New life

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-04-02T23:06:08+00:00

It’s been a month of separation and my wife and her two boys (previous marriage) moved out, it’s quiet, I don’t watch TV, I go to the gym 5 days a week, been mountain biking on the weekends, sitting on my back porch having lunch alone, going out by myself (sometimes with friends) and reading books. It’s been amazing sitting in my solitude, not dogs barking, kids making tons of noise playing video games, her complaining about something. It’s been amazing, sometimes lonely, mostly amazing. At some point I will consider dating but the idea of dealing with that crap, keeps me comfortable in my solitude.

probebeta · 2025-04-02T08:59:03+00:00

I'm working out, 50/50 with my kid, work and a side business, dating multiple women and trying to stay on top of my old social life - friends and family. It feels like this many things will make life interesting but I'm starting to burn out a bit. Keep working out though, I slowed it down this year and I'm seeing why things worked out for me so well last year. It's been my main motivator for other things too.

ColdEstablishment172 · 2025-04-02T05:04:35+00:00

I don't know but I wish we could all somehow meet up and hang out. It would be cool if we could see who lives in what state so we can coordinate something. Just a thought.

ExaminationKlutzy194 · 2025-03-30T10:43:18+00:00

You need to do something besides ponder an option.

The exercise is a great start. Don’t quit that.

Is there a dog park? I take my dog to the dog park once a week, on a routine, to see people.

Bowling league? Dart league? Book club? Guitar lessons? Fishing? Meetup.com ?

Volunteer somewhere. Seriously. Just be a worker bee.

I started with a church and pardon the pun it’s been a God send, even if I have down days.

Choose something. Try it. If it doesn’t work, try something else. You have to try. No matter how small it is.

RadishFunny681 · 2025-03-30T00:27:54+00:00

I feel for you my nightmare started 3 years ago i was living in a beautiful house with my wife and our teenage kids . Now i live alone in a one bedroom apartment Her adultery and the divorce destroyed me mentally and financially . Time feels like it just stopped for me I have no friends family was everything to me so everything is gone . I have no motivations for any hobbies making new friends or doing anything alone . Cheaters really don't understand the devastation it has on their partner .

Scary_Board_8766 · 2025-03-29T23:15:05+00:00

I'm with the VA so fortunately it doesn't cost me. If it did I wouldn't be in counseling.

Afraid-Patient1444 · 2025-03-29T20:21:47+00:00

Man I feel you! I am one month in from her telling me she filed, I was completely blind sided and was crushed. I’m still working on healing. I too have started to take control by getting my body back on track, been seeing a counselor weekly, reading, journaling, and most importantly finding my religion again.

I pray for you man because this is a task that feels impossible at times but getting through it is what you can and WILL do. I too understand the hollowness of an empty home (my wife is staying at her parents when I’m home).

One of the biggest things that has helped me is opening up to people. It can help and like others have said shared grief is good grief

BENJIDOVER79 · 2025-03-29T19:50:50+00:00

Hey brother, I feel this one deep. That silence in the house? It echoes. And no amount of pushups or grilled chicken is gonna drown that out when the soul’s heavy. I’ve been in that same movie theater solo, eating stale popcorn, watching some CGI mess thinking, “Well, this ain’t exactly a comeback story.” But I’ll tell you what, sometimes just showing up to the damn movie is a win. It means you didn’t give up.

Now, as for the therapy thing, I hear you. You dig deep, peel back the layers, and suddenly you realize you hate the guy behind the curtain. That’s the trap. Your ex may have helped you through stuff, sure, but don’t mistake that for her being the reason you had strength. That strength? That was you. She might’ve held the flashlight, but you still walked the tunnel.

The fact that you’re even thinking about hobbies, thinking about your daughter, thinking about how to keep going ,that’s grit. That’s the seed. Softball? Hell yeah, man. Even if you just go hit a few balls in a batting cage. You don’t need to join the Yankees tomorrow. Find one local guy to toss a ball around with, you’d be surprised how fast it builds. Pain shared is pain halved.

And as for online dating , yeah, that’s a hellscape. It’s like shopping for love at a gas station. You’re not broken for not wanting it right now. Loneliness makes you feel desperate, but don’t confuse that with being unworthy. You’re just raw. Keep showing up, keep moving, keep feeding your dog and talking to her like she’s your therapist.

You're not out of the fight, man. You're in the second act. And you’d be shocked at what life still has up its sleeve for you, even if it’s just a beer, a good sunset, and a pickup game where nobody pulls a hamstring.

Now, on a side note, I don't recommend men going too long without getting laid. The reason is because if you want to put yourself out on the dating market, you need to have a clear head. Going a long time without touching a woman is not good for your mental health. It will cloud your judgement when on the dating market and women will smell the desperation. If it's been a long time and you need a little release, go ahead and pay for an escort during your dry spells. If you don't want to go that route, then look at my post history and see what I do for a living. That should give you another idea if you don't like escorts.

shrimp_42 · 2025-03-29T18:35:58+00:00

Golf!

Visible_Brick_485 · 2025-03-29T18:31:50+00:00

My friend there is a light I've been down that tunnel it can be long sometimes but there is a light and happiness will come back. Have you tried painting easy to do and cheap doesn't have to been anything special. Put some music you like on and try it even if ya toss it can be helpfull. Also church dive in and become a part of a church family.

Visible_Brick_485 · 2025-03-29T17:35:08+00:00

Find new hobbies it will distract and bring about new friends. As well as counseling

Scary_Board_8766 · 2025-03-29T16:37:11+00:00

All of my friends that have remained loyal live in other states. I've considered softball because I used to play and loved playing sports in my younger days. I have my daughter every other week and she plays basketball so it's hard for me to commit to a team. And I worry about hurting myself since I'm older now. I can't afford anything injury. It sucks because that's the only thing that interests me and would help me to make some local friends. I've dipped my toe into online dating and I hate it. I'm definitely not ready for that but at the same time I'm extremely lonely.

SelectionNo3078 · 2025-03-29T16:37:10+00:00

I don’t know how my ex lives in our house

Life is haunted enough being in a new place alone

But keep going man. Keep working out.

Find moments of joy. Things that make you smile.

There you will find new people

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-03-29T16:31:41+00:00

I hear you. Do you have close friends near by? If not, join a softball team or find a dog friendly running club.

I went out this week with a friend and we did some adult bingo thing that ended up being really fun. It's not like debauchery bingo and there were a ton of ladies there.

Life ain't over. I know it hurts. It's normal. Life definitely ain't over.

Title	New life
Author	Scary_Board_8766
Upvotes	40
Comments	25
Date	March 29, 2025 4:18 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jmpv4e/new_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/new-life.1547998 https://theredarchive.com/post/1547998

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