Doing all the right things....still sad sometimes

Business-Hope-5414 · 2024-04-20T05:35:03+00:00

YouTube Mindfulness Meditation. It has helped me a lot. Don’t resort to alcohol as many men do in these situations. I am just starting a divorce process and I don’t love my wife as she has been manipulative and over controlling and over bearing with our 6 year old son. All I want is joint custody and she makes it difficult by filing a restraining order against me to gain leverage.

rhett342 · 2024-04-20T03:06:07+00:00

5It like waves. At first, they come hard and fast and knock you down. With time, those waves come less often and even when they do, they aren't as strong. Sure, you'll get a few here and there that'll still knock you down but nowhere near often as they used to.

beezo123 · 2024-04-20T00:01:22+00:00

I've started focusing on not letting it happen again.

FuriousSasquatch · 2024-04-19T22:18:20+00:00

It's going to take time my friend. It sounds like you are on a great path. You will have small setbacks here and there, don't lose faith, keep doing what you need to and the sadness will continue to fade.

Quaddro21 · 2024-04-19T21:34:09+00:00

Almost same boat, 14 years married, 11 and 8, I need to start cold plunges and playing golf again..lol. Just filed 2 months ago, going to be a hard couple of months ahead. Hang in there.

Theedon · 2024-04-19T21:25:12+00:00

Yes, the sadness fades away in time. Keep doing what you are doing. Stay social, mingle with people and talk about current events. Then one day will pass and you will not have given any of his a thought.

Sea-Satisfaction4656 · 2024-04-19T18:52:25+00:00

Until things are finalized you’re still going to have a large dose of chaos coming around periodically and wreaking havoc. That is normal. You’re doing a lot of great work finding your peace and healing yourself. Once things are finalized you’re going to get hit with another wave of grief and sadness, but you’ll get through it. The work you’re putting in now will really pay off tremendously once things clear up and you have that closure.

Right there with you man - mine finalized about a month and a half ago. The week preceding and the week after were absolutely brutal on my mentality, but I had structure to fall back on thanks to doing work like you have.

Keep your head up brother, this too shall pass

Competitive-Donut790 · 2024-04-19T17:22:07+00:00

Grief doesn't always have a timeframe attached to it, nor is it a linear jkurney through the stages. Let it run its course and be ok with the fact this is legitimate loss.

If you haven't been into regular counseling/therapy please consider it. It may help you navigate the grief and or other issues.

Praying for all of us.

sublimeonskunk · 2024-04-19T16:46:31+00:00

Yes, it is a tragedy n a lt of ways, but the sun will come out tomorrow and time heals all wounds. Get busy living or get busy dying. Now you have time to do what YOU want. No one else. Think of all your buddies who are still married and stuck. Unhappy as hell and will die that way. Way too many .

demeve · 2024-04-19T16:43:14+00:00

Hang in there brother. Things will get better. I promise you. You’re doing everything you can to keep your head above water. It’s okay to reach out and let yourself be rescued. Your kids are your everything. Keep them close. My divorce is not final either and as I keep reflecting and looking back, this is turning out to be a blessing 🙏 Stay strong. We’re here.

Newdustinyork · 2024-04-19T16:06:47+00:00

I'm early in my divorce, still residing under the same roof, 2 kids, ages 5 and 2. It's sucks. She wants to reconcile, but her river of deceit is so long I just can't. We have been through many life changing and traumatic events together, and yet she could cheat for a very long time. It hurts when I think about it. My advice is that focus on the positives and focus on your days and weeks, not months or years in advance. I lose my mind thinking too far ahead. I get stressed. I get scared. We haven't even figured out how to divi up assets yet. It's awful. However, I will say this. The sun will come up and set like normal. You are enough, and tbh you have so much life left to live, youre only 47! You will meet new people and maybe even find love or deep friendship with someone new very, very soon. We are all going through something. Just remember you are not alone, and depression or sadness is temporary. Don't let it define you. Keep fighting the good fight. Attack life. Listen.. for real. ATTACK LIFE- IT'S GOING TO KILL YOU ANYWAY . What I mean by that is, it's ok to be down, it's ok to find joy in little things, it's ok to reflect on your former marriage, focus on the kids and focus on you. You are not alone. We are all here making it through this crisis in our lives together. The sadness may not go away when you sign the papers, but why does it have to? It's ok to feel sadness and loss, just don't get stuck in it.

AttemptScary4550 · 2024-04-19T16:00:59+00:00

It gets better and better. 4 years later I'm sad sometimes too but mostly for the impact on my children. There will still be trials. Once you fully realize her life is out of your hands and you get to choose your future, you'll be loving life. Lobe your kids and love yourself. You dont have to be alone if you don't want to. I have been amazed by the women I have met and dated since being divorced. You will have options if you want them.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2024-04-19T15:30:17+00:00

Why is everyone that's going through these bad experience in their life is in such a hurry to immediately get better right away? I am glad you are doing all of these things but no guarantee that you somehow will forget or feel better about what you are going through. I would go about my day if I feel like shit than I feel like shit if I am having a ok day than just enjoy that day but at least I would not stress about not feeling better eventhough I am doing things to feel better. Just do what you feel like doing and if the results are they if not then there is always tomorrow

Character_Let_3982 · 2024-04-19T14:49:25+00:00

I expect a recovery to take many years. It's a huge adjustment. I was married about 20 years too.

Finalizing my divorce was definitely a mile marker in recovering. I'm a year past the divorce. The sadness is about 25% now.

krazykanuck · 2024-04-19T14:36:48+00:00

You're on track bud. Would you feel sad as you grieved a loved one passing? It's a very similar journey.

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-04-19T14:24:01+00:00

You're doing all the right things. Until divorce is finalized, you won't be able to complete reconstruction. It'll take about a year after divorce, as you navigate your way through birthdays, holidays and anniversaries for the first time.

I'm six years beyond my divorce. I'm living my best life, and so are my kids. I don't think about what my marriage was. I think about what my life is, and what I'm planning to do.

Title	Doing all the right things....still sad sometimes
Author	LeftySmithy
Upvotes	27
Comments	25
Date	April 19, 2024 2:13 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c7xxdd/doing_all_the_right_thingsstill_sad_sometimes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/doing-all-the-right-thingsstill-sad-sometimes.1515680 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515680

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