00:08+00:00

Get your depression and anxiety under control, see a therapist, take medication and do whatever you need to do. I'll tell you why she left, it's either 2 things, one she felt uncomfortable with you, or 2 she was bored. This comes down to speech and how you communicate, you have to be high energy and make her laugh, feel generally interested when talking with you. Some girls just vibe right away, I swear women are masters of conversation, we get good at talking because we spend our early lives studying and learning enriching our minds with information, and we socialize every day, if you're struggling with conversation I'll link a nice video on how to communicate with girls by gambler, it's a nice video and really helped me learn the most effective way of communicating https://youtu.be/I-GWFWc8P4Y?si=p6UMcO_Tck7erQFd

Seduction_Enthusiast · 2024-04-19T23:58:53+00:00

Could have been a panic attack. I know I've wanted to leave a house as soon as I arrived. Our fight or flight tells us to run, even if the person has good intentions. We'd rather leave than stick around to find out.

NewOCLibraryReddit · 2024-04-20T00:54:05+00:00

Do a proper field report.

zwitterr · 2024-04-19T23:10:43+00:00

yes you are a creep. get with it. Thats the way to find the girl who likes men who talk truth about themselves.

Title	Wow.
Author	Plastic-Customer-340
Upvotes	91
Comments	65
Date	April 19, 2024 3:55 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1c7ng3r/wow/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/wow.1515645 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515645

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