Some guys have it and some just dont. Self assessment and finding validation as a man.

zaxanagian2 · 2025-02-08T12:47:21+00:00

I was in a similar circumstance, trying to bring my friend out with me every weekend who did not have much experience with women, but I always felt him comparing himself to me and getting jealous when a girl was into me. I always gave him tips on what he was doing wrong but he could never “get” it. Eventually his insecurities build up and up until they are affecting the mood of the night (he would continuously ask me to to take photos of him in the nightclub to post on his social media multiple times per night) that I eventually started inviting out other people instead who were more self-confident.

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-02-08T15:10:45+00:00

I agree some guys have and some don’t. But one needs to dig deeper on why. I often say anyone can learn social skills, as like any other skills, they are learnable. You might be a nerd like the characters in big bang theory tv series but could slowly learn them and turn into a guy who likes to socialize with strangers (ugly or pretty, male or female, doesn’t matter).

But if that’s not the case, I found out that it’s more often than not it’s something to do with mental health and mental background. I’ve personally known 2 guys who ended up committing su** because they couldn’t cope with their relationship issue. Both were friendly type of guys, but they internalized and repressed their chaotic mindset inside, until they couldn’t hold it any longer.

EquivalentMulberry88 · 2025-02-08T14:05:37+00:00

can you tell us more on how you started out building your social status?

red_face01 · 2025-02-08T14:48:39+00:00

I get that. I'm a lot like your friend. Even early in the texting phase my mind gets fucked up pretty good. The thing is, yes, there's other things to enjoy or achieve, but sometimes it's like what's the point? If you think you're a loser of natural selection who can't have love, intimacy or sex which is known to be the greatest pleasure in life, or pass on your genes as nature intended, or think you're just not good enough, then having a nice car or house won't make you feel any different. Or you'll think you're only good for you money, and even worse you sometimes won't enjoy doing the things you love anymore. At that point it's like you gotta force yourself to do something and sometimes you'll get temporary gratification from it for a few hours maybe. Guys like us have to completely force ourselves sometimes. Feeling invalided by girls at a young age and having problems with other kids as a kid probably adds to it. This guy you're talking about might need professional help maybe a therapist.

rich_god · 2025-02-08T21:41:28+00:00

I just think your way is not his way. I’m also an introvert and I’ve never had success in clubs, parties, any kind of late-night social environment. I’ve also never had success in dating apps or online dating. I’m the worst weirdo in any loud place, especially if people are drinking. The lifestyle you describe seems like a nightmare to me.

That said, I still have plenty of friends, lovers and FWBs. I feel very fulfilled sexually, emotionally, socially and professionally. I do my dream « job » (it doesn’t really feel like a job), I meet inspiring and attractive people on a regular basis in setups that fit my way of interacting (intimate, cosy, quiet places). I love my body, I get invited to beautiful places around the world, while not drinking, smoking, and with a very clean sleep schedule.

I’ve also been able to help many introvert or socially awkward men to find their confidence and inner player to become way more attractive than they used to.

It seems like you’re trying to apply your recipe on another being, there is a high chance it won’t work.

Imaginary-Concern837 · 2025-02-08T20:51:46+00:00

I can definitely relate to what you are saying. I've always been the guy that "doesn't have it", with friendship but especially when it came to relationships with women. Since I was a child noone would really pay attention to me or be all that engaged with my efforts. I've never been popular, never been invited to outings/parties, never had a partner or a stable friend group. This has caused me a tremendous amount of mental pain and anguish, for which I had to attend therapy and even be institutionalized at one point in my early adulthood. I've tried meeting women in different settings and scenarios; from dating apps, to women I met at school/college/work, I've done about 50 to 70 cold approaches. None of these efforts manifested into anything meaningful or substantial.

Now I am almost 30 with no relationship or sexual experience and at this point I just don't care anymore. I try to focus my attention and efforts towards anything else than dating, because I do not want to relive the pain it has caused me over the years. The thought of dating in itself, at this point in my life, is scary, anxiety-inducing and straight up just depressing. I do not ever want to experience any more heartbreak, ghosting, rejection or embarassment. To this day I still get haunted by all the memories of my poor relations with women.

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2025-02-08T17:47:24+00:00

Some guys have it right from teens. I'm one of them. Its weird that I always had women interested whether I was rich had a car or whatever.

Alwaysnthered · 2025-02-08T17:05:35+00:00

I overall agree with your post - there are some guys whose natural, relaxed, best-self is just NOT aligned with the aspects of "game" at all.

so what happens with these men (I'm probably one of them to be honest) is that it ALWAYS takes shifting outside your natural state, which takes energy and time and is not really sustainable in order to get in the "game" state with women.

in the end you can succeed..but just kind of get sick of having to shift all the time.

alot of men who are truly intellectual/introverted/introspective are this way.

ndundu14 · 2025-02-09T13:58:13+00:00

Don't make seductions as your personality ✍️✍️✍️

PM_me_your_evil_plan · 2025-02-08T16:08:32+00:00

Hello hello, timid introvert with game here to explain! It's not a question of disposition but one of walls and tastes. Yes tastes, let's not kid ourselves the concept of bodycount turns off the absolutely vast majority of people (and in a big part rightfully so). With walls it's different, for example it took me a long ass time before I destroyed the societal one that blocks you from trying and compliment people outside the specific situations, toppling the high castle of pride is extremely hard and takes time and willpower, most don't have in them to do it. Still, you're a wonderful friend OP, wish you well, peace✌️

Apprehensive_You_227 · 2025-02-08T21:29:56+00:00

"I'm so awesome and cool, you should definitely want to be like me and do everything I do. but if you can't thats tooootally fine dude it's like not that important at all. but you should still definitely do it and be like me"

Defiant_Carob_5846 · 2025-02-08T16:14:02+00:00

What I find annoying is that many on this forum just rant on how guys are cowards and not confident enough to approach women. If you have 0 things to offer as a person, isn’t it an act of self-respect and dignity when you ignore women/avoid approaching them (EVEN if they smile at you, as in my case because of my above average looks)? What is there to talk about? If you’re a literal slob who maybe goes out once every two years with some colleagues he barely knows, at best, then how do you expect to build any kind of rapport with women, whose life consists of constant partying and meeting with many friends, yoga sessions, tennis, travel to a new country every week, lavish skiing hotels etc?

marcoo24 · 2025-02-09T05:48:51+00:00

I always say this, hang out with people who are your equals. You cannot save anybody, these types of situations usually end bad out of envy.

_theMAUCHO_ · 2025-02-09T06:11:24+00:00

"Become your best self" is the best advice imo

Maleficent_Ask_8393 · 2025-02-09T07:03:44+00:00

He has approach anxiety . It is manageable. Also make him understand that rejection is absolutely fine and normal. People learn from mistakes and rejection . Plus make him see a therapist.

Iamthatiam53 · 2025-02-09T17:39:38+00:00

Women pick up on men that ate counting on your attention and it's a turn off. He needs to learn to actually not care if he gets her on not, approach every situation with the intention for both people to enjoy themselves. Even if that's just a conversation. Neediness is not attractive.

Less-Culture4074 · 2025-02-11T17:13:44+00:00

Pm sent

miyass_miyass · 2025-02-08T15:14:20+00:00

then consider this stuff as a phase and try to sleep with as many women as possible, once you have a high body count you would automatically get over this bullshit and if you are not getting the results, just move to the next thing

This is contradictory, no?

rinsable · 2025-04-29T15:43:15+00:00

Distinct_Face_5796 · 2025-02-08T17:58:40+00:00

If you don't have it that is what third world countries are for. lol.

Over_Programmer_4501 · 2025-02-08T22:31:14+00:00

You can only be defeated so many times before you feel seriously depressive man. I believe ever man should at least be able to flirt or be somewhat attractive to women. Feels like men are so weak nowadays, even though you get rejected, you can still learn something out of it and make adjustments and improvements for the next time, which part u fuckedup? Maybe you shouldnt have said THAT, maybe you should have said that ONE thing which would drive the chemstiry between so well. Even before that why this woman should be interested in you? How do you appear from outside, are you confident looking( and are you really), how u make facial expressions, how u smile, how you sound, do you have a nice posture are u fit, what u wearing and does it match and reflect you as a BEING, do you take care of ur hygiene?. And MOST importantly hows ur MINDSET? If you believe that you cant do it in the first place there is VERY high chance thats whats gonna happen, this applies to anything.

So trying to learn from every experience, reflecting on the problems and realising what areas to improve will overtime DRAMATICALLY improve men chances of being succesful at mating. AND that will sort of give you the true alpha male confidence, being able to catch attention from opposite sex, sounding smart in conversations, they see something in you that not so many men have, and THEN you start to realize your OWN value, which you built slowly by making gradual changes in your BEING.

Feels like this whole '' Im an introvert Im just have no success with women blablablalbal'' is a coping mechanism for men who HAD too many losses. FIRST thing that comes to their mind before that fearful moment is that they gonna lose bcs its LEARNED on a subconscious level. They had to many losses and did not make any improvements over time, didnt backtrack, learn. Its all about small improvements over time which will build your confidence and take you out of that shithole bcs now you are more knowledgeable and EXPERIENCED. No man should ever accept being unattractive to women and unsuccessful at mating, imo.

WestTree2165 · 2025-02-11T09:45:35+00:00

Nope. Anyone can develop it.

It's not about validation. It's about wanting to have sex (pleasure) and cuddle (intimacy) and connect (same wavelength).

And also ability; knowing that you can have these things - that you have the skills to obtain such experiences at will.

Title	Some guys have it and some just dont. Self assessment and finding validation as a man.
Author	on_a_benderxo
Upvotes	92
Comments	90
Date	February 8, 2025 12:29 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ikm82i/some_guys_have_it_and_some_just_dont_self/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/some-guys-have-it-and-some-just-dont-self.1543293 https://theredarchive.com/post/1543293

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