For years I have had a steady, secure job. The pay covers everything I need and grows with inflation. Flexible hours and good WLB. Sure, I've got my gripes about bad incidents that I just look past and keep with the monotony. My job hired me when I was at a low point, paid me more than any other previous employer. I've grown my NW 5x and bought my first home. Gave me child leave for my daughter and bereavement leave for my mom.

This is all great... A lot people would be envious of my situation. But I couldn't shake the nagging feeling there was more out there for me. More interesting day-to-day work responsibilities and growth opportunity in income. I had a few conversations with my management that I wanted to grow beyond my entry level responsibilities. I couldn't lay down ultimatums I couldn't follow through with, so my language was appropriately soft. Management would always promise that things would get better and they would work with me to support a professional growth plan. But after those conversations they would never follow up on those things ever again. After years, my job responsibilities remained the same bottom-feeding support tasks I started with.

So without running from a decent job, and risk ending somewhere worse, I put my energies towards a level up. Networked with peer companies at industry conferences. Tuned down my engagement at job to my core responsibilities and cut all the extraneous bs. All the job tasks I really disliked were compartmentalized to specific hours of the week. Used the reclaimed time to join a gym. I didn't lose any weight but I had a more positive attitude every day. Started getting better reviews, reputation, and raises than ever before.

After getting turned down yet again for a good external job, I got a strange callback from the hiring team. Even though they gave the open job to someone else, I was so well-qualified they wanted to create a new position for me. I just had to wait a few months for them to work it out with their corporate structure. The new job was going to be more hours and more interesting work; truth be told I would have joined them for the same salary. But they actually came through with an offer for 20% raise. The signing bonus was bigger than any annual performance bonus I'd ever gotten.

My years of monkey branching had finally paid off. I went through the hassle of being vetted by their background check and drug testing. At this point, leaving my current company was a no-brainer. Of course, it was only when I put in notice that my managers finally spoke seriously about professional growth beyond my entry level job. It didn't matter at all. By then I had secured a new position that was better in every measurable facet and had made up my mind to leave. Any lip service to entertaining their weak counteroffer ideas would have been insincere. The only reason I'd ever go back is because I was unemployed.

I see a lot of posts on divorced reddits, and conversations with separated friends, that they are totally blindsided by the separation. They really think that if they finally get their act together vis a vis the usual deficiencies (substance abuse, health, employment, domestic help/cooperation, spending more money on fun, etc) they have a serious shot of getting back together with their stbx. Truth is, at that point, there is nothing that can be done. Wives had as many conversations as was reasonably possible but everything they said fell on deaf ears. In response they spent as long as necessary to get their ducks in a row and line up something measurably better. Best thing guys can do is move on and improve for their next relationship. The only reason she'd come back is if she were totally rejected by other men and needed you to solve a crisis.

Guys who are still married: the time your wife brings up concerns and ideas, take them seriously. The time to take them seriously is Now. She wants you to go to a doctor to get your snoring checked for sleep apnea? Get a sleep test result. Stinking up the bathroom? Light some candles and do some courtesy flushes. Therapy/counseling? Better to do it in a functional marriage than as a broken separated bro making a last ditch failed effort. Better vacations? Fellas, quit making her visit your family 2x a year and take her to Sandals or whatever. That money and PTO you're hoarding will be cold comfort in an empty home. The divorce laws incentivizes people to cut their losses. Vows alone don't lock her in for life and enable you to neglect the relationship. So in my view you always have to be growth-focused and eliminating weaknesses.