Is it inherently wrong to change yourself?

shinn497 · 2024-06-07T11:32:25+00:00

Not only is it not wrong. It is probably the most moral thing you can do. If you don't like your life, you will have to change. If we all did this, in aggregate, the world would be better.

norwegiandoggo · 2024-06-07T09:08:31+00:00

You're talking about two different things

Actually changing yourself.
Faking (pretending you have changed yourself)

It's not inherently wrong to change yourself. Change can be positive or negative depending on how you change and your motivations for changing.

Faking can work but it will almost always bite you in the ass

Eros_Abundance · 2024-06-07T11:51:20+00:00

I have changed myself.

The point is that I didn’t change the way I act, I changed my self image, identity and perception of who I am at the core.

When it comes to seduction you must BE “that guy” that “gets it” and that girls naturally want to get with, you can’t fake it even if you tried.

Your goal must be to change who you are for yourself, you want to get to the point where you look yourself in the mirror and see a winner.

The steps to get there:

1) Define who you want to be.

You need a direction to move towards, otherwise you’ll make progress but in the wrong direction.

Define what you want, to have clarity on who you have to become to achieve it.

2) Start by emulating.

This is where you are “faking it” and might feel like is wrong.

What helped me in this phase was to understand this core concept:

Time doesn’t really exist, it’s a concept man created to explain the interval between a cause and its effect.

What you are only able to experience at any given time is Right Now (the power of now - echart tolle recommended reading).

Thus, as long as you put causes in motion to get to the desired effect, the effect is already real, it will just take “time” (an interval) before it will manifest itself.

This means as long as you are doing right now the actions that will lead you to become the person that you want to be tomorrow, you are already that person.

3) Embracing your new self.

Even after years of working on successfully changing aspects of yourself, there will be plateaus and moments where you will have setbacks where you will think that all the work you put in was pointless and that you can’t really change.

In this moments the key is to put things in perspective and remember where you started and where you arrived.

Then you move back to the present moment and keep focusing on the process of becoming who you aim to be rather than the outcome you think you should deserve at that moment.

In conclusion, it’s not wrong to change yourself, self actualization is a fundamental aspect for a fulfilling life and there is nothing wrong with changing beliefs, patterns and behaviors that not get you what you want and make you miserable, especially because often those beliefs, patterns and behaviors where neither inherited nor chosen by you in the first place, rather they are the imprint your upbringing and environment had on you so by proactively changing yourself you are actually being more authentic.

This being said the right way to approach change is from the inside out rather than from the outside in, focusing on changing how you see yourself more than trying to change how others perceive you in a deceptive way.

Business_Win9095 · 2024-06-07T09:00:51+00:00

No, because from what I’ve learned after becoming aware of reality and what things actually are, is that who you “think” you are, is just “one” version of yourself you got used to playing

Just one role. That for whatever reason, your mind adopted. What’s good is you can always shift and become any other version of yourself. There are literally infinite positive, neutral, and negative versions of you and me. In terms of being that is. You just have to align with the one you want at the moment

AlexCosta · 2024-06-07T11:39:25+00:00

The truth about you will eventually come out.

You can wear that mask all you want but as soon as they spend more time with you, they will notice the mask slipping off and the cracks in your shield.

It really takes hard work to change who you are as a person and requires consistency.

Personally, if there is one thing men should really work on is their leadership skills. Take classes on it, if possible. Find a mentor or coach. Becoming a leader is a fast track to changing certain bad habits that women find unattractive in the average man.

Conjoined_Triangles · 2024-06-07T12:25:38+00:00

No, be yourself is advice made by people who have no introspection. Most people live routine lives and do not think about how they think or why they do the things they do. It's advice only meant to say don't fake being who you are, because if they are being themselves and have results, you should too. What if the person you are is an asshole? The most asinine response I've seen to this is you should just find another asshole and be assholes together. It's mind boggling the lengths people will go to convince themselves and others you can't change yourself.

The key to this is daily habits and beliefs that reinforce your desire to change. If you read the book Atomic Habits, it explains how small incremental changes can result in drastic changes. This can apply to your goals as well.

m4tchb0x · 2024-06-07T12:58:06+00:00

If for example a heroin addict changes himself, would that be wrong? No they changed themselves for the better.

riccardo2002ric · 2024-06-07T13:29:08+00:00

You can't do a complete 180 without faking. You'll always retain a part of your current self, but so much is changeable for good, so go for it without worrying.

BravoPUA · 2024-06-07T13:39:19+00:00

No.

Everyone changes. Most just don’t know or chose which path of change they are on.

lucidsinapse · 2024-06-07T14:16:28+00:00

The important thing is to

-#1 accept yourself. This means who you are and investigate your traumas which lead back to your parents and school child traumas which led you to internalize anxiety about women

-#2 improve. You can and should seek to improve. The reason #1 comes first is that unless you deal with your issues you will try to improve in a way that just papers over things - think getting veneers, hair plugs, Botox, lifting weights, buying lambo/tables at the club. Not that these things are wrong but if you don’t deal with the underlying trauma they are not going to help that much

It’s a bit of a paradox but nuance is important and applicable

boneygoat · 2024-06-07T14:23:25+00:00

Change is inevitable. Might as well be the driving force behind it

theVirginAmberRose · 2024-06-07T14:32:42+00:00

BloodMuffin · 2024-06-07T14:57:02+00:00

Tzeentch sees nothing wrong with change.

Zorturan · 2024-06-07T15:03:59+00:00

Thanks everyone for the good advice, to clarify for quite a few comments I didn't mean simply naturally developing or improving oneself, but enough gave me something to think about.

Thanks again.

Pzeque · 2024-06-07T15:14:29+00:00

You will only change when you stop trying to change yourself. Your life and its path is not a reflection of how successful you are in dating, but in your experience to setbacks and challenges. We all wish we could ‘change’ to be the best version of ourselves, but that doesn’t exist. The idea of trying to renovate yourself is too complex and un-obtainable. You will see results when you start acting from your heart and not an algorithm.

Krxvx-v-3070 · 2024-06-07T15:34:40+00:00

You know that saying “people starts somewhere and they do something or something happens to them it changes their life that’s called their arc”

Fluffy_Acanthisitta9 · 2024-06-07T18:36:07+00:00

Getting rid of unhealthy habits and working out is one thing, faking your personality and your taste is a completely different thing.

easy-money-sniperr · 2024-06-07T19:03:17+00:00

It’s only wrong if you do it for the wrong reasons

Available_Bass9725 · 2024-06-07T20:08:02+00:00

the end justifies the means period.

Undervow · 2024-06-07T21:13:57+00:00

You change or you die

Clean_Awareness_4233 · 2024-06-07T23:42:04+00:00

The question is, is changing yourself bad. Let me ask another question. Is going from drug addict to drug free bad? Answer is usually yes. Why because its perceived as a good think. But your question im assuming is when we go out there and run "game" and kind of have to put on a so called "mask" to run game on woman. Truth is its not bad until it's destroying your life. Human beings are CONSTANTLY CHANGING to out environment. Examples ; getting a different job, moving to a new city, new friend group, etc. We can mold ourselves or other people mold us through time. Real question then is the change that change you want. Is the person you becoming align with your goals and desires are you satisfied and happy. Of yes then embrace the change if your not then no change yourself agian.

TheKanonFoder · 2024-06-08T00:17:08+00:00

No. Is hard, and will cost you friends. Will make you happy

RDCthunder · 2024-06-08T01:47:39+00:00

No, it’s not wrong to change yourself. Lead with your thoughts and the actions will follow, not the other way around.

Let’s say you have a friend who’s really charismatic and a people person. He’s relaxed in conversation and knows how to ask questions that connect with people. You then start to emulate his relaxed demeanor and behaviors..some people might respond to those changes and to some it might feel inauthentic. You yourself feel like you are faking it though, because of how inauthentic it feels. Really you might not understand why he is acting relaxed and why his behaviors are the way they are.

Chances are he’s probably in the moment and he’s naturally curious about people. That’s where people can recognize someone faking it. If you do not provide the framework and context for the behaviors you want to set it in, faking it will only get you so far.

In that case practicing being in the moment with meditation or improv and really starting to lead with curious thoughts about other people will start to help you. You have to really shape the environment.

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-06-07T10:54:59+00:00

A lot of nice guys work under the mistaken premise that being an always losing nice guy is who they truly are. But that personality/identity is just a construct of your own experiences, erroneous beliefs, phobias, anxieties and insecurities. It’s not real or authentic.

Men are scared of “just being themselves” because they have never actually been themselves authentically with women. Being shy, anxious, lacking confidence and belief in yourself is just as fake as trying to pound your chest and screaming you are a sex god. It just seems much more real to you because you have been doing it your entire life.

Prestigious_Water336 · 2024-06-07T09:47:32+00:00

You have a nice version of yourself, you have a mean version of yourself, you have a playful version of yourself , and you have a seduction version of yourself. They key is it's still yourself. You still be you.

emazio · 2024-06-07T10:16:05+00:00

I have always changed for the person's I loved, always improved myself, so I think it can be healthy to change.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-06-07T10:21:51+00:00

No. Free will is part of being human and allows us to become whatever we want. What is wrong is all talk and no action when it comes to making the changes we want.

ArcaneAces · 2024-06-07T10:51:48+00:00

No so long as it brings a net benefit that aligns with your goals. For instance if you're naturally shy you definitely should change yourself and life will reward you better for it.

However don't go doing drugs just so you become a bad boy or something, that most often leads to disaster. Basically change yourself safely.

Title	Is it inherently wrong to change yourself?
Author	Zorturan
Upvotes	32
Comments	42
Date	June 7, 2024 8:55 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1da62lv/is_it_inherently_wrong_to_change_yourself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-it-inherently-wrong-to-change-yourself.1520818 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520818

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